I
gape at him in astonishment, it’s like he just read my mind or something.
“I
guess my relationship with her is a little complicated.” I confess, resting my
head against the back of my seat, absorbing everything about him whilst he’s still
preoccupied with driving and can’t notice me observing him.
“Sorry,
I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s really none of my business but I didn’t
like to see you alone in the corner looking miserable. You should have been sat
next to Rachel, joining in with the celebration. It wasn’t right of whoever it
was that decided to place you at the other end of the table.” He mutters
angrily, tightening his grip on the steering wheel.
“That
will have been my mum. We don’t exactly see eye to eye and it’s been like that
for as long as I can remember.” I murmur softly.
“That’s
got to be tough, especially with Rachel being here.”
He
glances at me out of the corner of his eye, reminding me of how perceptive he
can be. It’s as though he can read my thoughts and it unnerves me, he’s only
known me a couple of hours and he already seems to know my character far more
than my own family do.
“She’s
mum’s favourite. It’s always been that way.”
“What
about your brother?”
“Andrew?
He’s the only boy so he’s also cherished. I’m the only black sheep in our
family.”
“That
makes me mad. Why would anyone label one of their children anything less than
any of the others? It’s sickening and shouldn’t be allowed.”
“I
guess things were easier for me when my father was around.” I whisper sombrely.
“I’m
sorry, Sam. Rachel told me he died when you were both really young?”
“In
a car accident. I was eight years old.” I can feel my eyes fill with tears,
remembering my dad always has this effect on me. The pain of his death is still
raw and the grief is still extraordinarily painful.
“That
must have been… fuck, I don’t even know how that must have been.” He speaks
with so much compassion, it wrenches at my heartstrings.
The
yearning I already have for this man is inexplicable, he’s completely
unattainable to me and he always will be. This is something I must keep on
reminding myself. I can’t allow myself to forget it, not even for a second.
“I
was such a daddy’s girl. We had a really unique relationship, it was special
and not many people understood it, especially my mum. I don’t know if she was
envious of the love he gave me, maybe that’s why she resents me now.”
“If
that’s true then she’s crazy. It’s her own issues she needs to deal with
instead of punishing you for them.” He says firmly, a stony expression on his
face.
He
pulls up right outside my apartment complex a few minutes later. The light in
my apartment is on so I know that Jason must be inside. He’s one of my oldest
friends, we first met when we were in primary school and have been inseparable
ever since. He lives in the same complex as me and comes and goes as he
pleases. I’ll often come home to find him on my sofa watching TV. It really doesn’t
bother me because I treat his place exactly the same way. It’s my second home
and I’m so lucky to have my friend so near.
“Jason
must be home.” I mutter to myself, unbuckling my seat belt.
“Boyfriend?”
He asks abruptly, turning off the engine.
“No,
just a friend.”
“I
hope we can become friends.” He declares, taking me by surprise.
I
gape at him in shock, not sure how I should respond to his sudden statement.
“Sure,
you’re marrying my sister. It would be great if we could get along.” I tell him
optimistically, ignoring the ache I feel in my chest when I’m forced to admit
the truth. He
is
marrying my sister, he’s engaged to her and that means
he must be in love with her. This fact really shouldn’t upset me but that’s exactly
what it does.
“So
how long have you been living here? It looks like a nice place.” He scans the
outside of apartment complex, appraising the area I now call home. My true
home.
“I’ve
been here a couple of years now, I moved out as soon as Rachel left for London.
I couldn’t stay inside that house with my mother.” I say bitterly, remembering
the first couple of months with her after Rachel moved away.
“I
don’t get that woman, she seemed so kind and welcoming to me when I first met
her. My opinion of her changed as soon as I saw how she treated you.” He turns
to face me in his seat, surveying my emotional response to what he said.
“Listen,
don’t worry about it. I don’t trouble myself over what she thinks of me anymore.
It doesn’t matter what she says or does to me, I don’t care.”
“I
care. Maybe no one has before but I don’t like the way she treats you. Rachel
asked you to be her Maid of honour for a reason and we both want you to play a
part in this wedding. I don’t give a shit what your mother thinks, we want you to
be involved.” His warm gaze draws me near, I can actually feel the pull deep
inside of me which longs for him and his understanding tenderness. His
consideration is overwhelming and I find it difficult to believe he actually
cares.
