You're Always in the Last Place You Look (28 page)

He blinked, and I saw the moment he focused on me, his eyes flooding with tears. “Um, my bag, the truck.”

“Okay, um, I’ll be right back. Don’t leave me. Don’t you dare leave me.” My voice shook, and I knew I was about to lose it, and I couldn’t do that. Taking a deep breath, I willed myself to calm down. As I leapt to my feet, I glanced at Tye. He appeared lost in the mélange. “Tye?
Tye
!” He finally acknowledged me. “Make sure you remove all the stingers, and we should probably know how many times he was stung.” I didn’t wait for Tye’s answer. The truck was twenty acres away, parked in a power station access lot, and I was afraid it was too far.

I’d never run so fast in my life, and I hoped I never had to again.

By the time I returned with his pack and my phone, there was a small crowd around Zane. The rest were tending to others splayed on the ground. A line cleared as I approached. God his face looked silver in the late afternoon sun, the skin so pale and damp.

Dropping to my knees, I threw my phone to Tye. “Call an ambulance.”

“Sharky already did, they’re on their way,” Dirk answered.

It took me a second to find the epinephrine in the outside pocket, why I didn’t look there first—it was a logical place. I stared at the container. There were two of them in a plastic case. Was he supposed to get both?

Someone tore it out of my hands. “Give me that!” Chuck snapped the container open, and slid one out. “You have a boyfriend allergic to bees, and you don’t even know how to use an EpiPen?” He shook his head as he slammed the orange tip against Zane’s thigh, and held it there as he counted silently. “Okay, now rub the spot until the lump’s gone.”

I found the lump and massaged until I couldn’t feel it anymore. “Thanks, Chuck.”

He tossed the empty injector back to me. “No worries.” He held up the package. “If he’s not coming around in a few minutes, he’ll need this one too. Pull this blue tab, then push it hard into his thigh, and count slowly to ten.” Chuck stood. “I still can’t believe you didn’t know how to fuckin’ save your own boyfriend.” He tossed the other dose to me, and walked off, shaking his head. I couldn’t believe it either. And Chuck might be a jerk, but thankfully he was a fast-acting jerk.

Taking Zane’s hand, I brought it up under my chin and waited. Even though his eyes were closed, he appeared to be awake, his legs twitching now and then. He was breathing in short, shallow gasps, and blue veins stood out against his pale neck.

Tye settled next to me, pulling his knees against his chest. “Somehow—I don’t know how, but it looks like he was only stung six times, including the ones you found. I didn’t take his pants off, but I doubt anything could crawl up there.”

I took in Zane’s snug jeans and nodded, letting out a tiny squeak of acknowledgement.

“Are you looking at my ass?” Zane asked raggedly, causing a few relieved chuckles from those still around gawping.

I pressed my lips against his knuckles before answering. “Not this time. I’m a little distracted over whether you’re going to die on me or not.”

He rolled onto his side, but didn’t open his eyes. “Not today. Maybe tomorrow.”

“We have graduation tomorrow.”

His fingers lightly squeezed my hand. “I forgot. Maybe Saturday then. Are we busy Saturday?”

Dang tears. Did being gay make a guy an emotional wreck, or was that just me? I swiped at my eyes, not really caring about the people watching. I was just so relieved he was talking. “I was stupid, so stupid, and I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry, Zane.” I was blubbering, but damn it I’d almost lost him, and I was so not ready to deal with that yet.

His eyes flickered open. “Me too.” A weary smile tugged his lips. “For you being stupid, I mean.”

“All right, wiseass, I deserved that.” I sniffled, wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt.

His only response was a barely there nod, but the smile remained. Sirens bleated in the distance and his smile faltered.

“You called an ambulance?” His voice was oddly edged. “I’m fine, I don’t need an ambulance.” He struggled up, but I pushed him back down.

“You were run over by a two-thousand pound trailer and attacked by swarm of hornets. You need to be checked over.”

He shook his head. “I only got cuffed in the shoulder by the axle. Somehow...somehow I ended up between the tires.” He looked up at me, blinking against the moisture coalescing in his blue eyes. “I was so scared,” he breathed, letting out a frantic little laugh. “I think...I think I kinda believe in God now.” It wasn’t meant as a joke, and looking at him gazing back at me, very much alive, I could kinda believe in Him too.

The medics checked his vitals, gave him a shot, and other than a midsize bruise at the cusp of his shoulder, he was fine. Connor, Sharky’s young nephew, wasn’t so lucky and was loaded into the ambulance, having suffered innumerable stings, along with a possible fractured ankle when he leapt from the flatbed. The rest were treated on the scene, and loaded into vehicles to be driven home. That Zane, who had balled up in a panic, only suffered a handful of stings was nothing less than miraculous. Even Tye and I had been stung more times than Zane.

Before dinner, Dad, Mom and I prayed for those suffering. I added a heartfelt thank you for keeping Zane safe, just in case he really didn’t have nine lives, and was just lucky.

