Authors: Tori Carrington
“W
HERE DO YOU
want these?”
Five days later, Regina stood staring out the back kitchen window of her mother’s small, two-bedroom bungalow; the house she’d grown up in. The scene was familiar, but…different somehow.
Or perhaps it wasn’t the view that was different, but rather her.
She seemed to be doing a lot of gazing through windows lately. Looking at life from the inside out. Reviewing it. Considering it through eyes affected by recent events.
She glanced over her shoulder to where Vivienne was holding the two bags of groceries she’d brought in from the rental car. She went to help.
“Here.” She accepted one of the bags, then put it on the yellow linoleum table, disturbing the doily her mother had stretched across it. She was mildly surprised to find herself staring at the initials she had carved into the surface nearly ten years ago: RD + BJ = TLF (Regina Dodson + Billy Johnson = True Love Forever).
Her heart hiccuped. Not for love lost, but rather for lost innocence.
She absently ran her fingertip over the deep grooves she’d made with her house key. At some point after their breakup, she’d considered turning BJ into a BB and making a butterfly out of the letters. Then she realized there wouldn’t be much point in that; she’d always know what was really there.
“Hey,” Viv said, putting her hand on her shoulder. “You going to be okay?”
Regina took a deep breath, covered the initial again and then smiled at her friend. “Yeah. I’m beginning to think I will.”
After Linc left the hotel that day, she hadn’t heard from him again. And when she’d needed someone, she’d forced herself to reach out to Vivienne instead. Her friend had risen to the occasion, insisting she travel back to Maine with her to help.
As for Linc…
Her gaze drifted back to the initials on the table, the fear that had gripped her in the hotel room returning; not as strongly, but still there.
While she would never compare Linc to Billy…she was able to compare herself to the woman she used to be. She was coming to recognize that when she gave herself, she gave herself fully, without thought to consequences or caution. It didn’t take a Ph.D to know that hadn’t exactly worked out well with her first relationship, did it?
“The florist called to verify the order for tomorrow,” Viv said. “Good thing she did, because she accidentally flipped the number of flowers in the arrangement. It would have doubled the price. I straightened her out.”
Flowers…
While she suspected a few townsfolk and perhaps high school friends would come out for the funeral scheduled for tomorrow, she doubted any of them would send flowers. And the majority would likely attend more out of curiosity than anything else. So she’d ordered them herself.
As for Billy’s father… Well, when she’d called from Colorado to tell him the news, and asked if he wanted to be involved in the arrangements, he’d muttered something unpleasant and hung up on her. Which she’d taken to mean no. Still, she’d gone to visit him yesterday to give him the funeral details in case he’d like to attend. He hadn’t said a word to her before closing the door, but she could tell by his red-rimmed eyes he was taking the news hard.
Either that, or the bottle he’d always been so fond of had bitten him hard.
Probably a little of both. Or a lot.
The only one who hadn’t questioned her sanity when it came to bringing Billy home and seeing to his funeral arrangements had been her mother.
She smiled fondly, thinking of the woman napping in her outdated, pink-painted bedroom. When she’d shared what she had in mind, Joan had merely smiled, hugged her and told her she loved her. Then asked what she could do.
Her mother had been released from the hospital three days ago, a little weak and bearing the scars of her ordeal, some of which would go away, others that probably never would. But she hadn’t breathed a word about the pain Billy had caused them both. Regina had been the one to ask her mom where she’d found the strength.
“It’s not strength, sweetie, it’s acceptance. Besides, there’s no sense holding a grudge against someone who’s no longer with us…”
Regina began putting the groceries away, not noticing Viv had left the room until she came back in, holding something in her hands.
“Wow. Is this him?”
She’d seen the photo her mother had framed of her and Billy sitting on the dining room cabinet, but hadn’t had the heart to take it down.
Regina put eggs and milk away in the refrigerator and then closed the door. “Yeah. Just after I graduated high school.”
“Is it bad taste to say he was hot?”
