Authors: Robyn Carr
She hated to have his hands off her breasts, but she pushed them aside and turned toward him. Kneeling in front of him between his legs, sitting back on her heels, she saw the scarring. It wasn’t terrible but it was obvious. The texture of his skin was rough and discolored, kind of wavy. It ran down his neck, over his shoulder, down his upper arm, upper back, upper chest. There were also a couple of tattoos—a decorative armband on his left arm, some Asian lettering on the right side of his chest. The scarring stopped right at the lettering. She ran her small hand over the skin, very lightly, very carefully.
“This isn’t scary, Colin. Does it still hurt?”
He shook his head. “My leg sometimes gets stiff and my elbow drives me nuts, but I get better every day. I’m healed enough to make love.” And then he slipped his hand around her neck and pulled her mouth onto his, moving over her lips slowly, deeply, with heat and passion. While he had her in that lip-lock, he slipped a hand down the back of her sweatpants, rubbing her butt softly, sweetly. Next he pulled on her shirt, lifting it over her head and leaving her bare to his gaze. He sucked in his breath. “You are gorgeous.”
She laughed at him. “I think I’m probably average.”
He leaned toward her and tongued a nipple. “Hmm, not in my book. You stop my breath, you’re that beautiful.” He still had that shirt in his grip and shook it out. He reached around her and spread it on the roof behind her, easing her back onto it. Then he leaned over her and gave her breasts a lot more serious attention. “Nothing, nothing average here. You taste better than I remembered. God, I want you so bad.”
“And this time, we’re ready?” she asked a little breathlessly.
“And able,” he said, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a small, square, foil packet. He put it in her hand. “And you’re in charge of safety.”
“Safety first,” she said, accepting the condom.
He spread her legs and lowered himself onto her, his mouth on her mouth, rubbing his erection against her parted legs. He moaned. “Good God…I hope you’re in a hurry.”
She reached a hand down between their bodies, just running it over the bulge in his pants, bringing another low moan from him.
“Sweetheart,” he said in a strained whisper. “I really need you out of these pants.” He was pulling on her sweats as he spoke. “Really. And really quick.”
“It’s only going to make it harder. Faster.”
“Baby, it can’t get much harder. And we’re going to have to go a little faster. I’m on a hair trigger here. You seriously turn me on.”
She didn’t resist him; she let him pull down the sweats, pull them over her knees and away. He flung them behind him and looked at her in the dusk, the sight of her naked making his breathing quicken. “Man,” he said, one big hand covering her crotch in a soft caress, one of his fin
gers sliding into the soft, moist folds. “Good. Oh, so good…”
She reached for the snap on his pants, found the zipper and drew it down, slipped her hand in for the briefest touch, but then his fingers on her clitoris caused her to almost lose her mind and she lay back down, arching up to him.
He covered her with his body and devoured her mouth in a consuming kiss, roving the inside of her mouth with his tongue, playing with her tongue, and then he licked a path down her body, laving her breasts with his mouth, kissing his way down over her belly, spreading her legs and diving into her core with his tongue, moaning his pleasure all the time. She held on to his head, lifted her hips against his face, making her own desperate sounds while he tortured her with exquisite kisses.
And then he stopped, lifting his mouth up to hers. “You taste wonderful. I could get drunk on you. I want to stay down there for hours.”
“Umm,” she moaned. “Okay,” she said weakly.
He chuckled and pulled that foil packet from her hand. “You’re not going to be in charge of safety anymore—you’re not paying attention.”
“I am sooo paying attention,” she whispered, but her eyes never opened and she was reaching for him. “Oh God.” She sighed. “Hurry.”
“Hurry is what we’re all about right now,” he said. “Jilly, I have to be inside you. Tell me you’re ready….”
And then she felt him, holding himself above her with the strength of only one arm, gently probing in her very center.
“You okay, sweetheart?” he asked in a whisper.
“Okay…” She reached her hand down to touch him, to wrap around him, to lead him. And when she realized
his length and girth, she sighed hungrily. She might’ve gasped. This was more man than she’d ever had in her hand, in her body.
“You worried about it?” he asked her.
“Worried,” she whispered. “And dying for it.”
“We’ll try to go slow and easy,” he said. “I won’t hurt you.”
He gave her clitoris a few more strokes while he covered her mouth with his and he entered her in a long, slow, easy movement, burying himself deep within her, holding there while she got used to him. Then he started to move, slowly at first, but as she bent her knees and pushed against him he moved faster, harder, deeper. He left her mouth to suck on a nipple and that was the magic—she threw her head back, dug her heels in to lunge her pelvis against him, cried out and he felt it, felt her entire pelvis begin to tighten, shudder, vibrate, drenching him in a hot liquid.
