Like a man being guided by something out of his control, he walked to the tipi and unfastened the flap. He could see her clearly now. She was naked from the waist up, and the sight of her took his breath away.
She looked at him with a softness that made him shiver with anticipation. She made no attempt to cover her nakedness, and he knew for the first time in his life what it meant to be trusted by someone. He stepped inside the tent and felt her lovely essence close around him. He was shaking now. He wanted to do right by her, to be deserving of the trust and love he saw in her eyes. He struggled to put the self-doubts behind him, but it was a difficult chore.
"I shouldn't be here...I have no right."
As she rose to her feet and let the last of her garments fall away, it occurred to him that nothing could be more beautiful.
Accustomed to women who feared physical closeness, he was overcome with awe by the raw desire her eyes.
"Oh, God, Maddie!"
He cleared the distance between them in one motion and swooped her into his arms. But even as he touched her, he was conscious of his actions. He never wanted to hear her cry out in pain again. He forced himself to touch her gently, reminding himself that she was still inexperienced in such matters. But when she pressed against him, his best intentions were quickly undermined.
Be careful
. The words came from some deeply buried memory, and he squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting anything to interfere this time. But interfere they did, the warnings, the memory of who he was, who his father was.
Anger rose within him. Not this time. Nothing was going to prevent him from showing Maddie the full extent of his love for her. Nothing!
He tightened his arms around her, but a lifetime of holding back proved a powerful force to overcome.
She pushed him away, and he quickly opened his eyes. Had he been mortally wounded he could not have felt worse. "Maddie?"
"You're doing it again, Luke." She looked close to tears, and he knew that despite his vow he had caused her pain.
"What? What am I doing?"
"Treating me as if I'm nothing more than a fragile teacup." She was angry and hurt, and her eyes flashed with green fire. She grabbed her nightgown and pulled it in front of her. It was only a piece of flimsy fabric, but to him it seemed like a solid wall.
He didn't want walls between them. And in that moment, he knew there was something that Maddie needed to know.
"My father…hurt my mother."
Her eyes widened as if she didn't understand. "Hurt her? You mean physically?"
"I mean he raped her." A look of horror crossed her face, and he let the full knowledge of what he was telling her sink in before he continued. "I'm the result."
"Oh, Luke--" She spoke in a husky whisper. "This explains so much." Her eyes filled with tears, and he could see his misery mirrored in their watery green depths. A lifetime of holding back had prevented him from giving in to tears, and he envied her the ability to express her feelings so openly and honestly.
"Is that why you pulled away from me our first night together? Because of your father?"
He nodded. "When you cried out…I thought I was just like him."
Her tear-filled eyes widened. "Oh, Luke," she gasped, "you could never be like him."
He lifted his hand to her face and captured a tear on the tip of his finger. No one had ever shed tears for him. The tear shimmered on his finger like a clear, pure diamond, and he thought of all the tears he'd seen on his mother's face--tears of pain, tears of shame, tears of anger. Never once had he known that tears could also be shed for love.
"I wanted you to know, Maddie. You have the right to know."
"I don't understand," she said. She wrapped her hand around his, and the tear he held was crushed between their fingers. "There have been other women in your life. Catherine-Anne. Didn't any of this effect your marriage?"
He shook his head. "Catherine-Anne hated the physical part of marriage. She…she'd had a hard life. I knew that from the start. I'm afraid that's one of the reasons I married her--I felt safe with her."
"Safe?" A frown settled on her forehead. "Is that what you want? To feel safe?"
He shook his head. "Not anymore. Do you still want me…knowing how I came to be."
"You make it sound like you're the one who did something wrong."
"Can you blame me? The son of a rapist, a murderer!"
Her face grew still as she gazed at him. "Why are you so willing to believe you're like your father?"
"It's not that I'm willing," he protested.
"Isn't it? You're willing to believe you killed that doctor. I let out a little cry, and you jump to all the wrong conclusions."
"It's not just who my father was…it's how everyone treated me…as if I were a criminal or about to become one. Even my mother…" His voice grew husky. "After a while I guess I started believing it myself. I'm sorry, Maddie. If you still want me, I swear that I'll try to put all this behind me."
"I still want you," she whispered. "But not if you intend to keep treating me like some fragile doll that's going to break if you press too hard."
"I've never thought of you as fragile," he said.
"I'm glad." She gave him a smoky look, then slowly let her gown fall away. He sucked in his breath. She moved her body seductively, and he could hold back no longer.
With one sweeping motion he crushed her to him. Like a man suddenly set free, he ran his hands up and down her silky flesh. He covered her mouth hungrily, his lips hard and searching.
His movements were swift and intense, but were no more demanding than hers. Passion exploded between them as he tugged and she pulled at his clothes until nothing prevented their bodies from melting together like overheated metal.
They fell on the bedroll, him on top of her. Her hands were all over his body, caressing and urging, pressing and demanding.