*

“Did you ever figure out what color I was?”

Zane grinned, skipping a rock downstream before turning to me. He’d called after dinner, wanting me to meet him. I’d been hesitant after the day we’d had, but now that we were here, I was glad I let him convince me. I had missed this, us together, just talking. It was a quiet time I think we both needed between the chaos of today and the pandemonium of graduation tomorrow.

“I’ve decided you’re prismatic. Forever changing.”

Since he arrived, anyway
. “At least for now,” I added. Meeting Zane and discovering who I was had been a blessing more than anything, and although I was still settling into myself, I knew eventually the newness would wear off. Everything would become comfortable, and things—I—wouldn’t change so much after that. I smiled triumphantly as my stone glided past where his had plunked into the water.

“I think maybe always,” he said quietly.

I glanced at him. “Is that a bad thing?” I asked, worried it might be.

He laughed. “No. Growth is never a bad thing. So, what’s your favorite color?”

“Indigo.”

He shot me an odd look. “Why
indigo
?”

“Because when you look at me, the striations in your eyes shift from dark grey to indigo.”

“God, that’s...really sappy.”

“I know. Yours? And don’t say black or I’ll punch you.”

He bit his lip as he walked over, and tugged my hair. I shook my head, confused.

“Your hair reminds me of the sun rising in Chicago after a night of heavy rain.”

I grinned. “And you called me sappy?”

“Yeah...I know.”

“I missed you.”

“Yeah, I know.”

I shoved his head playfully. “Asshole.”

He smirked. “I have one.”

I laughed, knowing I was blushing. “Shut up.”

He grinned. “Make me...”

I rolled my eyes. “Recalcitrant prick.”

“Whoa, big word! I have one of those too. Want to see it?” He cupped his crotch.

I waved my hand dismissively, trying really hard not to look. “Already seen it.” That stopped him.

He sniffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Asshole.”

I gave him what I hoped was a seductive look. “Now that you mention it again, I might want—” He wagged his tongue stud at me lewdly, and I began laughing, unable to finish. Witty banter be damned. I was no match for a city boy.

We stayed at Creeksbend, shoulder to shoulder, kissing, touching, and talking long after the sun relinquished the sky to the moon and the stars.

“You mentioned you had kissed a boy once. Who was it?”

“His name was Alex, and I was nine. It was all very sweet and innocent. He was going back to Brazil, and he kissed me goodbye.” Smiling, I shook my head. “It wasn’t until you came along that I remembered kissing him back.” I shrugged. “I guess I kinda blocked it out.”

He bumped my shoulder. “And you spent the next nine years trying to find yourself again.”

I ran my fingers through the tufts of grass as I nodded. “Mm-hm. It’s funny, you’re always in the last place you look.”

“I’m glad I came here. You know, rather than ending up on the streets or something.”

I felt his eyes on me and looked up, expecting to find them soft and teasing. But I was taken off-guard by the intense honesty I found instead. “Me too.”

Chapter Thirty-One

“Geez, Mom. How many pictures do you need?” If the camera had been an old 35mm she would have run out of film long ago. The porch was now in the direct sun and I was melting beneath my gown. If she didn’t hurry up, I was going to need more deodorant—possibly another shower.

Dad winked at me. “Margaret, you’re going to fill up the memory card before we even reach the school.”

She looked at the camera. “It says there are still over three-hundred pictures.”

Dad squeezed my shoulder before darting into the sanctity of the house. “You heard her. There are still three-hundred photo opportunities,” he called. I swear he was laughing.

“Do you really need five-hundred pictures?” I asked, admittedly whining.

“Oh, I haven’t even taken two-hundred pictures yet.” She glanced at the camera again. “I’ve only taken...a hundred and sixty-two.”

“Mo-om!” She’d been taking pictures since I woke up—probably before I woke up actually, documenting every minute of everything I did, practically.

She smiled sheepishly. “You only graduate once. I want to preserve the day.”

Dad jangled the keys as he stepped onto the porch. “Let’s go, we don’t want to be late.”

We still had an hour before we had to be at the school. Even so, I headed to the car, rushing past Mom’s grumbled objections. At least there I’d have my friends as a valid excuse to ignore her overzealous pride. Of course that provided all new photo opportunities for her.

*

“How do you make this look good when I look like a leprechaun?” I fingered Zane’s olive green gown.

“You do not...” He stepped back and gave me the once over. “Okay, but your a handsome leprechaun.” He laughed as he landed a quick kiss on me. A flash went off.

“If I were a real leprechaun I could save us from my mother,” I grumbled good-naturedly.

“I heard that!” she said.

To appease her I wrapped my arm around Zane’s waist. “Smile pretty for the camera,” I whispered to him. We turned our heads.

