Wings of the Wicked (20 page)

“I can’t do this,” he said faintly, his breath soft on my cheek.

I closed my eyes as a new tear rolled down my cheek and he slid out of my hands. When I opened my eyes again, he was halfway across my room.

“If I let this get too far,” he said, “I won’t be able to protect you, because Michael will execute me.”

“It’s already gone too far,” I said tiredly.

His shoulders sagged and his head hung as his gaze fell away. He’d retreated back into himself once again, drawing closed the shutters that revealed his emotions.

“Is it true, what you told your mother?” he asked.

“You heard?” I wasn’t angry or surprised. It was a question I already knew the answer to.

He bit his upper lip, and my heart sank. He looked at me as though he’d been destroyed inside and was slowly caving in on himself. “Do you really think this is ruining you?”

I ran my fingers through my hair roughly and shrugged, throwing out my hands. “I feel so broken inside. I can’t keep fighting like this and trying to live a life at the same time.”

“Then I’m right,” he said, his voice cracking, his eyes barely able to look into mine. “About you and me—I’ve only made it harder for you. It’s my fault. We can’t do this. We’ve changed.”

A spark of anger ignited in my throat. “The only thing that changed was you kissing me. We’ve always felt this way about each other. That never changed.”

“And it only proves what a mistake it was to do that.”

Another tear came down my face. “What was a mistake? Do you regret kissing me, or being in love with me, or both?”

He hesitated for the longest moment of my life. “They’re both mistakes, but I don’t regret them.”

“You’re an idiot if that’s what you think,” I said, my anger flaring. “How we feel about each other makes us stronger. It makes us fight harder for each other. You’re standing there and telling me you can’t let Michael kill you because you don’t trust anyone else to be my Guardian. Will, you’re the best not just because you’re the strongest. You protect me like no one else can because you love me. Fighting it weakens us. We’re tearing ourselves apart!”

He took a deep, quivering breath. “We can’t argue about this now. Your parents could come back.”

I could see in his eyes that he knew I was right, and still he was denying it. “Then go. I don’t want you here,” I lied.

His hands rolled into fists. “Fine,” he said sharply, trying to hide the anger in his voice. “I’ll go, but I want you to know that if he does touch you again, I
will
kill him, because I know you won’t do it.”

Then he vanished, and an icy breeze billowed the drapes over my open window. I squeezed my eyes shut and let myself cry.

15

I DIDN’T SEE MY DAD FOR DAYS, BUT I DIDN’T CARE if I ever saw him again. Mom had told him her decision, and he was supposed to be gone soon anyway. Already I could sense her growing relief at the prospect of him leaving, but every moment he was home, she was stiff with fear. I couldn’t stand seeing my mom so afraid. I knew my dad was physically powerless against me, the Preliator, but the pain he inflicted on my heart was crippling. I was more than ready to move on from him.

On Wednesday after school, I sat at the kitchen table with my English lit book out while I worked on a paper. During my grounding, I tried to focus my time on schoolwork so at least some good would come out of all this.

“Hey, Ell,” Mom called as she sauntered into the kitchen with a knowing grin on her face. “You got something in the mail today.”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “Why are you smiling like that?” I set down my notebook and got up. My mom had something white and narrow in her hand, and when I got close, I saw that it was an envelope.

“You sure you want to see it?” she said with a laugh. “It’s from Michigan Sta—”

“Give it,” I ordered, and snatched at it.

She yanked it out of my reach and high over her head. My mom, even when she was wearing flip-flops, towered over my petite height. “I thought you didn’t want it, Ell.”

“Not cool,” I grumbled as I hopped up to grab the letter. “You cheat!”

She laughed. “Oh, you’re no fun.”

She dropped her arm, and I grabbed it out of her hand. “My kind of fun just doesn’t include making fun of vertically challenged people.”

The letter in my hand was thick and addressed to me from Michigan State University. I let out a long breath, then tore open the top. I fumbled with the papers inside, surprised at the butterflies filling up my belly. This was my future, after all—if I even had a future.

