Authors: Linda Kavanagh
‘
Congratulations from Sylvia and Alan Thornton.’
How ironic, Ellie thought, that Sylvia should be the one to send it.
So far, there had been no word from Alan. But after the stress of the previous day, Ellie was content to nurse her daughter alone. She didn’t want visitors as she bonded with her baby. She’d fulfilled her dream of having a child, and she didn’t need anything more. Except Alan, of course. She longed for his arrival, and to see the joy in his eyes when he held his baby daughter in his arms. Now they were a family at last.
She thought once again of John, her late husband, wondering what he’d make of the present situation. He’d always known how much she longed for a child, so perhaps he wouldn’t be too shocked by what she’d done.
As Ellie thought of Sylvia, she was aware – more than ever – of how awkward the situation would be between them now. Since she had played such an intimate and important role in Ellie and Kerry’s life, it would appear churlish to cut her off without even a backward glance. Yet she had no other choice. At least she could rely on Alan to support her in keeping her distance from Sylvia.
But it made Ellie sad. More than ever now, she longed for the friendship of someone with whom she could share the milestones in her child’s life, and chat about the important and the inconsequential things that were part and parcel of motherhood. Much as she loved Alan, Ellie was well aware that his eyes would glaze over if she tried to tell him about the minutiae of her daily life.
But such a friendship with Sylvia could never be. She’d sacrificed that comfort and support for Alan’s love and a child of her own. And it was a price she was more than willing to pay.
‘S
ea Diagnostics is having a reception next week, and we’re invited,’ Laura told her husband enthusiastically. ‘Kerry’s very excited because one of their design teams has won a contract to develop a new type of sub-sea cable. Isn’t that great?’
Laura glanced at Jeff, who stared back at her impassively. He wasn’t showing any enthusiasm for this very important event in her friend’s life.
‘Well, I’m going anyway,’ Laura said, when she got no reply. ‘Everyone at Sea Diagnostics is thrilled, and I want to be there to wish them well.’
‘What are you planning on wearing to the reception?’
Laura smiled, pleased that Jeff was beginning to show some interest.
‘I was thinking of the green dress – you know, the one with the embroidered flower detail around the neck. What do you think?’
Jeff grimaced. ‘Isn’t the skirt a bit short? Why don’t you wear your maxi dress?’
Laura raised her eyebrows. ‘Are you serious? I was going to donate that old thing to a charity shop – it’s terribly drab and conservative. I don’t know why I ever bought it.’
‘Well, I love it,’ Jeff said. ‘You look very ladylike in it.’
Laura raised her eyebrows. She hadn’t heard anyone use the word ‘ladylike’ in years. It had a distinctly sexist feel about it.
‘I have no wish to look “ladylike”, as you call it,’ she replied sharply.
‘Well, since you’re my wife, and going to have my baby, I expect you to dress accordingly,’ Jeff said stubbornly. ‘I don’t want the woman I chose to be regarded as a slut.’
‘Jeff!’ Laura was appalled. ‘Why would anyone think that?’
‘I’m a man, for Christ’s sake! I know how men think! You’re my wife, so I have to protect you.’
Briefly, Laura thought how ironic Jeff’s comment was – right now, the only man she seemed to need protection from was him. Luckily, her cheek had almost healed by now, and all that was left was a small scar.
‘Jeff, I don’t need protection – and certainly not from someone’s thoughts!’
‘Well, there’s no point in giving them the opportunity to think about you in that way,’ he said sullenly. Then he brightened. ‘Tell you what – why don’t I buy you a new dress for the occasion! I’m free this afternoon if you are. Let’s go shopping!’
Laura was pleased to see that Jeff’s mood had changed for the better. Luckily, she had no lecture that afternoon, as she’d swapped with Maria who needed the following morning off. There were only end-of-term papers to correct, and they could wait.
‘Okay,’ she said cheerfully. ‘Let’s hit the town!’
The reception was in full swing when Laura and Jeff arrived.
At first Kerry didn’t recognise her friend in the distance – she didn’t look remotely like the Laura she knew so well. At the earliest opportunity, while Jeff was queuing at the free bar, Kerry sidelined her friend and gave her a long, hard look.
‘Where on earth did you get that brown dress? It’s certainly not your usual style,’ she said, trying to be diplomatic.
