Authors: Linda Kavanagh
Laura smiled to lighten the tension that she realised was building. ‘It’s hardly worth it – I’d barely be here for half an hour before I’d be leaving again. I’ll just grab something to eat in the canteen before it closes,’ she finished, avoiding mentioning that all the lecturers were meeting there before heading off to the debate.
Jeff became angry if he knew that other men would be in her company. It was ridiculous that she had to watch everything she said – it was like being a teenager again, and needing parental permission to go anywhere.
By now Jeff had risen to his feet and, too late, Laura recognised the manic gleam in his eyes.
‘Are you saying I’m hardly worth spending half an hour with?’ he asked, his voice deceptively gentle.
‘No, no – of course not!’ Laura said anxiously. ‘I love spending time with you.’
‘Then why are you going to this stupid debate?’
‘Because Darren asked all the lecturers to attend,’ she explained anxiously.
Jeff’s voice was low and menacing. ‘So what Darren says is more important than what your husband wants?’
‘No, of course not!’
‘Then stay here, with me, tonight.’
‘Jeff, be fair! I promised Darren I’d go –’
‘And we can’t break a promise to good ol’ Darren, can we?’
Laura was torn by indecision. She shouldn’t have to beg, but she was actually afraid. In fact, she was suddenly terrified.
‘Jeff, it’s part of my job! I have to be seen to support my own students –’
The blow, when it came, was almost a relief – she’d been expecting it for several minutes. She was momentarily blinded by its impact. At first, she thought her neck had been dislocated, but as the pain receded she found she could still move her head. Her hand reached up and felt a deep gash along her cheek. Already it was beginning to throb.
‘Why do you make me so mad?’ Jeff screamed. ‘You’re the most infuriating and self-centred woman I’ve ever met! The only thing that matters is what
you
want!’
Laura longed to verbally retaliate, but she was too terrified. Jeff was blaming her for his own behaviour. Touching her stomach, as though to reassure the child within, she rushed into the bathroom. Immediately locking the door, she surveyed her pale, red-eyed face in the mirror over the sink, and watched as blood dripped from the open gash and ran down the length of her cheek.
There was no way she could give her afternoon lecture or go to the debate now. Luckily, her phone was in her jacket pocket, so she dialled Timmy, claiming that something had urgently come up, and asking him to give the lecture for her. His immediate agreement, and concern for her well-being, was her undoing.
Tears filled her eyes, blurring the image of her face in the mirror. She felt so tired that she hadn’t even the energy to open the bathroom cabinet and find ointment and a dressing. As she rang off, her legs gave way, and Laura sank to the floor and wept.
‘W
hy didn’t you tell me?’
‘Tell you what?’
‘That your wife is also expecting your baby!’ Ellie spat out the words venomously, hardly waiting until Alan had stepped inside her front door before verbally assaulting him. Her eyes were red from crying, and she looked as though she wanted to tear him limb from limb.
Alan had the grace to look embarrassed. ‘How did you find out?’ he asked. When there was no reply forthcoming, he sighed and looked at her uncertainly. ‘I just didn’t know how to tell you,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Sorry you slept with her or sorry I found out? I thought you told me you didn’t find her attractive?’ Ellie said angrily. ‘Then how the hell is she three months pregnant?’
He licked his lips nervously, unable to find any words that would make sense. ‘Look, you know I have to sleep with her occasionally,’ he whispered, reaching out to stroke her back as though soothing an upset child. ‘But it’s never like the way it is with you.’
Swatting his hand away, Ellie folded her arms and said nothing.
‘Ellie, you know her father holds a huge stake in the company now –’
‘To hell with you and your damned factory!’ Ellie shouted.
‘What about me? What about the child
I’m
carrying? It’ll be born three months before your precious wife gives birth, but I doubt if there’ll be any fanfare of trumpets for us, will there?’
