Wicked Reunion (Wicked White Series Book 2) (19 page)

“If she does choose you, I’ll leave again—this time for good.
I
don’t want to stand in the way of you and London working things
out if that’s what she wants.” The idea of never seeing London again is
something I don’t even want to consider. There wasn’t a day that passed
over the five years that I was gone that I didn’t think of her—dream about what it would be like to hold her again—and now that I’ve
had
her again, it’s going to be unbelievably difficult to walk away a second time. But it’s what needs to happen if she chooses Wes, and I want
him to know that I’ll understand if she does decide to be with him.

I sigh and look my brother square in the eye. “You, London, and Mom are my family, and more than anything else, I want you to be happy.”

“What about you?” he asks. “If she picks me, where does that leave you?”

“Alone—but I’ll always have my music to keep me company.” I muster up a smile so he can’t tell that there’s a breaking heart inside my chest.

Before he has time to say anything else, Wes’s cell phone rings. “London?” He holds up his hand, palm out like he’s trying to show her the sign to stop through the phone, but it’s like London is in full-on panic mode on the other end of the line. “Slow down.” He pauses again. “I’m on my way.”

I stand there, watching—hoping he’ll fill me in.

He glances up at me, and tears glisten in his eyes. “I have to go. London wants me in there.”

I nod but don’t say anything else before he turns and walks back inside the building.

After they release London from the hospital, I drive back to Mom’s
place. My mind is still going ninety miles an hour as I think about London and my family. More than anything I want to hop in the car and drive over to London’s house to check on her, but I know Wes is there, and the two of them need time to grieve over what they’ve lost. I know he’ll take good care of her, so I’m not worried about that, but it doesn’t change the fact that I wish I was the one there for her.

Thinking about their loss makes me think of Dad, and I go to the garage.

Mom asked me when I got here a couple days ago if I’d been to his grave, and I told her no. That’s not the place I feel closest to him. His gravestone is just a rock, a place where his body rests. It’s not where I feel his spirit. I feel it in the music I play and in all the things we did together. That’s when I can close my eyes and imagine his hand patting me on the shoulder.

Sitting here in this Nova, I sense that connection more than ever. It’s the one place where I feel him the most.

I ran from the pain of losing him, but more than anything, I ran from the very memory of him. When I found out I lost him, everything in my life fell apart. Nothing made sense anymore because without him I couldn’t see the path to my future clearly. That’s why I had to leave this town and everyone in it behind. Everywhere I looked, I was reminded of Dad, and that brought more pain on me than I could handle.

It took me a while to accept that he was really gone—even longer to realize that the connection I shared with my father exists whether he’s alive or dead because he still lives inside me. Inside this car, the bittersweet joy of feeling him now hits me hard.

“Hi, Dad,” I whisper as I run my hand over the dash while sitting in the passenger seat.

Stirring up the dust on the dash causes me to sneeze, and my knees jerk up and hit the glove box. When it falls open, I furrow my brow when I spot a few white envelopes in there.

I don’t remember these ever being in there.

I pick one of the sealed envelopes up and read my name etched across the front in Dad’s thick scrawl. My hands shake as I realize this is some kind of letter addressed to me—a letter that holds the last conversation I’ll ever technically have with my father.

I press the letter against my chest and close my eyes. Part of me thinks I should never open this letter, but keep it intact so that I will always have a piece of him to look forward to, while another part of me aches to find out what he could’ve possibly written to me about.

With a shaky hand, I carefully open the envelope, taking care to not rip the letter that’s inside.

My eyes zero in on the words on the paper, and I take my time reading them. I want to absorb every second of it, because it’s almost as if Dad’s speaking to me one last time.

Jared
,

You might be wondering why in the hell I wrote letters and stuck them inside this car. Well, first thing is, I left them here because I figured no one would come across them in the glove box unless I’ve died, and, well, if that’s how you found them, let me start off by telling you that I’m sorry.

Saying sorry hasn’t always come easy for me—learning to admit when I’m wrong took a lot of practice. I wish I could say that I’ve always been the man you’ve come to know as you grew up, but the truth is, in my younger days I could be a hotheaded bastard. Lucky for me, your mom came along and helped straighten me out. She was there for me even when I didn’t want her to be.

I hope that you can find the kind of love someday that I shared with your mother. By the looks of things from where I sit, I think you might already have with London. That girl is something, Jared, and I can tell that she’s really in love with you. Hang on to that with both hands, because finding someone in this world who will love you despite all your flaws is a rarity, and you should cherish it.

The second thing I want to tell you is that I love you, and if, God forbid, I don’t make it home to tell you this myself, I’m so very proud of the man that you’ve become. You are so strong and have talent coming out of your pores. Anything you’ve ever set your mind to doing, you’ve always succeeded at, and I admire that.

