Authors: Christin Lovell
“Will someone please turn her off?” I frowned.
Drexel and Sanders came out of the room, probably to see what the ruckus was all about.
“I’m fine, Aunt Claire. You can ask Drex.” I began sliding the coffee table away, but she stood in front of it to block my move. When she turned to face Drex and Sanders, I rose up on the sofa and climbed over the arm.
Running
past Auggy
, I
maneuvered behind Kai before poking my head around his side to watch her. She really was hell in heels, even though I knew she meant well.
“Lexi, I’m just trying to help. With Kellan being gone, I can only imagine what these men have you doing.” She eyed Drex then Kai
,
suspiciously.
Kai bristled in front of me, clearly taking offense to her insinuation. I couldn’t blame him. He’d been the
total
opposite of everything she was
accusing
him
of
. He’d been amazing.
“Oh leave the boys alone, Claire. Lexi has a mouth of her own
:
boy does she
.”
Auggy looked at me pointedly before continuing. “If this is too much for her, I’m sure she’ll let us know.”
“Yes, well, I also know that she’s refused to ask for help in the past.” She focused
her attention
on me. "I hope you understand it’s not just you anymore, honey. You have to think about the well
-
being of that baby too. Stress isn’t good
…
for
either of you.”
Aunt Claire’s expression softened a tad
.
I sighed, stepping out from behind Kai. “I know that, Aunt Claire. I know you mean well too, but I think I can judge for myself what is and isn’t too much. I’ll admit
it
, my business
is
overwhelming. I do need help with it, but I haven’t found anyone yet.”
She studied me for a minute. “I’ll make you a deal. If you hire someone to help you with the bakery, then I’ll back off. I won’t stop worrying, but I’ll stop pestering you.”
“Deal.”
She stretched her arms out expectantly. I went to her, falling into her embrace. “I’m sorry, sweetie. I just hate to see you run yourself ragged. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stopped by and you’ve been sleeping.”
I jerked back, frowning. “When did this happen?”
“Oh no you don’t. You’re not going to work yourself up over something that you can’t change.” Her tone
suggested
there would be no arguing.
“I’m not upset that I missed you, I’m upset that Kellan never told me.” I looked at Drexel. He
looked away.
Unease slithered through my stomach. My chest tightened as I tried to figure out one possible reason to justify him not telling me. When I came up empty, my soul lost a bit of its flare.
How could he? Why would he?
The room was silent
;
no one
would look me in the eye,
as if they all knew something I didn’t. “Spill it,” I demanded, crossing my arms over my chest and taking a step away from Aunt Claire.
At their continued silence,
I was incensed.
I had to force my lungs to expand
and
my mind not to wonder, yet, even
concentrated effort
didn’t work this time. My lungs struggled to work as my mind traveled, many hurtful scenarios passing through it.
Rage shot through me, heating my flesh. I felt my features
pull
as the baby moved, its heartbeat picking up. They were keeping the truth from me. They knew; they had to know based off their reactions. I saw the telltale blue out of the corner of my eye and hot tears
began to sting
my eyes.
Auggy cleared his throat. “I, uh, don’t know for sure what the nature of their relationship was or is, but Kellan has been corresponding with a secret informant. That’s where he went. He went to meet whoever
it
is.”
“Augustine!” His name was a rushed whisper, a hushed scold,
rolling off
Aunt Claire’s lips. “I wouldn’t worry, honey. Kellan loves you; you know that. This is work related. Nothing more.”
“Both of the people he works with
,
and for
,
are here,” I bluntly stated.
My heart raced. For the first time ever, it felt like my spirit was c
aged.
I wanted so badly to escape my body, to leave this reality, yet I was stuck
…
I was stuck facing the possibilities while my
supposed
friends and family made excuses
and
tried to bat away my sensibility.
The blue must have faded, despite my emotions
being revved
up, because I felt firm arms wrap around me. Through my
bleary consciousness,
I smelled him. Kai pulled me into his chest, rubbing gentle circles on my back.
“I think you all should leave,” Kai said, not bothering to look at them.
I slid my arms around his waist,
nestling
my face into his chest. I was thankful he was there, grateful for the refuge he provided. He was the barrier, my protector from the world right now.
I felt
Aunt Claire’s
hand
rest
upon my shoulder. “I’m sorry, honey. I’ll call you later.” Her voice
laced with
regret.
Sobs erupted from me. My chest
ached
as I thought of who or what Kellan was doing. I was over here getting fat and he was
Gods knows
where doing
God knows
what. I was losing him, or may
be
I’d
already lost him.
A dark abyss opened at my core, sucking the life out of me. Tumultuous emotions fogged my mind, drain
ing
my body as tears streaked down my face onto Kai’s white
T-
shirt.
He hugged me tight, never rushing me, never interrupting me. He let me cry it out; he let me know he was there, but didn’t try to change my mind or justify any
thing.
