You're the One That I Want (21 page)

There’s nothing to sort out, Maddy. I love you, but you’re with Robert. It’s that simple. I’ll always be your friend, you know that.

Even I was disappointed with myself and my seeming lack of effort.

She replied within minutes.

It’s not that simple and you know it! I love you too! I know some people don’t believe that you can love two people at the same time – but I’m starting to think you can! You can and it’s an awful feeling, because no matter what you decide to do about it you’re always going to hurt someone.

 

And thanks for the short email. What about everything else I said?

 

My fingers hastily ran away from me as I typed a response straight away, against my better judgement.

Maddy, what do you want from me? You and Robert have shared five years together as a couple – we’ve had one night. Therefore you chose him. There’s nothing I can do to change those facts, all I can say is I get it. I understand. What more do you want? My blessing? If so, you have it. Being in love with two people? Perhaps you’re just saying it to flatter me. As it’s only been five days I hope you’ll be able to fall out of love as quickly as you fell in it. That should clear you of your woes.

 

As for you being another notch on my bedpost – how many girls do you seriously think I’ve slept with? Do you honestly think I treat girls in that way? You know me better than anyone so I’ll try my best not to be offended.

 

I got with Alice that night because I felt like it and because you didn’t give me any other option. Actions speak louder than words – yes, you’re right. They do. Which is why Robert and you being together on Saturday spoke volumes. Instead of kicking him out, he stayed there and you talked things through – leading to him calling me! You could’ve given me some warning. In
many ways it was the catalyst for the rest of the night. If it appears that I’ve brushed away any feelings then it’s because someone handed me the broom. Not that I’m trying to lay blame on anyone else.

 

My feelings for you haven’t altered, but my outlook on the situation has. We’re best friends. You and Robert are my rocks. I know everything will be fine. At some point everything will go back to the way it was and we’ll move past this. I don’t think meeting up to talk about any of it is going to help either of us. I’m a bit busy at the moment, so not really free to meet up anyway, but we’ll definitely do something soon.

 

Ben x

 

As soon as I’d sent that one I wished I hadn’t. I wanted to disconnect and make things easier for both of us, but instead I’d added coal to the fire and prodded it aggressively with a giant rod. I only ever had love for Maddy, but the situation made me hide that, made me show her an ugly side instead, one that I hated. I suppose the same must have been true for her. We became vicious and snappy – something we’d never been with each other before, even when we were young and thoughtless.

Handed you the broom? Are you kidding me? You say there’s no one to blame, but that’s blatantly pointing the finger at me. How dare you. You’re the one who started all this. You felt a certain way and bottled it up inside for years. Why not keep it locked up? You were obviously good at keeping it a secret. Why put it out there so that I have to deal with it too? Why wait until I’m
heartbroken and drunk? Or was that your plan all along? Have you been waiting all this time for Robert to slip up so that you could jump in and make yourself look like the hero?

After looking at the screen for an hour, not knowing how to respond, I decided, instead of emailing back with further malice that I didn’t mean, to put my laptop away, pick up my phone, and call Alice. I’d been putting off doing so because my head and heart were still feeling fragile and bruised, but I came to the conclusion that what they actually needed was a bit of TLC.

‘Hello, you … Long time no speak,’ she giggled, as she answered.

‘Hey! Yes, I know. Appalling behaviour on my part.’

‘Don’t you know it’s rude to leave a girl hanging like that?’

I couldn’t help but laugh. ‘I’m sorry, it’s been a manic week.’

‘I see … remind me, how long does it take to send a quick text these days?’

I could tell she was still smiling, even if there was honesty in her disappointment.

‘I wanted to wait until I had time to call.’

‘Hmmm … I see.’

‘I was wondering if you fancied going out tonight? For dinner or something?’ I said as I got up from my bed and paced around the room.

‘Tonight? Are you really expecting me to drop all my important plans for you after you had sex with me and didn’t call for a week?’

‘Oh …’ I suddenly felt stupid for having asked.

‘Only joking,’ she cackled. ‘You’ll only be saving me from a night in my PJs eating chocolate. Pick me up at seven.’

