Worth It (14 page)

I’m also having an internal squee moment when I think about going out with Jed. He took my number and thanked me, so that means he’s going to ask me out again.

“Squee!”

I fucking hate the squee. I’m not some lunatic fourteen-year-old girl at a Justin Bieber concert, but I think I’m allowed to squee right now.

That stupid self-destructive bitch inside my head—the perfectionist who thinks I can’t do anything right and that I don’t deserve happiness—is attempting to drag me out of my happy place with doubt and uncertainty. But this, she can’t seep into my blissful contentment. I won’t let her. Fuck her and all my demons because I’m just going to revel in the feeling of hope and possibility. I know it’s not smart to have faith in something in which I have no control. Hope does nothing except make reality more painful, more crushing. I’ve felt the effects hope has on eventual disappointment enough times to have that drilled into my head, but I’m doing it right now anyway. For once, I don’t care.

When I make it home, it’s almost nine, and I still have a project I need to finish for class. I’m finally in my senior year, and the work is more intense, but I’m so excited to be done with college and to start working in a school.

An hour later, I take a step back and let my eyes travel over my finished felt-board project. I smile to myself.
It’s not bad.
Then, I see one corner isn’t completely straight, and the gnawing in my stomach begins. It’s not perfect.
You can’t do anything right
. I rub the burn on my finger from the hot glue gun, the result of my clumsiness, and the pain shooting through my hand briefly helps banish the unwelcome thought. But then, I’m pissed at myself for doing inflicting pain on myself. I heave out a sigh and shake my head to clear the bullshit. The only way to fix that corner is to tear up the felt from the board, and I’m tired.
I guess it’ll have to do.

After I pack up my stuff and get ready for bed, I set my phone alarm and snuggle under the covers with my Kindle. Since it’s only ten, I should be able to escape into a book until sleep takes me under. Just as I’m about to dive back into the story, my ringing phone stops me. When I glance at it, I’m relieved that it’s not Sam, but I don’t recognize the number. I debate on letting it go to voice mail, but curiosity gets the better of me.

“Hello?”

“Anna?”

I’m stunned and speechless.
Jed is calling me two hours after I gave him my number?
My mouth opens and closes, but no words come out. I probably look like a fish, but my shocked brain and the elephants trampling around in my gut aren’t allowing my neurons to work properly.

“Anna?” Jed asks again.

Oh shit. Work, brain, work!
“Hi,” I wheeze out.

“Are you okay?” he asks, sounding really concerned.

I can’t help but laugh.
Christ, I have a bad habit of laughing inappropriately around him.

“Are you okay?” he repeats.

I manage to calm down enough to reply, “Yeah, sorry. I just didn’t expect you to call so soon, so I was a little shocked.”

He laughs lightly. “Well, you decided to give me your number, and I didn’t want to give you time to change your mind.”

My heart flutters, and I smile.

“So, how about that date? When can I take you out?”

“Um…” I chew on my bottom lip. “I only have Tuesdays and Sundays off, so maybe next Sunday?”

“You busy tomorrow night?”

Damn, he’s persistent.
I like that I’m wanted, but it throws me off a little because I’m not used to it. “Um, no. I just thought tomorrow would be short notice.”

“So, you’ll let me take you out tomorrow night then?”

I blush and smile at his eagerness. “That works for me.”

“Awesome. The Phoenix at seven work?”

“Sure. Sounds perfect.”

“Great, Anna. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

“Me, too, Jed.”

When we hang up, I jump out of bed and do a little happy dance. I’m still not positive that potentially exposing myself to another heartbreak is such a great idea, but I wave off the doubt and revel in the happiness.
I have a date with Jed. Squee!

When I end the call, I smile huge, like an asshole.
I have a date with Anna.
Fuck yes.
I throw my fist in the air. I’m thankful that I’m alone because I know my brother would give me shit. He can suck it. I’m pumped that she’s letting me take her out.
I wonder if I can sneak in another kiss.

After I shower and dress, I have about half an hour to spare, so I decide to stop by my folks’ house before heading to The Phoenix. My family is tight, so to stop by unexpected isn’t anything out of the ordinary.

“Hello,” I call out as I walk through the door of the house where I grew up.

“Hey, hon,” my mom greets me when I enter the kitchen. She’s stirring something on the stove. When she turns around, she narrows her eyes at me. “Shoes?”

I roll my eyes at my mom, but I return to the front door and take off my shoes on the mat. My mom is anal when it comes to cleaning. We cried over spilled milk. When I walk back into the kitchen, my mom is making dinner for her and my dad.

