Yesterday's Tomorrows (19 page)

A
s soon as
I walked back into the house from romping with the kids, I could feel the change of atmosphere in the house. Holt's family was always so upbeat. Now there was a somber feeling as I walked into the living room. I couldn't imagine what might have changed, but there had obviously been some bad news. I could feel by the way Jamie paused in the joke he was telling me and by how Brittany's hand tightened on mine that the children sensed it, too.

The adults in the room looked up with almost guilty faces at our arrival. Carol's face showed traces of tears, Callum stood stiffly by the window, Holt's mom was wrapped in his dad's arms, and I could hear her sniffling and him murmuring words in her ear.

I bent down to the twin's level and whispered, "What do you say I take you upstairs and help you guys get cleaned up, huh?"

As we turned, Carol called, "No, it's okay. I'll take them." She crossed the room and scooped Andrew into her arms and rubbed the twin's heads. "Thanks for the break, Maddy. I just need to spend some time with them right now."

I gave her a questioning glance, but she turned and hurried away.

I remained standing uncertainly in the doorway, not feeling welcome to join in what seemed like a family moment. Maybe I could go hang out in the kitchen.

"Maddy."

Holt's soft call stopped me after I took two steps. I looked at him. His mouth was pulled tight, and lines of stress puckered between his eyes.

"Are you ready to go?" His eyes practically implored me.

Molly Andrews put a hand on Holt's arm as if she could stop him. "No, Holt. Stay. You should stay and be with family."

He hugged her. "I'm not running, Mom. I just need some time."

His mom looked between the two of us and seemed to change her mind. "Maybe you're right," she acknowledged softly.

Holt leaned down and kissed her cheek. "I'll be alright." His words seemed to satisfy her.

Cal finally left the window and pulled his younger brother in for a tight hug, finishing with a few back slaps. "You know we're here for you, little bro. I'm glad you finally told us." He shot me an odd look and left the room as well.

Chris Andrews gave Holt a similar hug but only nodded. They seemed to communicate with only a look.

What the hell was going on? It felt like the whole room was grieving, but nobody was saying anything, just giving me strange looks and raised eyebrows.

My heart lurched and my stomach dropped. Crap on a cracker! He must have told them about my time in prison despite his promise not to. That would explain the odd comments and worried expression when he called my name and seemed to want to get me out of the house, away from them. A cold feeling settled in my stomach. After all this time I'd finally given my trust to someone and within days, I'd been betrayed. Taking a deep breath for control, I managed to thank Mrs. Andrews for the delicious dinner and turned and walked out of the house.

Holt's truck was unlocked. When he came out minutes later and climbed in, I moved as close to the door as possible. I hated I was so dependent on him. I had nowhere else to go and no way to get there if I did. I was completely at his mercy.

He turned over the ignition and backed out of the driveway. "I'm sorry I rushed you out of there. You seemed to enjoy yourself today." I saw his apologetic glance reflected in the window.

I shrugged my shoulders and continued to stare at the scenery as it blurred by, sitting so close to the door my breath fogged a small spot on the glass.

"Are you okay? Were the kids too rough on you?"

Silence.

"Is there a reason I'm getting the silent treatment?"

More silence.
Real mature, Maddy
. But I didn't care.

We were miles down the road and almost home when he finally spoke. “Look. I know we need to talk, but you got all closed mouthed last night. I tried again today, but we kept getting interrupted, and then some things came up with my family. I hate this awkwardness between us."

Was he trying to blame me?!
Whirling to face him, I snapped, "Oh, things definitely got
awkward
." I used my fingers as quotes around the last word. "Everyone was so nice to me in the morning, and by this afternoon, they either avoided me or gave me weird looks. I can only think of one reason why it changed."

His brow furrowed as he glanced sideways at me. "What do you mean?"

“You must have told them about the time I spent in prison. Carol couldn't wait to get her kids away from me after we came inside."

Holt turned into his parking lot and blew out a long breath. "Is that what you think? That I told them about your past? After I promised you I wouldn't?"

"What the hell else could have been going on back there? Why was everyone treating me differently?"

This time, it was Holt who chose to remain silent. He parked the truck and turned off the engine. "It's complicated," he finally grunted.

