I cradled his head to my belly.
“I hate myself.”
His words flayed me. I dropped to my knees and pulled him into my lap. My tougher than shit, biker badass needed to be forgiven. He needed to be saved from himself. I held him as he broke down, sobbing in the fetal position. His heart on his sleeve. His wounds open for everyone to see.
An hour later, a knock on the door sent us both to our feet.
“Jo, honey, are you sleeping? We need to leave soon.” Ruth had a knack for keeping everyone on schedule.
“I’m ok, I just need some rest. I’m out of medicine. Can you call Dr. Kleinman?”
“Yeah, baby girl. Get some sleep. You’ll need your strength for today. I’ll take care of everything.”
“Thanks,” I responded.
A few seconds passed. Ronin took my face in his hands. “Come with me.”
“Where? We have a funeral. You are going, right?”
His face downturned. “Of course I am. Come on, we’ll be back on time.”
That was all I needed. I grabbed a pair of sweats and a t-shirt before piling my hair up on my head, not giving a shit that I looked like a hot mess. He grabbed me by the hand. We tiptoed down the hallway, careful not to make our escape until Ruth let her guard down with a bathroom break.
Ronin had parked down the street from the bar. He handed me my helmet and I slipped on the back. The familiar way my arms wrapped around his waist and my head pressed into his back was like medicine for my soul.
I needed him. I had no idea how much I need him. Now that I know, I’m scared shitless.
I didn’t know where we were going. I didn’t care. Not until we pulled up to Fuji’s Tattoo Parlor.
“What are we doing here?”
He leaned down and brushed my lips with his. “I think we should do something that’s just for us. Something in honor of our baby.”
“Are you serious?” I have nothing against tattoos, but I hadn’t even thought about what would be my first one, much less, something so personal.
“Yeah, I am. I think we need something to blend us as a family.” His strong, baritone voice cracked as he said the word family.
His pain was all I needed to make my decision. “I think it’s a great idea. Yeah, let’s do it.”
“Really?”
I nodded. In that moment, I craved oneness with my broken, little family. I longed to be connected with Ronin, forever.
***
“Are you ready for this?”
I quickly shook my head. My throat was dry and my chest tightened.
“We’ve got this, sugar.” Ronin smiles that special smile reserved just for me, revealing his strong, chiseled jaw covered in deep scruff.
I force myself to believe him. To believe that we’ll be ok. That we’ll persevere somehow.
Following the long drive that curved into a narrow path leading up to the cemetery, Ronin backed his bike up next to Clint’s.
Always following protocol.
My insides quaked. My heart battered against my chest. The rush of blood caused a piercing pain in my head. I hated myself for running out of pills.
“Here we go. You ok?” Ronin cupped my face in his hands.
Hot tears pooled in my eyes. I glanced over his broad shoulders. The sight of my family, my whole family, here to support me sent the tears spilling. I didn’t even care that I was in sweatpants and a t-shirt. I saw leather, jeans, and MC cuts holding balloons and flowers. Some had teddy bears and blue, baby blankets.
Ruth and Pop spotted us, watching, curious to see where we’ve been. Wondering if we’re ok. Probably wondering where the hell Ronin came from.
“I’ve got you, sugar.” Ronin dips down to make eye contact. “I’m not going anywhere, promise.”
“I don’t know if I can do this.” I whisper.
He placed his hand on my lower tummy. The aching tattoo throbbed. He lifted my hand and rested it on his chest, over his new addition of ink.
They were simple tattoos. Strong, blacked out Xs, forever connecting us as a family.
“We can do this together, sugar. Let’s go honor our precious Baby X.”
Baby X.
My family waited for me. Waited with open arms. All here to honor my sweet angel.
Sleep well, Baby X.
The End…