Willoughby 03 - A Rogue's Deadly Redemption (27 page)

Frustration swam in her eyes, blurring her vision. “Don’t say that.”

“I am done lying. There’ve been enough lies offered under the guise of protecting people. We’ve done enough keeping the truth from each other.”

Lily’s gaze slipped to the door, where Cordelia stood outside. The questions were on the tip of her tongue, the need for answers wrapped around her like a wet blanket but fear pressed her lips together.

“Ask.”

“This isn’t the time or place.”

“This is the only time or place.” He took a deep breath. “There is no future for us. If Marcus has betrayed me, there is no way out of this.”

His frank belief that he’d never leave this place caught her off guard and swirled the thoughts in her head like a spinning top. “No. This can’t be…there has to be a way.”

“Stop being so bloody noble,” he ordered. “We have fifteen minutes and then they will come and take me away, put me back in my cell. I need to know you can put this life behind you when you walk out of here. So ask your damn question!”

“Did you want to marry me?” she blurted.

“Yes. Lily, I am a
criminal
. Do you truly believe I would do anything I didn’t want to do, scandal be damned?”

Shock stole the words from her. “But…”

“You were this ray of hope in a life that hadn’t any.”

“That night we were caught…” She stopped, unable to ask the question. Belief she wasn’t his first choice had defined her for so long, and she knew his answer, especially the wrong one, would define her future.

“I came for you,” he said frankly. “I received both letters but
you
were the one I wanted to see. I’ll be honest, I’m not even sure I knew that then. I didn’t believe in much then, except my own righteous anger. Cordelia had a hold on me, but it wasn’t love. That night, as upset as I was at being told whom to marry, I wasn’t sorry it was you. That told me where my feelings lay. I never felt for your sister what I feel for you.”

“I thought…” The small thread of joy she felt was overshadowed by the disintegration of their marriage. How had that happened if he’d wanted her? She may have pieced together what she thought had happened, but what if she was wrong?

Robert ran a hand through his hair. “I wasn’t a good man when we met, Lily. I was bitter, entitled to my fury. These past weeks, I was free of the years of anger, of betrayal, of pain I carried around with me. It gave me the ability to see how those emotions pushed me into decision after decision.

“I was ignored,” he continued. “I know that sounds petty. But you cannot imagine how it feels to a child to have no attention whatsoever. You feel so small, so invisible. It’s a total lack of love, one I lived with my entire life, and I watched my brothers be fawned over, by our mother, by our father. By the servants. They took their cues from my mother. I was nothing of consequence. My mother said that—‘nothing of any consequence’— before she turned and lavished my brother with praise.” He grimaced.

“My brothers did nothing but send me away. To protect me, I’m learning, but this is what I mean. Protecting someone doesn’t always turn out as expected. I don’t want to be protected. I won’t do that to you. The only thing I can offer you now is the truth.

“When we met, I was filled with a bitterness, with an anger so deep, my view of the world was tinted with rage.” He lifted a hand to her cheek, and the warmth in his hand singed her. “You were good and warm, a dream of everything I never believed I was worthy of having.”

Tears filled her eyes. “But you are.”

“No, I’m not,” he replied with an aching tone of regret. “If I had been, I would have behaved differently when we lost the baby. My mother died at the same time, and the rage I felt at her became wrapped in the grief at what I’d lost. I couldn’t separate them. I couldn’t see past my own selfishness.”

She put her hand over his and leaned into it. “We aren’t so different.”

His bark of laughter disagreed.

“I wasn’t ignored, I was loved. But I was nothing special in a family that felt like everything special. Until you saw me.”

“How could I not?” His smile was gentle.

“I don’t know if you realize how powerful that moment was for me. I fell in love with you then.”

“You came into our marriage with such hope. It lived in the way you looked at me, the way you spoke. It became an expectation I couldn’t meet. Every day, I had to confront that smile on your face, that need for something I couldn’t give you.

“So you walked away. You stepped outside of our marriage, I know. The scandal sheets talked of your whereabouts often.”

“They were lies.”

“What?” Lily asked, stunned.

“The reported sightings were planted. I won’t lie. A few of them were true. I spent plenty of nights gambling and drinking. But the majority of them were lies. Edwin planted them; he had made a connection with a reporter and acted as an informant, paid to spy on me and report back. I was spending time at the flash houses, with the criminal classes. We planted other seeds, so the truth of my activities wouldn’t get out. I was trying to protect you, to keep you as far removed from what I was doing as possible.”

“All this time, I believed…” she couldn’t finish the statement. “You offered a divorce. You made it clear there were grounds for a divorce. Was that true?”

He shook his head. “I know you have no reason to believe me, but I was not unfaithful to you. When you told me you were leaving for America, I wanted to give you a way to be free.”