I want you to know if I’m on the other side, I’m watching over you, and I’ll be around to give you a swift angel-style ass kickin’ if you get out of line, so be good.

Well, that’s about all I can think of—you know how I hate writing letters. Make sure you take care of your mother for me. If
I
’
m gone, she’s going to need you. Same goes for your brother. I know he’s older than you, but he looks up to you.

Oh, and would you mind giving your mom and Wes their letters if I am gone? I would appreciate it. But, if you’ve found this and
I
’
m still away, just put them in a place where no one else will find them.

Love,

Dad

Tears stream down my face as I read the letter over and over. I can practically hear his voice in my head as I read the words. This is exactly how he would’ve spoken to me had he been here. I cradle the letter to my chest and finally release all the built-up tears I’ve been holding back for my father.

NOW

LONDON

I
t’s
been a month since I lost the baby. The first few days after it hap
pened, I didn’t even want to get out of bed. It’s been so hard to keep it together, because every time I think about the little life I lost before
I even fully had a chance to accept that I was pregnant to begin with, I can’t stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks. Sam’s been around a lot, motivating me to get up and keep living my life. I don’t know what I would’ve done if she hadn’t been here for me.

Jared called more times than I can count, begging to come see me, but I told him that I just wasn’t ready to deal with things between us right now, that I needed some time to myself, so he’s recently settled for texting me once a day. Losing the baby, ending my marriage for good—it all took a toll on me, and I didn’t think I could handle hearing Jared reject me too if he decided he could no longer be with me.

Julie stops in quite a bit too, and I’m grateful for that. She knows everything that’s been going on with me and both of her sons and hasn’t once said one cross word to me about the situation.

Wes was devastated over the loss. When we were in the emergency room, he sat by my side and held my hand while we both cried together after the doctor told us that the baby was gone. Hearing that news—it’s not something I’d wish on my worst enemy, because that was the worst day of my life.

Wes and I haven’t talked much since then. When he came home with me to care for me after the miscarriage, he begged me to work things out with him—to not go through with the divorce—but I told him I just didn’t love him the way he deserved. After that, I think he finally came to terms with my decision. He called to check on me a few times, but after he was sure that I was all right, he began contacting me less.

For the last week and a half I haven’t heard at all from him, so I can’t say that I’m shocked to be sitting here staring at a stack of dissolution papers that I just received from Wes’s attorney. I’m not sad like I thought I would be when this day finally came. It’s more of a relief to know that things are officially over between us—that Wes is in agreement that we can never make this marriage work.

Peyton and Brody busy themselves playing with a few toys that Sam brought over with them while I nervously pick at my fingernails. Sam’s been over nearly every day since school let out two weeks ago, and it’s been nice having her and the boys here so I don’t have to be alone.

Sam sets her coffee mug onto the table at the end of my couch. “London, have you decided if you’re going to go see Jared before he goes back on tour now that they’ve found Wicked White’s front man? I mean, that’s no secret that you’re still hung up on him.”

I shrug. “I’ve been trying to create some space between me and the Kraft boys. I don’t know if I should go talk to him. It feels too soon to run from Wes to Jared since the baby and everything.”

“You’ve been through a lot, and I’m sure Jared doesn’t want to push you to be with him until you’re ready, so he’ll wait. I have a feeling that guy isn’t going anywhere,” Sam says.

The phone rings, and my head snaps. “What if it’s Wes checking to see if I got these papers? I don’t know if I’m ready to talk to him just yet.”

Sam sighs while the phone continues to ring, but I don’t dare check the caller ID. “London, you love Jared. It’s no secret. We all know it. Wes knows it too. If you and Jared decide to get back together, it won’t shock anyone, especially not Wes. It’s time you finally make a decision about who you want to be with. I don’t want to see you go back to that sad sack who is still hung up on a man from the past. Either be with Jared or move on.”

I sigh. She’s right. My life is at a crossroads, and I need to pick a path to move forward on.

I reach over and pick the phone up. “Hello?”

“London, can I come over? We need to talk.” Jared’s voice makes me sit up a little straighter because it’s like a sign of fate.

I lick my lips slowly and then take a deep breath. I have the feeling my future is about to be given a clear path. “Okay. I’ll be here.”

The sound of car keys jingling in the background catches my attention before he says, “I’m on my way, then. See you in twenty minutes.”

He gives no further explanation as to what’s so urgent that he needs to come over here right away, and my mind goes crazy playing a million different scenarios of what’s about to go down.

Sam stares at me. “Wes?”

I shake my head as I set the phone back down, still wondering what’s going to happen when he gets here. “No, actually, that was Jared. He said we need to talk and he’ll be here soon.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Then that’s my cue to load up my heathens and split.”

When she stands, I wrap my arms around her and bury my face in her hair. “Thank you for being such an amazing friend to me. You always know just the right things to say.”

She pulls back and smiles. “Anytime. What are best friends for?”

