ZEKE (17 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

“No!” Tears fill my eyes blurring the vision of Zeke’s rigid naked back. I stand, listening to every agonizing word that he says. It’s not enough that his parents died that night, but the confession, sexually assaulted, maybe even physically abused, I never imagined anything so devastating. Body numb, senses shocked by guilt and the remorse, I forced him to tell me the truth. I need to this stop. I need to end this torment.

“No.” I reach out, turning him to face me. “No, baby.” I cradle his cheeks. His gold-speckled eyes damp with tears. I shake my head. I can’t take any of this back, nor can I make it go away. I know the truth. I pushed until he told me, and for that, I‘ll never forgive myself. “Hey.” I gently stroke his cheeks, willing his anguish away. “You listen to me. It wasn’t your fault.”

“No?” His eye flinches as the muscles in his jaw constrict beneath my palms. “Do you know what the bastard said to me before he blew his brains out?”

“Zeke.” I run my thumb along the soft whiskers on his face, catching a tear as it drops from his eye.

“
You did this
he said while he pointed that fucking gun at my dead parents. He said, y
ou did this, you made me love you
.” His lips curl around each word. “And then, the fucker shoved the gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger.” His eyes gloss over with transparent powerlessness.

“Zeke,” I whisper, desperately trying to get the image out of my head of that scared little boy who witnessed a man violently killing himself like that. “He was sick. He didn’t love you, not the way you’re supposed to be loved. Not the way your parents loved you, not the way I want to love you.”

“Fuck.” He grabs my wrists and pushes me against the door. His beautiful face cripples, deep lines striking around his wild eyes and tight mouth. “Did you hear what I just said? He killed them because,” his fingers dig into my arms, “because he loved me. My parents are dead,” he shouts in my face, “they’re fucking dead because of me!”

I tremble all over, seeing the shame, guilt, and blame in his eyes. He’s harbored all those feelings for years. Seven years old, this all happened when he was just a child. He has to know what that man did to him was wrong. Zeke has to know that it wasn’t his fault. Still, I understand. When something like this happens to a child and they don’t talk about it as an adult, it’s difficult for them to overcome the traumatic event. When it comes to love, Zeke’s stuck in that little boy’s state of mind, and he’s so afraid to leave it. In his heart, he truly believes his love is what killed his parents.

“Let me love you, Zeke. Please, give me the chance to prove to you none of that is true.”

“You want me to take your innocence,” he says, pinning me to the door. Eyes dark and dangerous, he glares down at me. His hips thrust forward. His hardness imbeds me. “Is that what you want me to do?”

“Yes.” I barely whisper the word, and before I can stop him, he locks my wrists together behind my back with one quick, strong hand. His other hand pushes down into my pants. He thrusts a couple of fingers so deep into me.

It’s rough, hard, and I cry out.

“This is what you want,” he growls, jerking my bounded hands behind my back as he fucks me harder and harder with forceful fingers.

“Zeke,” I whimper from the anger in his voice. “Please don’t,” I cry from the aggression in his brutal touch. Blinded by the rage that I activated, he’s lost to me. The memories, all those feelings he kept locked away, I turned the key and forced them out.

“You want me to,” he says, voice low and gritty, “to be a monster.” He grabs my shirt, tearing it open. “To be like him?” He starts pulling on my pants. “Is that what you fucking want?” He releases my wrists and reaches for own pants. He’s so far gone, breathing heavy, focused solely on undoing his jeans. “Is that what−”

“No!” I push him in the chest, barely jerking his rigid body. This is why he doesn’t sleep with virgins. That man tried, maybe even succeeded in taking his innocence. I have to make him see with me, for me, it will be different. I have to bring him back to me. “Zeke!” I hit him again. “Stop!” I grab his arm and his fidgeting hands finally cease.

Head lowered, every muscle in his body catches up with his hands. He remains motionless for a few long seconds. The only sound in the room his heavy, labored breathing. I want to reach out and touch him, but too afraid of his response, I stand silently waiting.

