Worthy of Love (4 page)

He had no difficulty reading her mind or the betrayal she obviously felt. “While you and Janine were grieving, you mean.”

She glanced down. “Whatever.”

Reaching out, he lifted her chin with his hand. “It’s not whatever, it’s important. The truth always is and I wasn’t out enjoying the sunshine, I was making myself scarce so you two could heal.” He drew a deep, painful breath. “And I was grieving myself.”

He wondered if she’d go that one step further and ask why he’d walked out on her, but she jerked her head out of his grasp. “Makes for a good story,” she muttered.

Realizing he’d been given a reprieve, he glanced down. A few more fries remained. “Eat up.”

“I’m not hungry anymore. I’d like to go home.”

“I’m always happy to oblige.”

The sun was just peeking over the horizon as Nikki entered Janine’s apartment building with Kevin following close behind. She walked down the long hallway leading to the apartment. The lingering odors of food and the musty scent that always permeated the air seemed stronger now. Her full stomach didn’t appreciate the mixture of smells and she swallowed a groan.

“Do you have your key?” Kevin asked.

“Of course.” She wanted to get away from him as soon as possible.

He’d sat across from her in the tight booth, and with little room beneath the table, his legs entwined with hers. Her body
still
vibrated from his heat and the strength of his muscles pressing against her. She fished through her pocket and withdrew the key her brother had given her long ago, then turned to place it in the lock. As soon as she got to the other side of that door, she’d be free of this insane pull that Kevin still had over her. Free of him. Unfortunately, Kevin had other ideas.

He plucked the key from her hand, taking control. She withheld a protest, knowing it would do no good, and waited for him to let her inside. Instead, he turned toward her. Leaning back against the old chipped paint, his massive shoulders surrounded by the doorframe, he loomed large before her.

Wall sconces provided the only source of light in the otherwise darkened hall. Not all of them worked, but the nearest one provided a backdrop for Kevin. The light shone on his raven-colored hair and illuminated his recently acquired tan, his skin, sun-kissed in the Florida Keys. Despite what she’d intimated, she believed that he was grieving, too. She just had a hard time accepting his sudden return and intrusion into her life. It brought back even more painful memories. But intensity radiated from deep inside him, drawing her closer.

“Nikki.” His low voice should have sounded like a growl, yet somehow she heard it as a deep caress, an effort to soothe her pain.

Pain he’d helped cause, she reminded herself. “I should go inside.”

He nodded but didn’t move, blocking entry to her home. “In a minute. I have one more question.”

She curled her hands into tight fists and met his unwavering gaze. “Yes?”

“You had your one question. Now, I want mine. When you think about that night, what is it you remember most?”

He couldn’t have stunned her more if he’d announced her brother was still alive. They’d danced around this subject but neither one of them dared broach it directly. Not since her stupid comment earlier, the one he’d all but ignored.

The reminder, now, added an edge to the sexual tension she’d been trying to fight the entire evening. Alone, in the dimly lit hall, the only noise the sound of their voices, all rational thought receded from her brain.

Her gaze never left his as she stepped forward. “You really want to know?”

“I wouldn’t have asked otherwise.”

She nodded and took two steps closer until she’d all but invaded his space. Having outmaneuvered herself, her body reacted in kind. A tight knot had settled in her stomach hours earlier and now unwound, sending sparks of desire throughout her body. She tingled from the inside out. From the pit of her stomach to her fingertips, energy and need surged through her… As if every fiber of her being recalled exactly what this man was capable of making her feel.

She swallowed hard. How could she react this way to the same person who’d used her and dumped her all within twenty-four hours? Her mind understood the facts. Her body didn’t seem to care. Apparently neither did his because she noticed a slight hitch in his breathing, telling her he felt it, too.

“Tell me,” he said.

“When I think about
that night
…” She purposefully emphasized her words and a muffled noise tore from deep in his throat.

She recognized the sound as one of desire. An answering tremor shook her and she squeezed her legs together in a futile effort to halt the waves of need he inspired. She wanted to give in to the moment but she’d done that once before and suffered the consequences. Yet, when he reached for her, cupping her face in his hand, she couldn’t walk away and turned her cheek into his embrace instead. Her eyelids fluttered closed and she let herself believe…

“Princess…”

She jerked back, fantasy gone, reality returning in full force. No doubt, the name had the opposite effect of what he’d intended. Nikki knew she had one chance to make him understand what he’d done and she had no intention of losing the opportunity.

“You want to know what I remember most about that night?” she asked in a deceptively soft voice. “I remember waking up naked and alone.”

This time, he stiffened reflexively.

“I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing with me, but you’ve already shown me how much you care,” she said. “One little fainting spell and a good Samaritan gesture doesn’t change a thing.”

A muscle twitched beside his mouth, but he didn’t say a word, so she continued. “Now if you don’t mind, I’d like my keys and then I’d like to be alone.” She held out her hand and waited.

Tension reverberated between them. As his silence continued, Nikki expected an explosion. Perhaps she even wanted one – anything to give her the means to relieve the building pressure.

When he finally answered, she was disappointed. “I don’t play games.” He spoke softly, with determination but not anger. “I promised Tony I’d look out for you. I may have done a lousy job so far, but that’s about to change.” He turned, inserted the key and pushed open the door. “Get some sleep.” He stepped back to allow her inside.

She walked over the threshold, drawing into herself as she passed him, refusing to be lured back into the vortex of desire he effortlessly created. She stared into his ebony eyes. “I don’t need a keeper.”

“I disagree.” His gaze raked over her and she knew if she looked into a mirror now, she’d cringe in disgust. Yet, she couldn’t mistake the subtle darkening in his gaze and marveled that she could affect him still.