‘You know the score!’ he protested. ‘I thought you said it was enough just to be pregnant! I thought you were happy about it –’
‘I was, until I found out that your wife is pregnant too! It makes a mockery out of all your declarations, doesn’t it?’
‘Don’t be ridiculous!’ Alan replied, angrily now. ‘You know I love you, and you also know I’m looking forward to our baby. But you have to accept I have another life as well!’
‘Oh, go to hell!’ she shouted, pushing him out the front door and slamming it behind him.
It was the first time he’d left without making love to her.
Sylvia sighed, looking across at her husband who was reading the newspaper after dinner. She should be feeling elated about this pregnancy, but instead she felt flat and uninvolved, as though it was happening to someone else. If she felt anything, it was resentment. This should be a joyous time, but her continual worries about the ring – which seemed to point to Alan having an affair – had taken away any pleasure she might feel. It was ironic that despite their rare and loveless coupling, nature had intervened with a plan of its own.
Sylvia wished she had the courage to confront Alan about the receipt. But every time he looked at her so openly and unflinchingly, her courage failed her. On the other hand, did she really want her suspicions confirmed? As long as they could keep up a seemingly happy demeanour with each other, it was probably easier to maintain the lie that all was well between them. Ellie Beckworth was right – if he was having an affair, it would eventually fizzle out. Surely the other woman would finish with Alan anyway, when she discovered that his wife was pregnant? Although if it was Janette, she’d probably enjoy the situation and use it to her own advantage, flaunting her tiny waistline in contrast to Sylvia’s thickening one.
Sylvia looked across at her husband. ‘Alan …’ She hesitated. ‘Are you genuinely happy about this pregnancy?’
‘Of course I am!’
Abandoning his newspaper, he crossed the room to where Sylvia was clearing the table, slipping his arms around her. ‘Are
you
happy about it, Syl? Is it too much for you – I mean, I know Pete’s birth was difficult –’
‘I’m fine,’ she said firmly. ‘I just needed to know that you were pleased to be having another child.’
‘Pleased? I’m delighted!’ he said tenderly.
His show of kindness brought tears to her eyes. Maybe she was wrong about his affair – how could he look at her so caringly if he was involved with another woman?
Breaking away, he looked at his watch. ‘I’ve got to check something at the factory,’ he told her cheerfully. ‘I’ll be back in an hour or two, okay?’
When he’d left the room, Sylvia sighed to herself. They hadn’t been intimate since the baby had been conceived, and she wondered, yet again, if some mistress was satisfying him instead. She had briefly considered the possibility that Alan’s trips to the factory could be a cover for an affair, but decided she was wrong. He was never gone for more than an hour or two – surely it would be impossible to conduct an affair in such a short time frame?
Crossing to the window, she watched as he got into his car and drove away. She always detected something in his demeanour before he left for the factory – there was usually a spring in his step, and an air of excitement about him, as though he actually enjoyed dealing with all the problems.
Sylvia sighed as she headed to the nursery to check on Pete. In a way, she envied Alan his devotion to his career. She just wished that he could have that same gleam in his eye when he was coming home to her.
Alan left Greygates and hurried to Ellie’s house. But when she opened the door and saw him on the doorstep, she burst into tears and tried to close the door on him. But he ignored her protests and pushed past her into the house.
‘I’m so sorry, love,’ he said, trying to take her into his arms. ‘I just couldn’t find the right words. But we’ll make this work, won’t we?’
‘How could you treat us both so badly?’
‘I never intended to hurt either of you,’ Alan said guiltily. ‘And I’m genuinely excited about our baby.’ He patted her stomach gently. ‘I never lied to you about that.’
‘But what about Sylvia? She’s really nice!’
‘Of course Sylvia’s a nice person,’ Alan said gently. ‘I just don’t love her the way I love you.’ He sighed. ‘It’s very much a marriage of convenience – but you know all this already.’ He kissed Ellie’s tear-stained face. ‘I’m grateful to Sylvia for her family’s money, but my heart and my body belong to you.’
