Authors: Marni Mann
She never asked anything of me. Even after all these years, she just gave and gave.
“All right, Vera. You win. I’ll go home with you…but I’m not talking about it.”
“You don’t have to.” She walked over to me and held her hands out. “Come on, let me help you up.”
Brea
With Frankie standing next to me, I knocked on Cody’s parents’ front door. There was a wreath hanging in the middle of it, decorated with fake snow. Potted silk plants adorned with twinkling white lights stood on either side of us. The last time I was on this step, ringing the bell, was two weeks before Cody had died. The memory tugged at me, but I wouldn’t let it take hold.
Breathe in through my nose, out through my mouth,
I reminded myself.
“Does this feel weird?” Frankie whispered.
“You have no idea.”
“I think I do. It feels weird to
me
, and I have no connection to these people.” She touched one of the blinking lights. “Do you think they know Christmas was a month ago?”
“Wait until you get inside. I guarantee it smells like pine trees and some kind of pie. Probably pecan…so gross.”
We both jumped as the door swung open.
“Brea,” Janie said, reaching for my hand and sandwiching it between hers. “Oh, sweetie, it’s so good to have you here.”
Her makeup was flawless, and her hair had been sprayed, so it looked like a blonde helmet. If I glanced down, I knew her pointed-toe heels would be four inches high. Sure enough, they were.
“Nice to see you, Brea,” Rick said after I hugged his wife. The color he’d chosen for today’s checkered button-down was a light orange; his khakis were perfectly pressed and creased down the center of the legs.
I kissed his spearmint-scented cheek and moved aside, so I could make introductions. “Janie, Rick, this is Frankie Jordan. You might remember meeting her at the funeral.”
“You didn’t mention you’d be bringing anyone,” Janie said.
I’d done that intentionally, knowing she would probably request that I come alone. I didn’t want to spend all day at their house, which was what it would have turned into. Frankie’s presence ensured a quicker escape.
“I apologize,” I said as Frankie stepped inside and stood next to me. “It was all very last minute.”
“Hi, Frankie. It’s very nice to see you again,” Janie said. “Brea’s told us so much about you.”
I glanced at Frankie and smiled. “Unfortunately, we can only stay for a little while. We have to meet a client soon, but I wanted to make sure I saw you while I was out here.”
“Frankie, it’s a pleasure,” Rick said.
“Likewise,” Frankie replied, shaking both of their hands before we went into the family room.
“Had I known you were bringing someone,” Janie said, “I would have baked more.”
More? Good God, the entire coffee table was covered in two extremely large trays of sweets. There was enough there for my entire block to have at least a plateful. There were also a pot of tea, bowls of lemon and sugar cubes, and a pitcher of water. I couldn’t imagine what more would have looked like.
“It smells delicious,” Frankie said, nudging me.
I was right—pecan pie. But there was no pie on the table, and there was no Christmas tree in the room even though I definitely smelled pine.
Frankie and I settled on the couch. Janie and Rick took the chairs across from us. The fire crackled behind them.
“So, you have a client in Connecticut?” Janie asked.
“Yes, he’s looking for a house not too far from here,” Frankie said. It was a tiny lie we’d come up with in the car.
“Aren’t you working in leasing now?” Rick asked me.
I nodded. “It’s a mutual client of ours.”
Frankie picked up a cookie and nibbled on it. “The house will be an investment property,” Frankie clarified. “Brea will handle the rental, and I’ll negotiate the sale.”
“I see,” Janie said. “Well, we’re awfully happy you decided to stop by.” She poured tea into two cups and placed them in front of us. “Please help yourself to some snacks, Brea. I know a few of your favorites are in there.”
“Thank you.” I took one of the brownies and set it on a plate in front of me. I had no intentions of eating it. I didn’t even have the stomach to drink the tea. “I’ve been thinking about Cody a lot lately, maybe because the anniversary is coming up, and I realized there are still a few things I don’t know about his childhood. I’m hoping the answers will give me some closure.” I reminded myself to breathe again.
Janie looked at her husband and then back at me. “What kind of questions do you have?”
While drying my hair that morning, I’d rehearsed what I was going to say. I knew what I wanted answered, so why was it so hard to ask?
“Cody never told me where you adopted him from,” I said. “Seems silly now, but that was such a huge part of his life, so I feel like it’s something I should know.”
“It was through an attorney in Boston,” Janie said. “Cody was just about two months old and the most perfect bundle of love you’d ever seen. He was swaddled up in a blanket, all ready to come home with us.”
“So, he didn’t come from the foster care system?”
“We honestly don’t know,” Rick said. “Sandra Holmes—that was our attorney—had us pick him up at her office. She never said anything about foster care.”
“And you never asked?” Frankie said.
Janie sat even straighter. “Well, it all happened very quickly.”
“His birth mother wasn’t there when you picked him up?” I asked.
“No,” Janie said, lifting her tea to take a sip. “We weren’t given a chance to meet her.”
Rick looked at his wife, but he spoke to me, “The attorney never even gave us her name.”
“That’s unfortunately true,” Janie confirmed, “or her medical history. That part I was adamant about, but the attorney said it couldn’t be provided. His birth certificate isn’t the original.”
That seemed very strange to me. The look on Frankie’s face told me she agreed.
“Did Cody ever ask about her?” I asked.
