Worthy of Me

Worthy of Me

Copyright © 2013 by Yajna Ramnath

The places where this story is based have been altered in order to fit the flow of the plot. Some of these places may or may not exist in the actual city of Houghton, Michigan. Any errors or changes are purely plot related and my own imagination. The characters are fictional and bear no resemblance to any persons living or dead.

To every child that didn’t understand why—I hope this story will be worthy of YOU…

Nine years earlier…

The house was quiet when I got home. Dad’s car wasn’t in the yard and I had to come home with a friend today. It was my last day of primary school; I was finally going to enter highschool next year. Just five more years and I can leave this small town.

“Mom?” I called out as I dropped my schoolbag on the couch.

I walked through the house passing by my old room, the bathroom and my new room which used to be my sister’s room. I couldn’t hear anyone and even mom wasn’t answering me. I reached the end of the hall to find her bedroom door closed. I left it and went straight across to my room.

Mom and dad always told me that when the door was closed I wasn’t to disturb them. They were probably doing those disgusting things that twelve year old girls like me shouldn’t know about yet.

Ours passed and the door still didn’t open. I needed to use mom’s shower and I was hungry as hell. We were supposed to celebrate my ending of school. I walk across the hall to mom and dad’s room and knock on the door.

“Mom? Dad?”

No answer. I frowned and decided to just walk in. let them shout at me if they wanted. I was hungry. I opened the door and it took me a few minutes to figure out what I was seeing.

“MOM!” I screamed.

I ran out of the house and across the road to my neighbour. My sister lived there so it was okay. I banged on the door until my sister opened the door.

“What?” she shouted angrily. “What do you want?”

I briefly forgot that my sister no longer wanted anything to do with me. I even forgot why.

“Its mom, something’s wrong with her!”

Bria looked down at me with a frown on her face. “What do you mean?”

“She-she’s just laying there, Bri, she’s not waking up!”

Bria’s eyes flashed with concern and next I knew we were both running across to my house. Bria screamed when she saw our beautiful mom lying in an awkward angle with her eyes slightly open. Bria put her hand in front of mom’s mouth.

“She’s breathing,” Bria sighed in relief. “Help me get her to the bathroom.”

I wasn’t much help but we did manage to get
mom bent over the sink where Bria flung cold water on mom’s face. Bria pulled mom’s toothbrush from the holder and started pushing it into her mouth. I thought she was brushing mom’s teeth but then I saw the vomit. I know it’s gross to look at someone’s puke but once when I was sick and we didn’t know what made me vomit so much, dad had said to look at the vomit and whatever you see could be a clue. All I saw were colours. And then I saw the not fully dissolved tablets that came next.

Two months later…

Dad hasn’t come home in the last two months. Everyone tells me he just got work to do. I figure that maybe mom and he are fighting like they used to when I was small. Maybe he left like he did the last time to just cool off and he’ll be back when he is ready. He phoned me to wish me luck for my first day of highschool a few weeks back. I asked him when he’s coming home and he just changed the topic. Dad was one person you couldn’t force to say anything.

I made a few friends. My old friends and I still hang out together. Class has been fun and even the teachers are nice. Some scare you on purpose just to remind you that you are in a big school now. With my thirteenth birthday looming closer another realisation was fast approaching—I was no longer going to be a kid anymore. I was going to be a teenager.

I was gonna need my parents more than anything this year.

Addison came up to me while we were waiting to go inside math class.

“Hey, I’m so sorry about what happened.”

I glanced at Addison and wondered what she was apologising for. “Sorry for?”

“Uh, for what happened in your home? Your dad leaving your mom for another lady? I hear they’re living together with her daughter and son,” Addison said with a frown.

Rage coloured my vision. What did I ever do to this girl to have her hate me so much that she would make up stories about me?

“My dad would never do that!”

Deep down however the last few years flashed before me. He
would
do that. He’s left plenty of times before. But he wouldn’t just leave us to have another family, would he? Things were going okay at home. I mean yeah, my sisters; Rea and Bria were causing a lot of problems at home with boys and their constant fighting. Sure they had their own issues with my parents but my dad wouldn’t take it out on us would he? He wouldn’t… leave…me… would he?

