Will (16 page)

We spent recess scheming. Jock was always good at making sure we’d covered all areas so as not to get busted. It was risky, especially for me, but I’d been Mr. Brownnosed Musical Boy for way too long.

Maths was just before lunch and since we were all in different classes, it worked perfectly. Ten minutes before the end of the lesson, we met outside the canteen. Tim was the lookout. The toilets were outside the main building and were easy access, as long as no one was watching from any of the windows, but the risk only quadrupled the fun. After a minute’s debate, we decided just to get the male toilets. There was the potential for way too much explanation if we were busted in the ladies’.

The job was done in minutes, or so we thought, but then the Glad wrap wouldn’t stick because the bowl was wet. I didn’t have time to think how gross it was as I got a paper towel and wiped the whole toilet seat and bowl down. Once it was completely dry it clung on beautifully. Jock kept flicking it to make sure it wasn’t going to come off. I told him he’d have to wipe down the next toilet bowl if he stuffed it up so he stopped. Jock shoved the Glad wrap down his pants and kept it as a souvenir. I went to our own toilets and scrubbed my fingers, hands and arms, wishing I had some of Nana’s
disinfectant, then went back to maths and waited five minutes for the bell.

There was nothing unusual in us bolting over to the canteen at the beginning of lunch, but this time we weren’t thinking about food. The three of us stood in different positions and watched the traffic outside the toilets. Nothing happened, but then two of the PE teachers came bolting out of the toilets—one was cracking up, the other one not so impressed. They went back to the gym and the other teachers came out and went in to have a look. Ten minutes into lunch I reckon at least half the staff were at the toilets. It was only when Waddlehead came over that everyone, including the staff, bolted. No one had a clue who did it. I hadn’t laughed so loud and so hard forever. Perfect! Things were getting back to normal—including me.

But normal didn’t mean having to face a guy you hardly knew to apologize for acting like an idiot. I was really tempted to forget it ever happened but I couldn’t. It must have taken a lot of guts for Mark to tell me he was gay and I’d turned around and treated him like he had some sort of contagious disease. He’d probably told Elizabeth I was a retarded homophobe Neanderthal and she shouldn’t have anything to do with me. And I couldn’t blame him. I had reacted like a retard.

I had to pretend to Jock and Tim that I was going over to Chris’s place instead of catching the bus. They would have been really suss if they knew I was hanging around school on a Friday afternoon and I wasn’t about to have that conversation with them. I felt too much like a loser as it was. But after lead rehearsals was the only time I knew I could get Mark on his own.

I could hear Elizabeth’s laugh before I saw her. She was in her school uniform and she still looked great. She was pulling on her badge-covered blazer as she spoke.

Are you sure you can’t come, Mark? The parents have given me tonight off. And they like you
.

Mark shook his head and pointed to his overfull backpack. She dragged her own bag onto her shoulder.

All right, be boring then. Looks like it’s a girls’ night
.

She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and walked off. I waited until she had turned the corner, took a deep breath and started to walk toward him.

Mark?

He stopped, turned around, saw it was me and kept walking.

I’d offer you a lift but I’d be afraid you’d think I was going to jump you before you had a chance to put your seat belt on
.

Fair enough.

Mark, I—

He cut me off.

No, really, Will, you must know that’s why I had to leave Melbourne. I went around to every school musical in the area and tried to get unsuspecting, straight guitar players into my car
.

Mark …

He turned around and looked directly at me.

I … acted like a … a wanker. I was a wanker … I’m sorry
.

He took a moment before he spoke, like he was trying to weigh up whether I was worth the effort. When he did, it came out in one breath, like he’d been practicing.

Will, I’ve put up with this type of shit since I was fourteen. And believe me, I’ve had a lot worse than your
let me out of the car
routine. I appreciate the apology. I’m not about to get hung up about it. If you have a thing with me being gay, that’s your problem. I’m not making any more apologies about it
.

I stood there, unsure what to say next. I felt like more of a dickhead now than I did the other night.

It’s just that, you know … Chris reckons you’re a nice guy … and a good footballer …

The roll of his eyes shut me up again.

What’s Chris got to do with it?

It’s just that …

Anyway, he already knows I’m gay
.

Chris knew he was gay, but he didn’t say anything! How long had he known? Then that must mean—no, surely he hadn’t told Jock and Tim?

I’m not stupid, I’ve only told Chris. I’m waiting for the right moment to break it to the other footy fellas. Like right about when they’re cuddling in close for a scrum
.

His eyes had become less dark.

Yeah, or the next time you’re at practice and you’ve got Jock’s backside in your face
.

There was a two-second pause, which indicated that I may have gone a little too far, but then Mark said,
What a tragic image!

And we both cracked up.

Mark started again, except this time it was like he was really talking.

I took a risk telling you I was gay. You know, it’s not normally something I do when I first meet someone
.

He reached in his pocket for a cigarette, looked around to see if anyone was watching, put it in his mouth and then spent the next minute tapping his pockets trying to find a lighter.

I don’t know, I figured since you were a good mate of Chris’s and we’d be seeing more of each other at the musical
—he took a deep drag and blew out the smoke, waving it away as he did—
and I suppose you took a risk in telling me about Elizabeth, I just thought, why not? I get sick of it always having to be this big secret
.

