Why Women Have Sex (17 page)

Interestingly, the degree to which women sexualize their appearance depends on their ovulation cycle—at least among women not taking
oral contraceptives. Evolutionary psychologist Kristina Durante and her colleagues had non-pill-taking women come to her lab twice—once during the fertile window of their cycle and once during the infertile phase. She took full-body photographs of the women at each time and had them draw illustrations of clothing that they might wear to a social event that evening. Ovulating women wore more sexy and revealing clothing to the lab, and drew dramatically more revealing clothing that they would wear to the imagined event, compared with the same women when they were not ovulating. Sexually unrestricted women—those who said they tend toward sexually freer conduct and seek sex with a wider variety of partners—showed this ovulation effect more strongly than the other women. Durante and her colleagues argue that this shift toward sexy clothing reflects increased female-female competition at ovulation for the most desirable sex partners.

Studies conducted in Germany discovered a similar effect by using digital photography to capture what women wore to singles bars and interviewing them afterward. Using a computer program that calculated the percentage of skin revealed by women’s clothing choices, they discovered that women in the most fertile phase of their ovulation cycles wore more revealing clothing and showed more skin than women in the nonfertile phase. Ovulating women dress for sexual success. Another group of researchers, led by UCLA evolutionary psychologist Martie G. Haselton, found that women in the fertile phase of their cycles wore nicer and more fashionable clothes and showed more upper and lower body skin than the same women in the low-fertility phase of their cycles.

Women’s ovulation cycles also influence their patterns of consumer behavior. One study created a simulated online shopping program designed to track women’s spending patterns on items such as clothes, shoes, underwear, jewelry, and other fashion accessories. As we have seen, these are all products that women use to enhance their appearance for competition with same-sex rivals. Near ovulation, women tended to shift their spending patterns toward revealing and sexy items. And the shift was most dramatic when women were led to believe that attractive same-sex rivals were present!

Several other scientific studies support the theory that ovulating
women sexualize their appearance for success in mate competition. Women report more desire to go to parties and clubs where they can meet men on their high-fertility days. They are more likely to flirt with men other than their primary partners when they are in or near the ovulatory phase of their cycles. They even judge other women to be less attractive when they rate them near the middle of their own ovulation cycles—a finding that evolutionary psychologist Maryanne Fisher interprets as evidence that women are more sexually competitive with other women near ovulation and feel the urge to “put down” their potential rivals. Finally, when evolutionary psychologist Karl Grammer interviewed women at a discotheque, those who rated their attire as “sexy” and “bold” also indicated a specific sexual motivation: a desire to flirt with men or find a sex partner.

From an evolutionary perspective, women are most competitive for the best mating opportunities near ovulation because this is precisely the time when mating decisions are most consequential. It is the phase in which mating mistakes are most costly, the phase in which women are highest in reproductive mate value, and the phase in which beating out rivals for the most desirable mate yields the greatest adaptive benefits.

Women who sexualize their appearance, however, run a risk: damage to their sexual reputation. One woman in our study described a trade-off between success in sexual competition and sexual reputation:

I broke it off with a guy after I had been tugged around by him for months, right after a very long-term relationship, and was feeling . . . free. This amazing looking guy came to visit a friend and I knew that I wanted to fool around with him. Then I realized that every other girl in my sight was talking about doing the same thing. The “dorm-slut” was the main person who wanted him, and I just figured that she would have him by the end of the night. . . . I somehow wanted to feel what she felt every time she went home with a random
guy. So I competed against her in her own game . . . and won . . . at a price.

—heterosexual woman, age 20

The effect of success in these short-term sexual rivalries, of course, varies greatly with the culture. Women risk being labeled with one of the dozens of derogatory words, in the English language alone, for a woman who pursues a short-term sexual strategy. Modern terms include slut, whore, skank, tart, and tramp, while more archaic terms include harlot, hussy, strumpet, wench, bawd, mattressback, window girl, fast-fanny, canvasback, hipflipper, breechdropper, trollop, spreadeagle, stump thumper, and scarlet woman. Beyond this labeling, some women disparage their sexual rivals by spreading targeted sexual gossip about them. A study by the Buss Lab revealed that sexual competition included calling a rival promiscuous; telling others that the woman just wanted to get laid; saying that she had too many past boyfriends; saying that she slept around a lot; saying that she would sleep with just about anyone; and calling a woman “loose.”

Derogation of a rival’s sexual reputation has a very specific function: to render the rival less desirable to other women as a friend and to long-term mates as a sexual partner. In reproductive competition, a rival’s loss has benefits. A woman who limits her rival’s mating opportunities by impugning her sexual reputation simultaneously increases her own mating opportunities—at least if the putdown is done artfully. The Buss Lab, for example, found that those using derogation tactics often distance themselves from the derogation by using phrases such as “I’ve heard that she slept with the whole football team,” or “Rumor has it that she got herpes.”

