Within the Candle's Glow (33 page)

Sada falling.

His hand.

He turned his head and tried to move his right hand. It lay covered with a towel. His fingers tingled and ached, but it relieved his mind he could wiggle them. He groaned.

“Samuel?” Ella Dessa’s face wavered before him. She knelt beside the bed. Her cool fingers caressed his forehead and cheek. The touch was familiar. “Thank God, you’re awake.”

He saw Granny rise from her chair. “Well, ‘bout time.”

He tried to lift his arm and shake the towel free.

“No, Samuel, lay still. Please?” Ella Dessa’s hand gently pressed on his arm and elbow.

He saw her eyes rise to meet Granny’s.

With a calm, life-worn expression, the scrawny woman touched the girl’s hand. “Let ‘im see. It’s best he know.”

“Right
now
?” Her face paled.

“Know … what?” He breathed the words through dry, cracked lips. “It’s hurting.”

Granny plucked the towel off.

Ella Dessa’s lake-blue eyes shimmered with tears. She covered her mouth with a trembling hand. He bent his elbow and gritted his teeth as the sharp pain radiated through his stiff shoulder. He felt his fingers curl into a fist, but his eyes saw a bandaged stump.

He twisted and kicked at the heavy quilt covering his lower body. He whimpered and gagged. “No! No, no,
no!
” He lurched sideways and struggled to sit up. Bile rose in his throat. Granny grabbed him under the left shoulder and pulled him up, but the room swirled and darkened.

#

Two weeks later, Inez opened her front door. Ella smiled at her surprised expression.

“Why, honey, come in.” She tugged her into the warm room. “You
look half froze. Did you ride up? Alone?” Her face said that she didn’t approve.

“Walter let me use his big horse.” She placed a finger against her lips. “Shh, don’t tell. I made myself a split skirt, so I can ride astride. Does it show?” She twirled and the fullness of the skirt moved with her.

“Not at all.” The older woman gave her a conspirator’s wink.

“I brought Samuel’s lessons.” She held up what was in her arms. “I have Peggy’s subjects. I know she cain’t come to school right now—what with no one to bring her.” She breathed in the tantalizing smell from Inez’s well-stocked kitchen and heard her own stomach rumble. She spoke louder to cover the grumbling sound. “How’s he doin’?”

“I’m fine.” Samuel’s gruff voice came from the other side of the fireplace.

“Go visit with him. I need to tend to my soup. It’s boiling.” Inez grabbed a large wooden spoon and stirred the thick contents of an iron kettle hanging over the cooking fire.

Ella forced a smile as she spotted Samuel in a straight-back chair next to a two-foot-square table. He placed a writing quill in a small tin on the desk. He closed a leather-bound copybook with his left hand, but not before she caught a glimpse of scrawled, uneven writing—not his normal polished penmanship. With an awkward movement, he secured the cap on a tiny ink well and wiped his smudged fingers on a blotter.

“You seem better.” She cradled the two books and assignment sheets under her left arm. He had lost weight, but color had come back to his face, and the abrasions on his left cheek and nose had healed.

“Not sure about that.”

“Is the knot on your head gone?” She laid the books on the table and unbuttoned her full cloak, all the while praying she could act as though nothing had changed.

“It healed.” His blue-green eyes wavered and skittered away. His left hand moved to hide the bandaged right arm.

“That’s nice to hear.” She tried not recoil at the sight of the handless arm, but she instantly recalled the first time she saw it. Shock had brought her close to fainting. Granny had steadied her by digging bony fingers into her upper arm.

“I guess so.” He stared at the books.

“Konrad said to bring you and Peggy what you’ve missed so far. When will you return to school?”

“Not going back.”

“
What
? But you’ve studied so hard. Summer will come fast. He wants you to teach next fall. He’s dependin’ on you, Samuel. You know he even suggested you leave this holler—the cove—to take studies down in Terminus this summer.”

He shook his head, his expression glum, and the toe of his boot tapped the board floor beneath the table. “No.”

“No?” She grew sick with disbelief and sank into a nearby chair. “Samuel,
why?
” She saw his clenched jaw. Gone was the softness of youth. “Teachin’ is what you’ve dreamed of. Don’t give up.”

“I can’t even hold a piece of chalk!” He jumped to his feet and knocked the table onto its side. Everything slid across the floor, including the ink. “Are you so blind you can’t see? I caused this by grabbing that tree. If I hadn’t, I would’ve just slid over the edge and landed on her
belly.
I didn’t know that. I grabbed the tree, because I thought I’d fall into the ravine.” He pushed the wrapped stump in her face.

She flinched, stunned by his abnormal actions.

“
Samuel McKnapp
.” Inez’s stern tone pierced the room. “I’m
ashamed
of you.” She came toward him. “You aren’t to blame. No one is.”

Peggy burst in the door. “What was that noise?”

“Me—leaving.” Samuel shoved past his sister, went out the door, and elbowed it shut behind him.

“He’s so stubborn! Mother, we have to do something.”

Ella knelt, rescued the unbroken inkwell, picked up the fallen items, and stood to face Inez. “I’m
sorry
. I hadn’t any idea my presence would do that.” She wiped away a tear.

Inez righted the little table and said, “Come here.” She opened her arms. “Honey, it’s not you. Samuel has a core of anger in him. He won’t listen to me, and he doesn’t want Jim within ten feet of him. Anyone would think it was Jim’s fault, the way Samuel acts. Plus, the—the stump isn’t healing. It hurts all the time—stays red.” Tears welled in her hazel eyes. “Ella Dessa, I hurt for my poor boy.”

“I thought he’d be ready to tackle the world. Is it ‘cause I waited two weeks? Granny told me to let him heal.”

