Tears filled her eyes. “Mason, I’m struggling with this. I spent all night trying to make you out to be the bad guy then today, you do something like fix my fucking car and it completely confuses the crap out of me.”
“I fixed your car because I told you I would. I told you I would repair your office too, but you wanted me to leave.” He shook his head. “I’m trying to make this as painless as possible.”
“How can it be painless when I still want you?” She gripped the door and stared at him. “I try to focus on the bad stuff about you, but I can’t. I can’t and that really pisses me off.”
“Keep trying. I’m sure you’ll get there.”
She tilted her head. “Mason, I know what I said. I know what happened and I’m not going to bring it up. But even with all that, I can’t dwell on it. I cried all night and actually ended up calling my parents thinking my emotional state needed some advice. They showed up on my doorstep and I immediately start defending you to my father without batting an eye.”
He tried to keep his reactions neutral. “What do you want me to say?”
“I’m saying that I fucking love you.” She held her keys up. “Stuff like this only makes me realise it more.”
Mason put the truck in drive. “You don’t fucking love me. You don’t even know me.”
She stepped back and he pulled forward, leaving her behind. Mason drove to the clubhouse and parked in his normal spot. A few new women hung around and he noticed they had their eyes on him. It wasn’t exactly a secret that he and Addison weren’t together. Of course that meant women wanted to comfort him and take his mind off her.
“Lila!” Mason strode to the bar looking for his favourite Wicked Angels bartender. “You said she’d come around.” He sat on a stool. “She just said she fucking loved me.”
She sat a box down behind the bar. “That’s good, right?”
“No.” He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the tension. “God, we should have had those ridiculous conversations about our hopes and dreams before that kind of shit.”
She chuckled. “You’re so romantic, Mase.”
“I’m fucking serious, Lila.”
She stopped and leaned against the counter. “I know how long you’ve liked this girl. It’s not unreasonable to believe that you’ve fallen in love. She was basically the only person you talked to for five months and she’s been the only person you’ve been with for a few weeks.”
“I don’t do love, though.”
She narrowed her eyes. “I don’t believe that for one second.”
He’d never been in love. Even with his high school girlfriend, Kelly, he would have provided for her, but he didn’t love her. He didn’t understand the concept. Mason shook his head. Love was not something he wanted nor something he did. He cared, but that was as far as it went.
“Mason, you look like your dragging a whole lot of shit from your past into the present.”
“I don’t do love.” He shook his head. “I don’t know love.”
She propped her hands on the bar. “Are you kidding me? There are plenty of people in this world who love you. I, for one, but thanks for not noticing.”
He frowned. “What?”
“Do you think I cleaned up that nasty-assed apartment out of the goodness of my heart? Hell no. You couldn’t pay me a million bucks to go in that room without a hazmat suit on.” She cupped his cheeks. “But I love you and I knew that Addison would not feel comfortable in that room if I didn’t.”
He gripped her wrists and gently moved them from his face. “Yeah. Right.”
She scoffed. “Mason, you’re a lovable person. That’s why Cedar sponsored you and you eventually became president of the Wicked Angels of Tampa. I think if Addison said it, she meant it. She doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would say something that monumental flippantly. I know how easy it is to love you and I think she does too.”
Mason blew out a breath. “And the whole thing with Jesse?”
She leaned over the counter in front of him. “The whole thing with Jesse scared her. This guy was mentally unstable. He came in here demanding to see her and freaked out on us when she wasn’t here. He waved that gun around like he’d use it on anyone who so much as questioned him. The law may say it’s wrong to shoot him, but I don’t.” She shrugged. “I think once Addison has time to think about it without the adrenaline and the panic going through her, she’ll realise it too. You didn’t do it for any other reason than to protect her.”
He shook his head. “Yeah, but it could be debated that if we’d reported him, he could have got help.”
“No one is going to listen to us over a cop.” Lila reached for a glass and poured him a club soda. “He had too much power and he abused it with her.”
He rubbed his eyes. “I’m going to lay down for a while. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
She reached for his hand. “Mason, you’re a good guy. Stop selling yourself short. If she can’t see how great you are, then
she’s
not worth it. Not the other way around.”
