“Dave, I didn’t realize you weren’t going to be on campus next term. I’m afraid of you not being there.”
He sat on the couch with me and took me to him. “I know Lil, but you’ll be okay. I promise you’ll get better. It just takes time to heal.”
“Dave, what does that mean for us? Are things going to change? Will I see you like I do now?”
“Yes, it will only be later in the day than you’re used to, but I’ll still be here every day. That will not change. Do you mind showing me your schedule?”
“No, I’ll go get it.”
I stood up and Sunshine was right there walking with me. Now that I knew exactly what she was it made me understand her much better. I believed that during the night when she would lick my face to let her out, that she really didn’t need to go out. She was keeping me from having my nightmares about Jace, because there had not been any since my birthday.
I began questioning things, things about Jace. I pictured him in my head as I thought his name without the all out emotional war that normally came with those thoughts.
Would he have done this for me had things been turned to where it was Dave that I lost?
I wasn’t expecting the feelings that came with that thought. That thought forced me to my knees and brought an onslaught of emotion far worse than I would have ever imagined. The thought of losing Dave instead of Jace turned into an emotional meltdown, to the point where Sunshine was actually whimpering and trying to calm me. I fell back against my bookshelf and wailed. Sunshine started whining and laid her body completely in my lap. Dave came running into my room and saw me in the floor. He came down on his knees to me. “Lily girl, what’s wrong?” I threw my arms around his neck.
“Please, Dave . . . please don’t ever leave me.”
“Lily, I wasn’t even thinking that; please tell me what’s wrong.”
All I could do was repeat the same thing. “Please don’t ever leave me.”
He suddenly had this very worried look on his face, like he was going to have to tell me something he would rather not, fearing what it might do to me. He looked me in the eyes completely confused, but promised me. “Okay, I won’t ever leave you.” It was strange what I felt at that moment, I didn’t recognize it.
Sunshine sat next to me and laid her head up against my heart and rubbed her head under my chin until I took my arms away from Dave and put them around her. Dave sat there in the floor with me and just smoothed my hair away from my face.
I couldn’t face him at that time; I had to get that image out of my head that had demonically taken over. I just held Sunshine and laid my head on her. I closed my eyes willing my mind to stop seeing Dave dead in a casket.
He soothingly spoke me through it; although I’m sure he thought what had caused my outburst were thoughts of Jace. He couldn’t have been more wrong, but I didn’t want to say anything.
Sunshine started licking my face. I could feel me calming down. Dave was rubbing my arm. His touch freed my mind and that horrible image left my thoughts, because it wasn’t real, but he, sitting there with me, was real. Jace was gone. Dave was not.
Part 3: Healing
Prologue—
How did I heal? My best friend, Dave, found me a starting point; her name was Sunshine. Beginning was the hardest part of healing, because one day you can feel fine and another day you don’t. It’s an up and down process. The good part about it is once I started, things begin to get easier. I didn’t cry as much. I didn’t hurt as much. I began to see things for how important they were. I began to see how important the people in my life were and how much my healing would mean to them. Best friends are like that. They sometimes know you better than you know yourself.
They want you better in more ways than one and once you find your starting point they will get you to the finish line. Never give up, because the more you move forward, the more things become clear.
Chapter 11
After I calmed down, Dave tapped me under the chin and made me look at him. His eyes were red. That outburst of mine must have upset him. “Lily girl, are you okay?”
I was able to smile. “Yeah, I’m okay.” I meant it. “Dave I apologize, I didn’t mean for that to happen.”
“No, that’s okay, you just scared me. I didn’t know what had happened.” He stood up and pulled me up from the floor after I let go of Sunshine.
I handed him my schedule. We walked back into the den, Sunshine was right there with me. I suddenly appreciated her more. She was my lifeline when Dave couldn’t be with me.
“Lily, it looks like you’ll be through with classes by the time I am through with my day. We should get here about the same time.”
“You’re coming straight from teaching to see me?”
“Well, yeah, unless you don’t want me too.”
“No, that’s not it. Just . . . why Dave?”
“Lily, I’ve told you before, you‘re my best friend, and the only place I want to be. Where else would I go?”
“Home . . . you have taken so much time with me, do you ever see your family? What about your sisters? Do you ever see them? I’m sure they miss their big brother.”
“Lily are you trying to get rid of me?”
That hit me wrong and I burst into tears. “No, I love to spend time with you, I just feel like I monopolize your time. I feel like I’m keeping you away from your family.”
