Word of Honor (Knights of Valor Book 1) (14 page)

They made
love twice more. Hope sprang in Geoffrey as he finally believed all could once
more be right in his world. Merryn laid nestled in his arms, where she’d always
belonged. The gap of years spent apart melted away.

He smoothed
her hair with the palm of his hand, then wrapped his fingers around the end of
her curls. Fingering the silky texture, he thought he’d finally come home.

“I fell
asleep each night pretending I held your hand,” she said softly. She stroked
the knuckles of the hand that he rested against her stomach.

Geoffrey
drew her closer but remained silent. How could he tell her anything without
revealing where he’d been?

“’Twas
harder the older Ancel became,” she continued. “The ache in my heart could not
heal, for every day I looked at our son, I saw you in him.”

He gave her
a gentle squeeze. “I am saddened by the sorrow you have endured. The moment I
saw Ancel, ‘twas if I looked in a mirror deep into my past.” He tenderly kissed
her neck. “And Alys is but a miniature version of you, my love. I look forward
to seeing her grow into the beauty her mother is.”

“Do you?”
she asked. Merryn turned in his arms and faced him. “Will you return with me?
Will you watch your children grow up? Lead your people? Become the true lord of
Kinwick?”

Geoffrey
cupped her face with his hands. “I wish to return and take my rightful place. I
want to stay by your side and never leave you again, Merryn. Not for a single
minute.”

He saw her
love for him shining in her eyes and brushed his lips against hers.

“Then let
us be off.” She pulled away from him and stood.

Geoffrey’s
eyes roamed her body again. Motherhood had brought a more roundness to her
breasts. He longed to put another babe in her belly and see it swell with their
love as it grew.

They began
dressing. Merryn asked, “Has being at the lodge jogged your memory about
anything? Who spirited you away from here? Where you were kept for so long?”

He couldn’t
lie to her anymore. The code of chivalry forbid it.

“You
assumed my memory was faulty. I heard you mention a blow to my head.”

“Yes. That
could explain why you cannot remember where you were.”

Geoffrey
walked to her and lifted her hands. He pressed a kiss to the center of each
palm. “I never told you that I could not remember.”

He sensed
her stiffen. A frown creased her brow as she contemplated his words.

“’Tis not
my memory playing tricks on me, Merryn.” His eyes met hers. “I cannot tell you
where I was.”

Her jaw
dropped. Understanding—then anger—sparked in her eyes. She snatched her hands
from his and in her fury, slapped him hard.

“Did you
stay away deliberately?” she fumed. “All those years, I stayed strong for the
people of Kinwick. I prayed for the moment you would return to me. Dreamed of
it. Like a fool.”

She closed
her eyes and shook her head. When she opened them, they flamed. “I wanted you
to be proud of me. I had faith that you would return, but here you are—and I
still feel alone. Empty. How can you look at me and tell me you know exactly
where you were and why you left and remained away, yet you refuse to share the
details with me? Where is the trust between us?”

Merryn
began pacing the room, her voice rising in hysteria. “I kept everything going.
Everything.
For you
. In your name. In your memory. Through the long days
and nights. The lonely times. I found the strength to somehow carry on.”

She stopped
and faced him, her face full of anguish. “You’re still my everything, Geoffrey.
Yet you give me nothing in return. You gave me more during the years you were
gone than you do now. You gave me my children. My position. The authority to
become a leader. But now?”

Her eyes
blazed with fury. Merryn slapped him again with a brutality that almost broke
his spirit. Geoffrey grabbed her arms and yanked her to him.

“Nay. I did
what I had to survive. To come home to you. You’ve seen the physical scars I
bear, but the deeper ones are hidden within my heart.

“I give you
my love. My life. My promise that I shall never leave you again. No one shall
ever tear us asunder.”

She
struggled in his arms, fighting to get away, but his fingers tightened as steel
bands. He’d lost years with this woman. He couldn’t lose her again.

“I’ll never
let you go, Merryn. Never.”

He brought
his mouth down to claim hers. She twisted away, but he captured her head with
his hands and then her lips with his. The searing kiss meant to punish her for lashing
out at him, for her words had cut him to the quick. But the love between them
was too strong. Soon, she clutched his shoulders, drawing him near.

