Authors: Maria Boyd
I had a comeback ready but I figured it was the little guy’s moment, not mine.
He told me he wanted to help me and find the boys who did it. So I told him. But it didn’t help much. Well, most of them stopped but two of them didn’t
.
He took a quick breath and carried on.
Dad got really angry and came up to the office and yelled at Mr. Waverton and said he was going to take me out of the school. But I didn’t want to go. I like it here. Things are OK now. Mostly they leave me alone. Dad told me that the best way to deal with it is to ignore them so I do. And some of the other guys tell them to stop. Anyway, like I said, it’s different now
.
He reached for another slice of pizza and held it in his hand right close to his mouth. It waved in front of his face as he talked.
Since Will and I became friends everyone has shut up. And because of you too, Mark. You know how you say hello to me at the tuckshop, well, they know you play football and you’re friends with Chris Holden and even though you can see they want to say something they won’t because they’re scared
.
Eventually the cheese started to drip down his hand.
There’s a couple of kids in the band who are all right, but I like hanging out with you guys
. He shoved the slice in his mouth.
Well, you can hang out with us anytime you want, Zach
.
I hoped Elizabeth meant it, because I knew from experience that he would.
Zach beamed back at her, chewing. Elizabeth looked at me and smiled a huge smile.
Mark grinned over at me. I put my head down and groaned.
Just as the evening was about to end as a huge love-in Elizabeth’s phone rang. It was the first time I’d ever heard her panicked. She looked over at Mark, who jingled his keys and nodded.
Yeah, all right, Dad. Mark’s giving me a lift and I’ll be home soon
.
She put her phone away.
It’s so typical! They said I could go out after rehearsals but they’re already stressing about tomorrow and schoolwork
.
Yeah, but if you go home now you’ll have more chance to go out tomorrow night, right?
Mark gave her a push as she collected her bag and she eventually smiled.
I thought about the drive to school this morning with Mum. Who would have thought the day was going to end up like this? This was exactly the type of girl information she would love.
Except that conversation was never going to happen.
The next morning I actually looked forward to rehearsals! Even the thought of singing practice on Friday wasn’t freaking me out so much. So the boys would give me heaps, but that would be nothing in comparison to what I planned for my revenge. I’d pull off one of Will Armstrong’s finest schemes and order and balance would be restored. Yep, things were definitely looking up.
I rode to school and was nearly as early as the Freak. He was waiting out front as usual. This time it was me who felt like pogoing all over the place.
Hey, Freak!
I circled him on my bike. It had become a little bit of a game and it wound him right up. He didn’t know whether to laugh or to tell me to get lost. But he loved every second of it and it amused the crap out of me.
Watch out for my trombone, Will
.
He was trying to be serious but every time I kept trapping him he’d giggle even louder.
Trust me, Freak, have I hurt it yet? You know, you need to get another love in your life other than that bloody trombone
.
What, like you and Elizabeth?
And he giggled so hard he nearly fell over.
Right, that’s it!
And I circled round, got up speed and went straight for him.
He ran the fastest he ever had in his life. I called a truce.
I’m not coming back until you get off your bike!
All right, all right, I’ll get off
.
As he approached me, I went to get on it again. I did it every time and every time it completely threw him. It was just another one of those codes he hadn’t cracked yet.
You promised!
he screamed as he hid behind the Dumpster I first rescued him from.
All right, mate, relax, it was just a joke
.
The little man did have a tendency to lose it. But he was slowly lightening up. He edged up beside me and we made our way to the hall.
Hey, Will? Can I ask you a question?
Yeah, sure, mate. As long as it’s not about Elizabeth
.
No, it’s not about her, I promise
.
OK then, go right ahead
.
Your dad’s dead, isn’t he?
Where the hell did that come from?
It’s just that we were talking about Mark’s dad last night and then Elizabeth asked you about yours and you didn’t say anything. I remember one of the older boys telling someone else that your dad had died in some sort of accident
.
The sound of my dropped bike echoed around the playground. The Freak looked at me, waiting for a reply. I willed myself to answer him.
Yeah, he is
.
I had my back to him, bending down to pick up the bike. It was so like Zach to fire out this kind of question. He wasn’t doing anything but trying to understand. It was just that I didn’t want to understand.
Look, Freak, I don’t really talk about it
.
I was just wondering how long ago it was. Whether it was ages ago or …
I dropped the bike again and put my head in my hands, nearly pulling out every bit of hair that was attached to my head to prevent myself from ripping out his.
It happened during the Christmas holidays last year
.
My mind went back to that time. I could feel the pull of the tunnel dragging me down.
Me at Chris’s house. His mum saying my mum had called wanting me to go home. Mrs. Holden driving and Chris
coming along for the ride
. It was after New Year’s and Mum was having one of her famous clear-outs. Whenever Dad and I sniffed one was in the air we made a really quick exit. She’d listen to bad hippie music and sing really loudly and constantly be bossing us around, moving stuff everywhere. I thought that was why she had summoned me home and I wasn’t happy.
I saw Uncle John’s car in front of the house. He had been Dad’s work partner and best mate for as long as I could remember. I wondered why Mum hadn’t conned him into helping instead. I came into the house about to say exactly that when I saw her. I knew there was something wrong. She was sitting dead still at the kitchen table, surrounded by old scarves, coats, hats and dresses. Fleetwood Mac was blaring in the background. Uncle John didn’t even look at me. He excused himself to turn down the music.
She looked at me, a look I had never seen before. And I knew. You always know, you just pretend you don’t.
Darling, there’s been an accident….