“So many mornings I searched for your name in the papers, just to know where you had been.” She offered him a watery glare. “It tortured me.”

“I know.” He grabbed her into his arms. She held stiff at first and slowly sank into his embrace. “I wish I could take it back. I did what I thought I had to do to survive in the world I had entered. That world gave me a sense of purpose, of worth, that up until then, I had never felt. I knew, I always knew I would fail you. So rather than try not to and see that look of disappointment, I ensured it happened in every way I could.

“I cannot tell you how sorry I am for all I have done. If we had time, I would have done everything in my power to become worthy of you.” He held her away from him, looked into her eyes and then his lips swooped down to claim hers.

Lily reached her arms around his shoulders, clung to him for all the life, all the love that flowed between them. Every caress of his lips, of his tongue, filled her.

“I’m going to hang. I have nothing to give you, nothing to offer you but my love.”

“Your love,” she said as she reached up to touch his cheek, “is all I ever wanted. You cannot give up.” Lily pounded a hand lightly on his shoulder. “You can’t. Not now, not when I know… I love you, Robert.”

Robert disengaged. “I want you on that ship. The only comfort I can have is knowing you will be safe.” His words were thick. “It was selfish of me to tell you all of this, but I couldn’t bear the thought that you wouldn’t know how much you were loved.”

Her tears fell freely now, she couldn’t stop them. “I won’t let them hang you.”

“It’s no more than I deserve, no more than I have earned with my choices. Promise me you will leave.”

His words echoed her brother’s, and she couldn’t speak for the anger inside. She had what she’d wanted. This man, her husband, had changed. He was different.

He loved her
.

“I will find a way,” she told him.

“Lily, no.” He grabbed her by the shoulders. “I need you to leave. I need to know you are safe or all of this is for nothing.”

“Then no one will be here to fight for you? No, I cannot.”

“Kane escaped, didn’t you hear me? Damn it, Lily, give me this. Please.”

Just then the door opened. “Time’s up.”

Lily glanced at the turnkey, and panic ran through her. “No. Not yet.”

“Go,” Robert urged. She met his gaze again, caught by the fear, the need in his eyes. “Promise me.”

“Let’s go,” the turnkey barked.

“Lily, we have used all of our good will at this time,” Cordelia added. “We must go.”

They had no more funds to offer. Things could get ugly. She leaned in and pressed her lips to Robert’s for a brief moment. Too brief.

“I love you.”

She disengaged and stepped away.

“Damn it, Lily,
promise me.
”

“That’s enough out of you,” the turnkey said. He gestured to the men who had entered the cell and they grabbed Robert by the arms. He struggled, trying to reach Lily. “Promise!”

“I love you,” she repeated. She tried to force out the words he needed, something that would calm him, give him peace. But she couldn’t lie, not when they finally had the truth between them.

The guards took him from the room, still struggling.

She wasn’t leaving.

The door to Newgate closed behind them with a finality that made Lily flinch.

Cordelia heaved a sigh of relief. “I may need to bathe for a month.”

Lily couldn’t get Robert’s pleas, the fear and panic, out of her head. They’d dragged him down the dark corridor, and his yells carried to her, loud and frantic until they were so far they sounded like desperate whispers. He’d yelled. Begged her.

She would never forget the anguish in his voice. The dark walls that had seemed to close in around her as they left the prison. Left him behind.

But Robert being scared was a small concern next to letting him die.

She shook her head to clear the heaviness from her head. “We need to go.” She wasn’t an idiot. She wouldn’t ignore Robert’s fear. He was concerned, and she would make sure they took every precaution to stay safe. She looked around. “Where is Howard?”

“He went to fetch the coach around the corner.” Cordelia frowned. “Why do you look bothered by that?”

A needle of unease pricked her neck. “It’s fine. We’ll be fine waiting here.”

Cordelia wrapped her arms around herself. “Well, I want to get out of this place. Let’s go find him.”

“No, we can’t.”

“Why not?”

Lily took in a deep breath. “I don’t know. It’s just—Robert said the men he was involved with might be looking for revenge.”

“He believes they might hurt you?” Cordelia’s voice lowered.

“That was the impression he gave me.”

“Then we
can’t
stay here by ourselves. We need Howard with us. If I’d known, I never would have sent him off.”

Cordelia stepped onto the street and took a few steps before realizing Lily hadn’t followed. “Lily, let’s go.”

Lily shook her head. “I don’t know. Shouldn’t we stay here?” She noted the people walking by. The carriages. The bustle of life that should calm her. But now she found herself searching out the faces of strangers. Was that man watching them? Were those men watching the prison, waiting?