She smiled faintly. “I think you just did, so what does it matter?”
Viv finally looked up from the frame and at her. “I’m sorry. Should I throw it away?”
“No.” She stepped to take the picture from her friend, staring at it for a long moment. So young. Life stretched out before them like a glistening, freshly paved road inviting them to ride it. And ride it they did. For a short time.
She took the picture out of the frame and put both on the table. Maybe her mom would put it in one of the old photo albums. She could use the frame for something else.
“So,” Regina said, taking a deep breath and smiling. “We can leave the ham for the morning. You ready to help me put together veggie and cheese trays and potato salad for the hordes that’ll probably not show up to pay their respects after the service tomorrow?”
“I heard people from the church are planning to come,” Viv said.
“Oh?”
Her friend smiled. “Yeah. The nice owner of the service station up the road told me.”
“Which means he’ll probably be coming…?”
Viv smiled and batted her eyes as she pulled the band from the broccoli. “One can hope.”
The ache in Regina’s chest pulsed as she tried not to think of someone else she wished would be there…
T
HE DAY OF THE
funeral dawned hot and bright. Regina had thought of every detail, except what she was going to wear. As a general rule, she avoided black, finding nothing basic in a shade that drained her complexion of all color. So she was forced to borrow something from Viv, who, it appeared, had brought five different outfits from which to choose for the day…and explained the two large suitcases she’d brought along for a five-day trip.
Of course, Regina wasn’t sure how she felt about the tightness or the sexy cut of the black sundress, but she hadn’t had time to buy anything else. She just had to remind herself to stop fussing with it.
So there she stood at the grave site, listening to the pastor’s quiet voice as he spoke to the five people present. The church service had been quiet, but moderately attended, most offering their apologies for not going to the burial because of the heat.
Billy’s dad hadn’t made an appearance at either place.
Viv stood on one side of her, her mother on the other. Across from them stood one of Billy’s old high school teachers and an elderly woman her mother said was a church regular who attended every funeral. Her hat was bright yellow and the sun hitting it made her look as if she was wearing an extra-large halo.
Her mother leaned closer to her. “Look off to your right…about five rows back.”
Regina did. And was surprised to find Billy’s father there, dressed in an old black suit at least a size too small, holding a hat in his hands.
Viv leaned in from the other direction. “I saw him at the service, too. At the back of the church. He left before it was over.”
Regina wasn’t sure why she was glad he’d come. Perhaps because she hoped it might help him cope with the loss of his only son. Or maybe she felt better knowing that Billy had at least one family member there.
The pastor concluded the reading. Regina stepped forward and laid the red rose she held on the simple casket. She closed her eyes briefly, silently wishing Billy peace.
The other attendees followed suit while she sought out Mr. Johnson’s gaze. He was wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, but when he spotted her watching him, he quickly turned and walked in the opposite direction.
She dropped her gaze, wanting to invite him back to the house for something to eat, but respecting his need for privacy.
Viv linked her arm in hers. “Now let’s get back to the house and see what yummy tidbits end up on the buffet.”
Regina shook her head. “You’re impossible.”
“Yeah, but you love me anyway.”
Regina smiled and leaned her head against Viv’s. That, she did.
But as they walked toward the car, she spotted someone else who had secretly attended the burial. Someone she hadn’t seen in five days. The one person she had wanted to see the most.
Viv stopped midchatter and followed her gaze. Her mother stopped. “Is something wrong?”
Viv released Regina’s arm and took her mother’s instead. “No. I’d say something is very, very right. Come, Joan, why don’t we get out of these two kids’ way.”
Regina distantly listened as her mother asked Viv who the handsome young man was, unable to respond because her heart was beating so loudly it impeded her hearing and vocalization abilities.
Somehow her feet carried her to where Linc stood next to a black SUV looking awkward and cautious.
She stopped a foot away, absently folding her arms across her chest. “Um, hi,” she said softly.
“Hi, yourself.”