“Thank
you, Zack. That means a lot to me.” I say truthfully.
Silence
descends upon us, not a single sound can be heard from outside the car or
inside of it. I figure that it’s time for me to go and unlock the door, I’m
just about to step out of it when Zack reaches out, encircling my small wrist
with his fingers.
“Goodnight,
Samantha.”
He
holds my gaze for several seconds. I swallow and nod my head before closing the
car door behind me. He waits until I’m inside before he even turns on the
engine of his car. He must think I’m walking along the corridor to my apartment
but I remain in the entrance for a few moments longer, watching his car’s headlights
through the window as I peek out between a small space between the blinds. I
frown when I notice his dark silhouette leaning forward, resting his forehead
against the steering wheel. It’s as though he’s in pain and he stays like that
for a long time. I observe him in fascination, wondering if he just received
some bad news or something. The next thing he does is rev the car’s engine,
turning the wheel with so much force, his tyres squeal against the asphalt as
he leaves. He speeds off into the night, disappearing around the corner. It
takes me several minutes for my heart rate to slow down and I somehow know that
my dreams that night are going to be about him.
Chapter Two
Zack
This
is not normal. This is not fucking normal and I don’t know what the hell I’m
supposed to do about it! I’ve been tossing and turning in bed for hours. I
can’t sleep, I can’t rest, I can’t even think straight because of her. I turn
to look at the time on the clock next to my bed, its 4.30 am and I went to bed
three hours ago. I’m not even close to falling asleep and decide its time I get
up or do something to relieve the tension that’s threatening to take hold of
me.
I
throw the sheets off my body, stalking out of my bedroom and down the stairs. I
realise I’m being pretty loud and try to quieten my steps, I don’t want to wake
my parents or give them cause to worry. Rachel’s staying at her mum’s house
tonight. She made it perfectly clear that I was welcome to stay there with her
but I declined her offer. It’s the last place I wanted to be after everything
that happened tonight.
I
make my way into the kitchen and switch on the cold tap, holding an empty glass
underneath it. I gulp down the refreshing water in three large gulps, pouring
myself another glass straight after. I close my eyes, trying to convince myself
that the only reason I can’t sleep is because it’s my first night back home. I haven’t
been under the same roof as my parents for a long time and it’s a strange and
surreal feeling. Aaron, my younger brother will be back home in a couple of
days and it almost feels like I’ve gone back in time. Its thirteen years ago
and nothing has really changed.
I
can try and fool myself that this is the reason for my sudden bout of insomnia.
I can even try to convince myself that it’s the excitement from being back home
or from meeting my fiancé’s family but I know all of this is a lie. The reason
I can’t sleep is because of
her
.
I’d
love to be able to say that I’m referring to my fiancé. I’d love to believe
that it’s the idea of being separated from her, even for just one night that’s
too much to bear and I’m missing her like crazy. Again, this is not the truth.
I can’t sleep because I cannot get the thought, image, voice or face of my
fiancé’s sister out of my God damn head. The idea of her has been etched into
my brain with permanent marker, I don’t have a clue how to erase it or even if
I really want to.
The
truth is I spotted her as soon as she walked in. I was at the other end of the
room, bored out my mind and stuck talking to one of Rachel’s uncles or someone
equally unimportant. I was nodding my head, tuning out the words he was saying whilst
trying to look interested when I first saw her walk in. My mouth opened and I
couldn’t help the small gasp that escaped my lips. I couldn’t tear my eyes away
from her and watched her in fascination, studying every single move she made. I
had no idea who she was at this point, I knew she must have been one of
Rachel’s friends or relations but didn’t even consider the possibility that she
was her sister.
I
couldn’t understand why she looked so terrified. Her eyes were wide and her
whole body was tense, no one made an effort to greet her or start a
conversation but for some reason I felt like she didn’t really care. I saw Miranda,
Rachel’s mum hurry over towards her and drag her into the corner. It was at this
point that I made my excuses to the unknown relative I was speaking to and
sprung across the room to Rachel’s side. She was involved in her own
conversation and seemed oblivious to the frightened girl’s presence. I desperately
wanted to interrupt her and demand she tell me who the girl was. I was starting
to get the hideous suspicion that it could be Rachel’s younger sister but
didn’t want to face such a possibility. She had captivated me in a way I
couldn’t even begin to describe and it would make things ten thousand times
worse if I found out she was going to be my sister-in-law.