He semi-laughed and sat down. “Lil, we need to talk. First of all don’t worry about me and my family. I see my sisters every day when I’m at school, because I eat lunch with them every day and Ally too. She, Hannah, and Hallie have become pretty good friends. They’re all in the same sorority, did you know that?”
“No, I didn’t. I guess I should pay more attention.”
“Well you’ve had quite a lot to deal with. They know all about you. Between me and Ally they get an earful. You know they knew Jace. They used to secretly wish he would take an interest in younger girls.”
I actually laughed at that and his name didn’t bring the onslaught of pain that it used to. There might have been a twinge, but that’s all it was.
“They like you even though they’ve never met you and they told me to tell you they were sorry about what happened if you were ever able to accept it. They lost a friend like that one time, except she was in sixth grade.”
I gasped. “Oh how horrible.” Sunshine was instantly up under my hand and when I touched her I guess she realized that I was okay, because she lay back down. “Dave, tell me about your family. I don’t know a thing about them. I know you have twin sisters, but that’s all I know.”
He smiled like he was glad I asked. “We’re just your typical American family.”
I started asking questions. “What does your Dad do?”
“Dad’s a doctor, a GP.”
“What’s a GP?”
“General Practitioner. He and Mom were married their sophomore year in college. She worked, teaching, and put him through med school. She teaches first grade and has for several years. When I was born she became a stay-at-home Mom, because Dad had finished school and had been working I guess about a year. Then my sisters were born three years later. Mom went back to work when Hannah and Hallie started seventh grade and has been teaching ever since. That’s about it.”
“Is your mom the one that inspired you to teach?”
“Yes and no. Yes because I saw how much she enjoyed her job, and no because I was in a peer reading group in elementary school, we read with the younger kids, the ones in kindergarten and first grade and I realized how many kids struggled to read, it was disheartening, so I chose to go into elementary education because I believe I can teach them in new ways. Ways that require a teacher to teach to the students’ strong points.”
I knew what he was talking about. “You mean how some kids learn by hands-on, and some are better at auditory learning and some by visual learning.”
“Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. All kids learn differently and I believe if I can tune into how each kid learns then they will be successful in my class.”
“I believe you’re right on the money there. I think you’ll make a great teacher, Dave. You have the patience of Job.”
“I wouldn’t go that far.”
“I would, I mean look at what you have done for me and I would have given up on me months ago.”
He laughed. “Well Lily, I don’t plan on giving up on you, so you might as well get used to the idea of me sticking around. Except for one thing I need to tell you.”
“What?”
“We’re going to my grandparents’ house in Corner for Christmas. We’ll be gone Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and we’ll be back the day after Christmas. So I won’t be here for a couple of days. However, I’m sure you’ll be fine and I’ll call you each day and then come see you when I get back home. Sunshine’ll be here and I’m sure you’ll have a great Christmas.”
Tears welled up in my eyes. Sunshine was right there not allowing me to cry. “I believe I’ll be fine too. Dave you’re the best. I don’t know how I would have made it without you. You are my light in the darkness.”
He laughed, a little embarrassed. “I’m really glad you’re better, Lily. Keep it up and you’ll be back to yourself in no time.”
“Dave I have a question.”
“Sure, what is it?”
“When I . . . get back to myself . . . will you disappear?” I caught Dave off guard and he thought about it, like he wanted to say something and then smiled.
“Lily, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, okay. Right now my only concern is you. I want you back to the Lily I knew and I’ll make sure you get there.”
I heard Ally’s car drive down the gravel road and pull in. “Well it looks like everyone’s home with the exception of Mom and Dad.”
“Yeah, but they’ll be in soon. Do you think they would mind if I took you and Ally out to dinner?”
“No, but you don’t have to do that Dave. We can just stay put here.”
“No, I want to. There’s someone I’d like Ally to meet.”
I was a little excited. “Really, who? Is it a guy?”
Dave laughed. “Yeah, I think she already knows him, but I want to introduce them. I think they’d like each other.”
“Dave, you’re playing matchmaker; that’s so sweet. What’s his name?”
“His name is Sam, we call him Sammy, but he hates it when we do that, because it sounds too kid-like.”
“Oh, so he’s family?”
“Yeah, he’s my cousin. He’s Rushing my fraternity in the spring.”
“Are the ones at UNA as nice as the ones at UM?”
“Yeah, about the same, just down home country boys. I really think she’ll like him.”
“Why are you trying to fix her up?”