Geoffrey
kissed her with passion and longing, wanting to prove to her how deeply his
love for her ran. Merryn returned his kiss, the urgency binding them together
as one. They stumbled toward the bed, ripping clothes off, once again making
love as the afternoon light began to fade.

Finally
spent, they lay exhausted, their limbs entwined, their foreheads pressed
together.

Merryn was
the first to pull away. She swung her legs from the bed and began dressing. From
her jerky movements, Geoffrey could see her anger had returned.

“I don’t
know how to soothe you, my love,” he said as he reached for his gypon and
slipped it over his head.

Her eyes
narrowed. “You could tell me where you were and what kept you from me.”

He shook
his head. “Nay. ‘Tis impossible what you ask.” 

“What of
our marriage vows? Your word to me? How can you not trust me? Your
wife
?”

“I cannot
break my word, Merryn. You know I believe a man’s word sums up his whole character.
The code of chivalry demands that I live by honor. Were I to share with you
what you seek to know, ‘twould mean I must break my word to another. That I
must never do.”

Merryn’s
eyes looked as cold as a deadly snake’s as she stared at him. “Then I wish you
had never come back,” she hurled at him.

They
finished dressing in silence. He continually tried to catch her eye, but she
stared at the ground. She left the room without a backward glance.

Geoffrey
stood in the doorway and watched her mount Destiny. He hadn’t a clue how to win
her back—and he couldn’t blame her. A husband and wife should be able to share
everything between them, yet he denied her the very knowledge that he owed her.

He would
return to Kinwick. Somehow, they must work this out. The hours they’d spent
together today let him know love still existed between them. He must find a way
to bring them together while he continued to keep his promise to Hardi.

Geoffrey
swung a leg over Mystery. He would follow her at a distance. Merryn’s anger
always erupted quickly and then ended the same. Mayhap by the time they reached
the castle proper, her temper might have cooled once more.

He reined
in Mystery when he saw a flash of color ahead in the forest. ‘Twas Merryn’s
light blue gown he glimpsed, but someone else had joined her and halted her
progress. Geoffrey wrapped the reins around a bush and crept toward the riders
in the distance.

As he drew
close, he recognized his cousin’s voice.

“. . . so I
waited for you.”

“You did
not have to do so, Raynor.”

“I could
not leave you unprotected in these woods, Merryn. If my cousin is too stubborn
to make his amends to you and accompany you to his own home, then I certainly
can escort you there.”

“I thank
you.”

“Merryn.”

Geoffrey
drew in a sharp breath at the tenderness he heard in that one word. From behind
the tree where he hid, he saw Raynor reach over and lay a hand atop his wife’s.

“I love
you. I have always loved you. From the day I met you. Despite the fact that you
belonged to Geoffrey, thoughts of you filled my mind, lo these many years.”

“Raynor!”

“No. Let me
finish. My heart broke as I’ve watched you all this time, pining for a man who
would never return. And when he did, he is so changed that he should no longer
be considered worthy of you.”

He moved
his horse closer and took her chin in hand. “And when the king sent his
messenger to you last week, I knew ‘twas to marry you off again. He cannot,
Merryn. I will not allow it. Geoffrey is no longer the man for you. You must
seek an annulment from the Church. He has been driven mad by whatever happened
to him. He can no longer be a husband to you. Not the way I can. I love you. I
love the twins. We could have a happy life together.”

Geoffrey
took a step back. He turned and trudged back toward his horse, unwinding the
reins. He quietly mounted Mystery and rode back in the direction of the lodge.

Merryn
might have had a normal life if he hadn’t turned up as he had. His cousin was a
good man and would be a decent father to his children. He could give Merryn
more children. His absence all these years had denied her that.

And so much
more.

Guilt washed
through him. Coming back had been a selfish mistake—but one that he could
repair. He could take his own life, and then Merryn would be free to marry
again. His soul was already damned. He’d already spent years in Hell. Without
Merryn’s faith in him, he no longer wanted to live.

More than
anything, he loved his wife enough to do what it would take to make her happy. He’d
hurt her more than he had realized. He refused to continue to be a burden to
her.

The time to
contemplate was over. He knew the sacrifice he must make.

Geoffrey
slipped from Mystery’s back but let the reins hang to the ground. He wanted the
horse free to go. He pulled out the knife from his boot. He’d found it in the
lodge and used it to kill some game while he had lived there the past few days.

