“All I know is a car hit him in front of the job site. Isaac called me and said they’d called the ambulance and to have us meet him here.”
“Are his legs broken? Does he have internal bleeding? Is he conscious?” I’m getting shrill now. I stop and swallow, trying with all my might to keep my panic at bay.
“I don’t know anything else,” Luke insists. “We have to wait to see him.”
“I’m sure he’s fine,” Sam says and risks coming in contact with the plague and sits next to me. “Honest. If it was horrible Isaac would have said something to prepare us. He would have called the whole family.”
I nod my head. Right. She’s right.
But if he’s fine, Mark would have called me himself. He wouldn’t have sent Luke.
“I mean,” she continues, “he works a really dangerous job. We’ve always known this. He’s always climbing on stuff and working with sharp, dangerous tools and equipment. He could fall, get electrocuted, cut off his hand with that really big saw. At least he’s not working on the fishing boats anymore.”
“Sam,” Luke says warningly.
“Fishing on those boats is the most dangerous job in the world! I swear, I still have stomach ulcers from waiting for days to hear that he was okay.”
“
Samantha!”
Luke shouts, cutting her off. “I don’t think you’re helping.”
Sam looks at me with wide eyes. The blood has drained from my head and my lips are trembling.
“Is that true? I never stopped to think that construction is so dangerous.”
“He’s careful,” she insists, backpedaling. “Honest, Mer, he’s really careful. He’s never been hurt before.”
“But it’s possible.”
“Hell, you could get hit by a bus crossing the street, Mer. Anything’s possible.”
I shake my head and stand to pace the room, which isn’t easy with all of the people sitting in the cramped space. A couple people are sleeping. One man is holding his face. He obviously has a toothache. A baby is crying in his mom’s arms.
Luke comes up behind me and rests his big hands on my shoulders. His hands are so much like Mark’s.
“I can’t lose him,” I whisper.
“Meredith, I think you’re overreacting, sweetheart. He’s probably just scraped up.”
I twirl and stare up into his clear blue eyes. “You don’t get it, Luke. The people I love die. This isn’t the first time I’ve been rushed to a hospital because of an accident.”
“Not all of the people you love die,” he says softly.
“The ones that matter the most.”
“Mark isn’t dead, Meredith.” He grips my shoulders tightly. “He’s not dead.”
I nod again. I feel like that’s all I’ve been doing, nodding like an imbecile. But then the image of my father in that hospital bed enters my head. My mom lying on him, keening in pain and agony and I shake my head in denial.
I don’t know if I’m strong enough for this.
“He’s here,” Sam says as she rushes over to us. “The chick with the computer—”
“Is that her name?” Luke asks sarcastically.
“—said that the ambulance just got here. He’s going to be examined and stuff before we can go back.” She cups my face in her hands, not gently, and says, “He’s
not
dead.”
He’s not dead.
“How long until I can see him?”
“She didn’t know.”
It’s the longest fucking two hours of my life.
“I’m sorry,” computer chick says with sympathetic eyes. “They’ve taken him back for some tests. As soon as he’s ready you’ll be the first to know.”
“If you just tell him I’m here, he’ll want me back there with him,” I beg.
“You can’t be in the area where the tests are being done. I promise, I’ll call you back as soon as I get the okay from his nurse.”
“His nurse and I are going to have some words,” Sam says with a snarl. We both turn away just as Isaac comes running through the door.
“I couldn’t get here sooner. I had to talk to cops and calm the crew down and…” He sees me and immediately hugs me close. “How are you holding up, sugar?”
“Not great,” I reply honestly. “They won’t let us back to see him. So you need to tell me if he’s okay.”
“I think so,” he replies. “I don’t think he passed out, but I didn’t want to take any chances.”
“How in the fucking hell does a person get hit by a car on a construction site?” I ask him angrily.
“Fucking looky-loo. Too damn busy checking out the house rather than watching what’s happening in front of her damn car and going too fast. Mark was looking at his phone and just walking around his Jeep, he wasn’t even walking across the street, and she hit him, full on. Sent him flying. Scariest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Ms. Summers? You can go back with him now.”
“Go ahead,” Luke says. “Sam and I will wait here for our parents.”
I nod and follow Computer Chick into the bowels of the ER. Someone is crying. She leads me to a room with a curtain drawn around the bed. I swallow hard and for a millisecond I consider running away, but instead I take a deep breath and walk right in and around the curtain.
And there is my man, in a hospital gown, his hair a little bloody, his face and arms scraped, and a big, fat smile on his arrogant face.
“Hey, M,” he says.
I immediately burst into tears. I sit in the chair next to his bed and sink my head and arms onto his lap, crying big, gulping sobs.
“Shh…” He’s rubbing my head now, my shoulders and back. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m okay, baby.”
“You could have died!” I cry into his lap.
“I am fine.” He grips my shoulders and makes me sit up to look at him. “Look at me. Meredith.”
I can’t open my eyes. I feel so foolish. I know he thinks I’m overreacting. Everyone does, but they haven’t been in my shoes. They don’t understand.
“Meredith. Breathe. Breathe with me, baby.” He scoots down in the bed and leans his forehead on mine. “Come on. You’re having a panic attack. Breathe deep and slow, Meredith.”
He calms me. My heart slowly returns to normal and my tears stop until I look up into his gorgeous blue eyes and I lose it again.
“Baby, I’m okay.”
“I know. But I didn’t know before, and it reminded me of Dad and Tiff, and oh my God, Mark, I can’t do that ever again.”
“Stop.” His voice is brisk now. “Stop it before I call the nurse in here for you.”
“Are you going to be okay?” I whisper.
“Yes. I’m scraped up, and I have a knot on my head, but I’m fine. They wanted to do a CAT scan to make sure I don’t have internal injuries.”