‘Deal.’

I knew I needed to get Maddy out of my head and, as Alice came with no complications, she was a welcome distraction. That’s what was appealing about her. That and the fact that she was ridiculously pretty and had a wicked personality to boot. If anyone was going to help me get over Maddy, I thought she would. Plus, let’s not forget, I cried after having sex with the girl. I felt she deserved a little more respect than me never calling her again. A nice chilled-out dinner – I owed her that much.

When she answered the door at seven o’clock, we both stood there nervously, hesitant over how to greet one another. When I left her on the Sunday morning I’d kissed her goodbye – well, I had just slept with her, it would have been rude not to – but it would have seemed too forward to repeat the gesture then, when we were both totally sober and back to feeling like strangers again. So, instead, I stood there grinning at her.

She looked ridiculously cute with her hair bundled up in a high bun on the top of her head, her petite frame wearing a pale blue denim dress and with cream Converse on her feet, patterned with a design of dainty pink flowers. I towered above her, a fact I liked.

We didn’t hold hands as we walked the short distance to the restaurant. In fact, we hardly spoke. Alice wasn’t acting like the giggling girl I remembered her to be – instead she was suddenly demure and shy, with a
preoccupied expression plastered on her face, making her seem wary. It troubled me.

For our date I’d picked a nice little Italian restaurant on the river – I’m ashamed to say it was a place I’d taken other girls previously. Antonio’s had a great view, felt like an authentic Italian (the owner had the thickest accent to accompany his rather thick and dark moustache), and the food was delicious – much better than anything I could have knocked together. But best of all, it was relatively cheap – I was, after all, paying for it out of my student loan, or what I had left of it. Needless to say, I was on a tight budget.

As soon as we had sat down to dinner and ordered some wine, I decided to get to the root of what was going on with Alice.

‘Are you okay?’ I asked, taking the red cotton napkin from its fan-like position on the table and placing it over my lap.

Her eyes widened in embarrassment as she looked up at me.

‘Yes!’ she said slowly, picking up her own napkin and unfolding it. ‘It’s just I’m aware that we’ve done all of this the wrong way round.’

‘Done what?’

‘This,’ she said, waving her hand manically between us both, the napkin flapping around in the air. ‘You’ve seen me naked before even finding out my second name.’

‘Oh, right,’ I smiled, heartened by the sweetness of it all. ‘So what is it, your second name?’

‘Turner,’ she said calmly, neatly placing the cloth over her thighs.

‘Alice Turner.’

‘And yours is Gilbert,’ she stated with a coy smile.

‘Yes!’

‘See, I knew that. Oh, I don’t know,’ she sighed, as she put her head in her hands, seemingly embarrassed. ‘I made it so easy for you. I don’t usually do that. You know, what happened the other night. I’m surprised you even called. I wouldn’t have if I was you. What a tart.’

I laughed, unsure how to respond. Alice was cute. Her girlie nerves made me feel protective – they made me want to reassure her. ‘Well, I did. Plus, and I really don’t want to point this out, but, if you’re a tart, that makes me a tart … so at least we’re in good company with our tarty ways.’

She let out one of her sweet giggles as she visibly started to relax.

Once the waiter, Antonio with his signature moustache, had poured us some wine and taken our orders – we’d both gone for spaghetti and meatballs, with a side of cheesy garlic bread – I focused my attention on finding out more about Alice Turner.

‘So, come on, then. Out with it. I’m ready to find out everything about you.’

‘Everything?’ she asked, raising her eyebrows as she sipped on her wine.

‘Yes.’

‘That could take a while …’

‘True. Good job we have time, then,’ I shrugged.

‘And I’m not that interesting,’ she smiled.

‘Maybe just some highlights into the world of Alice Turner, then. Give me five fun facts.’

‘Ooh, the pressure is on!’

‘Make them good,’ I teased.

‘How to make myself sound fun and desirable …’ she pondered with a smile, as she rested her chin on the palms of her hands and tapped her fingers against her cheeks. ‘Okay, fact one, I study English Language and am in my third year, which, yes, means that we’ve been in the same city for three years and never actually spoken.’

