Willow Grove Abbey (7 page)

“
Yes, I think I do. Are you saying that your father mistreated you sexually? I hope you aren’t talking about incest?”

“No, not that. But, fondling…touching.
Definitely inappropriate. I knew the things he did were wrong from the beginning. But, for some reason, I felt protective of him. More protective of him then of myself. I would never have told anyone…surely not Mummy Isn’t that sad? I obviously cared more about him than I did about myself. Even knowing it was wrong. What in the world would make a child act that way?”

“Sophia
, are you certain that you might not have misinterpreted some bit of his behavior?”

“No, no Spence. Please don’t say th
at. I remember everything distinctly. All of this is just part and parcel of what
really went
on in our
highly respectable home
.”

“”As to why you would act to protect him, instead of yourself? It’
s hard to know. I suspect that you had been raised in such a terribly dysfunctional environment that you actually believed it was more important that a parent’s secret behavior not be exposed, than to make certain you weren’t harmed. Did anyone even tell you that his behavior
was
wrong?”

“No. A
bsolutely not. And it was not mentioned in school, or anyplace else that I recall. Yet, I
did
know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that it was wrong. My primary concern was shielding Papa from Mummy’s wrath. Somehow, I believed that if she found out, she wouldn’t have protected me anyway. I think it would have been
my
fault, in some way. I’m just beginning to realize now that she was jealous of me.”

“You are very perceptive, darling. I suspect had you told her, she would have made certain that you were sent away somewhere.
I intend for us to tell your parents our wishes as quickly as possible. What you are telling me is absolutely foul behavior. I’m glad you told me. It helps me to understand you better. This is not the way normal families behave. I don’t want you to be upset, Sophia. This should be a happy time. Tell me when can I meet your parents? I want you to be mad with happiness.”

“I
am
deliriously happy about
us
. Papa is receiving an award at a charity event in London in two weeks. That would be a splendid time to speak with him... well... probably
them
. Perhaps you could come to London for the evening. We could arrange the long overdue meeting. Do you think you could make the trip during the week? I just feel so strongly that once they’ve met you, they can’t help but love you as much as I do.”

“
I wouldn’t be too certain about that,” he laughed. It matters not whether they love or even like me, to tell you the truth. All I want is their consent to marry you. I’m sure I can arrange to be in London in two weeks, darling. What night would that be?”

“Thursday.
They’ll be staying at Grande’s. That’s where the dinner is to be held. Blake and Drew will be present as well. However, is what I’ve told you going to create an insurmountable barrier between you and my parents?”

“No
, precious girl,” Spence smiled. “It doesn’t endear them to me, but I’ll just have to hide my feelings for your sake, knowing that speaking to them about their actions would be futile. This just makes me want to protect you all the more.” He crushed out his cigarette and took me into his arms again.

“I
just want it all behind me’, I replied, burying my head on his shoulder, and once again running my fingers through his hair.

“Did I hurt you,
my sweet Sophia?” he murmured.

“No
…It was wonderful. I’m glad it happened. I feel as though nothing can ever part us now. We truly are one in every way.”

“I never want
to hurt you in any way,” he whispered as he began to plant tiny, nibbling kisses on my neck. Silence followed. I could hear the sounds of the river outside, babbling as it flowed over the rocks. There were birds singing in the distance.

“Sophia. I want you to clearly understand that what just happened between you and me was the way it is supposed to be, because we are a man and woman in love, and who plan on giving ourselves to each other for the rest of our lies. Your body is a precious temple, and nobody ever had a right to touch you in any way, unless you gave them your permission. You do understand that, don’t you?”

“Yes, Spence, I do now. But, to be completely honest, for the longest while I used to think that there really wasn’t anything so terrible about Papa fondling me, because, after all, I am a part of him. I didn’t think of myself as a separate entity, with my own boundaries.”

“God, Sophia, it’s amazing you have an identity of your own.”

“I know, I’m aware of that.” There was a long silence, while we both contemplated the strange behavior that had taken place in my young life. Spence, why would we have to be married in your religion? I asked, changing the subject. Couldn’t you become an Anglican? “To me, one religion is like another.”

