Who I Became (Who I Was Book 2) (6 page)

CHAPTER EIGHT

LILLIAN

Today is the day.  Today is the beginning—the beginning of getting our life back and making it our own for the first time ever.  I am sure it will be hard. I am sure it will be tough.  I am sure that it will break me as much as it will build me for the person I am to become.  I am sure I have never been more excited for a single day in my life.

Parker looks over at me while we wait for Wesson to come back in.  I can’t help the smile growing every minute that we get closer to leaving on this journey.

“You’re happy.” It’s a statement. One that he hasn’t been able to say to me in years.

“I am not just happy Park, I am excited.  This is it.  Years we have been doing nothing but sitting tight.  We have done nothing but run and hide.  We are going to do this.  We are going to be finally free.”

He walks over and envelopes me in a big hug.  He whispers.

“God I hope so.”  He squeezes one more time and let’s go as my door opens.

Wesson walks in and I am still in awe of his beauty.  His black jeans are just tight enough but not too tight.  He has a dark blue t-shirt on stretched tight across his chest. His hair is styled to perfection like the first time I saw him.  He hasn’t done his hair since we have been in here.  He walks in and shuts the door firmly behind him, walking to my bed and dropping a bag that he had on it. He smells so good. He must have showered and put on his cologne.  He smells clean but makes me think of dirty things.  I start to blush at my wayward thoughts.  This day has so much promise, I can’t help that I am not as guarded as I should be.

He continues to look at me and I still have the same smile I did when it was just Park.  Then he glances between me and Park and finally landing on Parker. I can see the question in his eyes. He doesn’t have to say it out loud.  This is the most emotion I have shown in days and he wants to know if I remember.  Parker shakes his head no.  His posture changes making him hunch forward a little, no longer standing tall and confident.  Then he turns back to me with the sadness that he is feeling, yelling at me without him having to say a word. My smile falls.

“Get dressed love, we are leaving this place.”

My smile is back. I jump up and grab the bag, heading to my en suite bathroom.  I open the bag and notice that these clothes weren’t bought for this because they aren’t my size.  They are a little loose but I have lost so much weight being in here. The arms are too long so I have to roll up the sleeves.  That’s when I remember I still have an IV access line in place.  I don’t want to worry about taking it out until we leave this place so I will take it out tonight.  I roll up the sleeves, carefully tucking in the tube for the IV line so it isn’t visible. I push the hospital bands back as well on my other wrist.  I have to hurry but once I put on the pants I have to roll those up as well.  I look like someone shrunk me but my outfit stayed the same size.  I hurry and put the shoes on my feet and the hat on my head.  I exit the bathroom and the boys are pacing in front of the door.

“Sorry, they didn’t fit that well.”

“Yeah, Vanessa is a bit taller. Sorry.”

Who’s Vanessa? With no time to ask, I watch as they put on a hat and glasses as well as a jacket to try to disguise themselves.  I want to laugh at how ridiculous this is—convinced that it will never work, yet praying that it does.  The boys have been watching the shift change, and getting to know a few of the guards at my door.  I asked once why Wesson wasn’t my guard since he was there. Then after them telling me he is on leave until further notice, I had to backtrack on how I knew he was an officer.  I felt horrible lying to him again, but it needed to happen.

We are all dressed and head for the door.  Wesson looks out and just like he said there is no one out there.  He told the guard to go grab coffee as he was in fact able to watch for a few minutes and he looked like shit. I never understood how people are that honest and don’t get punched in the face but he shook his head at Wesson and said he’d be right back.  That was right after I got out of the bathroom, so we don’t have much time left.  We head straight for the stairs.  They don’t want to take the elevator, too great of a risk of getting stuck with someone who would know us.

