You're Always in the Last Place You Look (24 page)

I tried not to grin too broadly. “Thanks, Dad.”

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Zane didn’t ask me what the gun was for, and I didn’t ask him why he had his laptop. He watched the countryside, a soft smile on his face, and a socked foot on the dash. I tried to watch the road, but kept finding myself having to yank the wheel after hitting gravel. If not for the torn jeans, and
Bad Meets Evil
shirt he had changed into when we swung over to his house, he’d appear to actually fit in here. But I knew he didn’t. As the days closed in on graduation I hadn’t missed the occasional faraway look in his eyes. I knew during those times he was thinking about home.

I concentrated on the road, trying to shed the melancholy that I had allowed to settle over me. Hitting the signal, I turned onto the gravel road leading to the falls. Damn it, this was our day, and I wasn’t about to let the maybes of the future spoil it.

*

“That...was truly awful.” I wasn’t even sure where the shot had gone, but Zane hadn’t even nicked the target. “Here, let’s try this.” Reaching around him, I moved the rifle to his left shoulder, and repositioned his hands. “Remember to keep your eyes open—both of them.”

He fired, and I watched his eyes widen, the grin spreading across his face as the yellow paint puffed off the plywood target.

“You’re a lefty like me. Go again.” I helped him position the rifle.

“Is this your version of foreplay?”

“What?” I laughed. “I don’t have enough experience to have a version of foreplay.” Never had I imagined hearing myself say that, and I found it pretty darn funny. Of course, I understood why he asked. Snugging tighter against his back, I touched his elbow so he’d tighten it. “Now fire,” I whispered in his ear. His finger twitched, his elbow jerked, and the shot went wild. “You weren’t concentrating.”

“Oh I was concentrating, just not on the target.” He lowered the rifle and held it out. “Your turn.”

I pulled the clip, and snapped in a full one. Even with Zane’s hands on my hips, kissing my neck, I managed to hit close to center. Pivoting, I aimed for the back target, and squeezed my finger at the same time Zane fondled
my
trigger. The shot went
really
wild.

“That was illegal contact,” I told him. And he was still making it.

He hummed against my neck. “You’re all intense when you shoot. It’s kinda hot.”

“Yeah? Well, I’m about to combust. So stop—
stop
.” I moved his hand to my stomach.

His hand fell, and he moved away. I turned and saw he had taken it all wrong. The time on the couch had run through my mind a bazillion times, and I really wanted to experience that again, just not like this. Not some grope session in the woods. I wanted...I wanted it to be more connected than that. I reached to touch him, and he stepped away.

“I just need...”

He shook his head quickly. “It’s okay. I shouldn’t have.” Zane went to the truck, grabbed his pack, and left me standing there watching him walk into the woods. At least he was headed towards the falls.

After stowing the rifle and locking the truck, I chucked my pack onto my back and caught up with him on the rocky beach near the falls. They really weren’t that impressive; four drops, with the longest being about fifteen feet.

I walked up behind him. “I know you’re used to guys with more experience than me.”

He turned, his face serious. “Is that what you think? That because I lived in a big city I have all this experience?” He let out a frustrated sigh. “I thought we were comfortable with each other. That’s all.”

“We are. I don’t...I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of casual though. I want to be able to see you. I want it to be special.” I glanced at the pale blue sky, tugging my hair with both hands. “Jesus, that makes me sound like a girl, doesn’t it?”

“No.” He tried not to smile. “Maybe a little.”

I shoved him playfully in the chest with both hands, then wandered towards a patch of grass, and dropped my pack. What was I doing? Hadn’t I brought him up here for this? No,
no
. Yes. What other reason would I have for coming to a place I knew no one would be? Because I wanted to be alone with him, because I wanted to kiss him, touch him, without anyone judging me—us.