Not that it changed anything. Desire was a far cry from love and caring, and Nikki could accept no less for herself. She’d lost too many people in her life. She’d come too far to be just a charity case to the man she…
Damn
.

“Good night,” he murmured. The door closed behind her with a soft click. She’d have preferred a loud slam.

Instead, he’d marched back into her life, turned her heart upside down once more, and retreated… all without a sound. He’d left her wound up and full of energy. Anger throbbed inside her, a rapid pulse that matched the beat of her heart. Tony had asked Kevin to look out for her? He intended to take care of her as if she were a child? The hell he was.

Nikki grabbed an overstuffed pillow and punched the center hard before sinking into the couch. She’d always been somebody’s obligation. She’d been her parents’ little girl, even after she’d graduated from high school and come East to college. Within the year, her parents had died in a fire and Tony, who had migrated to Boston long before, had become her surrogate parent. With Tony gone, Janine had assumed the role. Now Kevin wanted to get in on the act.

Well, she was an adult, though no one in her life had ever acknowledged that fact. Over these past couple of months, she’d proven she could take care of herself. She’d even found someone who was looking for a roommate at a rental she could afford if she scraped by.

She didn’t need Kevin looking out for her. Nor did she want his pity. The only thing she’d ever wanted from him was the one thing she’d never have. She desired what her parents had enjoyed, what Tony and Janine had shared. And she respected herself too much to settle for less.

THREE

“N
ikki.” A hand shook her shoulder. “Nikki, wake up.”

“What?” She jerked into a sitting position to find Janine standing over her, a concerned and motherly expression on her face. “Don’t look at me like that,” Nikki muttered.

“I can’t help it. You’re still in last night’s work clothes, and you never made it to your room last night. You have dark circles under your eyes, and I’m worried.” After folding the Afghan throw Nikki had used as a blanket the night before, Janine lowered herself onto the couch. Nikki glared at her.

“You should have thought of that before you brought Kevin back into my life. Where was your concern then?”

“I was thinking about you.”

Nikki curled her legs beneath her. “Give me one good reason why you did it. Just one. Make me understand how my best friend could betray me.” Because she and Janine had seen each other through the aftermath of Tony’s death and Kevin’s abrupt disappearance, Janine knew how deeply Kevin had wounded her.

She would have given him her heart, if only he’d stuck around to accept it. He hadn’t of course. She’d lost her brother and Kevin in rapid succession.

Janine met Nikki’s gaze. No remorse showed in her green-eyed gaze. None shadowed her expression. Only the kindness and compassion she’d shown Nikki from the start. “Would you have preferred a gentle let-down the morning after?”

“Whose side are you on anyway?”

“Yours.” Janine laid a hand on her shoulder. “Always yours. What Kevin did was wrong, but did you ever think he was suffering, too?” she asked softly.

“Yes.” And Nikki had wanted to help him heal.

“You couldn’t have healed him. He had to come back on his own,” Janine said, reading her mind.

“With a little nudging from you?” The only person she had left had switched sides, leaving her to fend for herself. Nikki didn’t understand. The world had shifted beneath her feet and she hated the unsteady sensation that left her wondering what jarring thing would come next.

“He’d already come back, settled into a house he inherited,” Janine said.

He’d admitted as much, Nikki thought. “And?”

“And I asked him to meet me at the bar.”

“Why?”

“Because when I’m gone, you’re going to need someone to lean on.”

Nikki bristled at the implication that she couldn’t take care of herself. Coming from the person who’d seen her at her worst then seen her pull her life together after, the lack of faith hurt And then the rest of Janine’s words sunk in. “What do you mean, when you’re gone?”

“My baby needs more than me.” Janine placed her hand over her still-flat stomach, rubbing circles in a gesture that had become familiar to Nikki during the past few months. “Actually, I need more than me, and no insult to you because I’m going to miss you like crazy, but I need my family.”

Nikki blinked at the sudden but not altogether unexpected admission. She’d seen the signs lately—the increased phone calls home, and Janine’s recollections of the farmhouse in Iowa where she’d grown up.

“Okay.” What else could she say that wouldn’t be selfish and one-sided? She loved Janine like a sister. Losing her would be like losing Tony all over again. But she understood and would respect her decision. She had no choice. “There are always airplanes and holidays. I’m not going to let my niece or nephew grow up without knowing me.”

Janine smiled. “I’d come back to visit for the same reason. Meantime, I’m leaving you in the lurch with no roommate.”

Nikki shook her head. “You’d never do that. Look, I can’t afford the rent here, but there’s this other waitress who’s looking for a roommate, and I can afford that on what I make at the bar. See? I’ll be fine and you didn’t need to worry about me.

“I can’t believe you’re taking this so well.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t think I would. Look at me, Janine. I’ve grown up.”

“Yes, you have.” Her sister-in-law’s gaze traveled over her. “How are you feeling this morning?”

“Better than last…” Nikki’s words trailed off. “How did you know I was sick?”

“Kevin called. I grabbed the phone before it could wake you.”

“Well, he shouldn’t have bothered. I’m fine now.”

“Are you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just that there have been other signs that…”

A loud pounding at the door stopped whatever Janine had been about to say. “I’ll get it,” Janine said.

“Signs that what?” Nikki called after her.

“Never mind,” the other woman muttered. “You’ll figure it out soon enough.”

“Who is it?” she called, preventing Nikki from questioning her further.

“Kevin.”

Nikki’s stomach did another forward roll, just as it had last night in the bar. Janine opened the door.

Nikki met his gaze. Same black leather jacket, same razor stubble, same handsome features. The same man who turned her insides to mush with a glance. He strolled inside, whistling as if he hadn’t a care in the world.