Within The Shadows (12 page)

Alex broke
free from her neck
, and looked at me. His
eyes were like fire. Blood dripped from his mouth.

“
What?” he
snapped.

“
Nothing,” I
replied timidly.

“
Get. Out. Now!” he roared.

I anxiously
moved to the door, not once looking back. I wanted to cry, and
found it hard to understand the confusion of feelings flowing
through me. One minute, I hated him. The next, I felt
jealousy.

What was happening to me?

Walking
out
of the room without Alex by my side
left me feeling empty. I hated the way Atarah stared at me. Her
eyes said it all. She detested me, for some reason, and I was on a
mission to find out why, or at least die trying. She was the one
who encouraged me to follow Alex the night he first fed from me,
and I, unwittingly, was the fool.

She had made
me think it was the right thing to do. I had followed all
procedures up until now. I had obeyed every rule that had been
thrown down my throat, and for what? To be made to feel like some
second-class citizen. I was not having any of it.

Walking
briskly up to her, I scowled. Her face as beautiful as ever, but
something was seriously off with her. She did not come across as
the motherly figure I had first met. She was hardened and bitter.
And I hated the cold.

Leonid was
different. Ever since he had rescued me from the shadow creatures,
he seemed to have warmed a little. I no longer felt threatened by
him.

“
So, what gives? Why am I being the one shunned, and treated
so badly?” I asked, allowing Leonid to hear what I had to
say.

“
Excuse
me?”

“
You know
exactly what I’m talking about!”

She laughed
as she took another sip of what looked like red wine. “Oh, dearest
Giselle, you are one for the dramatics. Really, don’t burden
yourself with such nonsense. No one is treating you badly, and not
one person here wishes to shun you. Please, take a seat, and have
some refreshments.”

Atarah
looked up from her glass. She smiled at me. “Please, sit with
us.”

“
I don’t want to. I want to know why Alex won’t leave
Natalia,” I prodded, trying not to sound like a child or a jealous
spouse.

“
Giselle, it has been a few weeks since Alexander fed
properly. I think he is allowed to indulge, do you not
agree?”

The bitch.
She was turning it all around.

“
I agree that he should feed, but I don’t agree with being
kicked out. If he is my husband, then shouldn’t I have some say in
how and who he drinks from?”

Leonid
cleared his throat. Looking at me, he spoke softly, ignoring
Atarah. “You are new to this. Given time, you will understand the
primal urge to indulge your basic instincts. Right now, Alexander
is feasting, consuming his source of her blood. There is no sexual
chemistry, no desire behind his bite. Natalia, however, may
experience moments of euphoria, but that is a consequence of
Alexander’s venom. She is merely food. It is nothing compared to
what he experiences with you.”

I could feel
my cheeks blush. Embarrassed, I broke his gaze, and stared at the
floor.

“
Do you understand now?” Sarcasm flowed through her words.
“Now, sit with us. Eat.”

Sitting down
beside them was an odd experience. Neither spoke. They just
consumed the food from their plates. The table was laid with plenty
of choices – croissants, jams, cold meats, trays full of cheeses,
and fresh fruit. I sniggered.

“
What do you
find so amusing?” Leonid asked as I filled my plate.

“
It’s just . . . I didn’t think vampires ate ‘real’
food.”

He laughed
loudly. “Our bodies need nutrients, just like yours. Remember, we
live just like you, only minus our souls, and we enjoy the taste.
Anything else you’d like to ask?”

“
Yeah, why do
I need the life source of my feeders?”

Silence fell
among us. Atarah shuffled in her seat. Her long purple nails
scraped irritatingly on the neck of her wine glass.

“
Because,
unlike us, you have the ability to drink the energy from the human
psyche.”

“
Will it hurt them
? Will they die?
I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“
No. They will be drained and tired, but they will
live.”

“
Why can’t you do it? What’s wrong with you?” I asked as I
stuffed a huge slice of brie into my mouth.

“
We were never in possession of a soul. The core of our
essence has always been with the darkness. For those of us who
inherited the gene, the soul left the body once they crossed over
to the darkness. You are blessed with your soul, and for one to
consume that energy, their soul must still be intact.”

“
Oh! Wow, I never realised how complicated all of this
is.”

Alex walked
out from the room, looking radiant and calm. Watching him as he
walked over to the table, he smiled at me. I remained inanimate. I
was hurt because he had hit me, and hurt because he had made me
feel about two feet tall in front of Natalia.

“
I trust you
are satisfied?” Leonid asked Alex as he sat down beside
me.

“
Yes. I had almost forgotten how exquisite it can be direct
from the source. To have no limitations.”

I sat in
silence, trying to swallow my mouthful of raspberries. I observed
how the three of them interacted with each other. They seemed so
awkward together. It was obvious that Alex and Leonid did not get
along. I could feel the animosity between them.

Atarah
favoured Alex over her husband. This again was apparent from her
adoring looks that left me feeling very uncomfortable. My own
relationship with my parents was not perfect, but it was not flawed
like this. I had equal love for my mother and father, and I longed
for them. I wished to see them, and feel their love. Not this
mocking display of family life.

I missed home so much
.

Alex ate a
handful of blueberries,
and washed them
down with a glass of grapefruit juice. His hands were model-like,
and I remembered how they had felt when he touched me. I found it
hard to believe that someone who portrayed so much gentleness and
love could turn so nasty, and use them as weapons.

