Worthy of Love (9 page)

“Not easily,” he muttered. He made his own hours, already had the security in place down at the warehouse, and he wore a beeper. If he got in to work late in the morning, no one noticed. But keeping bar hours and working a day job was beginning to catch up with him.

“If you go back to living your own life, nothing will happen to me. Let’s face it, Kevin. If something were to go wrong, you couldn’t prevent it even if you were there.”

Leave it to Nicole—perceptive, intelligent, Nicole—to figure out the crux of the problem. “Maybe not, but at least I’d be there.”

This time
. Did she say the words or did he merely think them?

Nikki reached out and grabbed his hand. “You can’t bring Tony back by making me your number one responsibility,” she said softly.

She could become much more to him than a responsibility, he thought. But she deserved better. “You’re not giving me a choice, are you?”

“I can’t stop you from hanging out at the bar, but I can promise to make you as miserable as possible.” A grin lit the edges of her mouth and, in her eyes, he caught a glimpse of the old sparkle. She obviously sensed she’d won this round.

She had, but Kevin didn’t plan to go down without a fight. “You want your freedom, you want me to back off? Then I have some conditions of my own.”

SIX

O
ne week without Kevin’s surveillance. Nikki set a last round of drinks down onto a table filled with lingering customers. She still wasn’t sure why Kevin had given in but she wasn’t complaining. Although she missed his presence, missed the constant flutters in her stomach whenever he was nearby, she was also calmer knowing she was relying on herself. Of course she still had to check in with him in the mornings and again after work—but it had been her suggestion, not his. She couldn’t see worrying him to distraction when a quick phone call or text would prevent it.

Nikki was working without Kevin’s constant presence and she considered it a battle won.

Even better, her boss had indeed been a prince. He’d spared her cleanup duty without docking her pay. And though Nikki didn’t like taking charity, she was smart enough about her situation to accept the favor.

She leaned down to stuff her tips inside her boots and without warning, doubled over in pain. Deep breaths didn’t come easily, but she forced air into her lungs, hoping the cramp was one of those growing pains she’d read about and would subside. But growing pains wouldn’t be in the center of her stomach, and this was.

And, damn, it hurt. Nikki leaned against the wall for support and though she’d never have believed it five minutes ago, she wished Kevin were sitting in the bar, nursing a club soda.

The smell of cigar smoke wafted in the air, and reached her nose. “Jack?” Only the wall held her upright.

“You okay? Because I’m no good around sick people. Especially sick, pregnant people.”

Somehow she managed to laugh. “Don’t worry. You don’t have to do anything except call nine-one-one.

*     *     *

The aura of déjà vu wasn’t pleasant. Kevin faced his father’s landlord, the same as he’d done too many times in the past. “I’m sorry about the mess in the hall. This should more than cover cleanup costs.” Kevin peeled off a hundred dollars in cash and handed it to the older man.

“But not the hassle,” the landlord muttered. Privately, Kevin agreed with him. But there was no way he was paying any more for his father’s drunken tantrum. Highway robbery wasn’t a precedent he intended to set.

“Max’ll help with the cleanup.” Kevin glanced back toward the hall, wondering how he’d keep that promise. He rubbed his burning eyes. He’d rather be sleeping than taking care of his father’s mess. “I’ll talk to him before I leave. And thanks for calling me,” Kevin said.

He headed for his father’s apartment at the end of the hall. The closer he got, the more the dank smell of the old, musty building mingled with alcohol. Memories of his childhood assaulted him, none of them pleasant. Without warning, he slammed open the door to the apartment.

“What the…” His father bolted upright on the old plaid couch. Recognition dawned in Max’s dark eyes, eyes that looked so much like Kevin’s own—except for the added red-rimmed, bloodshot appearance.

Kevin shook his head, wishing things would change, knowing they never would. If his father hadn’t sobered up when Kevin’s mother had been alive, there wasn’t a shot in hell he’d do it on his own.

“Hey, Kev. Nice of you to stop by. A week late for the old birthday but what the hell. I can always use an excuse to celebrate.”

Kevin stepped over a scattered pile of newspapers and an empty bag of chips. “Aren’t you getting too old for this, Max?”

“Whatever happened to calling me ‘Dad,’ or do you think you’re too old to show some respect?”

Kevin took in his father’s unbuttoned jeans and stained undershirt. He closed his eyes, but he couldn’t recall a time when memories of Max weren’t marred by alcohol or the older man’s self-pity. He couldn’t remember a time when his love for his parent wasn’t diluted by pain.

He faced his father once more. “Respect has to be earned,” Kevin said. So did the name Dad, but Kevin wasn’t up to the argument. His old man would never understand that it took more than the planting of the seed to make a man a father.

Kevin wasn’t sure what to do when it came to raising his own child, but he sure as hell knew what not to do, he thought, glancing at Max.

“Sit down.” His father patted the seat next to him on the couch.

Kevin shook his head. “It’s late. I should be in bed. Hell, you should be in bed.” He glanced at his watch. It was later than he thought. He hadn’t heard from Nikki before the call from Max’s landlord and he wouldn’t know till he got home if she’d checked in and was okay.

He shot a disgusted glance at his father. The emergency call that brought him here had distracted him from what was really important. Or at least more immediate. Max was important; he was just a lost cause.

“I promised your landlord you’d clean up the mess in the hall. What the hell were you thinking, smashing bottles against the wall? You woke the neighbors and…”

“I didn’t wake the damn neighbors, that was their mutt who wouldn’t shut his mouth.”

“So you figured you’d shut it for him? Ever think of picking up the phone and asking nicely?”

His father shook his head. “They don’t give me any respect either,” he muttered. “Damn young people think they’re better than me.”

