Authors: Linda Kavanagh
‘Okay,’ she said dully.
But Jeff wasn’t even listening any more. Already, he’d disengaged his arm from hers and was striding towards the exit.
Abandoning her drink, she followed him out of the door.
Later that night, Jeff was vigorous and demanding in bed, and seemed interested only in his own pleasure. He didn’t seem to care that he was hurting her – in fact, Laura’s cries of discomfort seemed to add to his enjoyment and drive him into a greater frenzy. Perhaps he was angry with her for talking to another man at the party. Or maybe he just hated having to attend the party in the first place. Whatever it was, Laura was left feeling particularly sore and violated.
When he fell asleep afterwards, she lay awake clutching her stomach in discomfort and feeling very worried. Something didn’t feel right. Creeping to the bathroom, she noticed several
spots of blood on her nightdress.
Climbing back into bed, Laura lay quietly beside her husband, studying Jeff’s face as he slept. Never had she felt so alone. Right from the beginning of their relationship, her husband had seemed to enjoy rough sex in which he subdued her. At first it had been exciting – a sign that he loved and needed her – but, as time went by, she realised that he didn’t even seem to be present when they made love. He was in a fury of passion that had nothing to do with her. It was as though he saw her simply as a means to his own release, not a person in her own right or an equal participant in the act of lovemaking. He seemed to be in some other place from which she couldn’t bring him back.
She longed to reach out and soothe him, but she didn’t dare. Jeff’s insecurities were becoming impossible to handle.
T
he following morning, Laura didn’t feel well, but she got up nonetheless and went through the motions of getting ready for work. She felt a dragging sensation in the pit of her stomach, but she didn’t want Jeff to start fussing, so she said nothing. Instead, she made toast and coffee for them both, and chatted as pleasantly as she could manage while they had breakfast together. Then, with a brief, absent-minded grunt, Jeff gathered his keys and briefcase and headed out of the door.
As soon as she was certain that he’d gone, Laura sank down gratefully onto the couch. She didn’t think she could go to work today, although she’d agreed to take Maria’s lecture as well as her own. But the dragging sensation had turned into severe pain. Gripping her middle, Laura rocked from side to side, hoping that the pain might ease if only she could distract herself. She longed to take a painkiller, but she didn’t dare in case it would have a detrimental effect on the baby. Maybe if she tried to read … Grabbing the previous day’s newspaper from the coffee table, Laura tried to focus her mind on the headlines. But she felt light-headed, the print seeming to dance before her eyes. And the pain wasn’t easing. If anything, it was getting worse.
Now she was really beginning to worry.
Reaching for her phone, Laura called Darren, explaining apologetically that she wasn’t well enough to come in that day,
but that she was due to give Maria’s morning lecture in addition to her own. Perversely, she wanted Darren to bite her head off, but as usual he was kind and concerned, urging her to take as long as she needed to get well. There was no problem, he assured her. He’d give both lectures himself, and ask Maria to take over her other lectures until she felt well enough to return to the university.
Laura had tears in her eyes when she came off the phone. He was such a sweet, kind man. Why on earth couldn’t Jeff be a bit more like Darren?
A little while later, as severe pains began ripping through her abdomen, Laura grabbed her mobile phone and rang Kerry. She hated imposing on her friend and taking her away from her job, but there was no one else she would trust to help her. Right then, she needed Kerry’s calm authority to help her get through whatever was happening to her.
When Laura heard Kerry’s voice over the intercom, she could barely struggle to her feet to press the entry button, and by the time her friend reached the apartment, she’d collapsed onto the sofa again.
‘Christ, you look awful!’ Kerry whispered, as she hugged her friend. ‘What can I do for you? Shall I make you a cuppa?’
Laura nodded, glad for some semblance of normality in her life, since right now everything else felt totally alien. As she listened to the familiar sounds of tea-making coming from the kitchen, she was grateful for Kerry’s presence. Maybe the tea would help to ease the terrible cramps, which seemed to be getting worse.