I lean over and give her a quick kiss on the cheek. “I didn’t take them off because I’m not staying long. I have a date tonight. I had a few minutes to spare, so I figured I’d stop by.” I look at the stove. “Whatcha cookin’?” I begin to reach in the pan to snag a piece of sautéing steak.

“Hey!”

She swats at my hand with a spoon, but I barely flinch in my pursuit of the delicious meat. I pop it into my mouth and grin at her. She’s trying to glare at me, but I see her lips switch.

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” She shakes her head and returns to the stove.

“You know you love me, Mom.”

“Of course I do, but you’re a garbage disposal. Do you know how much money I’ve saved since you moved out?”

I laugh softly. “I’m sure you could buy a second home with the savings.” I lick my fingers and think about going in for a second piece.

“Don’t even think about it.” She gives me her stern mom look.

Even at twenty-five, I know not to battle with the mom look. “Okay, okay.” I hold up my hands, still eyeing another piece that’s staring at me from the pan. It’s just begging me to eat it and all its mouthwatering juicy goodness that will explode with the meaty taste once it hits my tongue.

“Fine, one more,” my mom finally says, interrupting my food-porn moment.

I grin widely and pop another steak tip into my mouth, savoring its deliciousness.

“So, who’s your date? Anyone I know?”

“I—”

“Hey, beautiful lady, I’m home!” my dad calls from the front door. He’s no doubt meticulously wiping off his shoes before taking them off and heading into the kitchen. “Hey, son. Good to see you.”

“Hey, Dad.”

He smiles at Mom, and then he does a dip kiss, causing my mom to squeal. I roll my eyes and grin at them.

After he straightens her and playfully swats her behind, he turns to me and asks, “How are you?”

“He was about to tell me who he is going on a date with before you so rudely barreled in and attacked me.” She grins as she moves the steak tips to two plates that already hold rice pilaf and some zucchini. She raises her gaze to me. “So?”

I break into a grin. “Her name is Anna, and—”

My mom’s face brightens into a grin. “Anna from Village Pizza?”

I raise an eyebrow. “You know her?”

She rolls her eyes and grabs the plates to take to the table. “Well, I don’t
know
her, but I’ve seen her several times at the pizza shop, and she seems like a sweetheart.”

My dad reaches into the fridge, and he gets drinks for Mom and himself. “Yeah, she’s the little brunette Donnie mentioned, right?”

I nod. “Yeah, Donnie introduced us, and I’m taking her out tonight.”

Dad wraps his arms around Mom’s shoulders and smiles. “Good, son. You like her?”

“Yeah, I really like her, I guess. I don’t really know much about her, but what I do know, I like.”

“Great. I want you to be happy,” Mom says.

She lets go of Dad, leans in and wraps her arms around my waist, and I hug her back.

She says, “You should get going, so you’re not late for your date.” She reaches up and kisses me on the cheek before pulling away.

“Good luck,” my dad says as he walks me to the doorway of the kitchen.

“Thanks, guys. Love you,” I call out as I make my way to the front door.

“Love you, too,” they call back in unison.

Walking to my truck, I take a deep breath. I’m fired up for this date, thinking that tonight might be big.
Good or bad, I’m going to find out if my gut is right about her.

My feet pound the treadmill, and sweat is dripping down my face and my back while I try to clear my head for my upcoming date with Jed. Doubt still tickles my mind and tries to take root. I want my happily ever after, and I want to try to have a normal relationship with Jed, but I’m terrified that I’ll overlook bad behavior. I’m also scared that if I open up to him, he’ll see my darkness. With ZZ Top’s “La Grange” blasting in my ears, I gather my doubts and shove them out of my head.

“Christ,” I mutter to myself, “it’s just one damn date.”

But it feels like a leap into the unknown. I’m determined to have a normal relationship, but I need to keep my heart guarded, and my eyes open. I don’t really think Jed is like Sam or like…
him
, but I need to be careful, so I don’t get hurt. It might open my Pandora’s Box of pain and self-loathing and send my world spinning out of control—again.

As I make my way to the restaurant, I call Shannon.

“Hey, girlie. What’s shakin’?” she answers the phone.

“I have a date with Jed tonight,” I blurt out.

Pause.

“Really?” she squeals.

She’s so loud that I have to pull the phone away from my ear.

“Shit, Shan! I think I’ll need my eardrums for tonight.”

“Sorry, sorry! But come on, you have a date with the drool-worthy walking orgasm, who’s
not
a total fucking ass-blaster. So, sue me if I’m a little excited,” she says flippantly.