Twenty minutes later there’s a knock on my door. I rush over, and the moment I open the door and see Jared, a rush of butterflies flutters in the pit of my stomach.

My eyes flit over his face, and I’m curious as to why he’s standing on my doorstep after us not having much contact other than his daily texts. “Is everything all right?”

Jared nods and then gives me a sad smile. “It’s fine. Can I come in?”

I push open the door. “Of course.”

Jared steps up and wraps me in a one-armed hug once he’s inside the door, but he seems so hesitant, like he’s trying to respect me and not overstep some boundary with me. “I’ve missed you.”

I squeeze him back, but his tone worries me, and I know he’s probably here to tell me good-bye. “I’ve missed you too.”

I walk into the living room and sit in the chair and motion to the couch, where I offer Jared a seat.

Jared clears his throat. “I know you said you needed space, and I don’t want to push you to talk to me before you are ready, but I needed to come here to tell you good-bye.”

My heart clenches because I knew this day was quickly closing in on us. I’m not ready for him to go yet. I don’t want to lose him again, but I can’t force him to stay and be with me. I’ve been keeping up with reports on his band while I’ve been at home. Every channel on TV has been running the story about the missing Wicked White front man.

“I heard they found Ace White,” I say.

He nods. “They found him in some dumpy trailer park in Ohio. The guy didn’t want to be found, that’s for sure.” He sighs. “I talked with my tour manager, Jane Ann, and she told me it was best if I come back to California, because as soon as Ace gets back, the label wants to throw us into the studio. They want to cash in on all this publicity, since Ace’s disappearance thrust the band into the limelight.”

“So are you leaving now . . . or tomorrow?” Selfishly I wish that the answer will be never, since I want more time with him so we can figure out whatever this thing is between us.

“My flight is tomorrow evening, but that’s what I’ve come to talk to you about.”

I lift my eyebrows. “Oh?”

“I want you to come with me.” My eyes widen, but he holds up his hand, palm out. “I know that sounds crazy, but just hear me out. You’re out on summer break, and I figured if you came with me, we’d have a couple weeks to spend together—just the two of us—at my place, getting to know each other again.”

“You still want to be with me—even after everything?” I ask.

Jared nods. “I know things are still raw, but I want you to know that I need you in my life. If you’re ready to move on, I want it to be with me. I’ve already explained my intentions to my brother. He knows that I still love you.” Jared reaches over and takes my hand in his. “I guess what I’m asking is if you’re willing to give me another chance at your heart.”

My heart thumps hard in my chest. This is what I’ve been waiting on for five years. I’ve missed him and what we had together so much.

“If you give me another shot, I swear I’ll do right by you. I’ll guard your heart every second of every day, and I promise I will never let you down again. You can count on me, London. I’m a changed man,” he pleads.

Jared’s eyebrows pull in, and a slight frown flickers across his face when I don’t immediately answer. This is a huge, life-changing decision, but when I stare into his eyes I see sincerity in them. He’s proved since he showed back up in my life that he’s changed—that he’s in control and has a better ability to deal with adversity and pain. He’s matured, and he’s become a man I can picture spending the rest of my life with.

The concern in his eyes chokes me up a bit. I’m sure waiting for my decision isn’t easy on him, but after what he put me through, he deserves to sweat it out while I make up my mind.

I stare at him, and a tear slips down my cheek. Jared is quickly by my side. The way he wraps his arms around me, pulling me in tight, makes me feel like he’s willing to be there to protect me forever. I cry harder as I worry that one day, just like Wes said, Jared will leave me behind again to go be some rock star, and I’ll be left here alone.

“Don’t cry,” he whispers and folds me into his arms even tighter. “I’ve got you.”

I cling to him like he’s my life raft on a sinking ship. “Promise me that I won’t lose you again, Jared, because you’re all I’ve got. I won’t make it through us splitting up again if I let you back into my heart.”

His fingers smooth down the hair on the back of my head. “You don’t have to worry about that, London. I won’t leave your side again. I swear it to you, and I mean that.”

“Please don’t ever break that vow,” I say as I burrow myself against him.

Jared pulls back and cradles my face in both of his hands. “I swear it. I’ll be here for you until I take my last breath on this earth. I’ve learned my lesson about staying away from you. You are everything to me, London. I know I have a crazy way of showing it, but you are and always have been. I spent five long years without you, and I know that being away from you is something I never want to go through again. You make me a better man, and no matter what life throws at us, I’ll stick by your side and keep my fucking temper in check because I never want to do anything that fucks this up,” he whispers.

He pulls me in for a simple kiss. “I love you, London, and nothing on this earth will ever change that.”

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. The look in his blue eyes tells me he means every word of what he’s saying, so the best thing is to tell him how I feel in return. “I love you too, and I’ll come with you to California.”

“I think I could get used to hearing that again every day,” he murmurs against my lips before I fade into his kiss.