He stood and drank from his glass before heading to the back apartment. He didn’t want to think about her anymore. He wanted to stop thinking about how her skin felt or the way her hair smelt. The bed sat in the middle of the room, empty. The stale beer and sex smell didn’t linger like it used to. He also noticed that Lila had taken care of the soiled clothing from yesterday.
He crashed face first on the bed and curled up with his pillow. He’d never really felt the pain of letting someone in and watching them go, but it fucking sucked.
Chapter Thirteen
“You really like this guy, don’t you?”
Addison tried to keep her eyes on the road in front of her. “Why do you say that?”
“Because you won’t talk to your father about him. You had a secret conversation with Mason in the parking lot and you’ve been grouchy ever since.” Her mother sat in the passenger’s side of her Mercedes as they drove through downtown Tampa traffic.
“I told him that I loved him.” Addison rested her left elbow on the car door. “I do too. I know he’s not the ideal candidate for a potential partner in life, but he treats me well. I’ve treated him like shit, too.”
“Why have you treated him like shit?”
She glanced over at her mother. “Because I am my father’s daughter. I’m convinced all people are bad and I go looking for trouble.” Addison knew this to be true and hated it. “I know how the MC works. I met Mason in jail, for crying out loud. He’s not like that with me, though. My father has groomed me to question why. I feel like I should analyse why he is different with me.”
“Have you?”
Addison blew out a breath. “I think he cares for me. I don’t know if he loves me. He grew up in foster care and I’ve heard plenty of horror stories, so I can imagine the gist of his upbringing. He doesn’t trust people, but I think I proved to him that I’m different by winning the trial. He didn’t do it, but they set him up pretty well. I proved it and won the case. He didn’t force himself on me. I wanted it. I wanted him.” She stared at the taillights of the car in front of her. “I still want him. He’s rough around the edges and his personality is gruff, but he’s different with me. He gets me, probably better than I get myself sometimes. I spent the whole week with him and even when all hell broke loose, he kept his promises. After all the shit that happened, he still fixed my car.”
Tears filled her eyes and Addison swiped at them. She didn’t know what hell was going on with her. Thoughts kept turning in a continuous circle and it didn’t ever seem to end. She replayed the Jesse incident over in her head and knew Mason was capable of the unthinkable. That was the part that scared her. How could someone she loved be the same thing she’s scared of?
“So what’s the problem?” Her mother reached for her hand and squeezed.
“I’m afraid.” She turned off at her exit and headed north of town towards her home. She hadn’t been back since it had burned and she figured there was no finer time to go and assess the damage than now. “I’m scared of the horror stories Dad has drilled into my mind all my life. One day Mason is going to give me up for some other chick who does threesomes. Or Mason is going to treat me like his property. I’m terrified that I’m going to wake up one day and he’s going to be serving a life sentence while I’m struggling to take care of our kids.”
Her mother remained silent for a little while. Addison didn’t think her mother really understood what she’d went through. She’d been married to her father for nearly thirty-five years. They’d got married at eighteen and had spent their entire life together.
“Do you know why your father hates motorcycle clubs so much?”
Addison frowned. “They represent a lot of crime in the city?”
She chuckled. “Maybe that’s true, but it’s not the answer to the question. When your father and I met, I was the girlfriend of a prospect to The Devil’s Reaper MC. He was everything your father was not. Your father wanted to be cool, but he was always the smart guy. He had a level head and had never done anything wild in his life. I was the complete opposite before I met him. He wanted me and thought I wouldn’t think he was cool enough. He was wrong. I broke up with my boyfriend and your father bought me a milkshake at the local diner. He listened to me complain about my boyfriend and determined that all motorcycle clubs were terrible because Robert made me cry.”
Addison glanced over at her mother. “You’re kidding, right?”
She smiled. “You love Mason. I know some of the things he may or may not do are conflicting with your conscience, but that’s something you’ll have to work out with him. It’s not a reason to break up with him. I knew Robert wasn’t the man for me. I knew within seconds that your father was.”