“Oh, honey,” he whispered against her lips. “That’s it, that’s it….”
He held her tight against him with one big hand on her little rump, hanging on there as long as he could and when he sensed she was complete, he pounded into her in several hard, long strokes, letting himself go. To his shock and awe, she started to come again and the pleasure that gave him blew him to the next universe. He wanted to say the perfect thing about that, about how free and beautiful she was, but instead all he got out was a series of moans, grunts and grateful, unintelligible sounds. At the end of it all, breathless, he said, “My God. Sweet. Sweet!”
She went completely limp in his arms, head lolling, eyes closed, the faintest smile on her lips. He slipped his arms under her shoulders and tried to lift her but her head just dropped back. He chuckled softly, touched his
lips to her exposed neck and asked, “Are you completely unconscious?”
“Maybe,” she whispered. “Ohhhh…”
“Let’s get you dressed,” he murmured between kisses.
“Not yet. In a minute.” And then she tilted her pelvis to keep him where he was, right inside.
“The sun’s going down. I don’t want you to get cold.”
“Then stay where you are and I won’t.”
“Jilly, Jilly, you’re a little greedy.”
“You would be too if you were me….” He pulled out, sitting back on his heels between her bent knees and she said, “Awww…”
“I’ll put you to sleep again later,” he said. “I’ll take you home with me tonight.”
“Why?” she said, struggling to sit up.
“Because I have a
bed.
”
“Do you have food?”
He nodded. “Nothing fancy, but food.”
“You could make me breakfast for dinner.” She reached behind her and grabbed her T-shirt. He held it for her to shrug into. Then she felt around. “Where are those sweats…”
It was dusk and both of them were running their hands around the roof looking for clothes. Finally Colin leaned over that little eighteen-inch wrought-iron fence and said, “Uh-oh.”
Jillian leaned over the rail and saw, on the roof of the second-story sunroom, one man’s boot, one man’s T-shirt, one cowboy hat, one woman’s fluffy slipper, one pair of powder-blue sweatpants and one small, gold, foil package, opened and empty. She looked at Colin. “Well, that pretty much tells the whole story.”
Jillian would have thought that her experience on the roof, having been so completely satisfying, would have held her for a while. Long enough to eat dinner, at least. But, no. By the time Colin had driven her deep into the woods to his cabin, she was crazy with wanting him all over again. And by the way he grabbed her around the waist and wrestled her gently to his bed, he was in the same agonizing condition.
Jillian had never in her life experienced lovemaking like this. It was as if he’d known her body and her needs forever. He drove her wild, made her beg as he said he would and delivered an astonishing series of climaxes that shook her to the marrow of her bones. Again she collapsed in his arms, panting; again he chuckled proudly.
Then came a shower, then some food. Then she said, “You should probably take me home.”
“Why? You have a better deal at home? Seed catalogs in a recliner or me, naked and ready and right next to you in case you need me?”
“You do make a compelling argument….”
He pulled her close and said, “Sleep with me tonight, Jilly. I promise two things—I won’t try to make you give all your nights to me.”
“That was one promise. What’s the second?”
“I’m going to have to buy you a bed. I don’t think I can do it in that recliner and I’m not going up on the roof again….”
So she stayed with him. With the warmth of his body curled around her she slept deeply, soundly, and in the night she woke to the sensation of his hands gently stroking her, caressing her, and she rolled over and opened up to him. She was like a rosebud that came into full, fast, multilayered bloom, rich with the color of pleasure,
and deep with the fullness of satisfaction. He rocked her world to the core. Better still, by the way he shuddered and groaned his pleasure, it was obvious she rocked his.
Jillian was aware of a profound difference with Colin from any other intimate experience she’d known. Normally she would feel vulnerable and unsure until she’d known a man intimately for some time. With Colin, whom she’d known hardly at all, she felt completely safe and protected. And while it usually took her a while to trust and let go of her inhibitions, she held nothing back from him. She was surprised by the force of her own voice, crying out with abandon, and the sound of his hushed, raspy voice encouraging her, urging her to let herself go…. To let it
all
go…
It was her first night with him and rather than holding back until she knew him better, she found herself slipping down his body and pulling him into her mouth. His hands in her hair, the growl of pleasure rumbling through him fed a deep need in her and she loved it. And when pushed as far as he could be pushed, he pulled her up, flipped her over in one deft movement, applied his protection and took her; he took her to heights she couldn’t remember ever exploring before.