‘Don’t you like it?’ Laura said, disappointed. ‘Jeff chose it for me.’
Kerry raised her eyebrows. ‘I didn’t know Jeff was interested in women’s fashion.’
Laura blushed. ‘Well, he wanted me to have something nice for the party tonight.’
‘But you never wear anything like that.’ Kerry took a deep breath. ‘If I’m honest, it’s downright frumpy. You usually wear much more glamorous stuff.’
Laura looked at the floor, her cheeks red. ‘Well, Jeff doesn’t like me to look too sexy – he says that other men will think I’m cheap. He doesn’t want his wife being looked at in that way.’ It was clear that she wasn’t overjoyed about the situation either.
Kerry said nothing. Jeff was clearly a control freak.
As Jeff rejoined the two women, carrying two glasses of wine, Kerry gave him a cursory wave and then hurried off to greet some new arrivals.
‘What did
she
want?’ Jeff muttered, staring sourly after her retreating back as he handed his wife a glass of wine.
Laura sighed. It was unlikely that her husband would ever warm to her best friend.
‘She wanted to make sure that we were enjoying the reception,’ she said evenly.
As they stood among the throng of guests, Laura was trying her best to look happy. But it was proving impossible, because Jeff was now criticising everyone’s clothing, the food being served and the product being launched, although he knew absolutely nothing about sub-sea technology. Laura felt on edge in case anyone overheard the remarks he was making.
Jeff took a sip from his glass and made a face. ‘God, I hate this cheap stuff – I’m going to the bar outside to get us a proper
drink,’ he muttered, dumping his glass of wine on a side table and walking off.
Laura said nothing. Although she’d never admit it to anyone else, she was glad to have a few minutes alone without Jeff’s snide comments about everyone else at the reception. She wished she’d been able to come alone, but Jeff had insisted on accompanying her. It was tiresome having to reassure him all the time that she wasn’t looking for opportunities to be unfaithful. She genuinely loved him, but he seemed to have great difficulty in believing her.
As she stood, deep in thought, Norma, one of Kerry’s colleagues, appeared with a pleasant-looking man in tow.
‘Hello, Laura. I hope you’re enjoying the evening?’
‘Yes, it’s great!’ Laura replied enthusiastically. ‘Thanks for inviting us – we’re having a wonderful time!’ If only that were true, she thought sadly, thinking of Jeff’s permanently miserable frown. ‘And congratulations to you all,’ she added. ‘We’re thrilled about your success!’
‘Thanks,’ Norma replied. ‘But since there are so many industry people here tonight, I thought you might be finding it a bit boring. Paul here is a trauma counsellor, and you’re a lecturer in sociology, so I figured you two would be bound to have something in common.’
‘Hello, Paul.’ Smiling, Laura extended her hand, and Paul smiled back as they shook hands.
‘Well, I’ll leave you two talking,’ Norma said, smiling. ‘I see someone arriving whom I’ve just
got
to talk to.’
Rushing off, she left them smiling at each other.
‘Your job sounds rather intriguing,’ Laura added, more out of politeness than interest.
‘Well, that’s one way of putting it, I suppose!’ Paul said. ‘But dealing with people’s tragedies can be quite draining.’
Laura tried to look interested. But she was edgy, and concernid
about Jeff’s bad mood. Somehow, he always managed to ruin social gatherings. And she was worried that he’d see her chatting with another man. That would be a sufficient cause for the outbreak of World War Three.
‘Is yours a nine to five job?’
Paul shook his head. ‘Unfortunately not. I work with problem families – and a lot of domestic violence takes place after hours, primarily fuelled by alcohol. If someone is injured, I may need to liase with police and the courts.’
Laura suddenly perked up. ‘You deal with families where there’s a history of violence?’
Paul nodded.
Laura quickly glanced around. There was still no sign of Jeff. ‘Paul, could I ask your advice – on behalf of a friend of mine?’ she asked nervously.
Paul nodded. ‘Of course. What do you want to know?’
Laura took a deep breath. ‘This friend is married to a guy who hits her. Her husband says he loves her – and she loves him – but she doesn’t know how she can get him to stop.’
Paul grimaced. ‘I’m afraid she’s the last person who can stop it,’ he replied. ‘A violent man usually comes from a violent family. He doesn’t know how to love any other way – his only experience of love has been from people who’ve been violent to him. Love and violence are inextricably linked in his mind – he can’t separate intimacy from abuse.’
