Authors: Margaret McHeyzer
“Ryan, look at me.” I drag my eyes away from the gate that leads to my uncles’ backyard and I look into Stella’s perfect green hues. “He can’t hurt you anymore. He doesn’t have that hold over you.”
“Logically I know that, but this will be the first time I’ve seen him in a lot of years and I’m terrified of what I’m going to feel.”
“You’re a master of you. Don’t give him control, he’s nothing but a pedophile.”
“I know,” I keep nodding telling myself that my girlfriend’s right.
“I won’t let you fall.”
“Okay. Let’s go, I need to face him.”
We get out of Stella’s car and with one foot in front of the other we slowly and almost painfully get to the gate. I can hear happiness and bliss coming from this cheerful occasion, but glee is anything but what I’m feeling as I push the gate open.
I’m fucking scared shitless. There’s terror that’s viciously tightening around my windpipe, and the raging fire that’s burning deep inside my chest as every part of me aches with the acute awareness that
he’s
here.
“I love you,” Stella says as we walk through the gate and we’re greeted with joy.
“I love you,” I repeat her words.
It’s then that my vision hones in and sees
him
.
He’s sitting on an outdoor chair, casually talking with my cousin’s son - my Uncle George’s grandson, Chase.
Fuck me.
“He’s at it again,” I whisper to Stella.
“Is he the man sitting on the chair talking to the boy?”
“Yeah.”
My eyes don’t leave him as the terror that I was so tightly bound by for all these years’ falls off me. The new emotion I’m consumed by is fucking anger.
He will
not
touch that boy if it’s the last thing I ever fucking do in my life.
“Ryan,” Stella calls my attention.
“Yeah.”
“You’re hurting me,” she says. Instantly I look to her and see I’m crushing her hand in mine as my fingers constrict around hers.
“It’s my responsibility to make sure he doesn’t hurt Chase,” I say as my gaze goes back to the fucking animal.
“Ryan!” I hear my mom’s sweet voice ring out as she walks toward Stella and me.
“Mom,” I say as I sweep her into a huge hug. “Happy birthday.”
“Sweetheart, please tell me this stunning woman is Stella?” she says as she let’s go of me and embraces my Stella.
“Mom, this is Stella. Stella this is my mom, Elaine.”
“Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Jenkins,” Stella says as my mom continues to hug her.
“Oh please, it’s Elaine. You simply are amazingly beautiful, dear.”
Stella smiles and nods her head down as her cheeks pink up, “Thank you, Ma’am. That’s a very kind thing to say.” It’s the first time I’ve ever seen Stella lost for words and slightly flustered.
“Come let’s sit and talk. I’ve not seen you in such a long time, Ryan. Tell me everything? Where’s Lucy? I thought she’d come.”
There’s no way in hell I’d bring her here and subject her to Damien’s wandering eye and malicious and conniving mind. He’s never met her and he never will.
“Sorry, Mom, she wasn’t feeling well so she stayed home with Joanna.” Lies, all lies. I asked Joanna to swap weekends around.
Mom leads us over to where Damien is and sits three seats away. It’s here I can hear Damien talking with Chase while I listen to my mother.
“How are you, Ryan? Tell me about work.”
I look over at Damien and his eyes rake over me the way he used to look when he was angry, and I knew I was in for a painful night. I straighten my back and leer at him as the hair stands to attention on the back of my neck and my arms.
“I’m retiring soon and going to study Master of Social Work, so I’ll become a counsellor.”
Mom looks at me in surprise as she squints her eyes to me, obviously thinking hard.
“But you’ve been in the army since you were sixteen. Are you sure that’s what you want to do?”
“Absolutely, I’ve got a year and a half left before I can take early retirement, but it’s where I want to go.”
“Stella, what do you think about this?” My mom turns to Stella, who’s sitting beside me and holding my hand in her lap.
“I’ll support him with whatever he wants to do.”
“What about financially though, can you afford to be out of work and studying?”
“I’ll get a great payout, and I’ve got quite a lot saved so I should be fine. Which leads me to this,” I say as I give my mom her birthday present. She opens the card to find an all expenses round trip ticket to Hawaii for five nights.
