Matthew scratched out each letter with careful precision. After he completed a word, he looked up at his father as if to seek reassurance, before writing the next word.
Matthew wrote
M is going away
. Once the sentence was completed, he threw down the screwdriver and covered his face with his hands. Luke pulled Matthew into his arms once again and rocked him. He remembered thinking that if his son ever spoke again, he'd be the happiest man alive.
Well, Matthew was speaking to him in a dozen different ways, and each way only added more pain to Luke's misery.
Luke buried his face in Matthew's hair and squeezed his eyes shut. "I don't want her to leave, either, son."
Chapter 28
Maddie packed the last of her belongings into the trunk. She planned to leave first thing in the morning. Her hope was that the Eldridge family would let her stay with them for the week or two it would take for the hotel in Colton to be completed. Lucy could certainly use the help.
Of course, it would depend on whether they were willing to put up with Picking Bones standing guard all day.
How she hated leaving Matthew. But it couldn't be helped. Her only hope was that he understood how very much she cared for him.
She closed her eyes and shivered at the memory of Luke's confession.
I murdered him.
The words spun like wheels in her head, growing louder with each passing minute until she thought she would lose her mind.
Rubbing her hands up and down her arms, she tried to justify Luke's behavior. Was it possible he'd been out of his mind with grief? Maybe it had been an accident…maybe…
A dozen other possibilities came to mind, but none that made much sense.
There had to be more to the story.
But what if there wasn't more? What if he truly was a cold-blooded murderer?
The thoughts continued to plague her for the rest of that day and throughout the evening. She fixed a light supper for Matthew and tried to offer him reassurances. At one point, he threw his arms around her and sobbed on her shoulder.
"I'm not going that far away," she explained. "I'm just going to help Mrs. Eldridge. Maybe you can come and visit me and play with Jamie and Caroline."
She waited until he fell asleep before tiptoeing outside and quietly closing the door behind her. She stood watching the light that fanned out from beneath the barn doors, tempted to go to him, to ask him for more…what? Details, perhaps. Something that would help her to understand what could make someone take the life of another.
It was fear that kept her in place--fear of what he might say. After a while, she abandoned any thought of confronting him. Dreading the hours until morning, she ducked into her tipi and began undressing for bed.
The sight of her outlined on the walls of her tipi brought him to a halt. It was still fairly early. She didn't normally prepare for bed this early.
He stood frozen in place. Looking at him, no one would have guessed he was fighting a bitter, though silent, battle between doing right by her and giving in to his own selfish need to go to her.
He reminded himself of all the reasons why he shouldn't feel the things he felt. He was in no position to offer a woman anything, least of all himself. Never had been. Never could be.
Oh, how he longed to hold her again. To feel that wild streak of hers, that same sweet passion she'd showed him the night his past and his present collided. Lord, to think it had been her first time.
A deep, abiding sight escaped him as he watched her slip first her skirt, then her trousers down her soft rounded hips. He imagined running his hand down the long line of her back to the gentle flare of her buttocks.
He ached, literally ached, as he watched her lift her arms and work her nightgown over her head. He rubbed his chin. It had been a difficult day and promised to be an even more difficult night. He wiped the moisture off his forehead with his arm.
It was a relief to him when she doused the lantern and he could no longer see her. But the relief was only minor, for the vision of her naked loveliness continued to torment him for the remainder of the night.
It was still dark when Maddie woke to the sound of wagon wheels. The wagon was traveling fast, and sensing that something was amiss, she quickly felt for a candle and lit it with shaking hands. She carried the candle in its holder to the front of the soddy just as the wagon pulled up.
She recognized the driver at once as Peter. He looked visibly relieved to see her. "The baby's on the way."
"Give me a moment," Maddie called. Cupping her hand around the flickering flame, she hurried to the tipi to dress. She was back outside in record time. "Has anyone gone for the doctor?"
"There's no time." Peter's voice sounded strained.
"We don't know that for sure. I think someone should go for him."
"Maybe you should go to Lucy alone. I'll head for Hays."