And at that point I went straight to my room and didn’t come out.
I could just make out Zach. He was looking at me intently and his eyes were sad, really sad. If I kept looking in those eyes I knew I would never make it out of the tunnel again.
Will! Hey, Will?
Freak was patting me on the shoulder and trying to pick up my bike.
I’m sorry, Will. Don’t be sad. I’m really, really sorry
.
I felt like I was going to throw up. I took the bike from him and made my way to the hall, hoping the movement would shift the shadow of the tunnel.
I don’t want to go there, Freak. You’ve got to understand that not everyone talks about everything the way you do. You’ve got to back off people, give them some space
.
Don’t be mad, Will
.
By this time the Freak had run in front of the bike and blocked my path. I couldn’t look at the kid. I knew he was sorry and he needed to know that things were OK. I tousled his hair.
It’s all right, Freak. Just leave it
.
We walked into the hall together. It was the first time he’d shut up since I’d known him. An oxygenated bubble wrapped around me; I’d been using it for most of the year. It allowed me to see the world and be in the world but nothing from the world could get to me. It was a familiar and comforting sensation and I gave in to it completely. The rehearsal was going like always but I watched from a long way away. Disconnected. I saw Elizabeth and Mark onstage and at one point, when I remembered last night, I felt some sort of pull.
I tried my hardest to avoid everyone at lunch but the Freak must have said something to Mark because I could tell he was concerned.
Hey, Will, why don’t you come over?
I nodded and smiled but said no.
Come on, mate. You and Elizabeth were sparking last night. She’s going to think you’re not interested
.
I could feel the smallest of rips in the bubble.
I was thinking we could all head up to the pizza place again. Look, we’ve got to work with Andrews now, but I’ll see you afterwards
.
After Mark had left, the Freak came over and offered me my choice from his lunch box. The kid had looked like he was going to cry all morning. Straight after that Brother Pat, who had been giving me strange looks all rehearsal, rolled over to me on his conductor’s stool, asking if I was all right. I told him I wasn’t feeling well but I’d be fine after I’d been outside for a while.
I walked out of the hall and thought about last night, and then the past five weeks started to roll out in front of me. I figured with everyone asking me how I was it was just as hard to stay in the bubble as it was to rip it off.
It was Zach’s face that really did it. The bugger looked so miserable. By the end of lunch I came up behind him and took off with his lunch box. It was another familiar game along familiar lines. He bolted off his seat after me the quickest I’d ever seen him move.
That’s not very nice, Will. Give it back
. And with that he attempted to kick me, his giggling preventing him getting anywhere close.
That’s not very nice, Zach
, I repeated in exactly the same tone.
Well, it’s mine so give it back
.
I hung it over his head just out of his reach.
Not until you say sorry
.
His eyes clouded over and he stopped jumping instantly.
I am really sorry, Will
.
I know, mate. I know
.
I relinquished the lunch box but only after I’d taken the last doughnut—he was keeping it for me anyway—and chased him back to his seat. He was cracking up laughing as usual and I was nearly back to normal.
By the end of the afternoon I knew I was back because I started yelling at one of the geeks to get his bloody timing right, and during the break I shoved a whole lot of toilet paper in his clarinet. Juvenile, I know, but he thought it was hilarious and took it as some sign of his increased state of coolness because I was paying him out.
I nearly bailed on the pizza night but I could tell the others were looking forward to it and they’d be disappointed if I wasn’t there. Elizabeth must have done some major work on her parents because she was allowed out again, and I figured that if I was serious about her I’d better lift my game. It was then I thought about getting Chris to come along. He was always studying, playing football or looking after Jessie. And if I was being shoved out of my comfort zone, he may as well be too. It turned out that Elizabeth was already inviting some of her friends, which was even better. I didn’t say that to Chris when I spoke to him on the phone. There’s only so much shoving a person can take in one day. I knew that better than anybody.
It was a different night to last night. Last night was fantastic but it was pretty full-on with everyone spilling their stuff. Tonight the vibe was more up and everyone was just having a laugh. I made sure I was sitting next to Elizabeth and I didn’t care who noticed, especially her. If she’d got up and moved I would have felt like a complete loser but she didn’t. She just smiled and slid over on the booth. I sat back and listened to her friends going on about school and boys and stuff, throwing in my own stupid comments, trying to get them to laugh, trying to get Elizabeth to laugh.
Chris seemed to be doing all right over on the other table. He’d been talking to the same girl for the last half hour and she didn’t look like she was going anywhere. Zach and Mark were sitting on either side of him, like his security blanket, but from where I was sitting he didn’t need them. One of Elizabeth’s friends kept going on about how cute he was. It nearly killed me not to give him heaps about it in front of everybody, but even I couldn’t be that cruel.
But there was no way I was watching out for Chris all night. No, my attention was firmly on Elizabeth. She was something else. If you tied her hands behind her back she wouldn’t be able to speak. And her eyes danced along with what she was saying. Her friends were really nice too. You could tell they were trying to scope me out, but they weren’t too obvious about it. For a while, anyway—and then they started.
So you were the bloke who showed us his bits at the bus stop?
It was right about then I started to rethink my
nice
opinion. I could feel the familiar sound of the fire engine alarms starting up. What do you say to that? And what did she mean my
bits?
It was just my backside. Wasn’t it?!
I looked at Elizabeth for support but she was loving every minute of it.
I shoved another slice of pizza in my mouth and nodded.
Yeah, we thought that the guy who did it must have been such a try-hard
.
I stopped chewing for a split second. That’s a bit harsh, isn’t it?
But it seems like you’re all right
.