‘How weird!’

‘Not really. I’ve seen you around but you’ve usually been with a girl, a redhead, so I assumed you two were an item until Roger told me otherwise. Plus, I was dating this guy for most of that time – a loser. Unimportant,’ she said, waving her hand to dismiss him further with a grimace on her face.

‘Ha! Carry on,’ I beckoned, wanting to swiftly move past the fact that Maddy had been brought up; something I didn’t want us to dwell on for too long.

‘Fact two, I grew up in Brentwood, Essex, with my mum, dad, and little brother, George.’

‘An Essex girl?’

‘Why does everyone say it like that?’ she said with a bemused frown.

‘Like what?’

‘You know.’

‘No …’

I did.

‘Wipe that grin off your face, mister. Contrary to popular belief, us Essex girls do actually have brains – we’re not all handbags and white stilettos.’

‘Clearly,’ I smiled, enjoying the glimpse of her feisty side.

‘Fact three, I thought I was going to be a time traveller
like Dr Who when I grew up, until I found out that he was fictional and that it wasn’t an actual job. So, now I want to be a journalist.’

‘You followed up your argument about having brains with admitting you wanted to be a time traveller?’

‘Ha! Fair play, but I was young.’

‘Oh, forgiven, then,’ I nodded, enjoying teasing her. ‘So, what sort of journalist?’

‘A features writer for some big, fat, glossy magazine!’

‘Sounds great.’

‘Gosh, these were meant to be interesting facts!’

‘They are!’ I laughed.

We paused as the waiter came back over with a basket of bread and butter.

‘Okay, fact four, I have a slight obsession with giraffes. Nothing major, but I do have a giraffe onesie that I like to chill out in …’

‘Sounds delightful. You’ve talked a lot about your PJs.’

‘Have I?’ she giggled. ‘I do love a good pair of pyjamas! And fact number … oh, I’ve forgotten what fact I’m on. Fact whatever-this-is, I own, and wear in private, a pair of slippers.’

‘Is that it?’

‘Oh no, these are not just any slippers. These are a pair of blue Little Miss Bossy slippers – they’re like big cuddly toys that go on each foot. I can hardly walk around when I’m in them, they’re so huge, but they keep my feet warm … I just can’t get rid of them.’

‘Do you wear the slippers and the onesie at the same time?’

‘Don’t be ridiculous … I’d look stupid. Besides, they
clash. Believe me, I’ve tried it,’ she laughed. ‘Now, that’s enough about me, I want to know all about you!’

‘Well, I’m really not interesting. I don’t have an animal onesie for a start.’

‘But if you could pick an animal outfit to chill out in, what would it be?’ she pushed.

‘Ooh, that’s a tough one.’

‘You have to think carefully.’

‘Maybe something like a koala? I imagine they’d be good to snuggle in.’

‘Mmm … good choice,’ she giggled.

The rest of the night flew by with ease. The hesitant start a distant memory by the time I dropped Alice off at her door hours later.

‘It’s been a great night,’ I said as we stopped outside.

‘It has …’ Alice smiled, rooting through her bag and pulling out her front door key.

Before she had a chance to put it in the lock, I put my arm around her waist and pulled her in for a kiss – our first that night.

She started giggling as soon as it was over.

‘What?’

‘I don’t know,’ she smiled, looking up at me. ‘Are you coming in?’

‘Not tonight.’

‘You’re not?’ she asked, sounding surprised, playing with the sleeve of my top with her fingers, her lips forming a little pout of disappointment.

‘No … I usually save that until at least the third date, and I don’t want you to get the wrong impression of me – or worry that I have the wrong impression of you.’

‘I see …’ she pondered, nodding her head.

‘Hmmm …’ I playfully sighed as I fiddled with the strap of her dress on her shoulder, tempted to go against my own valiant words.

‘So you think there’s going to be a next time?’ she asked, raising her eyebrows.

‘I’d like to think so,’ I said, leaning in for another kiss. ‘And a time after that.’