He stopped
and said a short prayer, asking both for God’s forgiveness and Merryn’s future
happiness.

And then
slashed the blade across his wrist.

“No!”

Geoffrey
turned and saw Raynor ride into the clearing. His cousin leapt from his steed
and rushed to him.

But not
before he swiped the blade across his wrist again.

Raynor
charged into him, knocking them both to the ground. The knife fell from his
hand. Raynor reached over and flung it into the trees.

“God’s
wounds, Geoffrey! What are you doing?” His cousin stood and then pulled him to
his feet. Raynor tore a strip of cloth from his gypon and grabbed his arm, shoving
the sleeve up to bind the wound.

A small
trickle of blood dribbled along Geoffrey’s wrist where he had twice tried to
cut into the thickly-scarred flesh. Frowning, Raynor yanked the arm closer and
examined it. Then without speaking, his cousin dragged him inside the lodge. He
found a bucket of water and bathed the cut skin in it before winding the cloth
around it for protection.

Raynor
glared in anger. “Who did that to you, Geoffrey? Those scars runs so deep that
despite your frantic slashing, you barely punctured your skin.”

He walked
away and sat, knowing he must remain silent. Raynor followed him and took the
chair opposite him.

“Why should
you care?” Geoffrey finally asked. “You want me gone. I want the same. ‘Twould
be better for Merryn if I no longer existed.” His eyes met Raynor’s. “I overheard
your conversation in the forest. You declared your love for her. You begged her
to seek an annulment.”

His cousin
turned a dull red. “I am sorry that you did. But you obviously did not hear all
of it.” Raynor ran a hand through his hair. “Merryn rejected me. She only wants
you.”

Geoffrey’s
heart pounded faster.

“She told
me she only needed you. That she had depended upon me for help all these years,
but she apologized if she gave me a false impression regarding her feelings.
Merryn said that you are the only man she’ll ever love, and she will take what
she can get of you. Then she spurred her horse and galloped away. Mad as a
hornet.”

Raynor
began pacing the small room. “I realized you deserved a second chance with one
another, so I came to drag your sorry carcass back to Kinwick—even if I had to
club you unconscious and lash you to your horse to get you there.”

Geoffrey
had lived off hope for so many years in the dungeons of Winterbourne. He clung
to it more tightly than he had in the past, allowing it to blanket him.

Merryn still
wanted him, despite how he had disappointed her. He would do whatever it took
to get in her good graces. Whatever he must to justify her faith in him.

Geoffrey
stood. “Then I suppose we should ride to Kinwick at once.”

The men
left the hunting lodge and gathered their reins up. They rode the entire way in
companionable silence. Geoffrey could not fault his cousin for falling under
Merryn’s spell. He supposed all men fell a little in love with his wife. Her
outer beauty was but a fraction of what inner beauty she held. He knew when push
came to shove that Raynor would be in his corner—else he’d never have come to
retrieve him in the first place.

They rode
through Kinwick farmlands. As they passed, several people in the fields called
out his name and jauntily waved. He greeted them in the same fashion, some of
his old confidence returning.

The gates
swung open, and they made their way to the stables. A stable boy took their
horses and promised to look after them, his eyes round with wonder at setting
eyes upon the master. As they headed through the inner bailey, Raynor slapped
him on the back, their old camaraderie once again evident, no grudges between
them.

That
pleased Geoffrey. He would not wish to be at odds with his cousin, whom he
considered his best friend as well as part of his family. And from Raynor’s
words, he had stood by Merryn during her darkest time and aided her in some way
in the running of Kinwick.

Geoffrey
raced up the steps to the keep. Before he reached the top, the door flew open. 
Alys burst through the door as if catapulted from a trebuchet. She squealed
with delight as she caught sight of him. He ran the last few steps as she
latched onto a leg, holding on with a death grip. Ancel followed her but stood
back, reluctant to give his feelings so easily to a man who had deserted him
and his mother.

He ruffled Ancel’s
hair and then bent and hugged them both. As he stood, he grasped each about the
waist and tucked them under his arms, marching through the door all the way
into the Great Hall. They giggled and squirmed as he spun round and round until
he had to stop before he dropped them from dizziness.

As he
looked up, his mother approached him, a tentative smile on her lips. He released
the twins and strode toward her. Geoffrey enveloped her in his arms, no words
necessary. She clung to him. It concerned him how thin she’d grown, but he
would be present to remind her to eat. After all, she would have more
grandchildren to look after if he had his way. She must keep up her strength.