"I should be the one to go," she said. "I can make better time." Peter would have to take the wagon because of his leg.
"I…I don't know if that's such a good idea, Maddie. I know nothing about delivering a baby."
"I'll go."
It was Luke's voice floating out of the darkness.
"That will be a great help, Luke," she called, grateful for his offer.
"I don't think there's time to get a doctor," Peter said, worriedly.
Like stepped into the circle of flickering candlelight. He was buttoning his shirt.
"If I reach Hays early enough, the doctor and I might be able to catch the train to Colton. That would save a few hours' time."
This seemed to relieve Peter's mind, and after waiting for Maddie to climb onto the seat next to him, he urged his horse through the misty darkness.
The silver light of dawn spilled from the east as they reached the Eldridge camp.
The buckboard rolled to a stop next to the army tent. Maddie jumped to the ground and hurried to Lucy, leaving Peter to struggle with his crutches.
A lantern burned inside the tent, casting shadows against the dark canvas walls. Lucy looked greatly relieved when she saw Maddie. "Thank you for coming. I thought after our talk yesterday--"
Maddie dropped to her knees by the woman's side. "Of course I would come. How long has it been?"
"The pains started around midnight. They…" She broke off with a moan.
Maddie offered her hand to the woman. "Squeeze tight," she said. Lucy's hand grew limp, and Maddie sponged off her forehead. "Don't worry," she said. "I know what to do when the time comes."
Lucy looked hopeful. "You've delivered a baby before?"
"As a matter of fact, I've helped deliver seven." What she didn't say was that they had been kittens. Still, the principle was the same, and thanks to the time spent in her father's lab, she was educated in the field of anatomy.
Despite Peter's concern, the baby didn't seem to be in any hurry to make an appearance. For the next few hours, all Maddie could do was to make Lucy as comfortable as possible.
Lucy slept between contractions, and Maddie took advantage of one of her catnaps to step outside the tent and splash cold water on her arms and face. Not a bit of breeze moved the stiflingly hot air.
Peter, whose crutches had poked a series of holes in the sod outside from his constant pacing, searched her face. "Is she all right?"
"She's having a hard time."
"She didn't have this hard a time with the others."
Maddie wanted so much to say something that would relieve his worry. She wished she'd spent more time listening to her mother's friends and their whispered talk of childbirth, and less time focused on the adventures of her father and his colleagues.
"It doesn't necessarily mean that anything's wrong." She tried to sound encouraging for Lucy's sake, as well as the sake of the two small children who were watching her with fearful eyes. She tousled Caroline's hair and chucked Jamie under the chin. "This baby is probably larger than the other two were."
"I hope you're right."
Upon hearing a groan from Lucy, Maddie met Peter's eyes briefly, gave the children a wink, and quickly ducked through the open flaps.
She spent the rest of the morning trying to keep Lucy calm and cool, while Peter entertained Jamie and Caroline outside. At one-thirty, Peter drove the wagon to the train depot to pick up Luke and the doctor.
Maddie heard the train whistle in the distance as she sponged off Lucy's hot forehead.
Please let the doctor be on board
, she prayed.
It was close to forty minutes later when Jamie stuck his head through the tent opening. "I think I see them."
Maddie rushed outside to see for herself. A dust cloud rose in the distance. It was coming from the direction of the depot. It had to be the doctor!
Maddie and the two children stood watching the wagon grow closer. At last, the wagon was close enough to reveal the welcome news that Peter was not alone. Next to him sat a rather pompous-looking man in shirt sleeves. The wagon rolled to a stop, and Luke jumped down from the back of it. He turned to lift Matthew to the ground, then handed the doctor a black bag.
"This way!" Maddie called.
The doctor ran the short distance to the tent, his bald head gleaming in the glare of the afternoon sun. "I'm Doctor Williams." He drew a handkerchief from his pocket and mopped his brow.
"Are we glad to see you!" She led him to Lucy's side, then withdrew, leaving him to examine his patient in privacy. Matthew greeted her with a hug, then ran off to join Caroline and Jamie, who had been sent to the stream to fetch fresh water.
