Wings of the Wicked (24 page)

“It reminds me of you,” he said in a quiet voice, his gaze still lowered. “You’ve always smelled like jasmine.”

Of course he would know I loved jasmine. He knew
everything
about me. I dug through my memories that shifted in and out of focus, and couldn’t remember myself ever choosing a different perfume or scented lotion. I always chose jasmine. For hundreds of years, I had been choosing jasmine.

Overwhelmed with emotion, I felt my eyes burning, and I poked at my plate. “Where’s Nathaniel?”

“Out with Lauren.”

I took a bite of the eggs to please him. They weren’t as burned as I’d thought. He’d made me breakfast despite what had happened last night, and I wasn’t sure I had it in me to tell him thank you. Eating the breakfast meant more to him than stupid words. He knew I appreciated it.

“You shouldn’t have done what you did last night,” I said.

He watched me carefully. “I don’t regret anything.”

“You shouldn’t have interfered. I had everything under control.” It was a lie and he knew it. While he had every right to laugh in my face, he didn’t.

“That’s not what it looked like. That guy was going to take advantage of you. I know you better than anyone. If you were in the right state of mind, you’d never have let him touch you like that.”

I took another bite, because I didn’t quite know what to say. He was right. Brian was a creep. I didn’t know if he was capable of something as awful as rape, but I was also pretty sure I would have been able to stop him if things were about to get that far.

“I don’t regret pulling him off you,” Will continued, his voice firm, “and I hate that you think I should. I will never regret anything that I have to do in order to protect you.”

“Still, you shouldn’t have beaten them up. You against a hundred of them still wouldn’t be a fair fight. You could have killed them all. You scared me, Will. I thought you were about to snap.” I knew he had a temper, and underneath all of that control, there was a darker, volatile nature. This was Will, the one person I knew better than my own self, but I didn’t know if there was anything he wouldn’t do to protect me.

“I was angry and I know it was wrong, but that guy deserved far worse than what I did to him. If I upset you, then I apologize for that, but I am not sorry for striking any of them.”

“You shouldn’t have followed us to that party, either. You had no right.”

“Ellie, you’re being
hunted
,” he said. “And I am your Guardian. I kept my distance, but I had to go, just in case. What if you’d been attacked? What if a demonic reaper like Merodach had shown up and killed you or someone else? You shouldn’t have put yourself and Kate at risk, let alone everyone else in that house.”

I sighed and pushed my plate away, unable to keep eating. “Do we have to talk about this again?”

“I just don’t think you’re considering the safety of others, let alone yourself.”

I ground my teeth and rapped my nails against the counter. “Look. I’d just nearly died fighting Orek, and my own father even tried to hurt me. I’ve been going through a lot. I feel like I’m going crazy. Getting out and doing something new felt like a good idea.”

“I should have been at your side,” he said earnestly. “Wherever you go, I should be with you. You are my responsibility, and I can’t protect you if you’re away from me.”

“I can’t stand being around you when you treat me as if I’m just your responsibility. Like I’m a
stranger
. I’m the last person who should be a stranger to you.”

He frowned, dropping his head and looking up at me through his lashes. “Then what do I need to do?”

I bit down on the inside of my cheek as my chest tightened and I tried not to cry. “If I knew that, I would have ordered you to do it already.”

He smiled that beautiful smile of his, and I almost let out a sob. I wanted him to tuck my hair behind my ear like he did, hold me in his arms that way he did, kiss me like he did last night—
anything
but sit frozen like a statue inches from me. I loved him so much it hurt. He was so close to me, yet impossible to reach.

“It was hard for me to stand outside and wait,” he said, his voice breaking more and more. “I knew what he wanted—what he
tried
—to do. I waited and waited for you to wake up and pummel that guy, because I know you could’ve. I was so angry, and my fists were rolled so tight my hands were bleeding. I tried not to interfere, I really did, but then it was clear that you couldn’t get out of there on your own. I couldn’t wait anymore.”

I was biting hard on the inside of my cheek, imagining him trying to hold himself back and let me handle the situation on my own. I had been in way over my head and too drunk to save myself or even know what was going on.