“Listen.” I jumped when his hands landed on my shoulders. “We don’t have to do anything. If you’re not ready, I’m—”

I turned, and kissed him. Not a chaste kiss either. He was slightly downhill from me which made our bodies line up perfectly. I still didn’t know how things worked, but I was trying really hard not to care. I pushed and shoved every negative thought from my head, and when his hands slid under my shirt and up my spine, my mind graciously blanked, allowing my senses to take over.

My hands explored his back, then moved to his front, wanting to learn every inch of him. There was something—I retreated an inch. “Why haven’t I noticed this before?” I murmured against his lips, my thumb brushing over the tiny thick ring.

He didn’t open his eyes. “I don’t wear it much,” the words rushed out, colliding with my breath. I let my fingers skitter over the warm metal again, my breath catching even though it was Zane who reacted, his fingers flexing into my back as he arched into the touch. 

“Mmm, any others I don’t know about?” I definitely needed to remember that for later—when I was more confident in myself.

“Just one more.”

I drew back enough to look at him. “Where?” I asked, curious since I couldn’t puzzle out the location.

He stiffened, cleared his throat, bit his lip ring, and then pulled on the inside seam of his jeans, drawing my gaze down.

“Oh—
Oh my God
! No shit?”

His face scrunched up, as he nodded.

I clamped my hand over my mouth, yet couldn’t stop the shocked giggle. Not completely naive, I’d heard guys did that. But they were like porn stars and such. I never imagined I’d ever know anyone who had...had pierced, well,
there
.

“
Why
?”

He let out a breath. “It was—never mind.” His face scrunched up again as if the memory was one he’d rather forget. I knew
I’d
want to forget doing something like that.

“Were you drunk or something?”

“No...”

“A dare?”

His eyes flicked to me.
Bingo
. “Sort of.”

“Doesn’t it hurt when you, you know...?” I knew he wasn’t a virgin, he’d all but admitted that. And the thought of—
yeah
,
ouch
—caused my everything to shrivel.

His mouth opened, closed, he looked at me, then away, and finally said, “Um, I um,” then sat down, conking his head on his knees. “Shit. I left my laptop in the truck. Okay...” Lifting his head he shoved his hair out of his eyes, and gestured for me to sit down.

After downing a Coke, he blushingly told me everything they hadn’t in Health. I spent most of the time hugging my knees, with my mouth open, looking anywhere but at him. He kept the description of the mechanics between two guys fairly clinical, and I was curious as to where he had learned how to explain it that way. I think I was in shock though, because I couldn’t get up the nerve to ask.

I picked up a twig and began annihilating it. “So, you’ve never...you know, wondered?” Heck I’d been wondering what it would feel like to be inside a guy—Zane specifically, since, well, since the rodeo if I were being honest with myself.

He gave me a soft smile. “No. I’m totally a bottom type of guy. But you have, haven’t you?”

I felt my neck blaze. Nodding, I admitted, “Yeah, I’ve wondered.” And my mind was running rampant over the possibilities thanks to Zane’s admission, and the fact I now knew what a bottom was.

He leaned his shoulder against mine, and I clasped his hand, running my other hand over the back, plucking at his knuckles. The world seemed to have grown before my very eyes, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to go there yet.

As if he could read my thoughts, Zane bumped my shoulder and said, “I didn’t mean to push you. I’ll follow your lead, okay?”

Bringing his hand up, I rubbed my lips against his knuckles and nodded.

*

We didn’t go past that talk, but it was perfect nonetheless. A time full of timid knowing looks, breathless kisses, and holding hands as we hiked to the top of the falls. Once there, Zane clung to me ten feet from the edge. It was as close as I could get him, but I was proud he trusted me enough to follow me that far.

*

“Damn you Zane,” I muttered into my pillow, feeling the thick dampness rubbing against my morning semi. The cause of my wet dream was still imprinted on my mind, and it seemed, despite the clinical nature of his sex talk, my brain had taken the information and run wild with it while I slept. I groaned into my pillow.
Damn
, when had I become so creative? It might be time to keep a box of tissue near my bed. Closing my eyes I reached tentatively beneath my waistband. I was still embarrassed about masturbating, but when I took myself in hand memories of Zane blindsided me, and I became instantly hard. Definitely time.