His body rises. He shifts to my left and punches the wall. “Fuck!” He pulls back and strikes it again. “Fuck!” Fist remaining on the cracked drywall, his hand opens up and he rests his palm upon it. His forehead follows, resting slowly against the wall.

My heart, it’s breaking wide open. I turn to my side and lean into the door. Lifting an unsteady hand, I touch his back. I run my fingers along his tense muscles.

His head turns and his beautiful gold-speckled eyes seep into me, drowning me in his emotions. I feel them all; the pain, the shame, the guilt, but the longer I stay above water, taking in every single suffocating emotion, I feel something else. It’s the strongest emotion of all, and he’s not trying to hide it.

In his eyes, I see what I feel for him. It wades to me, soaks through me, filling me with hope.

He pushes back from the wall and his hand comes up. He sifts it through my hair, and his warm, tender fingers wrap around my nape. “I’m sorry if I scared you, baby.” He draws me in for a slow and gentle kiss. I float within the safe, firm grip of his touch. His mouth leaves me. I look up and my heart skips a beat from the vulnerable affection I find in his eyes. “I’ve been so fucked up. The moment that I met you, I lost all control,” he says, lightly caressing my neck with his thumb. “And you’re right. I’m afraid of you. Fuck, when I first saw you, I was afraid to get too close. When I got too close, I was afraid to kiss you. When I kissed you, I was afraid to touch you. When I touched you, I was afraid to let you into my heart. Now that you’re in my heart, I’m afraid to lose you.” He brushes his lips across mine. “I’ve never felt like this before, and I tried, sweetheart, but I can’t fight it anymore. I surrender. Whatever you want to know, I’ll tell you. Whatever you need from me, I’ll give it to you. I’m so sorry that I scared you.”

“You didn’t scare me.” I gaze up at him, seeing apprehension in his eyes. “Ya know all these years, I saved myself for the perfect guy and when I couldn’t find him, I gave up. I came here looking for the best damn lay in Galveston County. I was ready to give myself to him.” I palm his cheek. “But instead, I ended up finding my perfect guy. It’s you, Zeke. And, baby, you’re not taking away my innocence.” I tip up on my toes to get closer to his mouth. “I’m giving it to you,” I whisper before leaning forward to detain his trembling lips.

He pulls my body against his with a low growl and deepens the kiss. His hands run down my spine, cupping my ass. Impulsively, my legs lift and they wrap around his hips. His mouth shifts to my neck, and again in his warm, capable hands, I’m floating. He carries me to his room, kicking the door behind us. Us ...

“Lurlene,” he breathes my name against my ear, shivers run all through me. “I don’t want to disappoint you.” He pulls back from my neck. “But tonight, you’re not going to get the best damn lay in Galveston County.” He lowers me onto the bed and stands up. Eyes glowing down at me, he strips his shirt off and tosses it onto the floor. “Tonight, I’ll go slow.” He unzips his pants. “Tonight, I’ll be gentle.” He removes his jeans and boxer, rising in all his hard smoothness and strength. “Tonight, I’ll give you something I’ve never given anyone before. Tonight, I will give you all of me.”

He climbs onto the bed, trailing kisses up my arm, my neck, until he reaches my quivering lips. Euphoric from his intoxicating kisses, I barely feel my clothes removed from my body. His mouth maps my naked skin, drawing with his tongue the curves of my flesh. His architecture hands engraving his touch, I feel him all over me, everywhere. My blood pumps hard and my skin flushes with heat.

Drawing my heels up and down along the bed, my back arches. I writhe beneath his hands. I moan. I cry. I pant.

“Relax.” His husky tone bathes my shoulder. “Let me touch you.” He feathers the back of his fingers down my neck, slopes them over my hard nipples, and skims them past my tight belly to between my legs. “Ah, yes,” he strokes my click, taking breaks to dip inside my pussy, my legs quiver and shake, “you’re ready.”

“Yes,” I drop my head back, so ready.

He lowers his body onto mine. “Put your arms around me,” he says and I release my clenched hands, reach up, and hold on tight. “I’ll try to be careful.” He looks down at me. “But it’s going to hurt a little at first.”