You might think that in this age of purported sexual equality, a double standard would not exist; that just as men who sleep with many women rarely sustain reputational damage, a woman who has slept with many men would not—or should not—sustain blows to her reputation. Not so. Not only has the double standard not been eradicated, it appears to be enforced more strongly by women than by men. Evolutionary psychologist Anne Campbell conducted several studies of the sexual reputations of girls and observed that “it was the girls themselves
who were most vocal in enforcing this code.” The girls avoided befriending, and openly rejected, those who were known as “lays” and “whores” to protect their own sexual reputations. They did not want to be “guilty” by association. As one scientist noted: “The most risky confidences center around sexual behavior and feelings. One reason why so few girls even talk to their closest friends about sexual desire or actual sexual behavior is through fear that their friends might betray them in gossip—spread the rumor that they are a slag [the British slang term for “slut”]. There is no parallel for boys to the risk of betrayal which can destroy a girl’s whole social standing.” Being branded with derogatory labels puts a woman in a terribly difficult situation, since there is no direct way to refute the claims and they pose a threat to her future mating opportunities.

With sexual reputation so valuable to women themselves, it seems almost counterintuitive that women would have sex out of a sense of competition. But for some women, the feeling of conquest is enough to motivate them to have sex:

In high school I remember feeling very proud of my number [of sexual partners]. . . . I would get a thrill just before sex, thinking to myself “another one! I snared another one!” Conquest.

—heterosexual woman, age 26

I view sex as a fun experience and enjoy the thrill of meeting someone and seducing them. The feeling of having a conquest is exhilarating, like a high.

—predominantly heterosexual woman, age 20

Of course we all want to at some point set our minds to something and accomplish it. When I have done that and accomplished my goal of going home with someone I feel like I have made a conquest.

—heterosexual woman, age 26

Bragging rights can be a motivation as well. In our study, one woman said she bragged about a sexual conquest not as a way of snubbing a specific rival, but as a means of communicating her sexual power:

Ah, a silly thing really. . . . I get so annoyed by these obviously gay boys who openly flirt with females and are all like “oh, I like the aesthetics of the female body, but . . .” and leave it ambiguous whether they would ever do anything about it. So one somewhat drunken evening I challenged one of these guys about it—and we ended up sleeping together. I decided this was a good thing to brag about, converting a gay boy . . .

—predominantly homosexual woman, age 22

We also discovered a number of women who expressed their competition directly—not simply winning the opportunity to have sex, but beating out other women in the course of doing so:

I wanted to win. My best friend always had guys interested in her in high school. Although I was never really interested in guys, somehow this bothered me. So I began to pursue the same men she did to prove I was as good, if not better, than her. When she would convey interest in a particular guy I would immediately pursue him and win him with the offer of immediate sex. This included heavy petting under a desk during class and intercourse in a closet or hidden area of my high school.

—gay/lesbian woman, age 23

Such offers of immediate sex can succeed when they exploit men’s desires for low-cost, low-risk sexual encounters—qualities that are alluring when viewed from both evolutionary and clinical perspectives.

Indeed, it is easier to attract a sexual partner with high mate value for casual sex than for committed mating. In these cases, women’s sexual competition may serve the function of gaining status among their friends:

I had sex with a person who was very well known and popular, especially in my area. I didn’t do it because I was interested in a relationship, but a few of us girls were very interested in him. . . . I knew the other girls wanted to date him, but I wanted to get him first. I wanted to be the one who stole him away from the other girls. As soon as I got a date with him I knew I was going to have sex . . . and I couldn’t wait until the next day when the other girls knew I had been with him. It made me feel great. I was the one who got him. My friends envied me for it.

—heterosexual woman, age 23

When I was younger, my girlfriends and I would go to the bars together. It always felt like a competition as to who could get the guy. After drinks and fun at the bar, sometimes I would take the guy home to . . . my shared apartment and have sex with him there so that my friends would know that I got the guy that night.

—heterosexual woman, age 26

Of course, the thrill of winning is not limited to a single night’s competition. In a very public display of presumed rivalry, in 2008 singer and actress Jessica Simpson appeared with her boyfriend, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, wearing a shirt with the tagline “Real Girls Eat Meat.” Fans interpreted it as a competitive dig at Romo’s previous mate, who is a vegetarian.

Women are sexual rivals not just for short-term matches but also for long-term committed relationships. The premise of
The Bachelor
and
The Bachelorette
, of course, is that the competition
is
for a long-term mate, though only one of the couples—picked by a bachelorette and not a bachelor—has gotten married thus far.

In attracting a long-term partner, sexual rivalry can often be explicit:

I was seeing this woman, and she was quite intimidating because of her age and her wealth. And she also was dating other people besides
me, all male. The first time she tried to seduce me, I didn’t let her, because I wasn’t sure of myself. The second time I let it happen, because I thought it could win her over . . .

—gay/lesbian woman, age 20

But while having sex as a strategy for securing a long-term commitment can succeed, several women in our study reported that, for them, the strategy did not work:

When I was in high school, I had a big crush on this boy. He finally started giving me “attention” and I wanted to be his girlfriend so I had sex with him thinking that if I had sex then he would be interested [in me] . . . Nope . . . That’s all he wanted me for.

—heterosexual woman, age 35

As a teenager there were a few times when I felt that having sex would get a guy to stay with me, or that if I didn’t have sex they would no longer be interested in me. At the time it felt okay, but afterward it was usually a kind of depressing feeling, especially because it didn’t usually have the intended result.