I start down the stairs like nothing is wrong, like I run stairs all the time—not like I just had major injuries.  I make it down one set then start to slow as I am still very sore and well, I spent the majority of the last month in a bed.  I got up to walk here and there but nothing like this.  Wesson is behind me with Park in front.  Wesson has Park slow down for a second then pulls me up in his arms.  I am lying across his arms and he starts running down. It is still a little painful but it is so much faster so I bury my head into his shoulder and bear through the pain until we reach the bottom of the stairs.  Then he sets me down lacing his fingers through mine and we flee toward the door.  There is no one really paying attention to us, which seems odd.  We round the corner of the hospital by the entrance for deliveries and there is a car idling with no one in it.

Wesson opens the backseat for me and I climb in.  I look around the car before realizing that Parker has climbed in on my other side.  Wesson climbs in the front and before I can get my seatbelt buckled Wesson is throwing the car in reverse and then gunning it out of the parking lot.  Once we get settled on the freeway and they calm down just a bit, I am able to relax also.  It dawns on me that even though they were trying to keep me in the loop, they really didn’t. I don’t know where this car came from. They mentioned a cabin that we will be going to but not where they were able to get a cabin for us to hide in. I want to ask, but I trust them more than anything so I let them get away with it for now.  Also I am beat. I feel like I ran a marathon.  I lean back against the seat and rest my eyes.  The next thing I know, Parker is pulling me down to rest on his lap and then he starts playing with my hair, putting me into a deep sleep.  He used to do this on long car rides when we were kids.  I fall asleep with the memories of the vacations that we used to go on and a smile on my face.  Only Park knows that just simply playing with my hair puts me in the best mood ever.  It relaxes me more than anything.  I snuggle in and fall deeper asleep. 

We have been on this dirt road for a while. I have been awake for awhile also but I didn’t want to say anything.  Parker is asleep against the window of the car and I am pretending to be asleep still on his lap.  I need to use the restroom and am getting nauseous but I don’t want the boys to worry, so I turn over and close my eyes tighter, hoping to relax again to fall back asleep or that we are getting closer.  I know we are going off the beaten path and I can’t see out the window from where I am laying and it is getting dark but I know that this road has been bumpy for a long time. 

I am finally able to start to drift when the car comes to a stop and Wesson announces that we have arrived.  I jump out of the car and head straight for the house, my bladder has to empty and empty now.  I am just about to climb the steps when I am pulled back and Wesson is passing me with his gun drawn. 

“Let him make sure it’s clear first.”

Yeah, didn’t think about that. 

The coast is clear and I am sent into the restroom.  I am washing my hands and am able to finally take in my surroundings.  The bathroom alone is beautiful.  This isn’t a “cabin” like I was thinking it would be.  This is a very intricately designed wood cabin and it is spacious.  I was expecting a one room winter cabin in the mountains where we all had to sleep in front of the fire.  My imagination is sometimes my enemy.  I turn away from the mirror, taking everything in.  There is a large shower big enough for more than one person and then some.  It’s like the owners of this cabin liked to throw parties in there.  There are shower heads of all different sizes pointing in all different directions.  I have the sudden urge to take a shower. I have spent the last three weeks in a hospital, most of that getting a sponge bath.  That shower is calling my name.  I start to strip and head straight for it.  I turn on the nozzles, trying to figure out how they work and notice that the back of it has a large window letting in natural light and the beautiful trees surrounding the house.  It’s still very private and I don’t fear that someone can see me. That window enhances the sereneness and calmness this shower can bring. 

Finally figuring out what all the buttons and knobs control, I let it steam up a bit while I look under the sink for a Band-Aid of some sort.  Finding a small package of gauze and medical tape, I start undoing the tape around my IV line.  I have had these done a few times while in the hospital and feel pretty confident that I can do it myself.  However, I get all the tape loose and freeze.  I can’t pull it all the way out.  I need help.

I open the door from the bathroom and call for Parker with no response.  I call a few more times and then am about to shut the door giving up and thinking that I’ll just re-tape it for now when Wesson appears at the door.  That is when I remember I am naked and close it real quick on his face.  He couldn’t see anything. I only had the door open enough to look and yell out of it but I still didn’t want to risk him seeing anything else.  I know he has seen it all before, but I know he doesn’t know that I know that he has seen me before.               