The icy fear that had frozen her together after Blade had invaded their home crept up her spine. She didn’t want to see them again. She wanted to be in her carriage. Home.

“Where did Howard say the carriage was?”

“He said James was going to wait on Giltspur. A few blocks. He should be right around the corner. We’ll meet him halfway.”

She nodded and stepped after Cordelia. “All right.”

They walked down Old Bailey, and Lily sucked in large breaths, trying to calm her battering-ram heart. Nothing would happen in broad daylight. Not with so many people around. She was being foolish.

But it had. They had taken her around the corner from her library.

They turned down Giltspur and she searched the street for signs of their carriage. “Where is he?”

The smaller lane had far less traffic, and the buildings crammed next to each other. Needles of anxiety prickled under her skin.

Lily shook her head and slowed. “I don’t see him. Let’s go back. I’d rather stand in front of Newgate and wait for him.”

“Just a little farther. I can’t imagine he’ll be that long.”

“No. We’ll wait at Newgate.”

“You’re certain Robert is correct? How does he know?”

“These men have already come after me to keep him in line. He turned them in. I believe Robert. I trust him.”

Cordelia stopped. “Very well.”

They turned around.

Blade.

Fear slammed into Lily. He wasn’t alone. Two men stood with him, one a short, squat man who somehow managed to spike her terror more than Blade.

“Run!”

She grabbed Cordelia’s hand, swiveled around, and ran down the street, away from the prison, away from the men. Her body felt on fire, pushing her until her legs screamed at her pace. She heard Cordelia’s footsteps right next to her. Their hands gripped tightly. But Lily couldn’t run faster for her skirts, so she slipped her hand free, hiked up her skirts.

She heard a scream.

Cordelia wasn’t beside her anymore.

Lily glanced back, trying not to slow, but saw one of the men clamp a hand on Cordelia’s arm. Lily skidded just as Cordelia raised a fist and clocked him right in the eye. The man’s head snapped a little to the side, then he shook it and lunged. He grabbed Cordelia by both arms and swung her around until she was crushed against his chest.

“Lily, keep running!” Cordelia cried, doubling over to try and free herself.

Lily ran toward the man and Cordelia. “Let her go!” She launched herself at them, colliding with Cordelia. She reached hands up to scratch him. Pain radiated up Lily’s fingertips as they raked against the hard rock of his face.

She pummeled him with everything she had, working at the arms of steel that held her sister. Cordelia thrashed in his arms, kicking her feet and getting tangled in her skirts.

A hand grabbed at Lily’s stomach. She screamed as she was dragged off her feet into a brick wall. Cordelia yelled obscenities at them and the man who held her slammed a meaty paw over her mouth and nose.

“And we meet again.” Blade’s hot breath was in Lily’s ear, his words dry with a dull amusement. He wrapped a hand in her hair and yanked until tears pressed at her eyes from the pain. “Tell your sister to quiet down.”

Just out of Lily’s reach, Cordelia struggled in earnest against the man cutting off her air. “Let her go! She can’t breathe!”

“Tell her to be quiet.”

“Cordelia, don’t scream. Stop struggling.”

Cordelia stilled, and the man dropped his hand. She lurched forward, sucking in great gasps of air and kicked back and up with her skirts. A deep grunt exploded from the man and he lifted a hand.

The silver glint of a blade appeared before Lily, raising a few inches from her neck.

“Enough. Be still or I kill her.”

Cordelia stilled. Her gaze lifted and hate and rage shot out, but she remained quiet.

“Better,” Blade said. “We’re going to walk. I suggest you walk like the little ladies you are or the other will pay the consequences.”

Lily flinched at every painful beat that pounded against her chest and reverberated in her head. Her muscles felt taut as though stretched in a torture device, as though one wrong move and she would snap in two. She sucked in short breaths, afraid anything more would bring the knife closer.

The third man, the short one with eyes that held as much emotion as flat dirt, approached her. “Yer his wife.”

“She is.” Blade let go of her.

Lily stumbled from the lack of support, and relief at being free of the knife weakened her legs.

“You’re Kane.”

He cocked his head, gave a grin that twisted his face. “You’ve heard of me.”

The world spun and Lily struggled to stay upright.

He was going to kill them.

He gestured before her. “That way.”

Cordelia stepped into place next to her, and they exchanged a short glance before each was prodded to move forward.

Their hands found each other and fused together, giving a connection, a lifeline. They were together.

“I am so sorry, for everything,” Lily said.

“Don’t be a ninny.” Cordelia squeezed her hand, but didn’t slow the pace. “We’ll have plenty of time to argue about things later.”

“Cordie—”

Cordelia’s gaze snapped to hers. “You haven’t called me that in years.”

“I want you to know I love you. You are my sister, and I love you.”

“Shut it up there.”