I nod my head, not caring how it might feel. All I know is that I want him inside of me. I need us to become one. With intense eyes, he watches me. I feel him at my tight, wet opening. He bears down a little. I stretch around his thick head. He presses in more, guiding himself slowly, inch by inch, and I arch to take him further, trying to defy the pain, the resistance, and the burning sensation until I feel him break through until my body accepts all of him. His eyes close and his body shudders.

“Fuck!” He pushes up from my chest. Arms still around him, he takes me with him. His palms hit the mattress. “Fuck, you feel amazing.” He holds his body still for a few seconds, and then his hips slowly draw back. The next time he enters me, the pain and the burning subsides. My walls constrict around him.

“Oh, Zeke.” I cling tighter to him. “Yes.” He fills me and pulls back. “Yes!” My legs hug his hips. He moves faster, thrusting deeper and deeper. Then I feel it; like nothing I’ve ever felt before, this exquisite sensation floods me. What I feel for him, it explodes inside of me. “Zeke! Oh Zeke,” I cry out, unable to explain what’s going on. How I feel. Oh, my God, is this an orgasm? I’ve never felt anything like it.

His strong arms wrap around my body and he pulls me against him. “Yeah, baby,” he says and I hear it in his voice, he is with me. He has to feel this too. “Fuck, yeah, baby,” he growls, the raw sound reaches in and grabs a hold of me. Zeke pounds into me harder, he groans long and low against my ear. I let go and he holds tightly to me as the uncontrollable, shuddering contractions take me over the edge.

Rule four; broken.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

I lay with Lurlene in my arms, her head resting on my chest. After everything that I told her, I should feel completely exposed but shit. I’ve never felt so close to a woman before, never had sex like that, the kind that eliminates the world around me.

“Zeke,” she says, stroking my arm. “Can I ask you something?”

I push the hair back from her face, bend down and kiss her on the forehead. She looks up at me and smiles. Damn, cheeks flushed and skin glowing. She’s beautiful. “No, you can’t ride the lightning, babe.” I wink.

“Not tonight.” She laughs, twisting around, grabbing my tee shirt and pulling it over her head. She spreads her legs and straddles my saddle. “I’m way too sore, but maybe tomorrow,” she grins, her hips shift forward and my flaccid cock hardens.

“Seriously,” I grip her hips, “you okay?”

“Yeah,” she settles down on me with another sweet smile. “You were perfect.”

“I didn’t hurt you?”

“No.” She shakes her head, running her fingers over my chest. “Not at all.”

“Good.” I blow out, resting my head back on the pillow.

“Zeke.” Her tone changes, and I know she’s about to ask what I stopped her from asking a second ago. “Who’s Addy? Is she ah ...” she bites her bottom lip. “She has the same last name as the man who ... ah−”

“She’s his mother.”

“What?” Her mouth drops open.

“Yeah.” I place an arm behind my head.

Her eyebrows come together. “But−”

“I know. It’s fucked up.” I readjust my head, getting more comfortable than I already am around her. She gazes down at me, waiting. Fuck it. I told her tonight that I’d give her all of me, and if she wants it, I’ll give it. “When I was a kid, I’d think about her a lot ya know, wondering who was responsible for creating such an evil person. What kind of mother raises a killer? I hated her. I wanted to scream at her, hurt her for what her son did to me, my parents. So, when I was thirteen, I decided to look for her. When I found her, I went to her house. I didn’t know what I was going to say, didn’t know what I was going to do, all I knew was that I had to see her.” I take Lurlene’s hand and rub her fingers, watching my skin touch hers. “I never expected this frail woman with long white hair and warm blue eyes to open the door. I remember standing there for a long time with mixed emotions. It was strange. I had this image of her in my mind. But looking at her, she seemed normal, even resembled my own mother a little. Not by appearance but by the way she looked back at me, ya know all motherly and shit. When she offered me a job, I wanted to turn around and run home. But then I thought about it and decided that I needed to know more about her. So I took the job.” I look up from her hand.