Authors: Yajna Ramnath
Three Years Earlier…
Kade was amazing. He was drop dead gorgeous with a personality to match. Yeah sometimes he had this vanity
thing going on about his looks, but he was good to me. With his dark hair, chiselled looks and a soft voice that made me swoon, he managed to become the most important person in my life.
We spent every single day together, he always knew what I was thinking and although it was creepy; it made me think of things like forever. Slowly, I stopped doing things that made me who I was. I stopped flirting with guys, I stopped drinking, I stopped hanging out with my friends, and more importantly? I was becoming everything he wanted me to become. I don’t think he did it on purpose but I guess every time he told me he didn’t like something—I tried to get rid of that something.
He was the first guy I said ‘I love you’ to after so many years of being lied and cheated on. He was the first guy I didn’t mind kissing in public. He was the first guy I spent a night with. I wanted him to finally be my first. It was a decision we both made.
I told my mom about him and she had allowed us to spend lots of time together. Mom was on the mend and slowly leaving the alcohol, she was becoming the mom I wished had been with me throughout my life. Better late than never, I say.
Kade never told his parents about me. He said something about his mom and dad being so strict that they would have an issue with it. He didn’t even want to show it off on Facebook or even on the chat sites we used to frequent together.
I was so used to being everyone’s dirty little secret that I didn’t let it get to me. I pretended as if it didn’t hurt me that he wouldn’t take a risk with me. I mean you risk whatever you can when you really love someone right?
Wrong.
A few months into our relationship he needed to leave to go back to his hometown for the holidays. His hometown happened to be four hours away so I knew I wouldn’t see him for two months. The night before he left we cried in each other’s arms. It felt so real. He told me he was going to
try and speak to his parents, tell them about me. I was excited and scared. Kade left the next morning and we spoke everyday for the next few weeks.
And then everything changed…
Kade was hardly replying to my texts, always making excuses when I tried calling him, and always on the chat sites when I wasn’t. He was drifting further away from me. I asked him whether we should break up but he said no, he loved me, he didn’t want to break up with me. I believed him.
Until I found out he came back for a concert with another girl. A girl he claimed was a family friend. A girl I knew liked him and was ten times prettier than myself. I was gutted. He broke up with me over a text and soon I found out he was dating someone else. He had published it everywhere on all the chat sites and even Facebook. I wasn’t good enough.
I just wasn’t good enough.
I stopped living then. I was close to ending it all but my pride stepped in the way. I didn’t want to be known as the girl who killed herself over a worthless guy. I stopped meeting up with friends, I stopped texting and I stopped—being.
Bria started talking to me again so I stayed with her for a while. I spent all my time sleeping or playing with her kids. Anything to distract myself. I didn’t cry. I couldn’t cry. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. It was true… I wasn’t wanted.
My dad left.
My mom tried her hardest to leave.
My sisters left.
My friends left.
Kade left.
Eight Months Later…
I got my first job. It was fun getting to know people and being a bit independent. At nineteen you’d think I was actually independent but I still depended on my parents to do things for me.
my future was botched up because I wasn’t doing what dad what, so I had to make do with what I was given.
Mom started her drinking again. It was hard coming home every day from work to find her drunk and have her swearing me after a day of being on my feet and dealing with strangers who also felt the need to swear and shout at me. Dad was MIA as usual. I learned to live without him though. He contacted me when he felt the need to and I just kept my hopes to a non-existent level.
Kade was still trying to contact me and send me messages. He felt we should be friends. I couldn’t do that though. I had become numb over the months. I was back to flirting, and I started hanging out with friends again. Kade had sent me a message saying he still loves me and I snapped.
Not in a good way.
The girls often talked about this guy named Shane. He was a womaniser and left as soon as he got what he wanted from a girl. I set my sights on him and started flirting with him. I knew he had about two other girls that he was stringing along but I didn’t care. I needed to get Kade out of my head and what better way than to start a game with a guy who thought he had one up over me?
Shane laid it on thick. He said all the right things and even went so far as to saying he loved me. Little did he know all those sweet nothings, and those three words, meant nothing to me at all. He made all the first moves. He fetched me and took me out clubbing. When we made out one night he put a stop all on his own thinking that he would be buying himself brownie points. My mind was already made up though.
Three weeks after knowing him we walked into a bed and breakfast. I did the one thing I was always warned not to do. Don’t give your virginity to someone you don’t want to remember. Don’t sleep with someone who isn’t worth it. Don’t sleep with someone whose just going to disappear once all is done.
But I did it.
I was numb. As he moved over me and entered me—I blanked it all out. I made the appropriate sounds and even though I wasn’t experienced I knew how to pretend to orgasm. I let him murmur how much he loved me while he thrust and I told him that I did too.
A few weeks later… he disappeared.