“Oh,
Sophia, there’s the rub. I truly believe in the Catholic Church. I believe it is the one, true religion. I don’t believe I have any choice. If I were to leave the Church, I wouldn’t be happy. The Catholic Church provides me with great comfort, and I have deep faith and belief in it. I do hope that you don’t think that I’m sounding selfish.”

“I should never want you to do anything for
me that would cause you to be unhappy,” I answered, truly meaning it.

“The C
hurch is a part of me, Sophia. It’s my soul. When I was born, I was born a Catholic. In my heart, that’s who I am. I don’t have a choice in this. I have to live Catholic and die Catholic.”

“Well, does
n’t your Church consider it a sin to marry a non-Catholic?”

“
The Catholic Church frowns upon mixed marriages. Nevertheless, with a presentation of reasons, a disposition can be given There are ways to make it acceptable. That is why I said that ideally you would convert. However, I wouldn’t want you to do something you didn’t believe in either. Do you see the dilemma?”

I was still lying next to hi
m, and I turned, placing my head on his shoulder and putting myself into a position so that I could look up at him and see the expressions on his face. “I was never raised to be terribly strong in my religious beliefs. It was just the done thing to attend chapel on Sundays. We didn’t really live the church’s teachings in our home. I suppose that’s quite obvious,” I laughed ruefully. “I cannot say that I’m very clear about what I believe. I’ve never studied religion. I know that the world is an astonishing place, and that it can’t all be an accident. It simply cannot. It’s so well ordered and well planned. So, I believe that I have some germ of belief planted in my soul, but as to denominations and the like, well…I only know that I love you, and that we must be together.

He took
my face into his hands. “Darling Sophia,” he began, “please tell me that you will marry me. We’ll manage the logistics concerning religion.”

“Spence, I want
more than anything to marry you, and of course I accept your proposal.” I answered. We kissed once again, and he held me close once more. I reached up and traced the outline of his handsome face. Spence began to caress my breasts a second time. Slowly his hands moved again, to touch the warmth between my legs. And once more, desire arose. We ceased conversation. We made love again, familiar with each other’s bodies and committed to one another in our hearts.

The sun was low
in the sky as we dressed and returned to the hotel. It was difficult for me to face Drew and Annie upon our return. I felt so extraordinarily different that I could not be certain it didn’t show. I soaked in the tub, luxuriating in my newfound happiness, and dressed carefully in a new, royal blue woolen suit, purchased especially for the trip to Twigbury. We all shared a lovely evening dining at the
King Charles Hotel
, and there was newfound intimacy between Spence and me. The evening ended with a nightcap in the drawing room of our
Twigbury Court
suite. Then, Drew and Annie retired to their room. Spence and I, having vowed not to repeat our amorous afternoon in near proximity to my brother and his wife, also ended the evening.

S
uch vows did not hold for the entire weekend. It would have been foolish to assume that we wouldn’t continue our journey of discovery, having once experienced the ecstasy of one another’s bodies. The following day we planned a rendezvous in Spence’s cottage, which was next to his office. Once again, Drew and Annie were most accommodating, announcing that they were going for a drive to explore the countryside. Spence collected me a little before noon, and we lunched at the hotel. Then we made our way back to his cottage, which was picturesque and engaging, with cob walls, a thatched roof, and a large baking oven at the foot of the chimney. I couldn’t help but remember Edwina’s comments about a thatched roof cottage in the Cotswolds being perfect for me. There were six rooms which included a parlor, two bedrooms, a dining space, the kitchen and loo. It was obvious that a bachelor lived there for the decor was sparse, and there was precious little of a personal nature. The older physician, who actually owned the cottage, had removed his belongings. Still, it was charming, if a bit sparsely furnished. An old four-poster dominated Spence’s bedroom, topped with a lovely hand stitched quilt.