"Then uncomplicate it for me, Holt," I responded tersely. "Ever since last night, I’m so confused. I don’t understand why you kissed me, made me feel…
things
, and then just shut down on me. I want to believe you kept your promise, but something was definitely different from the time I went outside to the time I came back in, just like something is different between us since last night, and I think I deserve to know why.”

"You
deserve
to know? That's rich coming from you, Madelyn." His voice was steeped in sarcasm and anger as he swiveled to face me. "Maybe I
deserved
to know answers about your prison record when I welcomed you into my home, introduced you to my family, but I trusted you and gave you time until you were ready to share it with me. And even then it took something catastrophic to get you to open up to me. Now you want me just to spill my guts to you the first time you ask?"

“I…I…” My fingers curled into fists in my lap to keep from pulling on my hair. “Oh, just never mind. I’ll find somewhere else to stay first thing tomorrow since staying with you is obviously an issue.” I flung the door open and slammed it shut, ignoring him calling my name as I stomped into the building. I didn’t bother to hold the elevator for him, but by the time I’d found the key he’d given me in one of the million pockets of my borrowed purse, I heard his feet pounding up the stairwell. Hurriedly, I shoved the key into the lock, hoping to get in and reach the safety of my room.

I wasn’t fast enough. The lock had just turned when he reached the door and forcefully pushed it open, causing me almost to fall into the entranceway.

We were only a few steps inside the door when Holt spun me around, causing me to take a step backward to avoid getting my toes stepped on. He followed me. I don’t think I’d ever seen his eyes glitter quite so darkly. I retreated until my back was against the door and still he took another step toward me. My heart pounded frantically, and I almost forgot to breathe as his body brushed against mine.

“God, woman, you drive me crazy,’ he rasped, his breathing fast and ragged, but whether from running up the stairs or the intensity of his feelings, I wasn’t sure. He ran his hands through his hair then settled them against the door on either side of my head. “Tell me, what is this magic spell you’ve cast over my family and me?” he whispered hoarsely.

“Wh…what?”

“I
don’t
want you to leave,” he barked. “My brother was right - you’re a sorceress who’s bewitched everyone in my family. My mother practically wants to adopt you. My brother and his wife think you’re a baby whisperer. My sister asked for your phone number so she can invite you to lunch. Hell, even my dog drools all over you, licking you everywhere and practically ignoring me, which he never does.”

He leaned closer effectively trapping me. Usually being in such close quarters triggered a panic attack, but oddly enough with Holt, I wasn’t scared. I felt lured to him as if he was a powerful magnet, and I was tired of resisting it. In fact, I felt unusually bold.

“And what about you?” I challenged. Teased. Tempted.

“Me?” he whispered. “Hell, yeah. I want to lick you all over, too.”

I wasn’t experienced enough to know what his mouth would feel like against my skin, but it didn’t stop my body from suddenly craving it. His confession was enough to send shivers throughout my entire body. I recognized a hunger in his eyes that made me feel like I could be his next meal, and I was ready to offer myself up on a plate for his pleasure. And mine.

My breath hitched as his head moved toward mine. My lips parted of their own accord in anticipation of meeting his once again. He was a breath away, but he bypassed my mouth. His nose skimmed my jaw line until it reached my ear. “Would you like that, Maddy? Would you like my mouth and tongue on your body?” His breath warmed my skin with his raspy words but covered my body with goose bumps.

My knees started to buckle as his tongue found the skin at the curve of my neck.

“I didn’t want this, Maddy.” His words tickled my skin, but there was nothing funny about them. Rather, they caused a ripple of desire to flood throughout me before pooling between my thighs. “I thought I
shouldn’t
want this. I’ve tried to fight it, but your magic is too powerful for me.”

“I don’t have any magic,” I gasped as his lips continued to skim the neckline of my shirt, which was cut low enough they brushed the swell of my breasts causing me to breathe harder, which only served to push them against his mouth.

“No?” he breathed and finally lifted his head. The warm glow of desire in his eyes almost made me forget to breathe. “Then what is it? Because somehow you’ve gotten under my skin, and I can’t ignore it anymore. I’ve desired other women, but you…I don’t just want you. I crave you. I
need
you.”