Present Day…
I hadn’t had sex with anyone since then. It was two years since that day, Shane had contacted me and apologised for his disappearing act. He didn’t need to apologise because I had forgotten him. He was that hazy memory that didn’t serve any importance. Thinking back to Aiden, he could’ve had his way with me whenever he wanted, but he never forced me. There was only one thing to do.
“Dianna?” I said as soon as she answered her phone.
“Yeah, honey?”
“I need you to do something for me,” I smiled into the phone.
An hour later Aiden burst into the house with a panicked look on his face.
“What happened?” he panted. I gestured my head to the kitchen and Aiden followed closely behind me. “Dianna said something happened here at the house and you couldn’t—”
He cut himself off when he noticed the dinner set up and the candles strewn on every surface. I had a massive casserole in the centre with Chicken Alfredo and I had a bottle of wine and his expensive dinner set lay out.
“What is this?”
I gestured for him to sit and he did so tentatively, I served him a helping of the Alfredo and poured wine for him. I poured a glass of water and served myself some of the dinner. We ate in silence and after I cleared the dishes, I sat opposite him.
“I was never good at relationships. I don’t know if it was me or whether it was my ability to attract all the people who would screw me over,” I started. “When I was fourteen, I had my first relationship with a guy older than me. Things were great because we didn’t exactly give a name to what we were. Sometime later in the months he became distant.
Then I found out he kissed my best friend. At that age I was a believer that if you kissed someone it was important, it meant you loved them. I guess that was why I never kissed him.”
“Never?”
Aiden asked in shock.
“Nope, he was a good guy and he never forced me. I wasn’t as open as my best friend was. Anyway, I couldn’t understand why he would do that to me. I thought he was in love with me as I was with him. I didn’t want to lose either of them because I was tired of losing people,” I sighed. Ignoring the confused look in Aiden’s gaze, I continued, “I lied to them. I made them believe I was in love with someone else. Someone who was a great friend of mine, and I hurt him. I hurt that friend because I used him. I watched everyday that my best friend and this guy were together and it shred a little piece of my heart each time.”
Aiden shifted in his seat watching me intently but my gaze was on the bottle of wine, watching the condensation drip on the sides of it.
“A few months later I found out that my best friend had convinced him that the reason I never kissed him or even gave a name to our relationship was because I had someone else. Of course me using my good friend to cover my hurt kind of cemented the fact,” I laughed. “Anyway, I was on a rebound after that. I dated a lot. I never kissed them though but I would hang out with them. By the time I got to school on a Monday however, the entire school would think I had already slept with those guys.”
Aiden winced.
“Finally, I decided it was time to get into a relationship be serious about someone. I did. He was sweet, said all the right things and even told his parents about me. Then four months later I find out that he had lied about his name, where he lived, even whether or not he was in school. He took his brother’s identity and presented that to me. I became a joke among the girls at school. Naturally I became
vengeful, I dated his brother and flaunted it in his face.”
I cleared my throat. It was becoming tight and embarrassment was creeping up on me but he had to know.
“I then met someone else. He hid the fact that he was dating a good friend of mine. He broke up with me and then flaunted the fact that he was with her. Luckily, nothing happened with us. But no one else believed that. The same year in school some guy that I had never spoken to went around telling everyone that I was obsessed over him and even wanted to commit suicide over him,” I shook my head. “He had no idea that if I didn’t do it with all the things I was already going through, then why the hell would I do it over him? The following year in my last year of school I got a boyfriend who was so possessive that I couldn’t even let my phone go unanswered. It wasn’t long after that I found out he lied about his age and basically did a similar thing like the other lying guy.”
Taking a sip of water, I continued, “Finally there was Kade, he was my forever until distance got in the way. Things got hard and he got going. After that I was on another rebound and lost my virginity to an asshole that I never saw thereafter. Although I was grateful for that, I wanted to have all my experiences so I didn’t have to dwell much on them later on. Ever since then every guy I have ever met always wanted to make out or persuade me to have sex with them instead of get to know me and have relationship.”
“Wow,” Aiden mumbled.
“So now you know why I couldn’t let go. I couldn’t answer your questions or get into your bed because I had finally decided before coming here that I was done being a play thing.
I was done being the girl they all wanted to fuck but didn’t want to date,” I shrugged.
Aiden was quiet and I was sure that I had driven him away with my story telling. He got up from his seat and then made his way over to me. Getting on his knees, he turned my chair while I sat on it as if I weighed nothing; he held my hands and looked into my eyes.
“Those guys were all jerks, and I am sorry you had to go through that. Telling you that you shouldn’t base one relationship on every other one thereafter, sounds lame because it seems your every relationship was doomed.”
I frowned at Aiden. “Are you trying to make me feel better?
Because if you are, you’re doing a sucky job of it.”
Aiden held my face in both his hands and placed a soft kiss on my lips. “I’m trying to say that I would like to be your first good relationship. I’m not saying we’re going to be that perfect couple that exchanges promise rings and rides off into the sunset, I’m saying that I’m going to be your work in progress.”