I
found that the anticipation of lovemaking only heightened its intensity. When we were finally in the bedroom, with the door closed and shades pulled, I was fairly trembling with desire. We came together in a passionate embrace, and it was no time at all before we were completely unclothed and lying on the crisp, linen sheets under the quilt. I was much less hesitant than I’d been the first time, and even eager to touch Spence…To feel his hardness…To stroke him and give him pleasure. I would never have believed that I could be feeling such desires. We openly expressed our love for one another, in delight and joy. When he entered me, it was absolute ecstasy. I knew that he shared the same emotions. We spent the afternoon making love repeatedly, each time reaching new heights of passion. Over and over, I would believe that we were both fully satiated, but somehow the desire always returned. Had it not been for the human body’s natural need to satisfy hunger and thirst, we might never have left the tiny bedroom in that old, country cottage near the River Twig.

I was
never the same after that weekend. If Spence had been the primary consideration before in my life, he was all-consuming thereafter. All I could think about was how much I loved him, wanted to share his life, and grow old with him. I could not wait to get beyond the hurdle of confessing my love for him to my parents, so that he and I might look forward to planning a future together.

I immediately rang my parents upon returning to London that Sunday evening. I
did not want to make the topic of Spence an enormous
issue
, as I feared they would attach more importance to it than I wished, before they’d had a chance to meet him. I was not so foolish as to think that because I loved Spence, all obstacles would magically disappear. There were certain to be voluminous objections. I
did
hope, however, that upon meeting him those objections would become less important. I had two weeks to prepare myself for the charity dinner, but decided that I would meet with my parents before that occasion to tell them of my feelings for Spence. I felt that it would be wiser to broach the subject with them privately. I knew how emotional Mummy could become, and didn’t want to expose Spence to an unpleasant scene.

T
he following weekend, I made a long-overdue visit to
Willow Grove Abbey.
Upon arrival, my mind was looking ahead to a life eventually spent there as Spence’s wife. I’d begun to fantasize about a future whereby Drew would minister to the congregation of St. Mary and St. Edward, Blake would oversee
Somerville Ltd
., and Spence and I would settle into the idyllic life of country doctoring, perhaps in
Bedminster-with-Hartcliffe
. We could all live at
Willow Grove.
Spence knew of my deep love for my ancestral home, and I knew he would do anything to make me happy. The fantasy was lovely, albeit very unrealistic. There was certainly no reason to assume that my parents would be leaving
Willow Grove Abbey
anytime soon.

When
I arrived at
Willow Grove,
my parents greeted me at the entrance. I had not seen them in weeks, as I’d repeatedly manufactured excuses to keep them from visiting London. Their presence would have meant that I couldn’t see Spence, and seeing Spence had become the center of my life. Both of my parents appeared to be in high spirits on that afternoon, for which I silently thanked God. I hoped they would still be when my visit ended.

“You lo
ok splendid, Sophia,” Papa exclaimed when he saw me. “Absolutely splendid. I can see that London agrees with you.”

“Oh, Nigel, y
ou men are so obtuse,” Mummy responded. “It isn’t London that agrees with Sophia. A whirlwind social life has put roses in her cheeks. Isn’t that right, Sophia?”

I
smiled, and felt a bit uncomfortable. “Well, partly right, Mummy,” I answered.

“Why don’t you have Joseph
bring your things in? Perkins can see that they are sent to your room, and Violet can set about unpacking for you? If you want to freshen up, Papa and I will be in the drawing room, so join us in there.”

Joseph was our chauffeur and Perkins was
our Butler, with whom Mummy and Papa could not have survived. He did a great deal of work and was one of the most important servants in our home. Perkins ordered all of the supplies, kept the household accounts and engaged both men servants and housemaids, parlor maids and even our Rose. Violet was our lady’s maid. She had a great many duties, and was first rate. She was a hairdresser, a good packer, and a fine needlewoman. She also drew Mummy’s and my baths, laid out our underclothes, brushed our hair and dressed it. Actually, Violet was Mummy’s lady’s maid, but when I was at home, we shared her. Mummy had tried to persuade me that we should employ two lady’s maids, one for each of us, because she felt that it was impractical for a debutante and her mother to share a maid... at least during the height of the Season. I firmly refused such an excessive suggestion, nor would I agree to take Violet with me to Annie and Drew’s house. I really felt no need for a lady’s maid at all, and thought it a great affectation on Mummy’s part.

