Worth It (10 page)

“You like her?” Aaron asks me as Shannon finishes sinking the candles into the cake before lighting them.

I shrug. “Wouldn’t be sitting here if I didn’t.”

He nods. “I’m practically married to my girlfriend, who I love like the sun shines out of her ass.”

I laugh.

“And I love Anna like she’s my sister. You seem like a nice guy, so don’t hurt her. She’s been through enough.”

That gets my attention. “What do you mean?”

He shakes his head. It pisses me off a little because I want to know what the fuck he’s talking about, but I respect that he’s not sharing someone else’s business.

The candles have been lit, and as we begin singing to Anna, she glances at me. I smile as I watch her blush again. I love that I get that reaction from her. When she puckers her lips to blow out the candles, I barely hold back my groan.

Fuck, that’s hot
.

Shannon cuts and serves the cake, and we all enjoy a slice while Anna opens a few gifts.

“You’re such a bitch.” Anna whacks Shannon with a half-opened DVD case.

Shannon bursts out laughing so hard that tears are running down her cheeks as Anna glares at her. Anna really has no idea how cute her angry face is, and I can just suppress my own laughter even though I have no idea what’s so funny.

“What is it?” I ask.

Anna turns the case, so everyone can see the title,
Dawn of the Dead
. Everyone starts laughing, except for me.

“I hate you guys,” Anna says, chucking the DVD at Chad.

He catches it and laughs harder. Anna crosses her arms, huffs, and leans back on the couch. She smirks, and I realize that she’s not actually mad, but she’s taking the ribbing in stride.

I’m still confused as to what the fuck is so funny, but I enjoy watching Anna in her element. She seems so laid-back and real, and I like that—a lot.

Anna notices my confusion and explains, “I’m scared of zombies.”

I grin in response.

“No, baby, you’re terrified of zombies,” Jared says as he throws an arm around her shoulders.

She elbows him, but I want to punch him. I don’t know if they’re always like this together, but I feel like he’s putting on a show for me, and he’s seriously starting to piss me off.

I have a good time the rest of the night. Shannon is funny, and the guys are cool, except for the little shit. He keeps pressing my buttons, and I feel like I’m gonna drop this asshole if he says one more thing.

Then, Anna says, “We should get going.”

Thank Christ.

As I walk her to my truck, I start to get nervous. I need to backtrack from the stupid comment I made earlier, and I still haven’t gotten her number. I’m a determined motherfucker though, and I know I affect her, so I’m not too worried.

Helping her climb back into the truck cab, I take the opportunity to appreciate the feel of her soft hips against my palms. Touching without
really
touching is such sweet torture. My dick wants to
really
touch, but my brain knows that’s not a good plan right now, so I stop myself from mauling her.

Who says a guy can only think with the head below his waist?

After I climb in, the combined smells of food from her workplace and her natural vanilla scent make the non-mauling thing—and my dick—hard. I start the car and follow the brief directions she gives to her parents’ house.

“Anna, I’m sorry for what I said earlier about the quote and—”

She cuts me off with a wave of her hand. “Seriously, Jed, it’s not a big deal. Like I said at Shannon’s, it’s been a tough day, and I took it too personally. Usually, I’d laugh that kind of thing off. I mean, it was a little forward, but I overreacted. I’m sorry.”

She glances in my direction with that vulnerable look, and it makes me feel protective again.

“Anna, you don’t have anything to apologize for, but I’m glad you know that I was just joking.”
Well, half-joking, but I won’t tell her that. “
I have a habit of teasing a lot, so try not to take things I might say to heart. It’s all in good fun, okay?”

She gives me a shy smile and a small nod.

I smile back and say, “Good. So, when can I take you out?”

“So, when can I take you out?” His words ping around inside my blank skull.

My first instinct is to embrace the warm hope starting to creep into my heart while I squeal,
Whenever you want
, and then do a happy dance on the hood of his truck. I want to go out with him. I want that so bad. I want to go on a real date, to have someone in my life to show me what it’s like to be loved and cared for. I mentally roll my eyes at the love talk, but just a date would be great—at first. When my eyes flicker to his, I know there’s a good possibility that I could fall for someone like him. I’ve known him for only a few hours, but I know he’s sweet and funny and
hot.
Not to mention, Donnie encouraged me to get to know Jed, and I don’t think he’d steer me wrong.

But the timing is just off. I’m not in the right place. After finally finding the strength to stand up for myself, to figure out how to survive without all the bullshit in my life, the last thing I need is to start something new. I’m much too fragile. The emotional strength to keep that wall up isn’t there. If I were to try with Jed and I failed
again
when I’m already so weak, I don’t know what would be left of me. As much as I want this sexy man, as much as we get along, the risk of relapsing scares the shit out of me.

When I don’t answer immediately, his face falls, not by much but enough to notice.

“I’m sorry, Jed. I think you’re a nice guy, but I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“I just don’t.”

“I do.”

My eyes widen. “What?”

“You’re attracted to me, right?”

I blush and duck my head.
Seriously, who’s
not
attracted to him?
“Well, yes, but—”

“And we’ve gotten along so far, right?”

“Yes, but—”

“So, let me take you out.”

“Why?”

I’m startled by my question, and judging by his furrowed brow, he seems to have the same reaction.