How had this happened? Slowly, Kai was becoming the man I needed and Kellan was slipping away, no longer even being the man I wanted. If Kellan didn’t want me, then I didn’t want him. If he couldn’t love me in spite of my baby weight, then I didn’t need him.
A new wave of despair washed through me. The earth
felt like it
cracked at its center, my
whole
world shattered a
t the
thought of walking away.
Damn it! Why was it so hard? Why did I have to love him so much? Why did this have to hurt so bad?
***
Kai
Leka trembled in my arms, her entire body shaking from the
force
of her sobs. My heart broke, my soul ripped
to shreds
at her anguish.
I wanted to rip Kellan’s fucking head off! I told him not to hurt her, yet here he was destroying her. She didn’t deserve this. I didn’t care what his reason was for going away, if she was his equal, as he claimed, then she deserved the truth, even if it hurt.
I could only imagine what she was going through.
It seemed like
everything was crumbling around her. Everything she’d loved was being
taken
from her; questions, the unknown, being dangled in its place.
I lost track of time. I didn’t know how long I’d been standing there holding her before she began to
calm down.
Too long. My mind had traveled in the circles; my emotions swam the same
repetitive
lap as I comforted her. I was pissed off at him, I was disappointed in the people she trusted, and I was sad for her. It was hard to love someone who didn’t love you back.
That was the thing though. As much as I wanted to
hurt
Kellan, I couldn’t, because that would certainly
damage
her too. She loved him. It was obvious with every tender look she gave him. In every touch she
shared with
him was a delicate passion,
and
in every thought she had
of
him
was a lingering bliss
. He was a jerk, but she loved him anyways. He didn’t deserve her, but she wanted him in spite of what she could get, what she could have.
I thought back over my conversation with Will. After tonight, I
will be
looking forward to fate.
***
Lexi
A numbing pain spread through me as my tears dried. I wiggled out of Kai’s strong arms
, staring forward,
at his shirt. Pink watermarks marred his once white shirt.
“Sorry. If you take it off, I’ll wash it.” My voice cracked. Damn it.
He
lifted
his shirt off over his head and tossed it aside. He wiped away my stray tears with the backs of his fingers.
Slowly, I lifted my
eyes, marveling
up the solid plains of his muscled body to his heavy gaze. There was so much to face in the depths of his brown eyes.
I stared into him, falling deeper and deeper into
his
warmth as each second passed. Our souls didn’t collide the way mine and Kellan’s did, but it didn’t stop me from loving him. It didn’t stop him from loving me with
unyielding devotion.
I placed my hand on his chest. He was
like
smooth stone beneath my palms.
He remained still, his chest rising and falling
under
my touch. His eyes
seemed to look straight through
me
,
as awareness
alerted
every cell in my body. He didn’t bother to hide his desire. His pupils dilated as his breathing picked up, as his muscles flexed with anticipation.
My stomach twisted, my pulse
raced
as I lowered my
attention
to his lips, full and soft; tempting. Before I realized what I was doing, I leaned in closer to him. I moved my other hand to grab his side.
His arms remained at his sides. He watched me like a hawk, so keen
and observant
.
I shifted to stand on my tiptoes, bracing myself on him as I stretched up towards him. He bent his head slightly to meet me. I gently
brushed
my lips across his. Warm pleasure
filled
me, gathering in my womb.
His breath hitched, yet he didn’t move. He let me make the moves, allowed me to decide what I wanted.
In this moment, while my soul wanted Kellan, while my heart was torn, my head clearly shouted for Kai, propelling me to kiss him.
I pressed my lips against his, more confident this time. He met the demands of my mouth, never hesitating to return the caress of my lips.
I
ran my tongue along his lips before
tasting him. His flavor exploded on my tongue as his arms slowly
wrapped
me against him. He lifted me into his arms, making it easier for me to reach him.
I moved my hands up
and
ran my fingers through his
hair,
resting my forearms on his shoulders.
My pulse began to race as he surrounded me.
I inhaled him: tasting
him,
feeling
him
…taking in his scent.
I
felt
his every desperate gasp for air between touching my lips
to
his. Every brush of his bare upper body against my flesh sent chills through me
; awakening an
excitement
-
a desire for more
- that sparred
through me. Sparring because I knew I
shouldn’t
want this. I’d fought my feelings for Kai for so long, yet I couldn’t
challenge them
anymore.
It wasn’t because I didn’t love Kellan
;
it wasn’t because I didn’t want my relationship with Kellan; it was
simply
because Kai treated me better. It was because Kai made me feel valued while Kellan dismissed me. It came down to feeling, not conscience. It was
rooting in
despair, not faith.
Our kiss intensified as passion began to surge
between us
. This was the turning point. This was the critical decision everyone had to
consciously
make. My body was alive, my nerves sizzling with sensation. I wrapped my legs around his middle, feeling the hard length of him beneath me.
Could I really stop
now
?