Alex pulled
me out of my train of thought, and involved me in the conversation.
“Was it better for you not to watch?” he asked.

“
Err . . . um, I . . . what?”

“
Do you ever listen? It was better that you didn’t see me
feed from Natalia, don’t you agree?”

“
It all depends. You watched me, so why not show me the same
courtesy? If nothing sordid was going on, why did you tell me to
leave?”

“
Because I did not want you to see me like that. Like the
monster I am.”

I was taken
aback by his revelation. A pang of guilt built up inside my chest.
I felt selfish for thinking about me, but his actions from earlier
hung over us. He had caused us both pain. I could not imagine
myself forgiving him.

Atarah and
her smug grin left the table. She glided effortlessly across the
room toward the door. Leonid followed, leaving us with something to
ponder over.

“
What lies in our power to do, it lies in our power not to
do.”
He smiled at me, and
left.

“
What does he
mean?” I whispered.

“
It could
mean a thousand things.”

“
But it
doesn’t, does it?”

“
No!”

“
So?” Agitated, I pressed him for an answer.
Anything.

“
If we have the power to do something, we should do it in
the right way. It must be good for everyone, and ensure no harm
comes to those we love, or at least that is what I believe it to
mean.”

“
Oh, God. I think I get it.”

I was not
getting out of this any time soon, and there was no way I could
just run. Something inside told me I had to wait this out. I guess
it was a situation that required me to go along with it, even if it
meant succumbing to Alex’s compulsion.

He got up,
and held his hand out to me. “Yes, I think you do, and given time,
you will learn to embrace this new life.”

Chapter
Ten

THE NEXT
TWO
weeks passed in something of a haze,
fuelled by a mixture of blood and life energy. Being alone with
Alex did not thrill me. He no longer scared me as he had before,
and by giving myself to him willingly, I was able to have some
control over my feelings. Yet, underneath his false displays of
affection, I could sense something else, a small cluster of
feelings he held close. Every so often, I could feel them seep
through into our moments of intimacy, often clouding my own
judgment.

By closing
my own heart to him, I refused to allow myself to fall victim to
his own inner turmoil. Now I needed my faculties, but there was
always the compulsion that got the better of me. I knew I had to
try my best to overcome that controlling force, yet I had no way of
really escaping the overwhelming sensation that came over me. In
the end, it left me craving for more, like an addict wanting her
next fix or drink.

Atarah had
finally stepped back, or at least appeared to be giving us some
much needed space and privacy.
There were
times when she seemed so warm and gentle, but on other occasions
she scared the hell out of me. It was her eyes. They were so cold,
and full of hate. When she looked at me, it was as though she
resented having to share the room with me. Something about her
relationship with Leonid appeared off, and when she caught me
watching, (as she always did), she would stare at me until I
mentally crumbled. She was more powerful than anyone I knew, and I
really did not want to get on the wrong side of her.

Afanas was
becoming an ally, someone I could count on in my many moments of
desperation. He would help me rationalize my feelings, and helped
un-cloud my judgments. He really was my only friend, and although
he still scared me, he was the only one who was honest with me.
There was no sugar-coating the harsh reality that I was expected to
carry Alex’s child. He was straight to the point, and not once did
he try to make it out to be something it was not.

Things were
certainly moving fast. With Afanas’s help, I was learning to
control my thirst, something that seemed impossible at the
beginning. I was also learning how to use the life energy to my
advantage. One benefit was being able to disregard the imprint of
darkness that had left its permanent mark between my breasts. Even
though I could feel the presence of the darkness running through
me, I was able to look at myself without hating what I
saw.

“
Will it
always be there?” I asked Afanas.

Lifting his
gaze from his journal, he placed the pen down, and folded his arms.
“The darkness is a part of you now, and to answer your question,
yes, it will always be there. Giselle, there is no changing what
has been done. As you grow, so will the shadow. The stronger you
become, the stronger the hold darkness will have on
you.”

“
Great, so
not only do I suck at everything else, but now I will look like a
freak forever.”

“
Oh, I can assure you that you are quite appealing to the
eye. I doubt you understand just how special you are, but given
time, you will see things very differently.”

Looking out
of the window, he smiled, and I could see the reflection of the
moon clearly in his eyes. “The night is still young. Go and refresh
your mind with a walk, or maybe indulge in something girls of your
age like doing.”

“
Afanas,
girls my age don’t live like this, and they certainly wouldn’t be
caught dead sitting next to you,” I joked.

“
It has been quite some time since I had the blood of a
young maiden.” He closed his eyes, and then looked at me
slyly.

“
Afanas, I
was joking,” I said, worried.

“
And so was I.” He smirked menacingly.

Before I
left to the room, I walked over to him, and placed a kiss on his
cheek. It caught him off guard, and for a moment, he did not react.
A small smile soon crept across his mouth, sadness shining within
his eyes.

“
You truly are unique.
Now go. I
need peace and quiet.”

Smiling, I
left him to work on his journals, and walked out into the
night.

* * *

The night
air was hot and sticky. The weather was typical for the time of
year, and left me very restless. Although the night had become my
day, I found it hard to focus. My dreams left me exhausted, and I
pined for a life far from here. I was not happy, but I was trying
so hard to accept my new life, none-the-less. What else could I do?
Everywhere I turned, there were obstacles in my path. There was no
escape.

Alex avoided
talking about anything other than our imminent plans. It was as
though our previous life back in Minneapolis had never existed, and
I was expected to forget about everything I loved.