He looked at me dead on.
Your reaction did spin me out, though
.

Typical. I reacted like a jerk and Chris probably hugged him and told him how proud he was of him.

Mark butted the half-smoked cigarette and flicked it into the nearest bin where some sicko Year 8 kid would probably find it and try to light it up.

Look, I came up here determined to make it work, the school, making friends. In my head, me being gay is not a big deal, but you know what a school like this is like. I decided before I left Melbourne I was just going to be honest and get on with it. Other people have to get over it, or not. So if we’re going to be mates then that’s the score. If you can’t deal with it then fine
.

It felt like it was up to me now.

So does that mean I can get a lift home?

Are you sure you’re not going to freak out again?

No, I reckon I can cope, just keep your hand on the gear stick!

You wish, buddy! You wish!

He grabbed his bag and went through the same routine as the lighter looking for his keys. I thought about the bike in the bike shed. It meant having to get Mum to drive me to rehearsals again but she’d get over it.

We both lightened up on the drive home. I was asking him about Melbourne and he was giving me crap about Elizabeth.

You didn’t say anything to her, did you?

I might have said I thought someone was interested in her. But don’t worry, she doesn’t think it’s you
.

Thank God
.

Yeah, I told her you were gay
.

You didn’t! You f—

Relax, mate. I’m joking. But I did ask if she thought anyone in the band was cute and she singled you out. But let’s face it, there’s not a lot of competition, is there
.

Thanks
.

You’ve got to have a game plan
.

I’m not sure I need to have girl advice from a gay guy …

Yeah, well, you’re not doing all that well on your own now, are you?

He had a point.

And let’s not forget she’s already seen the best part of you
.

He grinned at me.

Very funny. Back off from my arse, would you?

We were talking about Elizabeth, not me, you loser. This weekend’s the perfect opportunity. You’ve got all day Saturday, and if Andrews is right, we’ll be there until late on Sunday too
.

No, that’s not meant to be happening yet, is it?

That’s what Andrews said tonight. He wants to have a complete run-through. Everyone else knows ’cause they had to have permission or something
.

No, it must be just you guys. I don’t know anything about it
.

No way, mate, it’s everyone. What’s the problem? This is perfect for the planned meeting
.

I was not sure even meeting Elizabeth was worth forty-eight hours at school. A picture of her in her school uniform appeared in my head. Then again … 

I’ll introduce you during the break.

No. No, you can’t do that
.

Why not?

She’ll know straight off
.

Know what?

That I like her
.

By introducing you?

Yeah
.

I’m only introducing you, not—

No!

All right, what do you suggest?

I don’t know. Can’t we just be talking and then she comes up and I smile at her, and …

And I introduce you. Yeah, that sounds like a great idea
, he said sarcastically.

Let’s just leave it
.

We’d been talking so much I nearly missed my street.

That’s my street on the right
.

Is it really your street?

What do you want me to do, go and get my mum?

He laughed.

Thanks for the lift, Mark … and for being all right about it all
.

Thanks for the apology. See you tomorrow, nine a.m. sharp!

I’d spent the whole night trying to figure out a way to introduce myself to Elizabeth. I couldn’t come up with anything that didn’t seem totally obvious. Maybe Mark was right. Maybe he could introduce us. But that’s when you risk the horrible three minutes’ silence where everyone is trying to figure out what to say. It’s in those awkward, not very smooth silences that I begin to glow a rosy, very uncool red. That just can’t happen.

I was still thinking about it during the trip to school.

Are you all right, Will?

Yeah, Mum
.

So it looks like from here on in I’ll be taking care of the veggie patch….

But then it would be better because there’d be other people around so I wouldn’t have to be the only one talking.

Will?

Yeah?

As long as Mark didn’t carry on.

Meaning … it’s getting down to the final weeks
.

I looked over at her, wondering what she was going on about.

Well, that’s what the note on the fridge says, full rehearsals for the next three weekends and then the show
.

So that’s the only time I have left. I have to make my move today, otherwise there’s no point.

Will …? It would be nice if you actually listened while your mother tried to communicate with you
.

Yeah, no, it’s all good, Mum
.

Well, I never thought I would ever hear Will Armstrong say that spending three consecutive weekends at school was good. You must be enjoying it
.

Maybe Mark was right, maybe all I had to do was … 

Have you made any new friends?

I willed myself back into the car and back into the conversation. She had given me another lift to school after all. And I knew she was making up for lost veggie-patch bonding time.

A couple
.

Pause.

Any girls, Will?

Left field! Left field! Back up! How did she do that? I looked over at her, trying to suss whether she had one of those I
know everything about you
smiles on her face. Mum always asked a lot of questions but she never asked those types of questions. She left that up to Dad.

Come on, Mum. It’s a school musical, not somewhere you go to pick up
.

I know that, Will, I was just wondering if there was anyone, well, you know, special?

Anyone special!
As soon as the opposite sex is mentioned Mum turns into one of Andrews’s walking stereotypes. That was the difference—if I told Dad we’d end up having a laugh, I tell Mum and it’s serious. I pushed that thought straight back out of my head as soon as it got there.

We pulled up outside the gates again. The unanswered question filled the car.

No, Mum, but if there is I’ll fill you in—as long as you don’t ask me if she’s
special
.

Deal
.