He continued, looking away from me. “Before things got really bad, I was jealous. When he touched you … I wanted to kill him.”

“But if I’m not with you, then one day I’ll be in a relationship with someone else,” I said. “You won’t really have a right to be jealous.”

“Won’t I?”

“Well, we’re not together, so I can do whatever I want. Is that what Kate was yelling at you about? Because you were acting like we’re together when we weren’t?”

He stepped around the bar and sat on the stool beside me. “Do you think I want it this way?”

“Then do something about it, Will!” I shouted. “I don’t want to wait on you forever. I don’t
have
forever like you do. You can’t waltz in on me when I’m with a guy and throw me over your shoulder like a caveman. That’s not fair.”

“He was going to
rape
you!” His temper erupted and he slammed his fist down on the counter, making me jump.

I recoiled, the unbearable truth of his words stinging, and the next moment, my eyes began to burn. The memory of Brian’s hands all over me, the stink of beer on his breath suffocating me—an ill feeling flooded through me, and I swallowed hard. I’d come so close, so treacherously close. This wasn’t a joke. This wasn’t about Will overstepping his bounds or me refusing to admit I’d put myself in danger. I wasn’t invincible. And though I was the Preliator, I was still just a girl. I spent so much time fighting supernatural monsters that I didn’t realize ordinary people could hurt me too. The reality of what could have happened clawed at me, and I covered my mouth with my hand and let out a sob. Will touched my arms gently, but I stood and stepped away from him. I could still feel Brian groping me sickeningly, my skin crawling with the memory.

I wiped at my face, choking on the taste of salt in my tears. “It still … it’s not fair. What if next time I’m with a boy I like?”

“I won’t be able to bear it.”

“What will it be, Will?” I asked, my voice rising as I fought my tears. “Are you going to storm in and claim me then, too?”

His jaw and lips hardened. His fist, resting on the counter, tightened until his knuckles turned white, as if the war that waged within him grew more violent and he was trapped in silence. His brow darkened and he shook his head, his eyes flashing bright, glued to mine.

“I’ve already claimed you,” he said, and grabbed my hand. He stood and yanked me into him, and his mouth crushed against mine as his other arm wrapped around my waist. His touch erased the memory of Brian’s burning hot hands on my body, and I let Will’s presence surround me. I threw my arms up and around his shoulders and stood on my tiptoes just to get a little closer to him.

Then my heart twisted and broke. I shoved him away. “No!”

“Ellie—”

“You’re driving me insane!” I cried. “I can’t take this push and pull anymore. You kiss me and then you won’t kiss me and then you do. It’s not fair! It’s got to be one or the other, Will!”

His body locked up again, and he stared at me. After a long, agonizing minute, he spoke. “What do you want from me? Anything. It’s yours.”

My lips quivered, holding back a sob. “Do you even have to ask?”

He didn’t respond and we returned to that face-off state.

“Will,” I said breathlessly. “I just want
you
. Five hundred years you waited to tell me you loved me, and as soon as you do, you tell me you can’t because Michael will take you from me. Why is loving me so wrong? I don’t care what my brother said to you, and neither should you. Why do you care so much about being perfect? How could you think that you and I are so wrong?” I stepped toward him and ran my hand down the solid muscle of his arm and hooked my fingers around his. “You know how right this is, how right we are. I don’t care what I am in some other life. I
was
an archangel. I
was
Gabriel. I
am
Ellie now, Will. This body is human. I
feel
human. I don’t want you to treat me like I’m untouchable, because I’m not. I want you to touch me. I want to be yours.”

He closed his eyes and his forehead touched mine. “I’m so sorry for everything. I never wanted to hurt you or make you doubt me. I need you to trust me. I need
you
. And I love you. I want you. You know I do. I’ll never stop doing any of those things until the day I die for you.”

I closed my eyes and took a painful breath at those words. It was a possibility that I had for so long refused to acknowledge, the possibility that he would die defending me, just as every one of my past Guardians had. I felt their losses greatly in my heart, but the idea of losing Will hit me to my soul. I opened my eyes once again to meet his beautiful emerald gaze.