Cordelia moved closer to her, until their shoulders almost touched as they stepped in rhythm. “It will be all right.”

“Turn here.”

They turned onto an even smaller lane, dark from the lack of sun with shadows uncoiling on both sides.

“Oh God.” Lily’s hands had grown clammy, slippery. She tightened her grip on Cordelia’s, so they couldn’t be separated. She didn’t want to die. She didn’t want—Her head spun. Suddenly, her legs wouldn’t move anymore.

As she stopped, Cordelia yanked her arm. “Lily, walk.”

She couldn’t. Her brain had gone dark, her lungs stung from the inability to grab air.

No.
No.
They would not die here. Not like this. Lily was not going to sit by and
let
this happen to her. They wouldn’t win, she knew that. But she wasn’t giving up without a fight. Lily searched the ground, looking for anything she could use. A random sword left lying around would have been nice. She spied a decent-sized rock with plenty of jagged edges.

She met Cordelia’s gaze, praying her message was clear in her eyes. Cordelia’s hand gave a short squeeze and slipped free. Her shoulders squared. She gave a nearly imperceptible nod.

Lily took a few steps and let herself trip. She hit the ground with a jarring pain, the rock slicing into her leg underneath her.

“What the hell? Get up.” Blade barked the order.

Lily curled her fingers around the rock. The pain from the sharp edges provided a much needed clarity.

Cordelia dropped next to her. “Are you all right?” Her hand swiped underneath her skirts.

Rock in hand, Lily unwrapped her skirts and stood. “Fine.” Cordelia stood with her.

Together, they turned. Lily launched her rock at Blade. Cordelia’s hit the other thug square in the face. The men rushed them. Pain exploded on Lily’s head as her hair was yanked. She fell over, almost to the ground and let out a cry at the hand that wrapped deeper. Kane stood over her, his hand forcing her head back until she looked up at him, her neck exposed.

“Stop.”

The word wasn’t a yell, or even loud. But it was a clear order that brought everything to a standstill.

“Enough. Let them go.” The man moved closer, the harsh angles of light casting him in a darkened halo. Lily sagged as she saw him.

Captain Keenan.

“Why?” Kane asked. “Why are you protecting the bastard and his woman? He betrayed us.”

Keenan stepped closer. “Let her go.”

Kane’s hand tightened in Lily’s hair.

Keenan flicked a gaze at Blade.

A gurgling sound erupted in Lily’s ear, and she was let go. She scrambled away as Kane fell beside her. A knife protruded out of his back.

Blade strolled to the body to grab the blade and pull it free. He wiped the blood on his trousers.

Kane writhed on the ground, turned his head as Captain Keenan crouched down next to him. “You should have never questioned my choices.”

The captain held a hand out to Lily. She froze, looking from the man dying next to her to the gaze of the man who had ordered his death. The power one possessed to have that kind of control, without words.

But he had saved her life. Tentatively, she raised a hand. His was warm as he helped her to her feet.

“Are you all right?”

She nodded.

Keenan looked at Blade. “I’ll leave this to you. Lady Melrose, Miss Willoughby, if you will follow me.”

Lily couldn’t do anything but follow him out of the alleyway.

As they made it onto Giltspur again, Cordelia stopped. “Wait, why are we going with him? Who the hell are you?”

Keenan turned around, snapped his legs together and offered a curt bow. “Miss Willoughby, Captain Keenan at your service.”

She frowned. “You’re Ravensdale’s friend.”

“Yes. We met once, a long time ago. I’m honored you recall.”

“I don’t. Do not flatter yourself.”

“I’m wounded. Nonetheless, I assume you’ll allow me to ensure you get home safely.”

“Just because you saved our lives doesn’t mean I trust you.”

“I should expect nothing less.”

Cordelia bristled. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Miss Willoughby!”

Lily turned to see Howard jogging toward them. He came to stand in front of them and turned to square with the captain. “Who are you?”

“No one of consequence.” He scanned the roads beyond them. “I see your carriage has arrived, so I shall leave these ladies in your capable hands.”

He stepped away and turned to Lily. “No one will harm you now.”

She nodded. She didn’t know why she believed him, but she did. “Kane said you were protecting my husband. You saved our lives. Why?”

“You are Michael’s family.” He paused. “Because of that, I must insist on a favor.”

Startled, she nodded. “All right.”

“Michael set men on my trail. Tell him to stop interfering.”

Lily frowned.

“You’ll tell him.”

“I will.” At her acquiescence, Keenan gave a final nod and turned away. “Captain Keenan? Wait.”

“Lily, what are you doing?” Cordelia asked.

“I need a moment.” Energy flowed through her. She wasn’t going to miss an opportunity, another chance to have the life she wanted, damn it.