*

I couldn’t look at Zane without feeling the heat rise up my neck, and across my face. He kept peeking curiously at me all through class. As the bell rang and we stood to leave, he looked me up one side and down the other. When I wouldn’t meet his gaze, he started laughing quietly.

Still chuckling where we usually parted at my locker, he leaned down, whispering right into my ear, “Knowledge is a bitch, isn’t it?” Kissing my cheek, he then walked away, calling over his shoulder, “It was a good morning for me too.”

The blush remained, but now a massive smile broke up the red. That he might have been touching himself at the same time I was—I swallowed, dropping my backpack to hide my crotch. Not the best place to be thinking about that.

*

Tye bumped my knee, and rolled his eyes as I settled next to him. Lily and I had become part of the football team’s table since Zane and I became an item, and right now Gary was regaling everyone with the details of his weekend with Gavin.

“Oh, Jesus! When did this become Gay Sex 101?” Chuck cried, dropping his tray on the table and covering his ears.

I choked on my Coke, and Zane, slapping my back, busted up laughing. I tried to glare at him, but I couldn’t, I just couldn’t because it really was hilarious considering the talk we had just had. Lily looked lost, and I wasn’t about to enlighten her, best friend or not.

Gary really wasn’t being
that
explicit. His facial expressions just made it seem that way. And his hand gestures—All right, yes, he was being pretty graphic. At least their relationship seemed to be on the mend if what Gary was saying was anything to go by. And if what I gleaned from the conversation was accurate, then Gary and Zane were both bottoms, and didn’t that make them incompatible? If so, then maybe Zane would finally relax around Gary.

Damn it
! Now I was thinking about huge Gary and tiny Gavin, and the weirdness of them together. I shoved the rest of my lunch away, my appetite having fled in horror.

*

The week flew by and dragged all at once. By the time I threw my gear in the horse trailer, and loaded AJ, I wasn’t sure I wanted to see another bale of hay or the back end of a steer again. Five days straight of haying, a missed head catch yesterday, and a heel catch today had me in a less than bright mood. I was sore, and we were so far out of the standings, with no chance of catching up.

For the first time, I think ever, I was loaded and ready to leave before Tye. I leaned on the rear door of his trailer, holding it open while he loaded Gator.

“Is there any reason for us to come to the last two?” I asked, rubbing a dejected hand over my face.

“Probably not, but that’s not your usual MO, so what’s going on?” He inspected me as he latched the rear door.

“Nothing, I’m just tired I think.”

He nodded, and smiled knowingly. “Missing him?”

“I don’t know, maybe,” I said, and Tye’s smile morphed into a smirk. “Hey, at least I can admit it,” I added, smiling a little back.

He hooked my neck. “Yes, and I’m so proud of you...” His hand mussed my hair.

I ducked away, and shoved his shoulder. “Cut it out.”

He jumped on my back, just about sending me to the ground. “Make me.”

I started laughing, unable to buck him off.  “Jesus, you heifer, get off me...” When had he gotten so dang heavy? But then it had been a year or more since we had really played around, and I couldn’t help but wonder if my sexuality—the surreptitious looks I had given him—was the reason. Honestly I was thankful. At least now if I sprung wood, he’d just tease me about it.

Giving me a noogy, he slid off. “Still a virgin?”

“I haven’t been a virgin since Amy.”

“That didn’t count.” He glanced at me uneasily. “Did it?”

My eyes darted to the dried grass, widening in surprise. “You knew?” Yet, just from his expression I knew he did.

“I assumed. You were really weird and sullen all of a sudden, and then you broke up. I just figured something wasn’t right when you didn’t talk about it.”