Laura’s hands were now shaking. ‘Is he genuinely capable of loving anyone?’
Paul nodded. ‘Oh, yes – even men who dominate their wives and girlfriends are very emotionally dependent on them. They hit them because they’ve been taught that controlling the people they love is the best way to ensure that they themselves won’t get hurt.’
Laura hesitated. ‘Can they change?’
Shaking his head, Paul gave her a cynical smile. ‘Empty promises tend to be the stock-in-trade of violent men. They swear they’ll change, but it rarely happens because they must actually
want
to change. And mostly they don’t.’ He looked directly at her. ‘Anyway, treatment usually requires years of therapy – too long for your friend to risk sticking around. Violence begets violence, so the next generation become victims too.’
Laura shuddered. It all seemed so bleak.
‘Does your friend have any children?’
Laura shook her head, guiltily touching her belly at the same time.
‘Good. Now’s the time for her to break the link.’
Laura shivered. ‘It seems awful to condemn someone like that … Even murderers can experience remorse, so why do you say these people can’t?’
Paul gave a sad smile. ‘People who are abusive have a remarkable sense of entitlement – they need to be gratified straight away, so they yell, scream, hit, slap and punch, and blame other people for the way they are. They carry a lot of pain inside, but it never excuses what they do to their victims.’
Laura bit her lip. Based on Paul’s description, Jeff had all the characteristics of a classic case.
Paul looked directly at her, and Laura suspected that he was well aware that she was the one dealing with a violent partner. His eyes seemed to be boring into the small scar that was still visible on her face. ‘I presume your friend’s husband hasn’t shown any inclination to change?’
‘Well, er, sometimes he apologises after he hits m – her …’
Paul smiled sympathetically. ‘Tell your friend to get out.’
‘But I – she – loves him!’
‘And he may love her too. But that’s not a good enough reason for her to risk her life. These situations invariably get
worse over time.’
In the distance, Laura could see Jeff making his way back through the throng of guests. ‘Paul, it’s been nice talking to you. But if you’ll excuse me –’
‘Of course.’ He patted her arm just before he left. ‘I wish your friend good luck – and I hope she makes the right decision.’
As Paul moved away to join another group, Laura was left reeling as she walked in Jeff’s direction. Risk her life? Surely that suggestion was a bit over the top? She shivered. On the other hand, hadn’t Jeff also said that he’d ‘kill her too’?
Just then, Jeff arrived at her side with their drinks.
‘Who was that?’ he asked, studying Paul’s retreating back.
‘Oh, just someone Norma introduced me to.’
‘But I saw him touching your arm before he left. Why was he doing that?’
Laura shifted uncomfortably. ‘I don’t know – maybe he was just one of those touchy-feely guys.’
‘What were you talking about?’
‘I don’t really remember – the weather, I think?’
‘Well, it looked a lot more intimate than that!’ said Jeff angrily. ‘Anyway, I don’t know why you needed to talk to him – you’re supposed to be talking to me!’
‘Jeff, stop being ridiculous!’ Laura hissed. ‘You weren’t here!’
‘I was getting you a glass of decent wine, in case you hadn’t noticed!’ he retorted.
‘Well, you can hardly expect me to ignore someone I’ve been introduced to! That would be intolerably rude. People go to parties and receptions to chat to other guests as well, you know. Otherwise we might as well have stayed at home.’
Jeff was sullen, and Laura felt a wave of sorrow for him. He
was so terribly insecure. Maybe, when he felt more confident about her love, he’d stop this silly behaviour. She particularly remembered Paul’s comment that there was a lot of pain in people like Jeff, and she longed to be the one who would help him to leave his troublesome past behind. Perhaps when he became a father, he’d feel more confident.
But Paul’s other words were still ringing in her ears. Surely it couldn’t be true that people like Jeff were unable to change – weren’t there exceptions to every rule?
Smiling, she tucked her arm into her husband’s. ‘Jeff, you’re the only one I want to be with.’
‘Then let’s go home. This place is boring.’
Laura bit her lip. She didn’t really want to go, but the evening had lost its magic by now anyway. And somehow she didn’t even feel like herself in the awful dress that Jeff had insisted on buying.