I ran home when the school day was over. I rushed into the house to find mom standing in her room. I could get a funny smell in the house. It smelt like paraffin. Huh?

“Mom?”

She looked at me and continuously poured the contents on her. What is wrong with her?

“Mom, stop it!” I screamed. She wasn’t listening.

I ran across the road and shouted for my sister. “She’s pouring paraffin on herself!”

My sister and I ran as fast as we could. Mom had the matchstick in her hand now. She was going to light it. Bria smacked mom across the face. My mouth hung open. I thought mom was surely going to swear her or hit her back but instead my mom dropped to her knees and started sobbing. I hated when mom cried. It made me cry.

My sister dragged mom into the shower and let the water pour all over her.

“Mia, go to your room,” Bria said to me.

I walked away and closed the door. But I didn’t go to my room I stood to the side where I could hear them talking.

“I know this hard, mom, but you can’t do this. Mia is watching all of this. You have to think about her, she’s still a child.”

“It hurts, Bria, it hurts so much. I gave up everything to come here only to have him go for some other bitch? He’s living with her!” my mother sobbed. “I don’t care about anything! He left me so now I’m going to leave this world. Mia will be better off with someone else.”

I walked numbly into my room and closed the door slowly. I slid against the wall until my knees reached my chest. I held them close and let my tears fall. It was all true. My dad left us. He’s living with someone else. The day I found mom on the floor vomiting because of tablets and today mom trying to burn herself.

Dad had left us. Mom wanted to kill herself. They both thought of themselves. They didn’t care about me. I looked around my room and realised, I was alone.

I wished I knew how much worse it was going to get.

Present Day…

I dragged my luggage with me and stuffed the bags into the waiting cab. The fare was probably reaching an insane amount by now but I did not care. Nope. Not me. I needed to get out of here no matter how much that cost me. The icy snow froze my gloveless fingers and pinked my upturned nose. It was freezing, but of course if you moved from sunny South Africa to freezer-like Michigan that was bound to happen. I lugged the last suitcase into the trunk and slammed it shut earning a glare from the cabbie.

I glared right back at him. Who was he to look at me with judgement in his eyes? Did he not understand that right now I had no idea whether I’d be spending the night on the snow-filled streets? When I reached
Michigan Tech, I headed straight to the student counselling department to obtain my schedule and see where I’d be living. Turns out that if I took the boarding I would have to buy the textbooks and vice versa. I knew I would never be able to afford either. After much begging and pleading the receptionist chased me out the office. Luckily the building was virtually empty so no one was there to see the embarrassment.

I wandered around aimlessly with my two suitcases and my duffel bags. I didn’t want to have to call my father and ask for help. He didn’t support my decision to move away
in any case. My mother wouldn’t help me because she probably hated me for abandoning her—which is how she sees it.

Like a gift from the Gods themselves,
I found an ad on the college bulletin board and called up the woman who had a two bedroom house fifteen minutes from campus. I knew I’d have to spend more money on transport, guess I’d have to find a job too. It seemed like a good opportunity because that meant that as a woman she’d be more compassionate about letting me stay and maybe waiting a while till I could find a job.

I hopped into the cab and we drove off towards the residential areas. I guess the first question you’d ask is why in t
he hell would I leave SA and come to Michigan. Blame the parents. I needed an out and this was as far from them I could get while living my own life. Granted it may not have started out great but I always hoped for better things.

Hope.
Such a dick emotion to have. It strings you along and makes you envision things that might never be. It’s that
might
that keeps you going. But once reality smacked you in the face, you were left with nothing and then you were called the one word that could destroy everything about you—hopeless.

I’d learned a lot of lessons since the age of twelve. Not because it was taught to me but because it was forced on me.
I had to grow up before it was my time which is probably why people thought I had too many ‘big ideas’ I pushed away old memories and focused on the driveway we turned into.

It was a neat two story house. Not too big and with a small yard.
A wraparound porch and two large picture windows with shutters on the second story. It was one of those family homes you’d expect to find on a sitcom. The snow hung from the trees that stood on either side of the house. A Volvo was haphazardly parked in the yard. I wondered what the woman would be like. She seemed nice enough on the phone. I grabbed my bags, two suitcases in both hands and three canvas bags slung over my shoulders, I paid the cabbie and walked up the three stairs. I knocked on the door and waited.