The only person I really adored in the servant’s real
m was Nan, our housekeeper, who had been at
Willow Grove Abbey
since before I was born. She had her own bedroom, bath and sitting area. All of the servants, including Perkins, came under Nan’s authority. She supervised the entire house exactly as a very conscientious and skilled mistress would do herself. I worshipped Nan, and really considered her to be a ‘second mother’ to me. How I often wished that she
were
truly my mother! Nan had an innate kindness, and the patience of Job. It was sad that she had never borne children of her own, because I believe she would have been a superlative mother. She was always there for me during my growing up years, and I undoubtedly learned about love from her. She showed her love to all of us in abundance.

I
climbed the winding staircase to my old bedchamber, furnished in period French. There were twin beds, a dressing table and two matching armoires. The walls were covered in Fortuny fabric of pale, pink silk. Since meeting Spence, I’d become acutely aware of the fact that I’d always taken my opulent lifestyle for granted. My love for him made me aware that there were other places and ways to be happy. While my childhood home was uncommonly splendid, it would not have had much meaning if I’d had to face life without him. It truly didn’t matter where I married him, or whether we could ever afford the kind of life I’d known. I only wanted to be his wife. I fluffed my hair, splashed cool water on my face, and slipped into a blue cashmere skirt and twin set. Then, I joined my parents in the drawing room. It was an elegant room, with bay windows, inset with softly cushioned window seats. The portieres were buttery yellow velvet, fringed in white, and they puddled to an Aubusson carpet, patterned with rose, crème and blue. A magnificent fireplace covered half of one wall. There were white sofas, yellow winged back chairs, and pale blue club chairs scattered about. Papa offered me a gin and tonic and I settled myself upon the sofa across from where both of my parents were sitting.

“Right, s
o, bring us up to date on happenings in London,” Papa began.

“I
t’s been a frightfully busy summer,” I smiled. “I’ve had marvelous fun, and hope I haven’t been too great a burden on Drew and Annie. They have been wonderful. I don’t think I’ve missed a West End show, and I’ve attended all of the gallery openings.”

“That’s splendid”
Papa smiled.

“Are you
meeting many suitable people?” Mummy asked.

“I should think that everyone I
meet is suitable, Mummy. I cannot imagine where I would meet any but suitable types,” I teased.

“You know what I
mean, Sophia” Mummy responded, in a not altogether light tone.

“I know,
Mummy,” I murmured, realizing my mistake, and assuming a more serious pose.

“I saw the Duchess of
Winnsborough last week in Bath. She told me that Owen has been in London nearly the entire Season. Did you know that he will inherit his father’s estate,
Winnsborough Hall
, in Gloustershire? In fact, his parents are prepared to gift it to him and a bride, and remove themselves to their second home
, Snow Hill
, as soon as he marries.
Winnsborough Hall
is one of the most splendid estates in the country, and he’s very eligible, Sophia. Do you spend much time with him?”

“Yes
, Mummy. You know that Lord Winnsborough and I are good friends. He has escorted me to several social functions, including Ascot. You recall, I’m sure, that he was my partner for supper at my Debut Ball. Unfortunately, he rather resembles a bloodhound, Mummy.”

“
Sophia, what a dreadful remark. Are you one of the ‘
great beauties on Earth’
? She asked, snidely. “The Winnsboroughs are lovely people, and he is highly suitable. I should like you to be nice to him. The Duchess hints that he has thoughts that go well beyond being your escort to parties, the theater, and Balls. I think there is an excellent chance that you will be receiving a proposal of marriage from him in the not too distant future.”

I
was stricken. Lord Winnsborough
was not
who I had in mind as a future husband. I was in love with Spence, and did not intend to consider any other man. I suspected that Mummy had been conspiring with Lady Winnsborough to match me with Owen, probably since my birth. It was time to set my parents straight about future intentions. Choosing my words carefully, I began.