I stared at the top page in shock. “Oh, my God.”

“What?” Mom peeked over my shoulder.

“I got in.” My voice was barely audible, but my shock spun into excitement. “I got in!”

My mom scooped me into a hug and squeezed me as tightly as she could, crying out unintelligible things as she kissed my cheek and hair. “I’m so happy for you!” she cried as legit tears ran down her cheeks. Was she really that surprised that I got into college? “We should do something special and fun for dinner. How about pancakes? This is a good pancakes day.”

I beamed up at her. “Thanks, Mom. I’m dying for pancakes.” I said cheerfully. “I’m so excited. Hey, do you think I could get a little time off and run around the mall this weekend with Kate and stretch my legs?”

“Sure,” she replied. “You’ve been doing so well lately, and I think it would do you some good.”

I’d gotten into college and I was going to get a relaxing day at the mall. I’d never looked so forward to anything before.

The next Saturday, Kate and I wandered around the mall, dipping in and out of stores just to look. I didn’t have any money to buy anything, but the stale mall air and the absence of Will made the brief freedom so much sweeter.

“I can’t wait for fall,” Kate said as she munched on her french fries across the table from me in the food court. “We’ll be roomies and go to class and party … it will be amazing!”

I laughed. “Will you be saving time for Marcus, too?”

She flashed me a sly grin. “I might. If I keep him around long enough.”

“Dumping him already?” I took a sip of my Orange Julius.

“We aren’t official,” she said. “Just … hanging out. He’s a lot of fun, but my options are open.”

“Probably a good idea,” I said vaguely. I hoped she would move on quickly so I wouldn’t have to worry about her getting mixed up in the world of reapers by dating one.

“Kate!” called an unfamiliar voice.

I turned my head and saw two
really
cute guys approaching. They looked older than us—and I was very sure they weren’t in high school.

“What’s up, ladies?” The first boy flipped his longish, grungy hair out of his eyes and grinned.

Kate flashed him a languorous smile. “Hey, Jay. Back in town for the weekend?”

He slid up to her, rested a hand on the back of her chair, and kissed her on the cheek. “Only to see you, babe.”

“Yeah, right.” She laughed and nudged his chest.

He laughed. “We’re just here for the afternoon. How have you been?”

“Peachy.” She grinned.

The second boy was even cuter and had short, spiky hair. His gaze fell on me, and he gave me a very obvious examination that almost made me blush. “Who’s your friend?” he asked with a smile.

“That’s Ellie,” Kate said with an edge to her voice. “She’s my best, which means she’s very cool.”

“I’m Brian,” he said. “Nice to meet you.”

I turned on the charm. “Likewise.” I took another sip and smiled. He was really cute.
Really
cute.

“Jay and Brian go to State,” Kate explained. “How’s sophomore year treating you boys?”

Jay shrugged. “It’s good.”

“Four-day weekends aren’t bad,” Brian said. “Four hours of classes a day Monday through Thursday, and then the fun begins. What are you girls doing tonight?”

Kate’s brow flickered. “I’m not doing anything—yet. What’ve you got planned?”

“We’re having a party at our house,” Jay said. “The one we’re renting this year. You two should come along.”

“Ellie?” Kate bumped her knee into mine. “You game?”

It was tempting. I wouldn’t drag Will along or even
let
him come if he wanted to. I had to get out and get away from him, and I didn’t need him to protect me. If I could take a centuries-old reaper, then I could take a bunch of drunk college boys.

“I’m in,” I said.

Kate let out a squeal of approval. “That’s my girl. I’ll give you a call, okay, Jay?”

“You’d better.” He winked at her.

Brian grinned at me. “See you again?”

“Yeah.” I smiled right back at him.

I knocked on my mom’s office door and entered. She was hard at work on a new design for a website, peering down her nose at the monitor through her computer glasses.

“Hey, baby.” She greeted me with a warm glance as I sat down in the chair across from her desk. “How was the mall?”