I was never one to believe in love-at-first-sight, stuff like that just didn’t exist. I was more on the get-in-get-out-get-lost side of the relationship line. But deep down I’m a girl who can appreciate the fine art of a really good-looking man.

He stood with the door half opened and he was half dressed too. A fitted pair of jeans held his ‘wrap-my-legs-around-them’ hips, tanned skin stretched over washboard abs that looked like granite, dishevelled sandy blonde hair that stood at odd ends and his face… classic nose, full lips, bright-blue eyes, thick eyelashes, and dimples on either side of his smiling face. He was gorgeous.

“Not that I
mind you staring at me as if you’re about to eat me up, but it’s like six degrees and I need to know who the hell you are,” his voice was deep and husky. Pure sex with a trace of irritation.

“Uh, I’m here for the room?”
I looked at him expectantly.

He frowned.
“The room? But Veronica said it was someone named Scott, that’s a guy name, right?”

I smiled sheepishly and
held my hand out. “I’m Mia Scott, when I spoke to Veronica I told her that.”

The guy shook his head with a few strands falling about his forehead. I really wanted to sweep them aside for him but the anger in his gaze made me take a step back instead. I thought about making a hasty exit but the cabbie was gone and my suitcases were getting soaked from the wet snow on the stairs.

“I’m sorry but I cannot give you the room,” he snapped.

My face drained of colour. “But, I, Veronica…”

“Veronica doesn’t make decisions for who lives here and who doesn’t! I cannot allow you to stay here.”

I stared at him, confusion and apprehension quickly taking over my body. Oh hell no, what in the world was I going to do now?

“Oh don’t give me that poor, pitiful me expression,” the guy rolled his eyes. “What did you think I’d do? Let you into my home and then you’d magically end up in my bed?”

I recoiled as if he’d slapped me. I was so used to people making their assumptions about me. A
fter all, I was the girl with thick eye-liner around her eyes, too red lips and ripped t-shirts and jeans. I was the chick with the wristbands and the sad songs. I’ve been in a lot of meaningless relationships and dates, usually those guys hated when I dumped them and would proceed to tell everyone that they had sex with me and so most of the people in the town thought I was a floozy. That I skipped from bed to bed. I thought I had escaped that but here in an unknown town a clear country away, was a guy who automatically assumed I wanted to sleep with him.

Without thinking my palm connected with his cheek. Hot angry tears threatened to spill, but I had long since learned that crying didn’t make anything better. T
hey were just salty liquid that fell from your eyes and made things worse.

“Would
you like me to give you a reason to cry?”

“You know what, maybe you should get of that high horse you’re riding and come down to level earth. I have no interest in any bed of yours unless it’s in an empty room and far from you. You don’t know me so I suggest you don’t make assumptions because I can make some pretty good assumptions about you and trust me I’ve been known to make accurate ones,” I looked him up and down, he was gorgeous but of course he had to go and open his mouth and ruin it for me. Though that red hand print he sported on his left cheek was rather adorable. “Anyway, that’s for the chance of interviewing me and seeing whether or not I was aiming for your bed or one of my own. And oh, thanks for tossing a chick out on her ass without even a thought or care.”

I turned around to leave and then decided to be the bitch people were convinced I was.

“And tonight, Mr. Everyone-Wants-To-Get-Into-My-Bed, when you get under those warm comforters I hope you get a goodnight’s sleep while I wander the fucking streets trying to sell my stuff to find lodging for the night,” I snapped. I wasn’t above making someone feel super guilty. I needed a place and if I had to guilt my way into one, then so be it.
I had long since accepted that I was alone and if there was one person I would look out for and take care of through any means possible—it was me.

With that I spun
and grabbed my stuff. I wobbled with the two suitcases and three duffels and plopped on the curb just outside his gate. I pulled out my phone wondering what I should do next. I had no more money not even a cent to call a cab. I looked at my black suitcase which was filled with the electronics I loved. My laptop, my iPad, my eReader, and my extra cellphone which I used to contact my parents.

I called up a pawnshop wondering how much I would get for a brand-new Mac and iPad. The amount was enough for me to stay at a hotel for a week, maybe by then I could find a job or something.

