Who I Became (Who I Was Book 2) (10 page)

“He thinks he did something wrong Lil. Did you tell him about the character pancakes?”

I nod, unable to speak.

“He did that because it was special to you. He did that because he loves you and in this shitty situation that is all he could give you.”

I nod again.

“Then why are you out here?”

“I miss him Park. I miss daddy.”

“Oh sweet Lilbug, he is still here. I see him in you every day.”

“Really?”
It is a question that may not seem like it needs to be answered but I have always been daddy’s girl. To grow up to be even a little bit like him is a dream come true. 

“Yes, Lil.  You are your fathers’ daughter through and through.”

I hug him tight.

“Thank you.”

“He would have liked Wesson, Lil.”

I nod.

“I think you remember some. You look at him like you remember. I won’t say anything, it’s not my place but he loves you so much, I couldn’t have picked someone better myself for you.  You don’t have to tell me why you are hiding. I know you need to do this your way, but hurry and go eat some of that spread your man just made for you. He damn well didn’t make it for me.”

“Park.” I look at him wide eyed.

How does he know? Who am I kidding? I know how. This is my flesh and blood. The boy that took care of me from the beginning.  We are as close as any siblings can be.

“Not my story Lil, not my place. Just think hard about what you are doing.”

“Do you love her?”

He was almost to the door, leaving me to my thoughts. My comment stopped him in his tracks?

“Who?”

I know he is breathing heavy. Not sure he should admit his feelings or keep them bottled up. We get that from our mother.  She had secrets. Even at a young age, I could tell she wasn’t always
with
us when she was with us. 

“Mia.” I whisper, afraid that Wesson will hear.

Parker comes back and sits in front of me crouched down.

“I don’t know Lil, but I know if she was here, I wouldn’t be wasting any time. I got to know her in the shittiest situation.  What I got to know, I liked.  I care for her. I am scared for her. I want her to be freed from the hell she has lived through.  She has been through some serious shit Lil, she told me some.  She doesn’t have the best feelings toward your boy in there but I know it’s misunderstood. I think I could Lil.”

That’s all I need to know.  He loves her. Wesson loves her.  They deserve to be happy. They deserve to have her here. More than that, she deserves to have them love on her. I love them both so much and know that there is enough love in them for her. Wesson won’t be complete without her.

“You ready Lil?”

I nod and take his hand that is offered to me. I let him lead me back to the kitchen. I keep the blanket around me for comfort and security.  I feel like it puts a barrier between me and Wesson. Parker saw right through my shit and called me out on it. However, thankfully he doesn’t know everything going through my head.  I need to do this for them. As much as I would love to give in to my heart and my soul calling for its mate, I can’t—not yet.

I settle back in my spot. Taking another drink of the best orange juice I have ever had in my life.  It has just enough pulp.  I take a big breath and look into the eyes of the only man for me. He gives me a small sad smile and shrugs.  He mouths “sorry” and I smile back.

“You have nothing to be sorry about Wesson; I am just a little emotional right now. I am sorry. It’s probably because I was denied coffee because that shit isn’t coffee.”

Parker goes to say something but Wesson stops him.

“Your right, I must get better at making you the not shit coffee.”

“Thank you, now let’s eat. If you went through all this trouble-” So much, he made so much food. I guess since we aren’t going to be here for weeks, or even a week, the food doesn’t need to be saved.  I look around the table again and see he has a beautiful stack of pancakes, a can of whip cream, berries, oranges, cantaloupe, hash browns (the shredded kind), sausage and, of course, bacon. “If we are doing this, we are doing it right. That means we each make a character and then we tell its story as we eat.”

I hear Parker groan and look over at him.

“I hated the story part Lil; it almost made me never want this breakfast. I complained the whole time dad was making it. He just said too bad; it’s your sister’s favorite and you will learn one day you must always keep the girls happy.”

I laugh, Parker laughs, Wesson laughs.

“Too bad Park, we are doing it again, still got to keep me happy.”

***

WESSON

I love that girl. I don’t have any part of me that isn’t deeply in love with her.  She finally looks at what I did; I expected a big hug, not tears. The tears tear through me. Fuck, maybe it wasn’t the best idea that I had.  I go to follow her but Parker stops me. I want to push him out of the way but see that he needs this, she needs him right now. I stop him just before he makes it to the door and hand him a blanket. I know it’s cold out there.

“Hey, tell her I’m sorry okay. I didn’t mean to over step my boundaries.”

He nods. I watch through the window until she snuggles into him. That should be me; I shouldn’t be the one putting her through that.

I head back into the kitchen and look at everything that I did. What was I thinking? Of course this would be too much.  Just when she told me about her dream, her eyes lit up when talking about this breakfast. I wanted to do that for her. I wanted to give her something besides my heart, since she isn’t ready to accept that.  They are out there longer than I want and I am just about to go out there when they come back in.

She sits down across from me, her little nose and cheeks pink from the cold outside. She looks devastatingly beautiful. She still has my clothes on, my plan of course. I took her clothes to wash them with some things of mine and Parks that needed washed but I could have replaced them with some others she had. I didn’t want to, I was selfish. I love seeing her in my clothes more than anything… well besides seeing her naked. 

Lillian is staring down at that orange juice. I refilled it while I waited for them. She seemed to like it.  I couldn’t help it.  She takes a drink and I glance at Park. He gives me a smile letting me know everything is okay, everything will be okay.

She explains how this character pancake thing is supposed to go and I laugh and roll my eyes at Park when he tries to fight it.  He would do anything to see her happy right now also so I know he will give in.  Just like I will.