She was completely limp and full, nourished to her very soul. And she slept in her lover’s arms as she had never slept before. In the early dawn she opened her eyes to find him watching her, gently smoothing her hair away from her brow. He gave her a brief kiss. “Jilly, I think that was the best night of my life.”
She put her hands on his cheeks. “Thank you, Colin. Thank you for saying that.”
“We have something, you and me.”
She laughed brightly. “We had something several times. Don’t you ever wear out?”
“Not with you. Just when I think I’ve had my fill, I touch you and feel the hunger again. It’s morning—we should get up.”
“We should…”
“Can you take me one more time?” he asked, running a finger over her lips, lips that were plump and pink from so much kissing. “Just one more time if I promise to be gentle?”
“Maybe just once more,” she whispered, pulling that finger into her mouth and sucking it. She let go of it and said, “You don’t have to be too gentle….”
His breath caught and he moaned. “Baby, you blow my mind.”
“And other things,” she said with a laugh.
But he wasn’t laughing; he was inside her before she even saw him coming, rocking her, devouring her, pushing her to her absolute limit, falling with her into the sweet aftermath of sheer, blinding pleasure. All she could say, when she caught her breath, was, “Oh…
Colin!
”
J
illian hadn’t even thought about how she was going to handle the clothes and shoes and other paraphernalia that landed on the sunporch roof, but apparently Colin had. When he took her home after their first night together, he examined the sunporch from the inside and found a couple of skylights. He came back later with an A-frame ladder, screwdriver and can-do attitude; he removed a skylight, got up on the ladder and poked his head through the hole, reached onto the roof with a long-handled broom and retrieved their stranded items.
“Thank you for doing that,” she said. “I might not have thought of it.”
“No problem. I really like those boots and I know you’re attached to the furry slippers.” He lifted her chin for a kiss goodbye. “Will you come to my cabin tonight?”
“You can’t keep me away.”
Jillian began driving herself to Colin’s cabin in the woods when the sun set and the day was done. She was so grateful that he asked her every morning if she’d come back again that night because she wasn’t sure how she’d admit to him that sleeping with him was so perfect that
she wanted to be in his arms every night. He never put her through that; he always told her how much he wanted her beside him.
“You talk in your sleep,” he informed her.
“No way!”
“You murmur about peat moss, mulch, smudge pots, shears…. It’s not about me or sex or what you want me to do to you next, but about your garden.”
“Are you feeling offended? Slighted?”
“No,” he said with a smile. “Because when you’re conscious, you yell to me what you want, what you need, how you feel, what you’re going to do to me. Sweetheart, I am anything but slighted. Over and over and over again.”
Four days after their first night a bed was delivered to Jillian’s house and set up in her downstairs bedroom. Since first telling her he was going to make sure she had a bed, Colin hadn’t mentioned it again. She left Denny in charge that afternoon and headed for Fortuna to buy linens and groceries. Would he come to help christen the bed, knowing it had been delivered?
He did.
Every morning they decided where they would spend the night. Sometimes the big old Victorian; sometimes the little cabin in the woods by the creek. She loved that creek at night, with a bit of moonlight filtering through the tall trees, and at dawn, with wildlife creeping close to the cabin for a drink.
“I’ve never had so much sex in my life,” she confessed to him. “I’m surprised I can walk.”
“Funny, I’m walking better than ever,” he said.
What was very interesting to her was that she’d never felt so secure in a relationship in her life and yet she should probably feel the most vulnerable. They had entered into this liaison because they were driven physically, knowing
that this was a brief space of time during which they were both planning their next lives—lives that did not include each other. He was going off to find wild animals and perhaps an edgy flying job in another country; she wasn’t likely to spend much more time in a six-bedroom Victorian when all she really needed was a little living space and a lot of gardening space. It was temporary, yet it felt so safe, so permanent.
She played her cards pretty close to her chest for a couple of weeks and concentrated on developing her gardening operation. She had irrigation installed in her portable greenhouses, bought the kind of grow lights Dan Brady recommended and then paid him to help Denny set them up. Denny picked up the generators Dan suggested as the alternative to running wiring all the way from the Victorian, and together they got them operational.
By day she gardened and Colin painted. By night they had dinner together and then lay in each other’s arms, sometimes making wild love, sometimes enjoying the comfort of togetherness.
In April sprouts popped out of the ground and appeared in her seed cups—
strong
sprouts. She smiled on them; she kissed them. She believed the fullness in her heart brought them out in a rush of glory and she knew,
knew
they would be hearty plants. When her fingers touched the soil, they were fingers that held in their memory the most powerful and beautiful physical love imaginable and she believed the seeds could tell and responded. And then,
finally,
on a call to her sister she said, “I’m having a love affair.”