“No, no.” Inez shook her head. “He spends most of his time in that corner, trying to learn to write with his left hand. It’s wearing on him.” Her chin quivered. “I don’t know how to pull my son out of this depression, let alone help him with the anger. I’ve prayed God would comfort him and give him peace. The hatred is building—hatred toward himself.”

Peggy stood with two huge tears dripping down her cheeks. She gulped back sobs and used her fist to dry her face. “Come, sit.” She tugged on Ella’s elbow. “Let me tell you what he said to me last week.” She righted the chair. Her hand patted the leather seat.

Inez wiped her apron over her face. The willowy woman returned to the kettle of soup, but Ella could hear her sniffling.

“Peggy, what is it?”

The girl pulled a square of cloth from her apron pocket and blew her nose. “Samuel thinks everything is over for him. He plans to leave.”

“
Leave?
”

“Yes, as soon as the stump is healed enough for travel.”

“Where’s he goin’?”

“We don’t know.” Peggy chewed her lower lip. “He told me he believes God erased everything out of his life. His ability to teach and—just a minute.” She turned. “Mother?”

“Tell her, if you
must
.” Inez spooned meaty soup into a serving bowl. Steam rose around the tired lines on her face. “I guess it can’t hurt.”

Peggy gave an exasperated sigh. “You
can’t
let it be known I told you. Only Mother and I know this. He spoke to us right after the—” Her face crumpled. “Oh, I don’t know if I should.”

“I won’t tell.” Ella placed a hand on her friend’s knee. “What is it?”

“It’s
you
.”

“Me?” She pointed at her chest.

“Samuel says he has to leave, because he can never be
good enough
for you.”

“For
me
?” Bewildered, she searched Peggy’s worried expression for an answer. “I don’t understand. Why he’d say that?”

“He planned to ask you to marry him. He talked to me about it—just before this. Now, he doesn’t want to be
near
you, because he’s made up his mind a man with one hand isn’t good enough.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

Peggy blew her nose again. “I wish he’d just ask you. You’re so loving. You’d soon let him see he’s still a wonderful person, worthy of your love. I believe you’re the wife he needs—the perfect one.”

Inez came to stand beside them. She placed her hands on her hips.

“Peggy, I know you love your brother, but asking Ella Dessa to consider a marriage at this time isn’t right. They are both young. Besides, Samuel’s never asked her or let his intentions be known, other than to you and me. You can’t court someone’s affection … for Samuel.”

The girl raised her head. Her swollen eyelids pressed more tears over her cheeks. “Mother, I’m
sure
she loves him. For years now they’ve been the best of friends. Right, Ella Dessa?” Peggy wrapped her fingers around Ella’s hand.

“Peggy, I know I care ‘bout Samuel, but I never thought we’d
marry
.”

“I’m so afraid he’ll do something crazy. How can he leave here? Where will he go? He won’t have us to help him.” Peggy used her skirt to wipe away tears.

Marry Samuel?
“Can I speak to him, alone?” She appealed to Inez. “Do you think he’d let me talk to him?”

The woman sighed. “Child, this is not my idea. Peggy’s been beside herself with fear Samuel will leave like Duncan did. Jim hurts for his brother, even though he assumes Samuel should carry on. But the boy’s dream has been teaching, and he sees this tragic event as an end to his life.”

“That’s not so.”

“I know, and you know it. Samuel does love you. He always has. But I’d
never
suggest you consent to marry my son to save him from
himself.
” She touched Ella’s cheek and smiled. “Not that you
wouldn’t be
a perfect wife.”

“I’m not perfect,” she whispered.

“Each of my children have their own strengths and weaknesses. Peggy cares for her brother, but I know my daughter will understand if your heart doesn’t sing the same song as Samuel’s.”

Peggy twisted the handkerchief in her fingers. “I’ll understand and love you the same.” An optimistic smile trembled on her lips.

Ella stood and buttoned her cloak. “My thoughts are tumblin’. I cain’t talk to him at this time. It’s
too much
.”

“Oh, I’m so selfish!” Peggy jumped to her feet. “I’d so love to have you as my sister-in-law. You wouldn’t have to marry right away—just let him know you’re willing.”

“Give me time to think,” she whispered.

F
riday April 30, 1841

Nearly three months had passed since his injury. Samuel knew people wondered why he refused to go to the cove, but he didn’t want their pity and curious stares. Some had come up to visit him—most stayed away.

Ella Dessa rode into view from the shadowed trail.

“Samuel!” She waved at him, her appearance bright and cheerful.

He leaned against one of the porch supports and lifted his left hand. His chest tightened. Ever since his accident, she and Scott had been faithful to visit him on Fridays, if the weather permitted. She had sweetly forgiven him for his nasty attitude on her first visit.

Samuel noticed the way the spring sunlight rippled through her loose hair. The flowing tresses failed to obscure her faded green bodice. Splashes of delicate pink mountain laurel formed a perfect backdrop. April was gone. May waited to have its turn, and the unusual warm temperature made him think of past summers and happier times.

Ella Dessa wore an impish grin as she dismounted by the porch. She tied the reins to the moss-covered hitching post.

“You rode up alone, and you left your hair down?” He wished he dared touch the smooth tresses with the one hand he had left, but he
didn’t feel worthy of even a stolen caress.

“Yes, I came alone ‘cause Scott wasn’t feelin’ well. My hair is unbound ‘cause I wanted it that way. I brought my bonnet. See?” She turned to show him the simple quilt-piece bonnet dangling down her back. “It’s with me ‘cause Jim once fussed ‘bout me standing in the sun without a bonnet.” She reached into a saddlebag and drew out a couple items.