“Ryan!” She starts to tear as her arms come up to embrace me.
“And Stella, Mom,” I say through an almost choke hold.
“Oh thank you so much.” Mom’s crying and kissing me on the cheek then moves over to kiss and hug Stella.
“You’re welcome, just promise to enjoy it,” I state as Stella’s now coping the brunt of the kisses known as Hurricane Elaine.
“Elaine, can you point me to the bathroom please?” Stella asks my mom for directions.
“She’s a keeper, Ryan.” Mom juts her chin toward Stella and I simply nod. “Oh I have to go show Rose, she’ll want to come too. I’ll be back in a minute,” Mom says as she goes to find her best friend since I can remember, Rose.
“Where’s Jason,” I hear Damien ask someone. When I look up I see that Damien’s talking to Uncle George, Jason’s my cousin and Chase’s father. Uncle George has his back turned to me, so I assume he’s not seen me.
“Jason’s working a few crazy days, so I’ve got the little fella for that time.”
“Well I’m going fishing early tomorrow morning, do you want me to take Chase tonight so he can come with me? It gives you the night off.”
No fucking way.
I know what’s happening. Fishing is his bait for his prey. He reels them in and then annihilates.
“That’s a great idea, I’ve got a bag in the car so I’ll go get it for you, Damien.”
Not going to fucking happen.
I can feel it.
My entire body blankets with goose bumps, my blood sears through my veins and I can only see one color.
Blood red.
Damien’s not destroying another life.
I bunch my hands into fists to stop the shaking from the anger, I swallow back the thick and menacing lump that’s forming at the base of my throat and I straighten my back, hearing a few of the bones crack into place.
Uncle George hands over Chase’s bag and an eerie calm and cold, washes over me from the top of my head to the soles of my feet.
Damien stands and starts walking out the gate.
Without even realizing, I follow him out to wherever he’s going.
He gets to his car, he opens the trunk and slings Chase’s bag in. What he doesn’t expect is me standing right behind him when he turns around.
“You scared me there, boy,” he says as he goes to barge past me.
He doesn’t intimidate me anymore. He holds no power over me, I’m finally free.
“You touch Chase and I’ll fucking kill you.” My blood is at boiling point and my body’s tensing up, I can hear my heart thumping loudly in my own ears.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he murmurs and tries to go past me again. I push his small insignificant body back toward the house. He stumbles but backs up until we’re on the lawn in front of the gate.
“You’re not going to touch him.” It’s my final warning, my last words before I fucking kill him with my bare hands.
“Why not, I taught you how to fuck and now he’s old enough to learn the same lesson, boy.”
The words barely leave his putrid rotten mouth before my fist connects with his chin.
I don’t fucking stop, I can’t stop. With my left hand clenching the collar of his shirt, my right hand keeps smashing into his face.
“Come here and let me fuck your mouth, boy,”
screams at me over and over again.
The line of men that paid him to fuck me, all invade my mind at the same time as I hear a crack of a bone.
Damien’s trying to fight me, but I over power his body and hold him down like he used to when I was a frail ten year old child.
The cruel and inhumane rapes that happened as I laid there and cried while he stood over me and laughed, is flooding every part of me. Those images make me keep hitting the soft and broken skin on his face.
“You fucking ruined me!” I yell as I feel my hand start to hurt.
“You fucking took my life away from me!” I shout as tears begin to barrel through.
“Ryan!” I hear someone call, but I don’t know who they are or what they want.
I let go of Damien and he falls in a heap to the soft and plush green grass.
“You made me hate myself!” I holler as I try to see him through the hot and stinging tears. He’s now just a blur as my salt water clouds my vision and I can’t see anything past an obscure object lying on the ground.
“You made me think I was worthless!” I cry.
My right leg swiftly and forcefully makes contact with the rubbish on the floor.
“I fucking hate you,” I spit out in an absolutely shattered voice.
“Boy,” I hear my Master.
She needs me, I must be strong for her.