“Do you pawn anything else, like maybe clothes or jewellery?” I held on tight to the silver chain around my neck. I had never taken it off, but I was sure the small diamond which hung from it would get me some more money.

I didn’t hear what the guy on the other side had to say because suddenly, arrogant asshole crouched next to me. This time he had a long-sleeved t-shirt stretched across his body and boots on his feet.

“Look, I’m sorry okay? Come inside and we can talk easier?” his blue eyes searched mine.

“Why? Are you going to make more assumptions in the comfort of your bedroom?” I snapped.

“I… No. I won’t. Look, just come inside, we can talk.”

I could see the apology reflected in the flecks of silver in them, I nodded slowly and started to lug my suitcases when he grabbed onto them and walked into the house.
The guy stepped back and allowed me to walk in. He let go of the door and laid the suitcases right there in the entry way just below the steps. I took a moment to look around. There was a kitchen to my left and a living room to my right. I could see a flat screen and various other gadgets with three leather couches. The kitchen had marble counters and appliances. Directly in front of me where a flight of stairs which probably led to the other rooms. The hardwood floors gleamed and the house seemed toasty warm.

The house was small yet very cosy. I briefly wondered what my room would be like
if I actually managed to get him to let me stay here. The guy gestured to the kitchen where two steaming mugs of hot chocolate sat on the counter. I sat on the kitchen barstool while he dragged one over the other side so we sat facing each other.

“Let me begin by apologising, I’ve had a lot of girls come in here and not for the right reasons,” he smiled sheepishly.

“Are you some sort of important person or something?”

“My name is Aiden Kingston,” he said matter-of-factly.

I raised a brow.
“And?”

Aiden frowned for a second and then shook his head. “I guess that’s even better that you don’t know me. Anyway, what’s your story?”

A wistful smile plays on my face. If only he knew the entire story, he would chuck me away like all the other guys did. Mia Scott was just too much baggage. No one wanted a long-term thing with her, she was just the girl you lavished with pretty words and then made out with until she cock blocked you and you had to go home and take care of yourself—or find another willing woman. I shook my head and schooled my face into the mask of indifference I had perfected since I was sixteen.

“W
ell I moved here from South Africa. My scholarship was misleading. I thought that they covered boarding and textbooks but it seems I only have enough credit to take one option. I saw the ad on the bulletin board and thought I’d give this a try.”

Aiden took a tentative sip of his hot chocolate and watched me for quite a while before speaking. “And how exactly would you be able to pay rent?”

I sucked in my top lip and ran my bottom teeth along the flesh. Aiden watched this with a weird look in his eyes. A look I defined as interest.

“I, uh, God.
I know I’m going to sound like a charity case but I was hoping I’d be able to find a job before the month is up and I would pay you.”

“And let’s say
, you don’t manage to find a job, what then?”

Aiden’s questions were not rude or suggestive, they were genuine. Most guys would just say yes and wait until I came up with some excuse about rent and use that to do other things. Sadly, that was the way of the world.
And I wondered whether or not I was above sleeping with my landlord just so he could let me stay here. Yeah I was that desperate to get away from my old life.

“I have a few electronics, I would have sold them and paid,” I said while staring into my mug paying close attention to the way the chocolate mixed with the foam.
I knew this poor pitiful me act was convincing but I had no idea it would work that well.

Aiden blew out a breath. “Look, I don’t do this. Especially not for chicks, it’s a whole long story that I would probably
not
tell you for fear of losing my manly demeanour. However, I have a bar and grill, opposite the tech. Kingston. I stay open till around ten at night.”

I frowned not understanding where he was going with this. He must have seen the look on my face because he went on to explaining it to me.

“What I’m saying is that, after your day ends at the tech, you can come over to Kingston and pick up some waitressing duties or even bartending stuff. I’ll give you like a week to get accustomed to it and if you’re good, I’ll put you on permanent. That way you will get a salary that you can use for helping out with the stuff here and I will get a reliable employee. So what do you say?”

I stared at Aiden with my mouth hanging open
, I thought he would just take me in, I didn’t expect the job offer too. “Why… why would you do this for me? You don’t even know me.”

Aiden smiled at me, a soft smile that lit up his face and made my heart stutter. “Because
you know how to put a guy in his place and you play the victim well enough for me to fall for.”