“Good,” I replied. “I forgot to give you something earlier.” There were family photos organized neatly around her computer, but today I noticed the photos including my dad were gone. One more step to freedom from him, I supposed. I brushed the thought away and set a stack of stapled papers on the desk in front of my mom.

“What’s this?” she asked, examining the stack. Her eyes went wide.

“An eighty-seven percent,” I said, “on this week’s lit paper.”

She smiled. “I’ll have to stick this one next to the ninety-two on the fridge.”

“You really don’t have to put my good grades on the fridge anymore,” I assured her. “Honestly, I’d be happy with just a gold star and a dollar for every A.”

She laughed. “Is that all it takes for you to get good grades?”

“Plus a lot of studying and no-nonsense brain power.”

Mom sat back in her chair, her smile growing. “I’m proud of the difference in you the last two weeks. Your grades have improved already, and you seem more focused. Should I just keep you grounded all the time?”

I huffed. “No, that’s okay, really. I did want to ask you, though … can I take a break from my grounding?”

Her smile became suspicious. “Didn’t you get a break today while you and Kate were at the mall?”

I nodded slowly and took a deep breath to prepare my lie. “I did … and it was great. Kate and I were thinking of doing a girls’ thing tonight. Just us, at her house. Can I sleep over there? Please?”

“Is Will going to be there?” she asked.

“No,” I said. “He won’t be around, I promise.”

“He hasn’t been around much in the last few days,” she noted. “Did something happen again?”

I shrugged. “I realized I need to spend less time with him if I want to concentrate on school.”

“I just don’t want you to make another poor decision,” she said gently.

“It won’t happen again.”

She smiled. “I know. You’re a smart girl, Ellie. You’re just trying to figure your life out.”

That was all too true. “Tell me about it.”

She loosed a long, low breath. “Well, I suppose I should say no and be firm about this month of grounding, but one night over at Kate’s might be good for you. You’ve been doing really well in school, so yes. You can stay at Kate’s tonight. On Monday, your grounding can resume.”

I brightened, not even bothering to hide my smile. “Really?”

“Really,” Mom said. “One night out, then it’s all business again. You leaving now?”

I shot to my feet. “Yeah. Thanks, Mom. You’re amazing.”

She shrugged. “I know. Love you.”

“Love you too. See you tomorrow!” I called as I buzzed from her office and leaped up the stairs to my room to pack an overnight bag. But when I walked through my door, I stopped at the sight of Will sitting on my bed.

He looked up at me. “We should go patrolling tonight.”

I sighed and dug my duffel bag out from under the bed, tossed it beside him, and yanked it open. “We’ve gone every night this week. Can I get just one day off?” I pulled open my dresser drawer and pulled out a couple pairs of underwear and knee-high socks and threw them into the bag. Ever the gentleman, he looked away from my undergarments.

“Why do I get the feeling you aren’t just staying the night over at Kate’s?” he asked, finally looking back at me.

“Do you have a problem with it?” I asked. I tried to keep my voice cool.

“No,” he replied. “But if you’re going somewhere at night, I should be by your side. I’m your Guar—”

“Yeah, yeah,” I grumbled. “You’re my Guardian. Don’t you want a night off from bodyguard duty?”

He looked entirely perplexed by my question. “It’s not a job, Ellie. I can’t take a night off.”

“Well, I don’t really want you to come with me.”

His lips parted and his eyes widened, the pain on his face making it so hard to tell him this. “But I have to,” he said.

“No, you don’t,” I said firmly. “And I don’t want you to. I’m going up to State to a party with Kate.” I turned from him and went into my closet to pick out an outfit for tonight.

“What am I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know. Hang out with Nathaniel. Go kill stuff.”

“Ellie, I’m serious.”

I left the closet with an armful of clothes and almost stopped when I saw the lost look on his face. I clenched my teeth together and walked over to the bed and stuffed my duffel bag until it was full. “I’m serious, too,” I said. “Can’t I have one night? I need to feel like myself again.”