I watch as she looks at each thing I made very calculated. She is eyeballing each possible option like her life depends on it.  Like if she doesn’t make the best face out there, the world would end.  I laugh, she scowls.  I can’t help but watch her and Parker for that matter; they are both so damn determined.  That’s when I see Lil take all of the blueberries, and then the bacon.  That little sneak is going to steal them all.  Parker looks and pouts.

“Not again Lil, you know that is cheating.”

She laughs. I love her more.

“You snooze you lose Park.”

“Oh baby sis, I am not losing.” He takes the whip cream and the melons to his side.

I haven’t done anything to my pancakes as I was too busy enjoying watching them make theirs. I bet this is not something they are just making up. This is and has always been one big Jacobson kid’s competition. My girl plays dirty. She just totally stole his strawberry off his plate and popped it in her mouth and the cantaloupe from his plate as well hiding it next to hers until she is ready to use it. I laugh. She smiles. I love her.

“Okay done!” She says through her strawberry chewing. Parker grunts and pushes his plate forward and so does she like they are presenting them to me to judge. I shake my head. He knows I’ll never choose his.  He smiles anyway.

I do my judging very well though; I look at each of them thoroughly.

Lillian’s has the potatoes stacked around the top as hair.  She took the cantaloupe from Parker and made them smaller just the part that curves in the middle as ears.  She has blueberries for the eyes, a raspberry for the nose.  She took bacon to make it a mouth.  It’s the cutest thing I have ever seen. 

Parker’s pancake looks sad. It is missing an eye thanks to Lillian and her thieving hands. He used the spray whip cream to make the hair but it looks like he didn’t shake it so it’s like a melted pile of white goo all over. He even used it to make what was supposed to look like a beard and mustache.  Where his sister had each piece of hash brown perfect, he had a mess.  He sees me scrutinizing and he looks down on my plate. I have an empty pancake. I shrug.

“Well I don’t know what to say to what I just watched. You guys did this as children? Were you always that ruthless Lil?” I am laughing.

“Not ruthless, just… determined.”

“She is and always will be a poor loser, so she makes sure she never does.”

I laugh again at how much Parker is looking like the poor loser now.              

“Well, not sure this will come as a surprise but, Lil wins.”

She beams at me like I just gave her the world. My day is made.

“Um Wesson, what happened to your character?” She asks so politely.

“I couldn’t compare to you two. I didn’t know this was almost as much of a competition as the freaking Olympics.  I was too busy watching from the side lines while you two dueled it out.” I finished with a wink. Her cheeks pinked,  not from the cold this time.

“Well, look at that Park. You get second place! That never happens.”

“That never happened because you got your cheating ways from daddy.”

I see her go down the dark side remembering her dad. I have to bring her back.

“Well, what’s their story, your characters I mean.”

That was all it took and she goes down telling us all about them. I swear I knew all about her pancake from birth, the pancakes family. She even added my pancake in the story as the “no face” in the city her pancake came from.  She is adorable. I love her.

Parker looks at me relieved.

I start to clean up when Lil joins in. Parker says he is going to get started on our strategy session for the day. 

“Thanks for that Wesson. I really appreciated it. Sorry I freaked out.”

“I love you Lil, I will do anything to see you smile. I am sorry it hurt you.”

She stops drying the plate I just handed her and looks up.

“It didn’t really hurt as much as bring back some of the best memories that I have. It was just a lot to take in, along with everything else.”

“I understand.”  I made a mess and cleaning this up is going to take us awhile. I tell her to go rest, to put her feet up but she is determined.

“I don’t know if you told me before but Mia is your sister right? Did you guys ever do anything silly like that?”

I gasp. I don’t talk about my time when I was with Mia, the time after we were split apart and I was brought up believing she was dead.

“Not really Lil. You had a great life before it was ruined. I am envious of that for sure. Mia and I, we didn’t have a childhood of fun, we had a childhood of survival.”

“What about your mom? I know your dad-well he was a piece of shit but what about your mom?”

“Well, I don’t remember her too much. I remember her being nice. I remember her smelling sweet like she lived in a bakery.   My dad didn’t like her to be around us kids that much, said she was making us soft.  I mean. I was named after a freaking gun maker, Mia… My mom named her thank goodness but my dad didn’t let that slide. He chose her his middle name.”

“What’s her middle name?” She whispers.

“Pistol.” I turn to the door way and see Park.

I nod.

“Her name is Mia Pistol Gessati?” She asks in shock.

“Yeah.”

Then it hits me. She remembers that Gessati was my father.

“Lil, how did you remember that Gessati was my father?” I couldn’t not ask.

“Oh, I don’t know. I just did. Weird.”

Huh, I am not completely buying it. She is back to drying her dishes. I look at Park and he is shaking his head, silently telling me to let it go.

We finish up in the kitchen, all the while, Lil asking me questions about Mia.  She is asking Park questions as well. She seems very interested in Mia. I can’t help but love her more, it’s like she wants to know Mia. I can’t wait until they can actually get to know each other. I hope Mia will forgive me for everything that she has been through.  I should have been a big brother like Parker. I am a shitty brother. I know that Lil would tell me that it wasn’t my fault because that is who she is. She sees the good in me that I don’t see in myself.

I answer all her questions, holding nothing back. I don’t want to hide anything from her.  Parker asks a few questions and adds in some things. It surprises me how much he knows about her.  It shouldn’t. I have noticed how he acts when it comes to her. The same way I act when things involve Lil, protective and possibly in love.