I was held captive by his gaze; entranced by his words. I wasn’t sure exactly what to expect, but it wasn’t the slow, gentle, almost torturously seductive motion he made. The back of his fingers caressed my cheek as he slowly lowered his head to mine. He rubbed his nose against mine, up one side and down the other. I could feel the warmth of his breath as my eyes fluttered closed, our lips so close but not quite touching; mine parted slightly in anticipation, only to have him graze over them like a whispered promise.

I shivered under his touch, both nervous and needy of this shift between us. Holt’s hands sifted into my hair while his thumbs slid under my jaw, tilting my head further up while he placed tiny kisses on either side of my mouth as he held it in place.

“Holt.” I exhaled his name on a sigh running my hands up his neck and into his hair, pulling on his head with a wantonness I didn’t know I was capable of. But that was what Holten Andrews did to me; he brought out a confidence that had long been suffocated and allowed me to breathe.

At my touch, he groaned, finally allowing his lips to find mine, and like a match to kerosene, it ignited an explosion. Hands and mouths devoured and touched anywhere they could reach. His hands left my hair only to wrap around my waist and pull me tight against him, while his mouth forged a path of kisses along the side of my neck and to the hollow of my throat. I could feel his erection press against my stomach.

Somewhere down the hall, a door slammed, startling me back to the present.

“Holt,” I gasped. “What…what are we doing?”

“It’s called kissing,” he teased. I could feel his lips turn upward in a smile against my throat. “And if you had to ask, we should practice more.”

His mouth found the pulse in my throat and he sucked gently, and I swear if he hadn’t been holding me, I wasn’t sure I could have remained standing. I tugged on his hair. “Holt, stop.”

Bemused brown eyes peered at me.

“You know that’s not what I meant.” I smacked his chest lightly with one hand, both as a scolding gesture and to keep some space between us. I joined my first hand with the second one to help maintain the distance, but instead, I was even more aware of the strength and power as his muscles flexed beneath my fingers. I was having a hard time focusing with his hips thrusting lightly against me.

This was hard enough to say without further distractions. “What about last night? I felt like I did something wrong, even though I…you made me feel…I mean. Ugh, this is so embarrassing.” Heat burned in my cheeks as I finally just blurted, “I didn’t think you enjoyed it. You seemed so upset, and I don’t want you to be sorry again. I don’t think I can take it.”

“Is that what you think?” he asked, astonishment coloring his tone as he stood upright. “That I’m sorry about what happened last night?”

“It’s what you said,” I mumbled, keeping my eyes firmly on his shirt button in front of my nose. I sure knew how to kill a moment. “I know I’m not experienced. I know I’m not like
her.
But that was…I mean I’ve never…but it…and you…” Clearly I had lost all ability to talk. I curled my fingers and tried to push him away so I had the space to duck under his arm, but he grabbed my hands and held them firmly to him.

“First of all, I’m not sorry I kissed you. But honestly? It freaked me out a little.”

I flinched. His words stung, and my eyes burned as tears of mortification filled them. He caught my chin and pressured me to look up at him. Instead of the mocking expression I expected, his lips turned downward in a sad smile, but his eyes were tender. “Not because you did anything wrong. In fact, you did everything right. But you’re the first woman I’ve kissed in five years, Maddy.” His whispered confession sounded full of awe and reverence.

“But…”

“I’ve had sex with other women since Claire,” he stated bluntly, “but I never allowed any kind of personal connection between us. That’s all it was, Maddy, just fucking. I never felt anything for them.”

“Because of Claire.” No point in asking; I knew the answer. He still loved her, and how could I compete with a ghost, especially one of the perfect woman?

He nodded.

“I understand.” Sadness and an ugly spark of jealousy for a dead woman struck me.

Grabbing my hips, he held me to him. “No, Maddy,” he said softly, “I don’t think you do. You see, I thought she was the only woman there would ever be for me. I promised her I’d love her forever, and even though our time ended too soon, I felt like I was still bound by that promise. No one ever made me question it. Until you, Maddy. You’re the first woman who’s ever made me believe my heart can be full again.”