“You told me yesterday in my room that this is me, who I’ve always been, but I don’t feel that way,” I said. “Is it me that you love, or is it Gabriel?”

He looked so sad in that instant. “I love this beautiful thing inside of you that makes you human. Your soul, your fragility, your human passion. None of that is Gabriel. It’s all
you
, Ellie.”

My lips quivered. “If I wasn’t human, would you still love me?”

He gave me the smallest smile. “I’d still love you forever.”

“You know I’m yours,” I whispered, and kissed him softly. He let me step into him without resistance.

“And I’m yours,” he said. “I always have been and always will be.”

I bit my lip. “I know.”

He kissed me then, his lips moving with mine as if they were made for each other. His fingers wound through my hair, and he deepened the kiss further with each passing heartbeat. The sadness receded away from me, and I let myself drown in him instead. Intensity crackled between us and heat rushed through me, longing and desperate. His hands traveled lower, spilling over my shoulders and tightening around my hips. An ache flashed low in my body and a whimper escaped me, a sound that triggered something deep in him as well.

He lifted me off the floor and onto the counter, shoving the plates away and knocking over the glass of orange juice. When he pushed my knees apart, hands running up my thighs and sending a strike of lightning desire up my spine, he crushed his body against mine and I forgot about the mess entirely. His mouth and tongue were hot against my neck, and I buried my hands in his hair as his arms wrapped around me and his fingertips raked down my back. One of his hands found the point of my hip, and his teeth nicked the bend of my neck. I dug my nails into his shoulder and my head fell back, something wild in me craving him. I grabbed a fistful of his shirt, and ached to tear it off him, to do anything to break down the thin, aggravating barrier of cloth between our skin. I fumbled with the buttons, gasping for breath when his mouth wasn’t on mine, and I pushed his open shirt over his shoulders, my eyes capturing his muscled chest and the tattoos spreading up his arm and the side of his neck.

“I’ve wanted you for so long,” he murmured against my throat between kisses. “Every time I look at you I feel like I’m about to explode, no matter how still I try to stay around you. Inside I’m like a hurricane. Everything you do … you drive me crazy.” His mouth returned to mine hungrily. “The way you play with the little curls in the ends of your hair.” He kissed me again, his hands squeezing my sides. “The way you wring the hem of your shirt with your fingers and make that little face when you’re deep in thought.” Another kiss and a small, secret smile. His thumbs glided under my shirt, just an inch, and the contact made me gasp and dig my nails into the back of his neck. “Where you touch me it feels like I’m on fire.” Again, he kissed me, long and deep and leisurely.

His hands slipped completely under my shirt, but stayed respectfully around my waist. The sensation of his hot skin on mine numbed my thoughts until my body began to take control, as if it knew exactly what to do. I touched his arms, applying enough pressure to let him know I wanted his hands to keep going. But he was hesitant, careful, and my own feelings were mixed. The more aware I became, the more I questioned what my body wanted. I wanted him, every inch of me did, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to go that far yet. A silent war raged between my mind and my body as he kissed me. I pulled back, and the rigidness in his shoulders collapsed, his hands sliding down my sides and resting around my thighs.

I stared into his face, studying every bit of him that I’d known so well for so long. His lips, that perfect full Cupid’s bow. His dark brow, where so much of his intensity came from. His eyes, that gleaming, radioactive green. He wasn’t smiling now, but I remembered the little line that grew beside his right eye whenever he did. I brushed the hair off his forehead—it was a wild mess from my hands anyway—and ran my palm across the two-day-old roughness on his jaw. I rarely saw him perfectly shaved, but I liked it that way. Loved it. Loved
him
. He didn’t always make the right decisions, but it always turned out okay. Every imperfection he had was perfect. He was perfect to me.

“Ellie,” he sighed, his chest rising and falling with the word. When he said my name, even when he teased me, it was the most wonderful sound in the world. I closed my eyes as he said my name again, this time his lips brushing against my cheek as he spoke. “Ellie, I love you. You weren’t supposed to forget that I did. I told you not to.”

I shook my head. “I never forgot.”