She glanced at the SUV, trying to distract herself from how good he looked. “Drive that here?”
He smiled. “Rental.”
She cleared her throat. “How long you staying?”
“Don’t know yet.”
She squinted at him, trying to decide if she wanted to know more or if she should move on with her day, which wasn’t yet finished.
“I guess I don’t have to ask if you came for the funeral,” she said quietly.
“No, Regina, you don’t. We both know I came for you.”
She chewed on the inside of her lip and glanced at where her mother and Viv had already gotten into the car. They’d driven her rental car rather than her mother’s old Buick, which wasn’t equipped to handle unusual, hot days in Maine.
“Walk with me a minute?” he asked.
“I, um…”
“Please?”
Her breath hitched and in that one moment she couldn’t have refused him anything.
They began walking through the grass, away from the cars, neither of them saying anything.
Then Regina felt compelled to break the silence… “I’m coming home.”
He looked at her.
“You know, moving back here.”
His frown was deep. “When?”
She shrugged. “After classes end in August.”
He nodded as if the news didn’t surprise him.
“Can I ask you something?” She stopped under the shade of an old maple and turned toward him.
He nodded.
“Do you really think I kept that money?”
His gaze never faltered. “No. Not for a minute.”
“Not for a second?”
He cracked a small smile. “Maybe a second. What did you do with it?”
“Does it matter?”
“No. No, I guess it doesn’t. Because I’m guessing whatever it was, it was a good cause.”
His words warmed her heart.
She remembered vividly sitting with all that money before her on her bed, behind her closed door, trying to overcome the shock of seeing so much cash, grappling with the guilt associated with the unseen blood that marred it, and working out what she should do with it.
Ultimately, she’d divided it up into three uneven piles and then put each in separate envelopes. The largest she’d placed in the mailbox of the disabled-for-life security guard who’d survived. The other two she’d given to a church and a charity that specialized in dealing with underprivileged youth.
Linc listened silently as she told him.
“I would have given it to your father’s family, had he had one. But from what I could understand, well, he was alone.”
He looked away. “Yes. Yes, he was.”
She reached out and placed her hand on his arm. They stood silently for a long time.
“Can I ask you something else?” she finally said. “Why did you come all this way?”
He searched her face. “Isn’t it obvious?” His words were so quiet, she almost didn’t hear them. “I needed to see you.”
She forced a swallow down her tight throat. “Why?”
He reached out, tucking a curl that had escaped her band behind her ear, the backs of his knuckles lingering against her skin. “To remind myself that what happened between us wasn’t a dream.”
Regina’s skin heated in a way that had nothing to do with the air temperature.
“To tell you… No, to thank you.”
“For what?”
“For seeing me.”
I
T HADN’T BEEN EASY
coming to Maine, taking the risk Regina might not want him around. But it would have been harder still not to come.
They’d stopped walking and Linc watched the way the sunlight played on her soft hair through the leaves of the tree. Her expression was warm but questioning.
“I’m not sure I know what you mean…” She trailed off.
He looked down at his feet, wondering when he’d last worn anything other than boots. “I’m not sure I’m capable of explaining it.” He smiled wryly. “I’m not used to this…communication stuff. At least not when it comes to emotions…”
“I think you’re doing okay.”
“Then why are you considering staying here in Maine?”
This time she looked away.
“Sorry. See? I’ve already mucked things up.”
She shook her head. “No, no, you haven’t. Please…continue.”
He wanted to kiss her so badly he ached with the need. “I was invisible.”
Her brows drew together.
“I don’t mean like Invisible Man invisible—that would be rubber-room material.” She laughed quietly. “I’m saying that for as long as I can remember, I felt like I could easily blend into the background. As if I wasn’t even there.”
She squinted. “I’m guessing that skill came in handy in the military…and beyond.”
He nodded. “Yes. But when it came to my personal life…”
“It carried over,” she said simply.
“Yes.”
“I understand. I think all of us have experienced that sensation from time to time.”