“You okay Lil?”

“Yeah, where is Park?”

“He is out gathering a few more bundles of firewood. Can I help you with something?”

I look down at my arm and see that the IV itself has started to come out and I know I need to get it out before I introduce any bacteria so I quickly grab a towel and wrap it around myself.  I sigh then finally open the door again. 

He has his arms above his head resting on the door frame while he looks down on me.  His dark shirt has risen above his waistline, teasing me with his tanned skin peaking through.  I see the top of his blue boxer briefs peaking through the top of his jeans.  Then I glance back up at him and see his eyes piercing me.  I step back a little, the intensity too much. Then close my eyes shaking my head trying to get that image out of my head.  I don’t open them before I hold up my hand asking him for his help.

“Can you help me get this out? I started to undo the tape and then it got really gross and it keeps going in and out and it’s going to get infected and it’s not like we can go to the hospital and I think it’s going to hurt and I need it out now.”

“Are you rambling doll?”

Doll… He called me doll, it has been so long and I have missed it.

“Sorry, just please hurry; it’s making me nauseous I think.”

He smirks.  Why does he smirk? What could possibly be funny about me getting ready to hurl on his pants? If I throw up on his pants, will he be forced to take them off? I stare right at his waist where it was showing before almost willing his shirt to shrink so I can see that strip of skin again.  It doesn’t.  However, I was staring at it so intently that I didn’t know he finally got the dreaded IV line out.  I look up to him holding a tissue to the sight looking down at me.  My mouth parts at how beautiful he is.  It really isn’t fair. I see his eyes travel ever so slowly from my eyes to my lips and I look down at his as his mouth parts in a big inhalation of breath.

I let us have that moment for just a second then break it. I don’t want to make this harder on him and if he kissed me then I denied him, it would break him. Or… I am a selfish bitch and know that if I let him kiss me right now, I will break and welcome him back in.

He smiles a sad smile, one that says he understands why I pulled away, but yet he is happy we were just in that “almost” kiss stage. 

“Love, why don’t you go get in the shower now.” 

His request isn’t for me.  I can tell he is losing his control—his resolve is very close to breaking and he needs me to take the step breaking this as he won’t be able to.  I am so flustered that I am two seconds from dropping my towel, then turn around to see him gripping the door frame looking over his shoulder on his way out,  paused and completely frozen—it makes me smile.

“Thanks for your help Wesson.”

My voice breaks his concentration and he mumbles a welcome while practically running out the rest of the way and slamming the door behind him.  I hear the front door open and close also and I am sure it is his attempt at putting more distance between us.

***

WESSON

I will never be able to get that image out of my mind.  I almost broke back there.  Nothing was going to stop me.  Thankfully I was able to walk away but it was probably the most difficult thing I have done.  I lean against the wall next to the door in the cold hoping it will cool me down.  I close my eyes and there she is, etched in my memory.

She breaks our moment right before we kiss. I am sure that I saw something flash in her eye.  Something that I can’t place but it was there. Then she walks away in just a towel.  Her hair is bundled at the top of her head with a few pieces falling out which some would consider messy, I consider it fucking sexy as hell.  Then I see her loosen it from around her chest and slowly open it, just about to let it fall when she looks behind her.  Her eyes light up and darken at the same time.  She is happy I was still there and she wanted me to do what I wanted me to do.  Then it was gone, just as quick as it came and she thanked me for helping her. If only she knew that helping her, helped me.  I needed to be able to do something for her.  I need to always be there to take care of her.  When I thought I lost her, I had seen what our life could have been like flash before my eyes.  Just like when someone is going to die, they say their life flashes before their eyes. Know what an amazing family we could have had together flashed before my eyes.  It was the worst moment of my life losing her, then to see the possibilities playing over and over in my head made it worse.  I will never be able to tell anyone the relief I had knowing she woke up.  I refuse to ever lose her.  If for some reason she doesn’t remember me, I will still stay close because she is the only tree in this world providing me oxygen.