‘But you still sleep with her!’
He kissed her forehead. ‘I haven’t slept with her for ages. But I can’t afford to fall out with her, since it’s her father’s money that keeps the factory going.’
Tears pricked Ellie’s eyes. ‘It’s always about money, money, money! Why can’t you be happy just to live here with me?’
Alan looked at her bleakly. ‘Love, whether you like it or not, I already have a son – and now two more children on the way – all of whom I’ll love and protect. I want them all to have a good upbringing and a good schooling.’ He looked at her angry face. ‘If there’s no money, then it won’t be possible to look after you, pay your mortgage and give them a decent education. And if the factory closes, hundreds of people will be out of a job. Is that what you want?’
‘Don’t you dare make me responsible for people losing their jobs!’ she retorted, stomping out of the room. She hadn’t told him about Sylvia’s worries over his affair – she felt a peculiar loyalty, or perhaps it was guilt, towards his vulnerable and insecure wife. In fact, she felt totally confused about everything that had happened.
As she stood alone in the kitchen, Ellie wondered if she was a fool, and if it was time to take back ownership of her life. Perhaps it would have been better accepting the attentions of Tony Coleman. At least he could have offered her marriage. On the other hand, she deeply regretted accepting his invitation to the cinema that night when Alan had been away – she should have guessed he’d only see it as encouragement. But sometimes she simply craved adult company, since the loneliness of loving Alan was almost too much to bear. Of course, she hadn’t mentioned her cinema trip to Alan – there were some things better kept to oneself.
Ellie sighed. Anyway, it was Alan that she loved, and it always would be. As she gazed, unseeing, out the window, she felt the fluttering of the child in her belly, and knew that there was no greater joy than knowing she’d soon fulfil her dream of becoming a mother.
She heard Alan coming into the kitchen, but she didn’t move until he pressed against her and slipped his arms around her. She could feel the tension in his body, and she knew that there was something else he needed to say to her.
‘I can’t possibly leave Sylvia at the moment,’ he said, holding her tight. ‘Pete’s birth was difficult, and she’ll probably need medical intervention this time, too. It would be cruel to leave her now.’
She longed to scream at him: But what about me? I’m pregnant too! Why is it acceptable to leave
me
all alone? But she said nothing, allowing herself to be held as she considered what all this meant for her own future, as well as that of her unborn child. His wife’s pregnancy felt like a huge betrayal, yet who was betraying whom?
Ellie sighed, surrendering to her fate as she turned to face him, acquiescing by resting her head on his shoulder.
T
he following morning, as Laura hurried along the university corridor, hoping to sneak into her office unnoticed, her heart sank as she saw Darren approaching from the opposite direction. It would be churlish to ignore him so, keeping her head slightly tilted, she gave him a cheery wave before quickly unlocking her door and stepping inside. She’d covered the new gash on her cheek with make-up as best she could, but it was still obvious, and she didn’t want anyone commenting on it, least of all Darren, who never missed a thing.
Fortunately, due to Darren’s kindness, she didn’t have to give a lecture until the afternoon, and she hoped that by then any swelling would have gone down. That morning, she intended staying in her office and getting on with all the papers she had to correct. Hopefully, she could do that without having to see anyone.
But it was not to be. Laura cursed silently as she heard the rap on her door. Briefly, she considered ignoring it, or pretending she hadn’t heard it. But she was meant to be a professional, and in a work situation she couldn’t simply ignore it.
Turning her head to hide the wound, she pretended to be studying a pile of papers as she called out: ‘Come in!’
Her heart sank as Darren stepped inside and closed the door.
‘Laura, I noticed that Timmy gave your lecture yesterday afternoon, and you weren’t at the debate last night. Are you
okay?’ he asked anxiously. ‘You were holding your head rather oddly out in the corridor –’
He gulped as she turned to face him. ‘Oh, my God! What happened?’
‘I – I walked into a door.’
‘Ah.’