I
glanced over at her out of the corner of my eye and fought the anger building
up inside of me when I saw the way her mum was treating her. I couldn’t hear
what they were saying but it was obvious that she was being scolded for being
late or something like that. I was so, so tempted to race over there and put a
stop to it. I felt like I wanted to protect her and get her out of there, it
made no sense but that’s exactly what I felt.
As
soon as Miranda walked away from her, I thought I could relax. I noticed the
tension leave Samantha’s body once her mother left her alone and that’s when I
started to consider walking over there and introducing myself. Rachel was
taking too long finishing up her conversation with her aunt and I just couldn’t
control the undeniable urge I had to speak with Sam. I was about to make my way
over to her when I noticed the horrified look on her face, I followed her gaze across
the room towards a drunken Peter, a cousin of Rachel’s. I thought he was a dick
when I first met him and that was when he was sober, now he was drunk I could
imagine him being a lot worse. I clenched my fists when I saw him throw an arm
around her neck, pulling her towards him. It was obvious how uncomfortable she
was around him and I didn’t understand why no one was doing anything to intercept
him and the dominating hold he had over her.
“What’s
the matter, baby?” Rachel finally turned to face me and I wasted no time in
spinning her around to face the girl on the opposite side of the room.
“Is
that your sister?” I asked, pointing towards the girl that bewitched me the
moment she walked through the door.
“Yeah,
that’s Samantha. Oh, dear. Peter’s with her and she can’t stand him.” Rachel
moaned.
“Go
and help her, get her away from him. Do whatever you have to do.” I urged her,
pushing her forward.
“Gotcha.
See you in a minute.”
Rachel
sped over towards them and I watched as she threw her arms around her sister’s
neck, embracing her in a tight hug. Rachel had her out of there in seconds and
I took the opportunity to observe them together. I didn’t know whether to be
devastated or thrilled that the girl I was dazzled by was going to be my
sister-in-law.
I
couldn’t explain or deny the magnetic pull I felt towards her. My feet started
moving of their own accord in her direction as I ignored every single person
who tried to engage me in some sort of conversation. I had one aim and that was
to reach her. She still looked uneasy but less uncomfortable than she did a few
minutes ago before she saw Rachel. I overheard Rachel telling her that she
should thank me for noticing her discomfort across the room with Peter and
that’s when I came to a direct standstill right behind the girl I can’t remove
from my head.
“Really?
I’ll have to thank him when we’re introduced.” She said in a noncommittal
manner.
Hearing
her complete evasiveness and flippancy made me angry. She hadn’t even noticed
me and here I was going out of my mind with concern for her, bewildered and
dumbfounded by the immediate connection I felt to her.
“There’s
really no need.” I said, standing close behind her.
I
wanted her to look at me, I needed her to see my face and then I’d know. I had
to know if I was alone in this, I had to know if she felt it too. I had no idea
what was happening to me, all I knew was that I wanted her to see me. I needed to
be close to her and speak with her more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my
entire life.
I
noticed the recognition in her eyes when she turned around. Whatever it was
that had captivated me… she felt it too. She inhaled sharply, just like I’d
done when I first saw her. I think she might have even stammered over her words
as she spoke to me. Again, I didn’t know whether to be pleased or dismayed. It
would have crucified me if she had looked at me and felt nothing but now I knew
that she did… it just made this situation even more fucked up than it already was.
I’m going to be her brother-in-law! I’ve been in a relationship with her sister
for the past twelve months and when Rachel and I eventually get around to
having kids, she’s going to be their aunt. The whole thing is so messed up, it
makes my brain hurt.
I
groan, cradling my head in my hands as I sit down at the kitchen table. I can’t
believe this is happening to me, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before
and that’s what terrifies me. I don’t even remember feeling this way about
Rachel when I first met her. I remember thinking how beautiful she was, I
wanted her and relentlessly pursued her until she agreed to go out on a date
with me but this… this is something different. I can’t even put what I’m
feeling into words and I know that’s not a good thing.