Addison pulled onto her road and thought about what her mother had said. When she put it that way, everything made sense. Love conquered all. It was completely illogical and irrational, but there you go.
She cringed when she saw her house. She parked her Mercedes and climbed out of it. Her father pulled in behind her shortly after then parked in the driveway. Even though the house looked like a complete disaster, she thought she could fix the damage. Most of the living room and kitchen were gone, but the back of the house, where her bedroom was, didn’t have much damage.
They did a walk-through, noting what needed to be renovated and what she needed to replace. The emotional toll of losing the one thing she took so much pride in nearly did her in. The ceiling had a big hole in it with plenty of burned splotches everywhere. Her nice brown leather couch barely even looked like a couch.
She went to the kitchen and took note of most of the things she needed to purchase again which was, thankfully, mostly small stuff, aside from a refrigerator. Her mother stepped in, doing a complete three-sixty turn in the kitchen.
“It won’t take long to get you back in this place. I’d be glad to stay in Tampa for a little while when you start repairing everything. I’ve got some vacation time.”
Addison smiled. “I’m glad you’re here, Mom. I’ve missed you.” Addison hugged her mother and stared at her father while he glanced around.
Her mother smiled. “I’ve missed you too. You need to come home more often.”
They spent a few more hours at the house before Addison decided it was time to leave. Her parents decided to go back home instead of staying the night, and Addison said goodbye to them before settling in her hotel room alone.
She spent the evening watching TV, something she seldom did. She watched a sappy movie and ended up crying when the main character died. She rolled her eyes and blew her nose, cutting the TV off. The ache from fatigue decidedly announced that a much-needed rest would do wonders for her body.
She stood to change then headed to her bed. Being alone sucked. She settled into her bed and the silence nearly deafened her. She tried to push Mason out of her mind, but she really missed the way he felt next to her. His warmth made the cooler nights better.
It took nearly two hours of tossing and turning before she finally sat up and reached for her phone. She dialled the one person that she knew could make her feel better and waited for an answer.
“Addison?”
“I can’t sleep.” She closed her eyes. “You said I’d never be alone and I’m alone.”
“Addy.”
“Mason.”
He released a harsh breath. “Nothing’s changed.”
She knew that. To some degree, she accepted it. “I know. But as much as I hate it, I still want you. I don’t just mean sexually either. I want you in my life, because, despite everything, I really wasn’t living until I met you.”
Tears filled her eyes. Her heart ached either way she looked at the situation. Mason didn’t blink at the idea of shooting someone dead, but she felt a huge chunk of her was missing without him. The mental torture of the scenario forced her to pick a side. She wanted him. Plain and simple. It was the very reason that she kept going back.
“Well, in all honesty, you were fighting for your life a few times.”
She smiled. “I never left you because I didn’t want you. I left you because your life is intense. You have to understand that. My life was boring before you came into it. I focused on my work and being the best in my field. I was good at it too. Then you show up and flip my world upside down. I can’t go back to the mundane living, Mason. You were right. A while back you said that the real Addison wanted out and you let her out. I want you in my life. I don’t like to admit it, but I need you in my life.”
“To keep you entertained?”
She shook her head staring at her red toes. “Among other things.”
“Addy, I don’t belong in your life. You’re going to go on and do great things as a judge. I’m just the guy who gave you a thrill ride. You don’t need me and I’m sure with some time, you’ll realise that you’re better off without me.”
“How can you say that?”
“Because you don’t
really
need me. You want a quick cure for the pain of wanting something you should not have. It’s the process of addiction. People want to get high when they’re going through withdrawal. They don’t care about the possibility that getting high could fuck up their life. They just want that feeling, that rush that comes with the poison entering their veins. They could get caught by the police, they could OD, they could get some kind of incurable disease or they could have sex with a stranger, none of it matters. It’s the same thing between us. You can’t fix us like that. Nothing has changed. I know what bothers you as a person. I know I don’t fit into your life. At some point, you’re going to have to go back to your life and you’re going to have to do it without me.”