“I have my reasons; that’s why I want to take you two out tonight. I’m inviting Sam too.”
“Does he live close to you?”
“He lives about three streets over.”
“How old is he?”
“He’s Ally’s age. Don’t worry he’s a really nice guy.”
“Well if he’s related to you he is a nice guy.”
“Whatever, you don’t need to put people too high up on a pedestal, they have a tendency to fall off. Do you think she would go?”
“Well, she doesn’t really like to be set up, but it would probably be better to tell her, because then she would think that it’s not a set up.”
“Okay, that was confusing. Here she comes do you want to tell her or do you want me to tell her?”
“You tell her, she’d probably accept it better from you.”
Ally walked in the back door. “Dave, you’re here, how are you?” Then she went and kissed him on the cheek. Surprisingly, that made me jealous. I was shocked at that thought. Then I realized Dave’s reasoning behind inviting Sam. Ally was falling for Dave, but he didn’t feel the same way about her. I caught his eye and understood as I bent my head down and pretended to scratch my head. I felt bad for him and her. I wasn’t so sure the thing with Sam was going to work after seeing her act that way towards Dave, but he wanted to try, so I let him.
“Hey Ally; I want to take Lily and you out to dinner to meet my cousin Sam. Will you come with me?”
“Sure, sounds like fun. Want to do Italian this time?”
That actually sounded good to me and I agreed with Ally. “Yeah, let’s do Italian this time.”
“Okay, let me call Sam. Can I use your phone?”
Ally was bouncing around. “Sure, I’ll go get it.”
Wow, Ally has it bad.
I leaned back against the couch and Sunshine jumped up there with me. I couldn’t help but grin at Dave; he was all antsy about the situation. I started giggling.
He glared at me as he whispered. “Lily, this is not funny. I can’t date her.” We walked down the back deck stairs to unload her car for her. She couldn’t hear us.
“Why not? She’s pretty and smart and cute and a lot of fun.”
Then he gave me this look that I knew. “Oooo, there’s someone else you like isn’t there?”
“Well . . . yeah, but I’m biding my time.”
“Why? Does she like you?”
“I’m not real sure what she thinks of me.”
“Well, Dave, give it some time and if it’s meant to be it will be.”
“That’s what I’m counting on.” He smiled at me in a weird way and shook his head.
“What are you shaking your head about?”
“Nothing. I’ll figure it out one of these days.”
“What will you figure out?”
“Women and girls in general.”
I started laughing. “Yeah, that’s every man’s dream, to figure us out.”
Ally met us at the top of the stairs with the cordless phone. Dave put the phone up quickly in between him and Ally after he dialed Sam’s number. She had a pouty look on her face. She definitely had a crush on him.
This could get bad.
I hoped Dave’s plan worked for Ally’s sake.
“Hey Sam, this is Dave. You want to go out with me and a couple of friends tonight? Okay, great, we’re going to Roberto’s Italian Fare . . . good, I’ll pick you up around five . . . You remember me telling you about Lily . . . yeah, it will be her and her sister Ally . . . okay, see you then.”
Dave hung up the phone. “Lil, I’ll be by around 5:30 to pick you two up. I’ll have Dad‘s truck.” Then he ran to his truck before Ally could ambush him again. I laughed so hard. It felt really good to laugh like that. Sunshine’s tail was wagging too; she must have thought it was funny too, because it looked like she was grinning. Have you ever seen a dog grin?
I thought about the last time we went out and the, I don’t know, panic attack I guess, that I had, and wondered if I would be able to take Sunshine in with me. I believed she needed some kind of vest and harness to deem her what she was so they would let her in. I looked at the time. It was 4:30. I needed to get ready. Ally was in the shower, so I just did the best I could. I wasn’t going to have time to take a shower. I pulled out my curling iron and fixed my hair that way. Then I just kind of threw on some make-up. Sunshine followed me everywhere I went and would just sit next to me when I stopped. By the time I finished Mom and Dad were home and I let them know our plans for the evening. I meant to call Dave and ask him about Sunshine, but ran out of time. I was going to have to leave her behind. I didn’t want to, I was afraid I would need her. I started feeling panicky and almost started crying I kneeled down next to Sunshine and put my hands around her and then leaned on top of her head and she went into work mode and nuzzled me until I calmed down. I didn’t realize Mom and Dad were watching, but after I felt myself calm, I did. I turned around and looked at them and Ally was watching too. I felt a little embarrassed. “Sorry, she was working.”