When Kerry returned from the kitchen with two mugs of tea, a sudden look of dismay crossed her face as she placed them on the coffee table.
‘Laura, you’re bleeding!’
As Laura leaned forward to look, Kerry urged her to lie down again, and rushed off to the bathroom to get some towels.
‘Listen, love, I think we’d better call an ambulance,’ Kerry said, as she slid several towels under her friend.
Laura could detect the panic in her friend’s voice, although she was trying to hide it. ‘Do you think I’m having a miscarriage?’ she whispered, pleading for a negative answer. But in her heart she already knew.
‘I-I don’t know, but something’s definitely not right,’ Kerry said, as she dialled the emergency number. ‘You need professionals who’ll know what to do.’
Giving all the relevant details to the dispatcher, Kerry disconnected the call and sat down again beside Laura on the couch.
‘It won’t be long now, love – the paramedics will be here in a few minutes,’ she said reassuringly.
But Laura already suspected that it was too late the save the baby. A tear rolled silently down her cheek.
‘Would you mind getting me a wet cloth from the kitchen?’ Laura asked anxiously. ‘I need to get the blood out of the sofa and the carpet –’
Kerry looked at her incredulously. ‘Stop worrying about the damned furnishings, Laura! I’ll do my best to clean it up once the paramedics have taken you to hospital. Do you want me to call Jeff?’
Laura shook her head. ‘Let’s see what the medical people say first. There’s no point in bothering him until we know what the verdict is.’
‘But he’d want to be with you.’
Laura looked at her unflinchingly. ‘Well, I don’t want him there. He’d only fuss. Besides, he doesn’t like me to ring him during the day.’
Kerry raised an eyebrow. ‘Well, I think, under the circumstances, he’d expect you to call.’
‘Too bad,’ Laura snapped. She was beginning to feel angry with Jeff, feeling certain that his violent sex the previous night had been a contributory factor in this already fragile pregnancy.
Kerry said nothing, aware that this was the first time since her marriage that Laura had openly acknowledged that her husband might be less than perfect. It seemed that she was becoming a bit more realistic about Jeff.
The intercom rang, and Kerry leaped to her feet.
‘That’ll be the paramedics,’ she announced, her voice suffused with relief.
As Laura lay resting in her private hospital room, the door burst open and Jeff was suddenly at her bedside.
‘Why didn’t you phone me?’ he screamed, furious. ‘Why the hell did you ring that so-called friend of yours? It was
my
baby you were having! I should have been there!’
Laura closed her eyes. She was too tired for arguments. In fact, she was too tired for anything. After the trauma of her miscarriage, she just wanted to go to sleep.
‘Jeff, please – I’m not in the mood for an argument,’ she said quietly. ‘There are times when only another woman can understand what you’re going through, that’s all. Please don’t take everything so personally.’
A tear slid down Laura’s cheek as he sat down in the chair beside her bed. Jeff hadn’t even asked how she was feeling. All he could think of was his own loss. Well, she was devastated too. According to the doctors, there was no specific reason why she’d lost the baby, and they felt certain she’d carry any future baby to term. So that was good news really, although right then she just felt bereft and alone. She wished Jeff
would put his arms around her and ask how she was coping. She wished they could share their pain with each other, and support each other through it. But instead it felt as though Jeff saw her as his enemy rather than his ally. She wondered if his aggressiveness was due to guilt – perhaps he, too, was remembering his vigorous sexual activity the night before.
Laura’s eyes filled with tears. ‘They told me it was a little girl,’ she said softly.
Jeff said nothing, but Laura could see that he was making a supreme effort to control his temper. He was too clever to lose it in the hospital.
‘When are you coming home?’
Laura shook her head. ‘I don’t know yet – the doctor will be around later, and she’ll give me her verdict then.’
Jeff nodded, rising to his feet. ‘Well, phone me on my mobile when you find out,’ he said curtly, before leaving the room.