Kevin rolled his eyes. For as long as he could remember, everyone thought he was better than Max Manning. “You look in the mirror lately?” He shook his head. “Never mind. You still have the janitor job in that office building downtown?”

“I’m on vacation.”

“I want you to listen good. You go grovel and make sure you still have that job. I paid your rent last week. It’s good through next month. After that, I expect you to make the next payment on your own.”

Max rose from the couch, unsteady on his feet. “You ungrateful… think you would have made it through the academy if it wasn’t for me and your mother?”

“Save the history, Max. You’ve got it wrong anyway.” He’d give credit to his mother for anything decent he’d made of his life, but it was no thanks to his father. Another argument he refused to have.

Max took two lunging steps forward and stopped. In the old days, Kevin knew he’d have taken a swing. But no longer. Not since the day a teenage Kevin had come home to find Max beating his mother. He’d taken his father out with one punch and the old man hadn’t touched him since. He never touched his wife again, either, at least not to Kevin’s knowledge.

Ignoring him, Kevin headed for the kitchen and came up with a large green garbage bag. “Let’s go clean up. I’ll help.”

His father grumbled loud and clear. Amazing, considering he’d thrown the tantrum that led to the mess. But working together, they got the hall cleared. The landlord would pocket most of Kevin’s cash and maybe clean the carpet with the rest. For the sake of the other tenants, that’s what Kevin hoped he’d do.

He led Max back inside. “Are you going to eat something?” Kevin asked.

“When I wake up. I need sleep.”

“That makes two of us,” Kevin muttered. “Remember what I said. Make sure you’re gainfully employed. You do that and I’ll help you out with the rent if you need it. But not if you’re out of work or the money’s going for booze.”

They’d had the same discussion before. Inevitably, Kevin ended up bailing Max out of a jam, as he had tonight. But there wouldn’t be a next time. There couldn’t be. Kevin was tired of the routine and he wasn’t helping his father by aiding in his addiction. Silence followed and Kevin wondered if he’d made his point. He turned back to check on Max only to find he’d passed out on the couch. Shaking his head, Kevin headed for the door.

Half an hour later, he entered his dark house and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. Three missed calls. He turned his phone on its side and saw that it was on vibrate.

“Damn.”

He checked his voicemail. Within seconds, he was back in his car and headed toward the hospital emergency room.

*     *     *

Black hair fanned against white sheets. Nikki’s skin didn’t hold much more color than the linen. Kevin watched through a narrow pane of glass as a nurse took Nikki’s blood pressure and adjusted a belt over her abdomen. Although he told himself she was stronger than she looked, he couldn’t shake the nagging fear in his gut. He tore himself away from the view and headed back to Janine in the waiting room.

Distance didn’t help. His palms were sweating and his mouth felt like he’d been chewing on cotton. Kevin hadn’t been this nervous since… hell, he’d never been this wound up. He ignored Janine sitting on the plastic hospital couch and paced the floor in the antiseptic waiting room.

According to Janine, Nikki had doubled over at work and the hospital had called her… when they were unable to reach Kevin, on his cell, first.

He wanted to slam his hand into the wall but refrained. It wouldn’t do a damn bit of good anyhow. Sorting through his tangled feelings wasn’t easy, but Kevin knew some things right off. Nikki had trusted him enough to call for him first. He should have been there when she needed him, and, absent from that, he should have been available and more on point to receive her call. Instead he was catering to his drunken father, yet again, and letting Nikki down
again
all in the span of one night’s time.

Memories of the night Tony died threatened to surround him, but he shook them off, though the effort was great. Nikki needed him functioning, not wallowing in guilt.

“It wouldn’t have changed anything even if you were there,” Janine said.

When had he become such an easy read? “I know you mean well, but leave it alone,” he muttered.

Before she responded, the doctor came through the double doors. Because the waiting room was empty, the young-looking intern didn’t have to look for very long. “Are you relatives of Nicole’s?” he asked.

“Yes. How is she?” Janine asked.

“She’s fine. Resting more comfortably. I wouldn’t call it a false alarm, but she’s in no immediate danger of losing the baby.”

Thank God
. Kevin didn’t know how many chances he’d been allotted in this lifetime, but he wasn’t about to waste this one. “Can we see her?”

He nodded. “I’m going to keep her overnight for continued fetal monitoring and then if things are still status quo in the morning, she can go home.” He jotted some notes down on a metal clipboard before glancing back at Kevin. “She needs to see her regular ob/gyn but, until then, there are going to be some restrictions—at least until we’re certain the pregnancy will hold.”

“What kind of restrictions?” Kevin asked. “And for how long?”

“Bed rest to start. The rest is up to her primary care physician. So make sure she sees her doctor.”

Kevin nodded. He didn’t need to hear any more.

What came next was between him and Nikki.

*     *     *

Nikki watched the green line on the screen that monitored the baby’s heartbeat and any possible contractions she might have. So far, steady and straight; no mountains signaling a potential problem.

She glanced at the beige walls and peeling paint. She hated hospitals—both their bland look and the sterile smell because they reminded her of the night Tony died. But at least she hadn’t suffered another loss this time. She’d been off her feet for a few hours and the pain had begun to subside.

This whole experience seemed so surreal. Then again, the last three months had brought so many changes, she
had
entered a new world. She supposed she’d better get used to change, because on the heels of the doctor’s reassurance had come his warnings and restrictions. She lay her head back against the pillow and closed her eyes, exhaustion overtaking her.

When she woke again, Kevin was sitting in a chair beside the bed, but his upper body lay forward, his head resting on the mattress beside her. She curled her fingers into the palm of her hand in an effort to resist the urge to run her hands through his hair to reassure him.

She was the one who needed reassurance, and badly. She could rely on him—Nikki knew that now. But relying on him would take her on that slippery slope toward falling in love again. And that, she couldn’t allow.