“Are you now?” Kelly asked with a laugh. “I thought you’d sworn off men. You sure didn’t last long. Who’s the lucky guy?”
Jillian explained about Colin, about how she met him,
how she responded to him as though he was made for her. She told Kelly that he planned to leave at the end of summer and that she wasn’t sure where she’d settle down—it would all depend on the harvest. It was probable she’d dismantle her greenhouses after the fall harvest and begin looking for a plot of land just right for her gardens. “If I can make my organic crops work, this might be my next job.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Kelly said. “Are you in love?”
“I don’t know. Do I have to be? I’ve never experienced anything like this before. We’re so right together it’s almost scary.”
“But it’s all over in September?” Kelly asked.
“We came into this knowing our lives were going in opposite directions, that this was a holding pattern. I’ve never felt better about things. Isn’t it funny that in every relationship I’ve ever been in, all my worry was focused on the future, on where it would go. This time I’m focused on where it
is.
And it’s all good.”
“But Jillian, will you change your plans? Ask him to change his? Will you tell him you love him?”
She just laughed. “All I plan right now is that I wake up each morning knowing that for the whole day I have the most wonderful man in my life and a whole bunch of seedlings who seem to be responding to my happiness. I might be crazy or just hopeful, but I swear his paintings, which were awesome to begin with, are getting even better. They’re growing, too. Seriously.”
“My God, I think you’ve been hypnotized. You aren’t growing anything you can smoke, are you?”
“No, but I got a lot of my advice on local crops from a pot grower. He’s the one who tipped me on how to find the right seeds, how to irrigate and power the greenhouses. He’s a very smart man.”
“He’s the one you’re sleeping with?” Kelly gasped.
“No,” she laughed. “I mean yes, Colin is very smart, but this was a man I met in the bar, not the same one I’m sleeping with.”
“Jesus and Mary—do I have to kidnap you and get you deprogrammed?” Kelly asked sharply. “I feel like I don’t even
know
you!”
“Isn’t it wonderful? I loved my job at BSS, but until I got up here and stuck my fingers in the ground, I didn’t know life could be so satisfying. I haven’t thought about that rat race for weeks.”
“But Colin’s
leaving
you!”
Jillian became serious. “Listen, Kell—I suffered for weeks over a scoundrel, a conniving jerk who cost me so much, who trapped me and tricked me and took from me what was mine, what I’d built! I’ll take a few months with this good, solid, awesome man to six years with a loser like Kurt. Colin’s plans for Africa were made before he even met me, and my plans for the garden were already coming into focus. This is the arrangement, Kelly, this is how it will be—it was the first thing we knew about each other and is completely nonnegotiable. I’m not going to spoil something as perfect as this by trying to change him to suit me. I’m not that crazy.”
“That’s big talk, for now,” Kelly said.
“But I am big,” Jill said confidently. “I had no idea how big till I came up here and tested myself. I’m up to this—this is better than anything I’ve experienced and I’m not going to put barriers in the way. I’m going to live it and love every second of it. And right now there’s no mistaking he’s just as content as I am. And you know what else? I think it really does make your complexion better!”
Colin drove by Luke’s cabins around noon, just to check in on the family. He’d made it a point to stop by from time
to time because he had declined every invitation for dinner for about three weeks. He and Jillian had other things to do every night. He found Luke, Shelby and Luke’s helper, Art, in the kitchen, having some lunch. “Sometimes I love my timing,” he said, grinning.
Shelby smiled and said, “Sit down and let me make you a sandwich. I love your timing, too.”
“What have you been doing with yourself?” Luke asked. “You’ve been pretty scarce.”
“Not much,” he said with a shrug. “Painting. Hunting things to paint—hunting with the camera.”
Just as Shelby put a sandwich in front of Colin, there was a little fussing from the upstairs bedroom and she went to look after Brett. Art finished his sandwich and headed out the door for a little fishing. That’s when Luke asked Colin if he could babysit for a few hours on Saturday night.
“Sure,” Colin said. “What do you need?”
“It’s what Shelby needs—she’s on spring break, but goes back to school Monday. She needs a date night. Pretty soon she’s going to hunker down to study for her finals and, if I know my wife, she won’t come up for air until after the tests. Before all that kicks in, I need to take her away from the river. Give her a break from the baby. Think you can handle that?”
“We have an understanding, me and Brett,” Colin said. “I can handle it. There’s not going to be a problem.”