Lily bounced up onto the bench behind us, laying a hand on each of our shoulders. A few shots later Gary and Tye hammed their way in. My mom’s smile lit the heavens, and I was sure mine wasn’t far behind. Even if someone had told me this was how my year would end—gay, out, and with a boyfriend, not to mention surrounded by actual friends I loved—I never in a million years would have believed them.

I looked up at Zane’s profile, then rose up on my toes and kissed his cheek.

“Disgusting. Those animals shouldn’t be allowed to do that in public. There are children present for God’s sake.”

The words carried with them a domino effect. I tensed, Zane stiffened, Tye growled, Lily’s jaw dropped, Gary’s fists clenched, and my mom’s face hardened as she spun around so fast she almost dropped her camera. But my father was already there, towering over a guy I recognized as the pharmacist from Smith’s. Dad’s hands were clasped tightly behind his back as if he was keeping himself from throwing a punch. It was the most tension I’d ever seen in him.

“One of the animals you are referring to is my son, and you are in no position to pass judgment on him, his boyfriend, or anyone else. Only God carries that right.”

The man lifted his chin, and pushed his glasses up his nose. “You’re Pastor Simmons, correct?”

My dad nodded tersely.

The man nodded back, cheeks wobbling. “And you call yourself a man of God, having spawned that?” The man threw a hand back at us as he turned on his heel and stormed off, muttering, “Unbelievable, just unbelievable.” Stacy, who I only knew as the meek girl who sat in the front corner of my History and English classes, followed behind with her head bowed in embarrassment.

Obviously the man was her father, and honestly it wasn’t her fault her father was an un-accepting, uneducated asshole.

His lips in an angry slash, my dad came over to us and placed a hand on my shoulder, squeezing a little too firmly. “You okay?”

I nodded honestly. “He’s just one of what I am sure will be many over the years.” I reached up and gripped the back of his neck. “And you can’t fight them all for me.”

His smile didn’t reach his eyes. “I know, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want too.” He rubbed my back, patted Zane’s, then said, “I’ll see both of you inside.”

“Thanks, sir.”

Dad rolled his eyes. “Zane, why don’t you start calling me Richard, for my sake?”

“Yes, sir.”

With an exasperated sigh he walked back to my mom, shaking his head. Taking me by surprise, Zane’s lips closed over mine. Out of the corner of my eye I caught Mom snapping pictures, and I snugged Zane against me, thankful for my overzealous Mom, and happy I’d have this memory forever. Through the hustle and bustle of anxious students and parents surrounding us, a few exclamations could be heard as we continued to kiss, and not one was derogatory. I loved this town, I loved my parents, and most of all I loved the boy who had taken not only my first kiss, but this one too.

*

Zane was one row behind me, and would be the last one to receive his diploma holder. The actual diplomas would come in the mail. Chuck had cried when he received his, and everyone had laughed. But as I made my way to the stage, I had to keep swallowing the lump down. Who’d have thought that short walk could be such an emotional trek? I took my diploma holder, shook Principal Goss’s hand, totally missing what he said to me, then made my way behind the blue curtain. Once safely hidden I dabbed my eyes with the sleeve of my gown, wondering how many others had worn this gown and done the same thing.

“Gabriel?”

I turned. “Stacy!”

“I wanted to say I’m sorry for my dad. And, um, to let you know I’m not like him.” She looked down at her clasped hands.

“It’s alright, don’t worry about it. Thank you though.” I held up my green diploma holder that didn’t quite match our gowns. “And congratulations, by the way.”

“You too.” She smiled, and I realized in all the years we’d been going to school together, I never knew she had freckles and dimples. My life really had been among the shadows.

I heard Zane’s name and peeked around the curtain. My eyes went to the bleachers where his aunt was waving a hanky, as my folks cheered right along side Merrill. I dabbed my eyes again. Damned emotions.

Zane crashed against me, laughing and crying and whooping and bouncing up and down. “Thank God it’s over!”

“Did you forget about college?”

He shook his head. “Not school. My diploma came in the mail right before we left. My aunt has no control over me anymore. I’m a free man, Gabe!” He shook my shoulders, his eyes bright even in the half-light of the corridor.

“Oh. I didn’t get mine...” He laughed at my pout while I reveled over the fact I was the one who could make him laugh so easily.

We had an odd tradition at Claremont High School. Rather than going back to our seats and presenting the graduating class in a controlled, safe manner, we all ran out the corridor behind the gym into the courtyard. It was total mayhem, and every year we expected to hear someone had been trampled to death. However it hadn’t happened yet, and hopefully this wouldn’t be the year.

Zane and I, hands clasped tightly together, were the last to blast through the double doors into the blinding afternoon sun. As I jogged out of the building next to Zane, a feeling of bitter-sweet triumph coursed through my veins. Zane was now free of the binds that held him here, and deep down I was already aching over the loss of us. Yet at the same time, I was ridiculously thankful to have been given the chance to know him. Despite everything he had gone through over the past eight months, he had a life ahead of him, and for that I tried to be happy.