Geoffrey
spent the next hour visiting with many servants. Merryn must have spoken to the
people as a group, for none asked him where he’d been or why he’d stayed away
for so long.

Finally, he
knew the time had come to see his wife.

He looked
at his children, one perched upon each knee. He gave both a kiss and threw in a
tickle for good measure.

“We shall
celebrate my return this eve,” he promised them. “Now run along. I must speak
with your mother.”

They
scrambled down, eager to please him. Merryn had done a good job in raising
them. He couldn’t wait to learn everything about them. Their likes and
dislikes. What foods they enjoyed and what games they played. In fact, he might
ask her if they could stay at Kinwick longer rather than going off to foster
with another nobleman’s family when they turned seven. He’d already missed much
of their lives and wanted to make up for that lost time.

Tilda
appeared at his elbow. “My lord.” She bowed. “My lady awaits you in the solar.”

That took
him aback. The night Raynor slipped him into the castle, Merryn had taken him
to the chamber he’d used growing up. The one where they’d spent their wedding
night. She had told him she remained in it all these years.

Geoffrey
climbed the stairs to the rooms above. The solar stood at the end of the
hallway. It had been his parents’ room and where the family gathered during
private times. He had fond memories of his older sisters there with him before
their marriages. Playing games. Sewing. Reading. Telling tales. He approached
the door and knocked.

“Come,” a
voice called out. The voice that made his heart skip a beat. The voice of the
one woman he would always love.

He pushed
the door open and stepped into the solar. The large room spoke of comfort and
status. Geoffrey had loved the decorative woodwork and tapestries that hung on
the walls, as well as the huge fireplace and scattered tables and chairs. More
than any place at Kinwick, this one room said
home
to him.

Merryn
stood by the fireplace, her hands folded in front of her. She’d changed from
the light blue cote-hardie she’d worn at the hunting lodge and now wore one of
midnight blue. The color brought out her sapphire eyes. As before, his brooch
graced the area slightly above her heart.

Geoffrey
went and knelt before her. His rough hands clasped hers. They gazed at each
other wordlessly. He drank in her beauty, which had matured from the girl he
married to the woman who’d birthed his children and run his household on her
own.

“I tried to
take my life,” he said. “I believed I was a tremendous burden upon you, and you
have had far too many of those these last few years.”

Her body
trembled. Her eyes welled with tears as she looked upon his bandaged wrist.

“I know you
have doubts about us. Even fears.” He tightened his grip. “But I pledge to do
whatever I can so you will believe in me—in us—again. I love you, Merryn. More
than life itself.”

“I let my
anger get the best of me,” she admitted. “Instead of focusing on your return
and rejoicing that I had you in my life once more, I allowed a wicked emotion
to come between us. No more, my love.”

She tugged
on his hands. He rose to his feet, standing mere inches from her.

“You cannot
tell me of those missing years because of your honor as a knight and vassal to
the king. I do not like it, but I will accept it. For in truth, the most
important thing is that you have come back to me. God wrought an amazing
miracle, and I tossed it back in His face.

“I do trust
you, Geoffrey. And I love you. With all my heart.” She glanced about them. “And
here, in this solar—the private chambers for the lord of Kinwick—I hope to
forge a new beginning with you.”

Tears from
his own eyes fell. “Know that every day I was apart from you, dearest, you were
constantly in my thoughts. I did what it took to come back to you. I would
march through the fires of Hell itself for a single smile from your lips.”

Merryn’s
tears spilled onto her gown. “I shall give you that smile and many more for the
rest of the days we will share together.”

Geoffrey
embraced her, his throat thick with emotion. The sweetness of this moment would
live within him till his dying day. He kissed his wife with a yearning that he
hoped spoke of his endless love for her. She returned his kiss with abandon and
joy.

He finally
broke the kiss, both of them breathless.

Then Merryn
gave him a tender smile. “You know, my lord, you have seen the outer room—but
the bedchamber awaits beyond that door.”

Geoffrey
swept her into his arms. “I believe the lord of Kinwick must investigate every
inch of the solar. And every inch of his lady.”

He carried
her beyond the family room and into the bedchamber.

“Come, let
me love you,” he whispered into her ear as he moved toward the bed.