“We’ve never left you alone with the baby,” Luke said. “Do you know what to do?”
Colin shrugged. “Write it down for me. We’ll be fine.”
“Want to come back for dinner tonight?” Luke asked.
“Thanks, but I’ll just settle for lunch today. I’m busy.”
“You’re not kidding. We’ve barely seen you for weeks!”
Colin just smiled. “That’s a good thing. It means I’m busy. Being productive.”
“Don’t forget we’ve got Aiden’s wedding in Chico next month. Want to ride down with us?”
“Thanks for the reminder,” Colin said. “I might drive myself and take the opportunity to look around some, maybe spend a couple of days in the Bay Area. But really, it’s nice of you to offer.”
A half hour later, as Colin was getting ready to leave he stopped on the porch and looked at Luke’s Harley. “Hey, would you loan me the bike for a few hours?”
“You up to that?” Luke asked.
“Yeah, Ma—I can handle it,” he said with a laugh. “I’d like to take it up some of those mountain trails. I’ll bring it back in a couple of hours.”
“It’s a heavy bike, Colin, and if you’re still kind of—”
“I’m good,” he said. He put a hand on Luke’s shoulder. “I won’t hurt the bike or myself. I promise.”
“I’m not that worried about the bike, man.”
“Aw,” Colin said with mischievous grin. “That’s sweet.” Then he laughed. “It’ll be okay, Luke. I’ll bring it back before dinner.”
“I guess so,” Luke said with a shrug, digging into his pocket for the key.
“Here are the keys to the Jeep, in case you have to move it or use it or something. I’ll see you later.” And Colin was on the Harley and driving away before Luke could change his mind.
Shelby came onto the porch carrying Brett just in time to see Colin headed down the drive. “Where’s he going?”
Luke turned and looked at her, a frown wrinkling his brow. “You notice anything different about Colin?”
“Like?” she asked.
“Like he’s all mellow and actually
nice?
”
“I’ve always thought Colin was
nice.
”
“But to me?” Luke asked. “He’s really smoothed over. You don’t suppose he’s taking drugs again, do you?”
“Luke, you have no reason to ask that, just because the two of you can finally get along for a half hour. Besides, if Colin wanted drugs I doubt he’d hang around you. He’d go someplace none of his brothers could find him.”
“I guess,” Luke relented. “It’s just… I’m not used to… Ah hell, maybe he’s just starting to feel a lot better. I’m not used to him being calm, nice and agreeable. He said he’d babysit Saturday night.”
“Good. See if you can just focus on
me
for a while,” she said, patting his cheek and giving him a smile.
He smiled back. “I can do that, yeah. In fact, I don’t have to wait for date night to do that. Does Brett have any more naps scheduled today?”
Colin drove to the Victorian and went around to the back where he found both Jillian and Denny working in the garden. She got to her feet when she heard the motorcycle coming toward them. When Colin pulled off his helmet and revealed himself, she laughed and walked toward him, wiping her hands on her jeans.
“What in the world is this?” she asked.
“My brother’s Harley. Come for a ride with me.”
“I’m working. I’m planting.”
“You work seven days a week. Tell Denny he’s on his own for a while. Come for a ride with your boyfriend.”
“Have you upgraded yourself to boyfriend?”
Colin winked at her. “I’ll tell him you’re going for a ride with your sex slave…”
“Okay,
you
aren’t allowed to talk to anyone about us,” she said. “I think you like to make trouble. I can’t, Colin. I’m all dirty.”
“I like you dirty.” He grinned evilly. Seductively. “Come on. Really, come on.”
She sighed. “I have to wash my hands, my face, brush my teeth….”
He shook his head. “You don’t have to get all prissy—you’re going to get bugs in your teeth anyway. Hurry up—I have to return it before Mother Luke starts to worry and sends out a search party.”
“Let me talk to Denny.”
Jill went back to see Denny and, to his credit, he had gone right back to work and didn’t stand to stare. “I’m going for a ride with Colin, Denny. I might be back before you’re done for the day…I might not. But you know what to do here, right?”
He looked up at her over his shoulder. “Transplant the starters according to your chart and mark them.”
“Exactly. Thanks.”
Then he smiled and asked, “So
now
is it official?”
She smiled right before she said, “Shh. Still casual.”
Such a lie! There was
nothing
casual about it, but that was her business. She ran into the house, washed up quickly, tossed off her muddy jeans and shirt, grabbed some clean clothes and was out the door so fast it would be obvious to anyone she was dying to get on that bike with him. It must certainly have been obvious to him—he was smiling. He handed her a helmet; she pulled it on and mounted the bike.