Alone in her bed, Laura could feel the tears coming, and she angrily brushed them away. It was as though Jeff was punishing her for losing the baby. He hadn’t even brought her flowers – then again, flowers were for celebrations, and they had nothing to celebrate. Suddenly, she couldn’t stop the tears any longer, and they poured down her face as she sobbed bitterly. Since the very beginning of her pregnancy, she’d loved the baby she was carrying inside her. She’d dreamed of holding it in her arms – now, she’d never have a chance to tell it how much she had cared.
A
s Alan left the airport and hailed a taxi to take him home, he felt hugely relieved that the business week was over. He’d finally managed to get the contract with a new tin supplier signed, and on very favourable terms, too. But he was tired from all the negotiations. He’d had to bluster and make endless objections to their initial proposals before eventually hammering out a very satisfactory deal – one that augured well for the future of the factory.
In the back of the taxi, he patted his briefcase, where he’d stored his gifts for Sylvia, Pete and Ellie. He’d also managed to pick up a very expensive Lladró figurine at a knockdown price, and he was feeling very pleased with himself. He’d been collecting Lladró for many years, and always enjoyed adding new pieces when he had the time to browse.
He yawned, wondering how Sylvia and Pete were. And Ellie – he was longing to see her, too. If anyone could make him forget how tired he was, it was she. He felt himself hardening at the very thought of her. Even though she was close to giving birth, and her bump made it awkward to get close, they still made love at every opportunity. He adored that woman, and he was looking forward to being there to support her during the birth of their child.
‘Hello, darling. Did you have a good trip?’
Alan nodded as he kissed Sylvia’s cheek. ‘Yes, everything went well. I eventually got the deal I wanted, but it was hard work getting there!’
Pete appeared from the playroom, and ran into his father’s arms.
‘Hello, little man!’ Alan said affectionately.
‘Toy for me, Daddy?’
Alan grinned, producing a package from his briefcase. Despite Pete’s tender years, he already understood all about presents! As the child ripped the gift-wrap from the plastic fire engine his father had brought him, Alan presented Sylvia with a pair of diamond earrings. Thanking him, she slipped them on, but he could see she was bursting to tell him something.
‘What is it, Syl?’
Sylvia looked at him, her eyes shining mischievously. ‘You’re not going to believe what I did this week –’
Alan nodded, encouraging her to go on.
‘I helped Ellie Beckworth to give birth!’
Alan could feel his heart almost coming to a standstill; yet on some level, he was conscious that outwardly he had to appear calm and in control.
As he stood silently, unable to speak, Sylvia assumed he needed reminding about whom she was talking about.
‘She’s that nice woman who lives half a mile away at Treetops, and runs a tutoring business from home – she used to work at the factory?’
Alan nodded slowly, needing to call on all his reserves of control. ‘Oh, yes, I remember now,’ he said at last. ‘She worked in the laboratory, I think.’ He took a deep breath, not sure how the play the situation. ‘She’s had a baby, you say?’
Sylvia laughed. ‘Oh, Alan dear, you’re so unobservant! You must have seen her around – she was very big towards the end! When women carry all to the front, it usually means they’re going to have a girl. Well, now she has a beautiful little daughter – and I helped her deliver it!’
‘So, you’ve taken up a new career as a midwife,’ Alan said lightly. ‘How did that come about?’
Keeping a tight rein on his facial expression, he listened as Sylvia talked, her eyes alight as she explained what had happened. All Alan could think of was how close he and Ellie had come to disaster, but it was obvious that Sylvia hadn’t suspected a thing. Nevertheless, his two separate lives had come too alarmingly close for comfort.
‘Well, since you seem to know so much about these things, do you think we’re having a boy or girl?’ he asked, eyeing Sylvia’s bump and hoping to move the discussion away from Ellie.
Sylvia looked at him coyly. ‘Well, what do you think? I’m getting rather large in the front, aren’t I? So I’m betting on a girl.’
Alan took her in his arms and hugged her, so that she wouldn’t see his expression. He was afraid his excitement might be showing. He had a daughter! He was longing to see Ellie and this new child of his.
‘Well, I’ll be happy with either a boy or a girl,’ he told her, wondering how soon he could slip away to visit his secret wife.