Willing Captive (18 page)

At hearing the
tremor in my voice, his eyes soften and he sits on the bed with his
back to the headboard. “What’s up, princess?”

This
princess
was
different from the others. This
princess
was not an insult. It was a sweet nothing.

I whisper, “There’s
something I need to do. So I should just do it, right? I mean, if I
overthink it, I won’t do it, so I should just do it.”

Looking confused as
hell, he utters, “You do what you need to do, Lily.”

Nodding, I slowly
crawl across the bed and over him. Never one to give anything away,
his face remains stoic while I straddle his lap facing him, then
place my palms on his chest.

“
What are you doin’, Lily girl?”

Not able to meet his
eye, I answer quietly but truthfully. “Reacting.”

My eyes trained on
his full bottom lip, I lift my hand and run it up his rough and
stubbled cheek. My stomach clenches as I lean forward in an attempt
to kiss him.

All my squishy
feelings come to a screeching halt when he grabs both of my hands,
places his forehead to mine and says “Don’t. Don’t do it.”

I blink.

I think it would’ve
hurt less if he threw a bucket of cold water over me.

Cheeks flaming with
humiliation, I move to pull away from him, but he holds me tight.
Nox whispers, “I’m not rejecting you, Lily. I’m protecting
you.”

My voice shakes
while I squeeze my knees tighter around his thighs. “I don’t need
you to protect me right now, Nox. I need your mouth on me. I need
to know why I feel like this, and if it’s just a thing, or if it’s
more. You told me to do what I had to do. All I want is a kiss.”
Dipping my chin, I whisper, “Just a kiss.”

His thighs tense
under me. Placing his hands on my knees, his thumbs stroke the skin
there.

“
You’re startin’ something dangerous here.” He breathes in
deeply and adds on an exhale, “You sure you need this?” His voice
is soft, but the words come out firm.

Meeting his hooded
gaze, I confess, “I don’t know if I need it, but I want it really
freakin’ bad.”

He swallows
hard.

Loosening his hold
on my hands, he mutters roughly, “You kiss me, you do it properly.
Show me what you need. Not gonna move a muscle, just show me.”

Oh God!

Permission.

I have permission!
That’s, like, a gazillion times better than rejection!

Raising my hands to
his cheeks, I cup them and move my thumbs over the roughness that I
like so much. Closing my eyes, I lean forward, pull his face closer
to meet me halfway, and press my lips to his.

He doesn’t move but
allows me to kiss his closed mouth deeply and softly, over and over
again. The bulge in his boxers grows even larger, and the very tip
of him kisses my cotton panty covered sex. At the very same time
that he hisses and jerks, I gasp as my eyes widen.

Oh wow, that feels
nice.

He doesn’t give me
an inch. His mouth doesn’t open and I find myself begging for a
taste of him. I whisper against his lips, “Please. Open. Please. I
need it.”

At hearing the
sincerity of my plea, his lips part a little.

Not wasting any
time, I sigh as I lightly brush the tip of my tongue against
his.

Warmth cloaks my
entire body.

My hands slide down
his cheeks, to his jaw, and up through his hair. Tingles shoot from
my toes all the way to the hairs on my head.

It’s everything I
hoped for and more.

Not able to stop
myself, I moan into his mouth, wanton and needy, “Yes.”

His arms coil around
my waist, he pulls me closer so we’re belly to rock-hard abs. His
mouth opens wider as he tilts his head, finally giving in. He
presses his mouth into mine hard, almost punishingly, and I feel
myself getting damp between the legs.

Kiss me forever, you
brute.

You know how when a
guy and girl really like each other in a book, they talk about a
spark between them?

With Nox, there is
no spark.

No.

He bypassed the
spark.

When Nox touches me,
there’s nothing less than the whistling, shrieking explosions of
fireworks.

Big ones.

The ones they save
till the end of the show.

The ones people hang
around to get a glimpse of.

Seriously.

That good.

My hands clutch at
his head, dragging my nails through his short hair, and I pull
myself even closer to him. The move places his hard-on right where
I need it and I moan again while he groans through our kiss.

I’m desperate for
this to happen. Tonight is the night.

Rubbing my back, he
slides his hands lower, places them on my hips and starts a motion,
rocking me back and forth as our lips remain connected. Rubbing
against each other, deeper and harder, my breathing turns heavy,
and the flush rises up my neck and onto my cheeks. Pulling back
from me, he watches me closely.

My eyes flutter.

His eyes darken.

The feeling of
prickles in my belly and lower back warn me that something’s
happening, but before I register what’s happening, it hits me, hard
and powerful.

Digging my
fingernails into his scalp, I gasp.

Well, this is
new!

My heart races and
my breathing hitches as my core contracts over and over again. I
buck against him moaning long and low. Still rigid from the endless
pleasure surging through me, he captures my mouth and kisses me
hungrily.

Mouth on mine, Nox
whispers, “Fucked up, baby.”

Fucked up?

My heart sinks. This
is not going how I planned this going.

I open my mouth, but
he speaks again before I get the chance. “I know what you need,
baby.”

Closing my eyes, he
lowers his mouth to mine and kisses me fiercely. Again and
again.

And it’s better than
good.

It’s fucking
astounding.

***

Nox

Never had something
so beautiful so close before. As soon as I walked into the bedroom,
I saw the changes I was dreading.

Lily.

She finally saw the
connection. She finally felt the chemistry. And, clearly braver
than I am, she finally decided to risk humiliation to find out if
what we have is something worth pursuing.

She’s killin’ me
slowly, and she doesn’t even know it.

With every kiss. With every glance of her gorgeous green eyes.
With every flip of her kick-ass hair. With every half smile.
She’s
killin’
me.

But watching her
face as she came apart in my arms?