I fall to the grass and await my Masters instructions.
“Breathe deeply and calm down. Stay in position until I speak to you. Am I clear?” she says in her powerful voice.
“Yes, Master.”
I wait and I listen. I focus on my Master’s voice and where she is.
“Call 911 and get police and an ambulance,” I hear my Master say.
“What the hell’s going on?” my mom asks.
“Elaine, for now I can’t and won’t explain, this is something you and your son need to discuss.”
“Why’s he on the ground like that?”
“Again, now’s not the time or the place. Let me work and then the three of us can talk.”
I can hear people standing around whispering. But I don’t care what they say, my Master called on me and I’m here to serve her.
“Boy.” I can hear her on my right side, close to my head. “You may speak freely, are you hurt?” she asks as she pets my head.
“My hand is sore, Master.”
“Does anything else hurt?” She moves her hand down to stroke my back in soft serene and calming movements. It’s nice having her body touch mine.
“No, Master.”
“Good. Stay in this position until I give you your next instructions.”
I hear my Master stand and she must’ve walked over to Damien. In the distance but closing in, I hear the screech of the sirens.
I zone out at this point and only listen for my Master’s voice to command me.
I start counting and find my body begins to unwind as the anger and the stress diminishes with every breath I take and every number I count. I relax to the rhythm of one breath to every number and soon all the negative is replaced with only the love I have for my Master.
“Boy, stand up with your feet firmly planted on the ground, your hands in front of you and your chin on chest.”
I do as my Master asks and the moment my hands are in position I feel the pinch of the steel cuffs.
“Look at me, boy.” I look up and see my Master standing in front of me.
“The police are taking you to the station. I’ll be in my car right behind them. Don’t speak until I get there. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Master.”
“I’m so proud of you,” she says as she reaches up and kisses me on the lips.
I’m consumed with focusing on what my Master told me to do, that I don’t hear or see anyone. An officer leads me to a police cruiser and opens the back door for me, as I slide in I remain quiet and do what my Master has instructed.
Within moments I’m out of the car and I’m lead to a room where I’m told to sit in a chair behind a table and then the cuffs are removed.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
The clock taunts me to break away and move, as an immeasurable amount of time passes while I wait for my Master.
The door opens and I stay still looking ahead as a police officer walks into the room and sits opposite me.
I can sense her and smell her perfume before she even makes herself known.
Freesias mixed with a very subtle undertone of vanilla, my Master is here.
“Ryan,” she says as she walks into the room.
“Stella,” I mumble as I stand and take a step to be with her.
Her arms wrap around me and we smash our body’s impossibly close together. I nestle her head in my hands and firmly kiss her pouty and full lips. “I’m so sorry, Stella. He said he was going to break in Chase, and I lost it.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for, I’m extremely proud of you,” Stella affirms as she hugs me again.
“Mr. Jenkins could you please take a seat,” the police officer starts.
“It’s just Ryan, please.” I sit down and Stella sits beside me. Our hands are woven together and neither of us is willing to let the other go.
“You’ve been brought here because we need to question you about Damien Richards, I believe he’s your uncle.”
And here goes. The truth will finally set me free and hopefully see him go to prison.
I take the last breath of all the harbored secrets and know when I exhale I’ll have nothing more to hide.
“He molested me from the time I was ten until I turned thirteen.” Fuck, I said it aloud and I feel no shame in admitting that to the police officer.
“What happened today?” Stella tightens her fingers around mine, silently giving me permission to tell him.
“He admitted to me that he was going to sexually abuse Chase, my cousin’s son.”
“And then what happened?”
“He told me that he taught me how to fuck and now it was Chase’s turn, and I lost it. I couldn’t let him hurt another child and do to Chase what he did to me.”
“Do you know who George Richards is?”
“Of course, he’s my other uncle.”
Where’s he going with this?
“He saw what happened and when we got to the scene and after you were brought here, he and his grandson came to the station to talk to me.”
“Alright?” I question not knowing what the hell’s going on.
“It seems that Damien was already grooming Chase and had started fondling him before today.”