“Once in a while and never anything deep. If Cody wanted to meet his birth mother, we wouldn’t have stopped him. We would have told him everything we knew, but there wasn’t anything to tell him. We still know nothing about her.”
Cody’s job gave him access to confidential information, sealed records that he probably could have opened. If his parents were hiding any knowledge from his birth, Cody would have been able to find it. His parents wouldn’t risk that, which meant I had no choice but to believe them. And I believed they would have told him regardless because they loved him and wanted what was best for him. But that didn’t mean they would tell me, and they were under no obligation to.
“What other questions do you have, dear?” Rick asked.
I glanced at Frankie. She shrugged, which was her way of saying we were done here.
“I think that’s it,” I said. “I appreciate you answering my questions. I know it’s not easy to talk about.”
“Cody’s adoption is the one thing that is easy for us to discuss,” Janie said.
“Then do you mind telling us how it came about?” Frankie asked.
Rick reached his hand out, and Janie clasped her fingers around it.
“We tried for so long to get pregnant. We pursued every treatment, but nothing worked. So, we settled on adoption. We were so stressed at first, worrying that it was going to take years for them to find us a baby. It only took a few weeks, and our attorney called and said she had a little boy.” Janie’s chin was shaking, her lips quivering. “Every bit of stress, every unsuccessful medical procedure—it was all worth it once I had him in my arms…” Her voice trailed off, and an uncomfortable silence took over.
I looked down at my hands that were crossed in my lap, remembering all the times I’d sat on this couch and drunk tea and eaten sweets like the ones she’d made for us today. And the four of us had all talked so much—about our jobs and apartments, about our life in the city. Now, there was nothing left to say. Perfection was something they could control, and I understood that. But I was in a totally different place. Now that there was no Cody, we had nothing in common, and nothing to keep us connected anymore.
“Brea,” Frankie said softly, “I’m afraid if we don’t leave soon, we’ll be late for the showing.”
I checked my watch even though it didn’t matter what time it was. “You’re right.”
“So soon?” Janie asked, wiping the corners of her eyes. The tears hadn’t actually spilled; they just filled her eyes and threatened to. “But you just got here.”
“Unfortunately, we have to,” I said. “Thank you again for welcoming us into your home and for making this amazing spread.”
“You didn’t even eat your brownie.” She pointed at it with her head. “I’ll pack you up some treats to take home with you.”
“That would be great,” I said.
Janie disappeared into the kitchen, returning a few seconds later with two metal tins. There were plastic snowflakes glued to the top of them with bows that matched.
“Thank you,” Frankie said, holding the tin under her elbow. “It was so nice meeting you both.” She shook their hands.
“You as well,” they both said as they walked us to the door.
I hugged them good-bye and went down the first few steps.
“Please say hello to your parents for us,” Janie said.
“I will.”
“Oh, Brea, before I forget, did you see the e-mail I sent you yesterday? I never got a reply from you.”
Shit.
I’d seen her e-mail all right, and I was hoping I’d get out of here before she brought it up. She had written out an itinerary of everything she wanted to do on the anniversary of Cody’s death and asked if I would come along. I couldn’t do it this time. I had to move on, to celebrate in my own way.
“I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it this year.” It was a heavy statement, and I could tell we were all feeling its weight.
“Oh no,” Janie said.
There was pain in both of their faces. It wasn’t my intention to hurt them, but there was no way around it.
“I’m so sorry,” I said. “Something came up. That’s why I wanted to make sure I stopped by here today.”
“We understand,” Rick said.
Janie’s tears didn’t agree. They had finally fallen, her arms now wrapping around her stomach, like it ached. “Don’t be a stranger, okay?” she said.
“Okay.” I waved as I hurried down the remaining steps and over to Frankie’s car.
She handed the keys and her tin of treats to me.
“You want me to drive?” I asked.
“Yes. I think I ate too many cookies, and I’m feeling sick. Get them away from me. I don’t even want to smell them.”
I climbed into the driver’s seat and put both tins on the floor behind me. “You had three, didn’t you?”
“No, I had five.”
I started the car and rolled down her window. “I know it’s freezing, but the cool air might help you feel better.”
“I think my head is going to be hanging out of it in a minute.”
“Keeping it classy.”
She held her stomach the same way Janie did. “Don’t make me laugh. It hurts.”
“I’ve seen you eat twice that amount of sweets, and you’ve never gotten sick. Maybe Janie’s trying to poison me.”
“My stomach has been messed up lately. These clients and the stress they cause are going to be the death of me.”
I snorted. “Me, too. Especially Max Dawson. I think we need a vacation.”
She rolled her head to the side, so she could look at me. “You said it, sister.”
Trapper
I stretched my arms over my head and shook my legs, trying to get the feeling back in my body. Everything was tingling and fucking aching. It felt like I’d gone through war, my head hurting the worst of all. Feeling the sunlight on my face, I hesitated opening my eyes because I knew it would make my head pound even harder.
“Don’t move,” Vera said. “Let me get you some aspirin before you get up.”
So, I hadn’t dreamed that I’d gone to her place. I was really here. That meant I’d also really told Ruddy to fuck off when he offered to give us a ride home, I’d really ripped the towel dispenser off the wall in the bathroom, and I’d really told Shay to get her dirty pussy the hell away from me.
Fuck.
“Here, honey, open your hand.”
I felt three pills drop on my palm, followed by a glass of something cold. I tossed them into my mouth and swallowed them down with water.