“
Do you remember that I’ve mentioned Spencer Stanton before? I believe you even met him in the queue at the end of my debut Ball. I don’t think you could help but remember him. He is an exceptional stand-out.”

“I do believe I
met someone of that name and description. Is he tall, and dark haired? Quite good looking?” Mummy answered. She took a large gulp of her gin and tonic.

“Yes. That is Spence, exactly.”
My heart speeded up.

“Are his people the Stanton
’s who own Stanton Hall in South Molten, Devon?”

“No
Mummy. Spence’s parents are deceased. They died when he was fifteen. The Stanton’s in South Molten
could
be some relation, I suppose, but Spence was raised near Bristol, until he went off to Eton and Oxford.”

“Where is his land,
then?” questioned Papa.

Why in the world was
it so important for people to own land
? “He isn’t a landowner, Papa. He’s a physician. A very fine one. He has graduated the University of Edinburgh and is presently in a private medical scheme. In addition, he’s a rather renowned RAF pilot.”

“Doesn’t have land?
Has he a title?” asked Mummy.

“
Well, in a manner of speaking he does. One he earned with a lot of very hard work. That of ‘Doctor’,” I replied, feeling very proud of Spence.

“
Sophia, are you telling us that you are more than a friend to this title-less and probably penniless, physician?” Mummy asked, with an edge to her voice.

“That’s
what I’m telling you, Mummy. Only he is not penniless. He is in a private medical practice in Twigbury, and is doing wonderfully well. He’s terribly busy with patients and they all adore him.” I shifted around in my chair, trying to make myself more comfortable, because I felt that the atmosphere was growing more stifling as the conversation continued.

“
Twigbury! Twigbury near Cirencester! In Gloucestershire? My God, Sophia. There’s nothing there save a brewery, a duck reserve and a couple of hotels. When did you visit Twigbury?”

“Last weekend
. Drew, Annie and I drove over and stayed at the Twigbury Court Hotel. Spence wanted me to see where he practices. It’s a lovely spot, very quaint and old.”

M
ummy returned to the sofa, and I could see that her mouth had turned white round the edges. “Sophia let me be clear about this. Are you telling me that you are involved romantically with this doctor, who has no title, no land, no inheritance, no parents, and not very decent prospects? Who lives in a Cotswold cottage, in Twigbury, delivering babies and treating the croup?”

“I don’t see it that way,
Mummy.”

“Tell us how you do see it then,
Sophia?” asked Papa.

I
t was always abundantly clear that Papa had to agree with Mummy or face her wrath. I took a deep breath and gave it my all. “Papa, I see Spence as a very decent man, with great intelligence and kindness. He has a strong love for humanity, is one of the most moral individuals I have ever known, possesses great, genuine integrity, and is warm and witty. He’s also devastatingly handsome,” I smiled, blushing. Taking another deep breath, I finished by saying: “But, perhaps, more than anything else, he loves me, not because I’m Lady Sophia Somerville, but for
myself.
He cares about my thoughts.... My dreams.... I love him.” I stopped, out of breath.

“I see,” said
Mummy, as she placed her drink on an inlaid French table, to the left of the sofa. “That was quite a speech. And has he asked you to marry him?”

“He’s
waiting until he can ask Papa’s permission. But, yes, we have spoken of marriage.”

“And what answer have you given hi
m?”

“I
’ve told him that I should love nothing better than to marry him, but that I have to speak with my parents. I want your blessing. I know you haven’t met him, but I can assure you, he is everything that I say.”

“
That is my concern, Sophia.”

“What do you
mean, Mummy?”

“
You are well aware that he is not suitable. I cannot imagine you having allowed this to progress beyond friendship. What in God’s name were Drew and Anne thinking to encourage this?”

“They were thinking of
my happiness.”

“Oh happiness! Rubbish!
Sophia, you are just a child, and do not have the faintest notion of what ‘happiness’ means. You will not find yourself so happy when you are working your fingers to the bone as a doctor’s wife, never having nice clothes, never entertaining, worrying all of the time about money. It would never do. Moreover, what about children? How would you intend to provide for them?”