“Do you?” My heart stops again.
“No. I’m fine. I’ll be sore as hell tomorrow, but I’ll walk out of here as soon as Nurse Ratchet brings me my fucking papers and more pain meds.”
“Why didn’t you call me?”
He reaches for a rolling table at this bedside and holds up his phone. The screen is shattered.
I close my eyes in relief and I’m suddenly being lifted into Mark’s lap.
“What are you doing?”
“Calming you the fuck down.” He cradles me against him and rocks us back and forth. I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face in my place in his neck, holding on tightly. God, I love him. He’s everything to me. I can’t lose him the way my mom lost Dad. I don’t think I’d survive it.
And I
will
eventually lose him. Because I lose everyone I love.
As we sit here silently, I cling to him as I realize what I have to do.
I have to give him up.
I cup his face gently in my hands and kiss him softly. My lips linger on his for a moment as I breathe him in and my hands trace the strong muscles in his arms.
Finally, I pull away and climb off his lap.
“I love you more than I can ever tell you, Mark. But, I can’t bear the thought of losing you the way I lost my family.” I swallow hard as he frowns in confusion. “I just can’t do this.”
“Can’t do what, exactly?”
“I can’t be with you.”
“You
are
with me, Meredith.”
I shake my head and rub my forehead with my fingertips. Jesus, how do I find the words for this?
“I don’t think I can be in a relationship with you.” The last few words are said on a sob. His jaw drops just as the nurse bustles in.
“Okay, Mr. Williams…”
I leave as she’s giving him his instructions and rush out of the ER, through the waiting room and outside.
Fuck me, I don’t have my car.
“Meredith!”
Natalie runs out after me, catching up to me when I get to the parking lot and realize I don’t have a ride home. He’s going to come marching out here any second.
“I need to leave, Natalie.”
“Is he okay?”
“Yes, he’s just scraped up. He’ll be fine.”
This time.
But what about the next time?
“Oh, good.” She breathes a sigh of relief and then sobers when she sees the look on my face. “Where are you going, Mer?”
“I’m leaving. I just broke it off with Mark.”
“Wow, talk about kicking a man when he’s down.”
“Fuck you, Natalie. You don’t know me or what I’ve been through.” It’s not her fault, but I can’t stop myself from going after her verbally, and I hate myself even more for it. “You haven’t had to bury your parents and your sister and watch everyone around you that you love the most die!”
“Yes I have.”
“And you haven’t…” I stop, stunned. “What?”
“My parents both died when I was in college,” she replies calmly. “I’m an only child.”
I blink twice and feel about three inches tall.
“Scared you, didn’t it?”
“I’m fucking terrified.”
Nat nods and pushes her hair out of her face as the wind kicks up. “He won’t let you just break it off, you know.”
“He doesn’t have a choice.”
She narrows her eyes and watches me for a moment. My eyes fill with tears again, pissing me off even more.
“Why would you do this? Even a blind woman can see that you’re completely in love with each other.”
“I would rather give him up voluntarily,” I begin and have to swallow hard against the bile rising in my throat. “Than have to lose him the way I did my sister and my dad. I watched my mom lay on my dad’s chest and say goodbye to him, Natalie. I can’t do that.”
“I don’t know how anyone can do that,” she says softly, her own eyes full of tears. “What a horrible thing, Meredith. But you don’t know that you would ever be in that situation.”
“I don’t know that I won’t.”
“You didn’t strike me as a quitter.”
My eyes whip over to hers. “I. Can’t. Do. It.”
She nods thoughtfully, then hugs me as Jax pulls his car up to us. “Think it over. A love like yours doesn’t come along every day, you know. Love him. Let him love you. Make the most out of every single day, so at the end of it all, you can say you don’t have any regrets, Mer. Life’s too short for that, and no one knows that better than you and me.”
She pats my shoulder and jogs back into the hospital. I watch her go then climb into Jax’s sporty little car. “Take me home.”
“Is he okay?”
“Yes.” He eyes me, taking in my tears and my shaking hands.
“Are you?”
I shake my head and sob again. “Take me home.”
Chapter Twenty Two
~Mark~
“Are you okay?” Mom rushes to me as I walk into the waiting room.
“I’m fine. Where did Meredith go?” Fucking hell, those pills have knocked me on my ass. My arms and legs feel heavy and my head is fuzzy.
“Jax picked her up,” Nat says. “She’s scared, Mark.”
“I get it, but she’s not getting rid of me that easy. I need your car,” I say to Luke who just smirks at me. I growl at him and would advance on him if my feet would move.
“You need to fill those prescriptions and rest,” Mom interjects, pointing at the papers in my hand. “I love Meredith to death, but you’re in no shape to be running all over the damn world.”
“Mom.” I take a deep breath to calm my temper. “I need to fix this with her. She’s not okay.” I remember the feel of her in my arms, the trembling, the absolute despair rolling off her in waves. “She’s not trying to be dramatic. Meredith isn’t like that. She’s hurting.”
Luke takes the papers from my hand and rattles his keys in his hand. “You’re not driving anywhere, Mark. Nat and I will take care of these and Sam will get you settled at home.” He points outside and wraps his arm around Mom’s shoulders. “Why don’t you come with us, Mom?”
She continues to watch me and finally stands on tip-toe to kiss my cheek.
“We’ll meet you at your house,” Mom says.
“Why won’t you all listen to me? I need to see Meredith!”
“Do you honestly think you’re in any shape to charm her right now?” Sam asks with a roll of the eyes. “She’ll still be around tomorrow when you’re not all drugged up.”
I glare at her, but she’s right. My eyes are heavy and my body is in that in-between place of numb and pain. Every step out to Sam’s car is agony and effort, making me embarrassingly tired.