“Why, what?”

Pressing my lips together, I finally answer honestly, which is unlike me, but I figure my blurted-out question needs an answer. “Why do you want to take me out? I don’t get it.”

“What don’t you get?”

“I don’t get why you’re so interested in me.”

He seems to struggle with his words for a moment. He glances at me with narrowed eyes, like he’s trying to figure me out. “I don’t know, Anna. I like you. You’re beautiful and funny. Something about you draws me in.”

I soak in his words. Like pennies in a coin slot, they register one by one, and my traitorous heart melts a little. It wants me to say,
Fuck it
, and just agree to a date.
It’s only one date, right?
My head is a different story, and it starts spinning with doubt. I can’t do this to myself. I don’t understand his game. There’s no way
he
really wants to be with
me
, so I know his words can’t be sincere. The idea that he just wants to fuck me crosses my mind, but
come on
, this man is lick-o-licious, and he’s sex on a stick. He can just crook his finger, and ladies will drop their panties and spread for him to do as he wishes. Shit, he might not even have to lift his finger.

“Say something,” he says.

I blow out a breath and point ahead. “I live on the road coming up on the right.”

He flicks on his blinker, sighing deeply, before he says, “Listen, I like you, and you like me. I want to take you out. So, why don’t you just give me your number, and I’ll give you a call?”

He glances at me, and his expression hits something deep inside me. I don’t understand it, but his eyes sear right through me, and it literally takes my breath away. The word
okay
is on the tip of my tongue, but I suck it back in.
No, no, no.
I can’t. I need to get my shit together. With a tight throat, I avert my eyes.

“It’s that yellow house up there.” I point in the direction.

He pulls up in front of my house and shifts the gear into park. As he turns to face me, he reaches for my hand, and I let him take it as I soak in the desire I feel coursing through me. My hand and then my body tremble with the warring back and forth between desire and determination, yearning and self-preservation. Each emotion is fighting for dominance, like a boxer in the ring. Shifting a little closer to me, he turns completely and faces me square on. He’s not more than six inches from me, and the space crackles with awareness. I’m trying to fight the affect he has on me.

After breathing deeply, he speaks low with his scratchy baritone voice, “Anna, I think we have something here. I
need
you to give it a shot. Let me take you out.”

Even though his pushy behavior should have me running for the hills, especially when considering my past, my heart flutters and warms. I find myself blushing, and although I want nothing more than to drift my gaze away from those piercing brown eyes, I can’t move. I can’t breathe or speak. I can’t even think. My mind is at a loss for words. As hard as I clutch to those bricks around my heart, he is prying them from my fingers with his words, his expressions, his closeness.

He leans his torso closer, so his lips are only inches away from me, and I lick mine instinctively.

Is he going to kiss me? Do I want him to kiss me?
I should stop this. I should tell him I can’t do this. Instead, my trembling words breathe out an answer to his unspoken question, “Okay.”

As he closes the distance between us, the energy rages stronger and stronger until I feel his soft lips on mine. My heart, my body, my entire being flare with fire the moment our lips touch. He doesn’t move at first. Our closed lips press against each other, but soon, he opens, encouraging me to do the same, and I do. My mind blanks, and my body takes over. He slips his tongue into my mouth, and he strokes mine softly. The fire that he evokes flares hot and burns, like molten lava coursing through my veins, through my heart, through my lungs.

The fire consumes me.

My hands reach up of their own accord and entangle themselves in his dark locks, deepening the kiss. He sighs hungrily into my mouth before I feel his fingers grip my hair. I shouldn’t be doing this, but I am. His tongue is in my mouth, and I love it. I love it fiercely, and I never want this moment to end. A pulsing ache gathers low in my belly and between my legs. My nipples pebble as I pull him closer to me. I have no control, and all I know is that his lips are on mine with his tongue stroking my own. My whole world is the passionate sizzling of my body from what is happening in this truck, in this moment.

Nothing else exists.

Only too soon, he pulls away and leans his forehead against mine. He visibly struggles for his next words as I try to regain my composure.

“So, you’ll let me take you out?”

Reality crashes in, and I bring my fingers to my lips.

“I…I…I can’t,” I stutter as I reach for the door.

With my heart constricting and my blood racing, I stumble out of his truck, and just before I shut the door, I catch sight of his slack jaw tensing with what looks like determination. I sprint to my house on shaky legs, and I finally make it to the front door. After I close it, I shut my eyes.

Fuck, what did I just do?
I’m supposed to be pushing him away, not encouraging him.
Right?

Since it’s late, no one else is up, so I head straight to the fridge to grab a water bottle. Then, I go to the bathroom to wash up. The whole time, my head is spinning, trying to convince myself that pushing him away is the right thing to do. There is no good reason to open myself up to more stress…except that I’ve never been kissed like that—ever. He made me feel so good, so desired, so beautiful.

If he kisses like that, I wonder what else he can do.

Gah! Don’t go there.

After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I go to my bedroom to pull on a pair of pajama pants and a long-sleeved shirt. I crawl in to bed in record time. I’m still trying to tell myself that it isn’t worth the risk. I connected with him so much, and Christ, that kiss! I honestly might have blown it anyway with my fumbling. But if I haven’t lost my chance with him, could I risk it? Is it worth it?