Maddie stood outside the tent with Peter and Luke. Both men looked tired and worried, though Luke looked more haunted than anything else. Try as she might to make eye contact with him, he refused to look directly at her.
Peter offered Luke some whiskey. "Do you want some?" he asked Maddie.
She shook her head. Whatever happened, she would need a clear head.
Dr. Williams stepped out of the tent. The serious look on his face made her heart sink. She had been so certain that once the doctor arrived, their worries would be over.
"The baby appears to be tied up in the cord," he explained.
Peter took a quick gulp of the whiskey he'd poured for Luke. "It sounds serious."
"It is serious. I recommend a surgical birth."
Peter paled. "You mean…cut her open?"
"It's the only way."
Luke grabbed Peter by the arm, his face ashen. "Don't do this, Peter. I beg of you, don't do this!"
The doctor looked stunned by Luke's outburst, but he was no more surprised than Maddie.
Peter grimaced in uncertainty. "What…what choice do I have?"
"You have no choice," the doctor said firmly. He frowned at Luke, then turned back to Peter.
Luke ignored the doctor's warning look. "Think about it, Peter. How many men in the war survived surgery?
You were one of the lucky ones." "This is different," Peter said. "This is childbirth, not gunfire." "How do you think Catherine-Anne died? It was because your damned brother-in-law cut her open!" "He did what he could to save her!" Peter yelled back. "Stop it, both of you!" Maddie cried. "Lucy needs us. This is no time to bring up past history."
Her anguished plea was met with strained silence. From inside the tent came Lucy's cries. Her moans were like a knife cutting through the tension.
The doctor glanced from one man to the other and then disappeared through the flap of the tent.
"I don't know what to do," Peter said. He sank down on the ground, his crutches falling, and covered his face with his hands. Maddie was tempted to tell him in no uncertain terms that it was no time to be weak, but sensing the anguish behind his muffled sobs, she resisted the urge. Instead, she dropped to her knees beside him and wrapped her arms around him.
"You have to be strong, Peter," she said gently. His body shook as she held him. "Lucy needs you to be strong."
The doctor joined them moments later. "Well? What's it going to be? Surgery or not?"
"Peter?" Maddie nudged him gently.
Peter looked up into her face, his cheeks streaked with dust and tears. "You decide, Maddie."
Her heart closed in protest. "It's not my place to decide. Lucy's your wife."
"I can't." He reached for his crutches and stood. He quickly hobbled away and headed for the open prairie.
"Peter!"
From behind her, the doctor cursed. "I can't perform surgery without permission."
Maddie turned, her eyes on Luke. This time he met her gaze. There was no denying the closed look he gave her.
Don't do this, Maddie
, he seemed to say. She looked away from him and took a deep breath.
She faced the doctor and prayed for strength and courage. "You have permission to do what must be done."
The doctor wiped his forehead with his arm. "Permission must come from the next of kin."
"You heard Peter. He told me to make the decision."
"I have to have written proof."
Maddie's anger flared. A woman's life was at stake, and they were arguing over legalities. "In case you've not noticed, Dr. Williams, her next of kin is not here. Nor is he in any condition to make decisions. Certainly you can make allowances under the circumstances."
The doctor glanced in the direction Peter had gone. "I could lose my license for performing surgery without proper permission. The Medical Society is quite clear on that."
"Should you not perform surgery and something happens to Mrs. Eldridge, I am fully prepared to write to Dr. Coswell and tell him you failed to comply with Mr. Eldridge's wishes and perform surgery."
Surprised crossed the doctor's face at the mention of Dr. Coswell's name, whether because she knew the name of the man who headed the Medical Society or because of her bold declaration, it was hard to say.
In any case, the doctor recovered quickly, and his face grew red. "The patient's husband expressed no such wishes!"
"Are you quite certain about that, Doctor?"
The doctor turned to Luke, Obviously looking for support. But although it was clear that Luke was against her decision, he said nothing to contradict her contention.