The tears I had spent my life trying to hide came rushing down. I clung to Aiden as I cried. I cried for each time I needed my dad and he wasn’t there. I cried for every drink, every harsh word and every beating that my mom had me endure. I cried for each friend that let me down. I cried for each time a guy crushed my heart into a pulp. I cried for the heart that suddenly wanted to beat, wanted to feel and more importantly, wanted to feel the love that this beautiful man wanted to give it.
Slowly but surely, Aiden was making me whole ag
ain.
A loud knock had me hopping on one foot to slide on my sneakers and stumbling down the stairs. It had been a week since Aiden and I decided to try a relationship. So far we hadn’t managed to get any time together. The holiday season was kicking in and Kingston was closing later each day.
Apart from that, exams were on me and I was working really hard to get my grades up since they were sliding.
I swung the door opened to find Mrs. Kingston on the other side of the door.
“Mrs. Kingston, what…? How…? Uh.”
Mrs. Kingston laughed heartily at my incomprehensible word vomit. “Hello dear. It’s so good to see you! Is Aiden here?”
“Uh, no,” I answered.
“Great! We must go now. We have much to do!”
I frowned as she pulled me out the door and headed over to her sleek silver Mercedes.
“Where are we going?” I asked her as I buckled in.
“Shopping for Aiden’s surprise party!” Mrs. Kingston chirped as she drove towards the town-square.
“Why? What party?”
“Oh you ask too many questions, dear, Aiden’s birthday party this Saturday!”
I froze with my mouth hung open.
Aiden’s birthday? How did I not know that?
“From your expression it seems he didn’t tell you, did he? That boy,” Mrs. Kingston shook her head. “He doesn’t like big deals being made of his birthday.”
“So, why are you having a party for him then?” I asked, wincing because Mrs. Kingston made me very aware of how many questions I asked.
“I’m his mother, when do I ever listen to him?” Mrs. Kingston chuckled.
The rest of the day was spent with me running behind Aiden’s mom choosing decorations, gifts and even his suit. She chose a beautiful royal blue dress for herself and bought me a stunning sea green and silver dress that showed off curves even I didn’t know I had. Everything was stored at her house since it was only Monday and she didn’t want Aiden finding out.
The rest of the week leading up to Aiden’s birthday was all hush, hush. He knew something was happening but he played aloof. Saturday morning I knocked on his door, when I didn’t get an answer I turned the knob and crept into his room.
Aiden’s room was neat. Large windows were on either side of his king-sized bed. On one side of his room was a desk set up with his laptop and papers. On the other side were shelves lined with CDs and frames. One frame caught my eye. I tip toed closer and let out a silent gasp. It was of the two of us. I was in my Kingston uniform, my hair tied up with a seductive smile on my face, my right hand on the bar counter and the other on my hip with my gaze on Aiden. Aiden who looked down at me with so much of affection it seemed surreal, the blonde in his hair shone under the lights, his dimple winked out and his right hand was reached for the one on my hip. Someone had snapped this when we were not looking. They captured a moment where both our guards were down, where all our feelings were shown.
I glanced at the man on the bed. He was a vision. His head facing the wall, his arms flung on either side of him, his muscled body on show, every ripple expanded and contracted with his deep breathing, and finally the sheet that settled so low on his hips that I knew he was naked underneath.
I quietly got onto the bed and was amazed that he didn’t stir. He was a heavy sleeper. Well, I hoped not, this would get really awkward if he was.
I placed a light kiss on his forehead, his nose, his lips, his neck, his chest, his abs and finally to the spot just below his belly button. I felt him stir then, he mumbled something which sounded a lot like my name but I didn’t have any hopes of that. I slide the sheet off him and gasped.
He was magnificent. I always heard girls talk about how gross they thought a guy’s dick looked but I wasn’t one of those people. I found them fascinating which sounds creepy but anyway. He was long and thick, I had big oh my God moment wondering how he was going to fit in me. From all the books I read, I hoped that he would find a way to put it in. I slid my hand around his length and started caressing him, up and down. I watched in amazement as he got bigger and harder.
His breathing was ragged and he was moaning. He was still half in and out of sleep, I felt I needed to turn thing up a notch. I lowered my head and took him in my mouth. Mission accomplished, Aiden’s eyes snapped opened and he gasped as he watched his dick slide in and out of my mouth.
“Mia! Fuck!” he gasped.
I had a proud moment when I caught sight of his fists clenching the sheet. I relaxed my throat and breathed in through my nose, taking him deeper till he touched the back of my throat. His moans got louder and his breathing short and heavy. I loved a guy who wasn’t afraid to voice his pleasure. I felt the tightening of muscles and watched as the veins in his neck started to pop out and I knew he was close. A few seconds later she shouted his release and I quickly swallowed, pushing back my gag reflex. I crawled up the bed and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
“Happy birthday, handsome,” I whispered and quickly got out of bed before he could make a grab for me.