In a frenzied moment of uncontrollable desire, he plunged inside her. Her soft, slick warmth welcomed him and almost immediately spastic waves of ecstasy ripped through him. Answering tremors rippled through her body, as if they'd both been struck by the same bolt of lightning. It was over so quickly, he hardly had time to breathe.
Shaken by the sheer power of what they had shared he rolled off her and lay stunned by her side. Never before had he allowed himself to lose himself so completely in the moment. He hadn't dared.
He was filled with wonder. He might be capable of violence, but Lord Almighty, it filled him with the greatest relief to know that he was also capable of expressing love in its purest form. He wanted to shout with the joy of discovery. More than that, he wanted to lose himself again.
He rolled toward her and cupped her face in his hands, her beautiful, loving face. "It was all right, Maddie, wasn't it? I held nothing back. I didn't think about anything but the moment, and it was all right… Tell me if it wasn't. Tell me, please, you've got to tell me."
She took his hand and pressed her mouth against his fingers. "Oh, Luke. It was wonderful. It was…ecstasy."
"And I didn't frighten you?"
"Of course not," she declared. "What a notion."
"Maddie, you must tell me the truth. Did I hurt you?"
She gave him a shy look that surprised him. "Maddie Percy, shy?"
"I was afraid I might have hurt
you
," she said softly.
His heart did a somersault, and for a moment he couldn't speak. He pulled her into his arms and buried his noise in the soft fragrance of her flesh. Suddenly, it was all so clear. Only in freeing himself, had he given Maddie the freedom to express her own needs.
If he had anything to regret at that moment, it was the speed with which he'd taken her. She deserved so much more from him. Yet when he lifted his head to look into the soft glow of her eyes, he saw nothing that suggested
he'd failed her. "I've wanted that for so long. I'm sorry I was so…"
"Expeditious?"
He had to laugh. "What a word."
It surprised him when she rubbed the palms of her hands across his damp chest.
The fact that Maddie looked, well...downright determined to explore every part of him filled him with wonder and joy, and thanksgiving.
He moaned when she took a daring dive down his belly. "What are you doing to me?"
She laughed softly, and he slipped his arms around her waist, easing her body on top of his. It amazed him how their bodies seemed so perfectly suited to each other.
He brushed his fingers over the lovely mounds of her breasts and marveled at the pleasure he felt when desire, slow and sweet this time, began to rise again.
Without the frantic urge that had previously driven him, he was able to explore every enticing curve of her body at leisure. It gave him such pleasure to know he didn't have to hide his passion, that he could experience love in its many forms. And now, having sated the lust that had stolen his self-control, he now intended to linger over her until dawn's light.
Chapter 32
Maddie awoke with a start, vaguely aware of feeling warm and protected--and very much loved. The light of dawn shone through the bleached buffalo hides that were the walls of the tipi. Luke's sturdy arm was flung across her waist, and one powerful leg lay protectively across her thigh. Thinking back over the events of the glorious night, she smiled. It hadn't been a dream after all.
As if sensing her watching him, he stirred. His warm gaze found hers immediately, as if waking up in her arms was the most natural thing in the world.
"Good morning," she whispered.
A shadow of a smiled touched his mouth, followed by a frown. "Don't tell me it's morning, already?" He moaned. "I've got to go before Matthew awakens." He sat up and ran his fingers through his tousled hair. "I'm not sure I'm ready to explain the birds and the bees to him."
She ran a finger up his strong back. "He's not due to wake for another hour or so."
"It'll be my luck that he wakes up early today. Besides, isn't Lefty due to make his early-morning inquiry as to what day of the week it is? What does he call it? The Great Father's day? And let's not forget Picking Bones. Oh, no!"
Maddie caught her breath. "What's the matter?"
"What's Picking Bones going to say when she learns that your virtue is no longer intact?"
"I won't tell her if you won't." Maddie flattened her palm against him, and he collapsed against her.
"Now look what you're doing."
She giggled. "I do believe it is the Great Father's day."
He took a playful dive for her neck and ran his tongue across the lobe of her ear. "You're shameless, you know that?" She rolled out from under him and tossed him his pants. "What you need is some good old-fashioned exercise."
"What do you call what we were doing all night long?"
Ignoring the question, she dressed quickly. "Last one outside is a one-legged frog!"
She beat him by seconds, but he dashed after her and caught her by the barn. She ducked beneath his arms and ran along the track she'd worn into the ground with her daily runs. "You can't catch me!"
Grinning, he chased after her, and their laughter filled the air as they ran around the soddy, carefree as children. When they reached the woodpile, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her soundly.
Lord, it felt so good to hold her, to kiss her, to touch her without reservation or fear. How could he have let anyone convince him that such feelings were wrong?
"Are you feeling less tense?" she asked with feigned innocence.
"I'm afraid running is not going to help my problem," he whispered in her ear. He looked up and cursed. Picking Bones was heading toward them. It wasn't until she came closer that he realized that, for once, she had a smile on her face.
The normally reticent woman suddenly had a lot to say, though he couldn't for the life of him figure out what it was. But whatever had happened this morning had brought a sparkle to her faded eyes and a flush to her weathered cheeks.