The doctor paled, but he nodded in defeat. "If something happens during surgery--"
She lifted her chin. "I think it would be best for everyone if the surgery is a success."
The doctor rolled up his sleeves. "I'll need an assistant."
Luke uttered a curse and spun on his heel. He covered the short distance to Maddie's wagon with long, angry strides, stopping only long enough to call to Matthew.
She hated to go against his wishes. But what choice did she have? Lord, what choice? She turned to the doctor. "Tell me what to do."
Chapter 29
The doctor took great pains to prepare for surgery. Every instrument was sterilized, and he insisted that Maddie wash Lucy's abdomen with hot water and lye soap. By the time Maddie had completed the task to his satisfaction, Lucy's skin was red.
While she worked, Maddie did her best to soothe Lucy's fears. "Dr. Williams is very knowledgeable." She wiped away the perspiration from Lucy's forehead. "Your baby will be fine."
"Where's Peter?" Lucy whispered, her parched lips barely moving.
Maddie glanced toward the doctor, who was methodically washing his hands. It seemed he was taking an inordinate amount of time to prepare for this surgery. She couldn't help but wonder if he was hoping for some miracle that would prevent it altogether. "Peter's outside," she lied.
Lucy clutched at her hand. "I need to see him. Please."
Maddie covered Lucy's hand with her own "I'll…fetch him."
She pulled open the flap, hoping that by some chance Peter had returned. She motioned to Jamie with her hand. "Have you seen your father?" She kept her voice low so that Lucy couldn't hear.
Jamie shook his head.
Maddie walked away from the tent and scanned the sweltering, airless plains in every direction. There was no sign of Peter. Where in the world was he? And what was the matter with him? How could he run off and leave his wife as such a difficult time? Lucy always referred to her husband as a hero. Some hero. If Maddie ever had occasion to see the man again, she intended to give him a thorough tongue-lashing!
Maddie walked back to the tent. "Your mother is going to be all right," she told Jamie, but he looked unconvinced. Behind him, Caroline sat clutching her rag doll and sucking her thumb. "Take care of your sister and if you should see your father, come and get me." Her heart heavy, she ducked into the tent.
Lucy lay quiet, her eyes closed.
Maddie whispered the bad news to the doctor. "I can't find her husband."
The doctor held up a white cloth. "It's ether," he said softly. "She won't feel a thing." He placed the cloth over Lucy's mouth, and a quiet repose spread across her face.
The problem of having to explain Peter's absence had been postponed, but the enormity of what they were about to do gripped Maddie's heart with cold dread. If anything should go wrong, she knew that she alone would have to accept the blame.
The doctor took his place by Lucy's side. He was prepared to make the first incision. Over his head, the white globe of the hot afternoon sun burned through the canvas.
Maddie watched the tip of his scalpel score the white flesh of Lucy's swollen belly and was surprised by the dizziness that suddenly came over her. She had watched her father perform any number of dissections in his lab, and as she had recently proven, she herself was rather adept with a knife. But none of her past experiences had prepared her for surgery, nor for the life-and-death gamble she now faced.
She knew enough about anatomy to know that one slip of the knife would mean the end for Lucy and the baby.
She appreciated the importance of a steady hand, and Dr. Williams certainly impressed her with his. She kept herself busy as he worked, handing him various instruments, wiping away the excess blood, mopping the perspiration away from his forehead. And always she kept an eye on Lucy's still, porcelain-like face.
The doctor lowered his hand to the open wound. She closed her eyes until she heard the marvelous sound of a baby's thin cry.
Her eyes flew open to gaze at the wondrous sight. She felt all at once like laughing and crying, but she did neither. She was too filled with relief and joy to move, too overcome with gratitude. The baby was so tiny it hardly filled the doctor's hands.
"It's a girl," the doctor said, smiling. "Come and hold her while I cut the cord."
The baby felt slippery to the touch, not at all like the furry bodies she was used to working with. Terrified that she might drop the precious bundle, Maddie stood frozen in place, with the baby in her arms.