Fuck
me
.

I’d die a thousand
deaths to see it again.

But that’s beside
the point.

She’s in my care.
And I’m going to take care of her.

I’m not falling for
her. No. I’m not falling.

It’s too late to use
present tense.

I
fell
fuckin’ hard.

Just hope she
doesn’t figure that out.

Right now,
though?

I know what she
needs.

Chapter
Fourteen
Firsts

Lily

“
Oh God!” I almost shriek.

Nox’s arm tightens
over my squirming belly and he lifts his head. “You ‘kay?”

Lifting my head,
panting, I fight the urge to smack him and nod vigorously, “Don’t
stop!” Then I push his head back down.

I feel his breath on
me as he chuckles soundlessly. His tongue darts out, slowly lapping
at my sensitive folds and I die.

I
die
.

Over and over and
over
again.

Okay, so let’s
rewind here for a minute.

Earlier tonight, I
laid it out for Nox.

Honest to God.
Courage ignited like a spark low in my belly, and I knew tonight
was the night.

It
was a
speak now or
forever hold your peace
moment.

You could call it a
do or die
moment.

Or
even a
stop being
chickenshit
moment.

Whatever you want to
call it, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Something akin to
desperation took hold of me and I struggled with it. I fought it
hard but it won out.

There’s desperation and then there’s
desperation
. Holding back was no longer an
option.

I want Nox. I need
Nox. And I’ll tell you how I know this.

Number one, he takes care of me, even though I can be a total
shithead. Number two, he’s been nothing but good to me since our
first motel adventure. He even smiles at me now. And it’s a
nice
smile. Number three, he trains me
like he would anyone else. Never treating me like a girl. Only as
an equal. Number four, he took pity on a scared girl and allowed
her comfort when she needed it. A huge
pro
on the list.

Number five, every
night before we sleep, he spoons me.

That’s right. Nox
spoons.

And while he spoons me, he takes my hand, links our fingers
together and holds them to my chest. Then, yes
then
, he buries his face into my hair and he
sighs.

And that sigh…

Ugh.

That
sigh
.

It
makes my heart flip around in my chest. It makes my nose tingle. It
makes me feel beautiful. I’ve never had that before. Okay, so I’ve
never had
anyone
before. But I’m thinking if a man like Nox, gruff and
withdrawn, can make a woman feel beautiful with nothing but a
breath…

…
I’m thinking that’s special. It
feels
special. And special, for me, is rare.

I don’t want to miss
a second I have with him. And I had to let him know that. So after
he let me kiss him, I know he felt what I felt. I know this because
he made me come. See, he gave me one of my firsts. And it was
amazing. But I secretly want him to have them all. I want that
because he’s special.

Panting hard,
my core tightens. Gripping the sheets tightly, I try in vain to
elevate my hips but he holds me down firmly while torturing me in
the best possible way. “Easy girl. Let it happen.”

Flushed and
demanding, I struggle to be free, but he calms me with a whisper,
“Got you, baby. Come for me.”

Frustration tears
through me, “I can’t! It’s so close, but I- I- I can’t!”

His mouth closes
over my ultra-sensitive bud and he sucks. White spots blur my
vision. A sob tears out of me as my body trembles and shudders with
release. I buck and jerk restlessly, feeling completely out of
control. But it’s okay.

Nox has me.

My body quakes one
last time before it becomes limp.

That was completely
exhausting.

And totally what I
needed.

Panting, I allow
myself to take in the stillness of the room. I blink slowly,
suddenly drowsy, when I feel Nox kiss the inside of my thigh and
start to rise.

His head ascends and
our eyes meet. He sees too much with those eyes.

It’s suddenly too
much.

I’m overwhelmed.

I swallow hard.
Blinking rapidly, I whisper through quivering lips, “Never had
special before.”

Nox watches me
carefully, not revealing what he’s thinking.

Never revealing what
he’s thinking.

A
second before I fall apart, his hand wraps around my ankle and he
pulls me down the length of the bed. Catching me in his strong
arms, he sits on the floor at the foot of the bed, pulling me into
his lap. He cradles me and now it
really
becomes too much.

Shoving my face into
his neck, gut-wrenching sobs break free from somewhere deep in my
heart. “You don’t even know what you’ve done to me. And that really
sucks because you’re so fucking great, and you don’t even know
that.” Shuddering breaths, then, “And it hurts to feel this much
now because it shows me what a goddamn, shitty life I’ve been
living.” I pause, then whisper, “You’re really amazing, Nox.”

What I don’t add is,
‘and I’m in love with you.’

Nox doesn’t coo. He
doesn’t tell me everything will be alright. He doesn’t pretend I’m
not a mess. But he does let me cry it out. And once I’m done
covering his neck in tears and snot, he lifts my sorrow-weakened
body.

Yes. Sorrow.

Sorrow is what you
feel when you mourn. And I’m mourning my life.

My wasted life.

“
God, I’m a blubbering mess,” I mutter as he places a strong
arm around my waist, supporting me as he walks me into the
bathroom.

Nox turns on the
shower, then moves to stand in front of me. My blurry eyes search
his face, those icy-blue eyes warmer than I’ve ever seen. Without a
word, his fingers grip the bottom of my tank and he lifts it over
my head, throwing it to the side. He doesn’t remove his boxers.
Taking my hand, he links our fingers and leads me to the
shower.

Making sure he hits
the water first, he pulls me under the warm spray, careful not to
wet my hair, and we stand there for a long while.

Emotionally
exhausted, I don’t utter a word of complaint as he begins to wash
me. Running his soapy hands all over. His palms slide down my neck
as he carefully washes my breasts, lightly running his thumbs over
my nipples. My eyes flutter as they tighten, craving more of his
attention. We never take our eyes off each other’s.