It
was like I was under her spell the moment she walked through the door. My
breath hitched and my whole body froze, I was hypnotised by her before she even
set eyes on me and that’s why I can’t even begin to explain the relief I felt
to see that I elicited the same reaction from her. She felt something, I know
she did. Her whole body language changed the second she turned around and I
know that means something.
The
thing that confuses me the most is the fact that she’s not even my type. I know
we deny it but we all have a preference, especially guys. I never go for
blondes, my inclination has always been for tall, brown eyed brunettes just
like Rachel and Samantha is a complete contrast to her in every single way.
She’s tiny, about five foot three and I’m six foot one. She’s fair skinned, has
green eyes and her body type is petite. Rachel’s more curvaceous and everything
I thought I wanted nine hours ago.
Jesus,
what am I thinking? I
still
want Rachel. The fact that I love and adore
my fiancé certainly hasn’t changed just because I find her little sister really
attractive, right? I’m sure there are plenty of guys who have found themselves
in a similar situation before now. They’ll keep it to themselves and won’t say
anything but that doesn’t mean it’s never happened. No one is going to admit
they have the hots for their one of their partner’s relatives. I’m sure this
strange and newfound feeling will go away by itself, it’s bound to once I get
used to her and get to know her a little better. I’m sure it will go away in
its own time and the more emphasis I put on it is only going to make things
worse.
That’s
why I insisted on spending so much time with her this evening. I thought that
being around her would help, I presumed that my abnormal feelings for her would
fade as soon as we became more comfortable with each other. I couldn’t have
been more wrong. It made things worse! I kept on waiting for my bizarre obsession
and fixation with her to pass but it didn’t. By the end of the night I felt
like it was out of my control and I started to panic. I didn’t know whether I
wanted her to leave or stay, I didn’t know if I wanted to be near her or miles
away and it was really starting to screw with my head.
Samantha
seemed to be a little cautious and reserved throughout the rest of the evening
and didn’t provide me with any more signs that she felt anything for me at all.
Besides her initial reaction to me when we first met, I would have thought I
hadn’t managed to disconcert her at all. She was perfectly polite but a little
taciturn and it was as though she was wary of me when we were alone on the
balcony together.
I
constantly fought with myself over how I should deal with the situation, a part
of me just wanted to grab her and demand that she tell me what was going on
inside her head. I wanted to know if she was having the same thoughts as me,
did she feel what I feeling? Was she attracted to me? Was she just as confused
as I was? Did she want me? My list of questions went on and on, I just couldn’t
find the courage to speak any of them.
What
really pissed me off was the way that her mother kept on treating her. When I
was first introduced to Rachel’s mum, I thought she seemed really nice. I had
no issue with her at all until I saw the way her behaviour changed whilst
dealing with Sam. First she cornered her when she arrived and then she placed
her at the far end of the table, right away from Rachel and the centre of
everything that was going on. I kept sneaking glances at her throughout our
meal. I could hardly focus on anything anyone was saying, my eyes were just
drawn to her. I was forced to look away a couple of times to answer a question
or thank one of the waiters but my eyes went right back to her as soon as it
was possible. I could barely sit still, I was itching to be near her, I wanted
her close by but she was as far away as she could possibly me. Rachel said she
couldn’t really do anything about where Samantha was seated and I saw her
apologise to her sister when she first sat down.
When
Rachel started to tell everyone how I had proposed to her, my sympathies were
with Sam and how she must have been feeling. Her entire family were ignoring
her, all of their attention was being focused on Rachel and I couldn’t help
empathising with the daughter they treated so poorly. Don’t get me wrong, my
own relations aren’t perfect but they would never exclude someone like this
family were doing to her. It made me feel awkward and uneasy but whenever I
glanced a look at her, Sam didn’t seem to be upset, she appeared to be proud of
her older sister and I never noticed any bitterness or resentment in her eyes
for what Rachel had. I started to think I’d misread her initial reaction to me.
She had no feelings for me, she looked bored sitting at the grand dining table and
was probably counting down the minutes until she could go home and spent the
evening with her boyfriend. I froze, fixating my powerful gaze on her once
again. Did she… did she
have
a boyfriend?
Fuck
, I hadn’t even
considered that possibility and I felt stupid for not asking Rachel when I had
the chance.