Authors: Christin Lovell
“
Everything happens for a reason.
” Kellan hugged me to his side.
Chapter 30
Will met us in the lobby at the condo.
“How are you, lovey?” He observed me closely.
I gave him a tight
-lipped
smile, shrugging my shoulders.
He gazed at the ground for a moment, collecting his thoughts. He lifted his focus to Kalel before trailing back to me. “He chose this. He spoke with me about it. This was his decision, a decision that he had
every
right to
make
.”
I bit my lower lip hard as it
quivered.
I was so close to breaking down
;
so close to losing
the
armor
I’d carefully built
between me and the loss of someone I loved
so immensely.
“You knew?” My voice squeaked.
He frowned, shaking his head
with an affirmative
‘yes.’ “It was his decision. He decided he loved you enough
…”
“I can’t deal with this,” I clipped, running for the elevator.
The guys moved quickly behind me, easily catching up. I breathed hard and quick, trying to keep it all at bay. I was failing
miserably
though. Tears
stung
my eyes, threatening to fall
again
.
Kellan slipped his hand in mine giving it a light squeeze, assuring me that he was still there.
As we got closer to the apartment, I heard music. It momentarily distracted me from my
dreariness
. Drex moved in to unlock the door. As he opened the door, the music
resounded loudly, flooding me, full force.
I promise you, I’m always there
When your heart is filled with sadness and despair
I’ll carry you when you need a friend
You’ll find my footprints in the sand
I heard the song, the lyrics floated over me, piercing my heart. I took a step into my condo and doubled over at the sight before me. Tears
swiftly
chased each other down my cheeks. Kellan pulled me into his protective arms, allowing me to crumble in the security of his clutch.
I sobbed. It was too much. The pain was a hollow, ache that refused to move from my chest. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, like tomorrow would always be tainted without him. I always thought it was Kellan that I would feel this way with, but now I knew the pain would be
even
worse
if it had been
him. I hadn’t captured it right before. I loved Kai; I loved him more than I ever admitted to myself. I could picture him so easily; every time I closed my eyes his beauty
and presence
haunted my mind,
and
a fresh set of tears
fell
, a novel pain rocked my core.
Kellan was silent. No one said anything. Kalel leaned in and kissed my head, running his fingers through my hair. I reached out and pulled him into me, slipping from Kellan’s grip. Kalel hugged me fiercely to him.
“I’m so sorry, Kalel. I’m…I’m so…so…sorry,” I cried.
“I know, sweetie. It was his choice though.” He cupped my head to his chest.
And then the song started over. He had Leona Lewis’ song ‘Footprints in the Sand’ on repeat. Kalel stood holding me for the longest time. His pain was palpable, yet he remained strong and brave.
I took several deep breaths trying to control my emotions; trying to wrap my mind around
everything that was happening…trying to comprehend this
reality. He was really gone. I would never see his smile; I would never
breathe
him
in
again. He wouldn’t be there, pushing me into adventure or protecting me from danger. He wouldn’t be there to
meet
my baby.
I turned away from Kalel’s embrace and faced the beaut
iful scene
before me. Open vases and jars of sand from the beach sat on every solid surface with a white orchid in the center of them. White candles were lit, casting a warm glow over the entire space.
I bit my bottom lip to stop my jaw from shaking, but ended up breaking the skin,
droplets of
blood dribbling into my mouth before the wound healed
itself
. Sitting in the middle of the island was a silver-framed photo of Kai and me from the night we’d spent with Mel. He hugged me securely, both of us smiling towards the camera; he had a hand pressed lovingly to my baby belly. His eyes sparkled with happiness. I hadn’t noticed his glow the night it was taken.
Kellan came
up
behind me; he grabbed my hand and led me deeper into the house. With each step more tears rolled, new waves of sorrow crashed over me. For the first time as a vamp, my vision blurred, obstructing my view. A sob escaped me as I looked at the note on the nursery door.
Congratulations Lexi and Kellan.
It’s a boy, a boy I know you’ll both love and treasure.
All my love,
Kai
I felt Kellan tremble beside me. Kai gave up his life so we could both love our baby; a
baby
boy. Breathing was difficult as my emotions choked me; salty tears tumbled from my eyes
uncontrollably
.
I glanced at Kellan. Tears rimmed his eyes; his teeth were clenched, his lips smashed together. His chest vibrated as he stared at the piece of paper taped to the nursery door. Kellan wasn’t openly emotional, yet I knew we were both humbled by Kai’s deed.
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. ~John 15:13
With a shaky hand, I turned the door
knob.
My hands
immediately
flew to cover my mouth as I caught my first glimpse of the completed nursery.
Ocean blue paint covered the walls. A dark wood crib sat against the wall opposite the door. One of the paintings
of Hawaii,
from Kai’s bedroom
,
hung above the crib, spanning nearly
its
entire width
.
It was substantial and anchored the space. A beautiful, pure white crib bedding set contrasted gorgeously against the dark wood and the walls. I walked over and ran my hands along the soft fabric. A plush tan teddy bear sat in the corner of the crib. I picked it up and hugged it to me, smoothing my hands over its fur.
A white mobile hung on
the end of the crib
,
with white stars and a moon dangling. I pressed a button and the lights reflected the moon and stars onto the ceiling as the ones hanging from silky ribbon flowed in a lazy circle; a lullaby filled the room, meshing with Leona’s ballad in the background. I ran my hand over my stomach. I gasped
,
feeling the baby move.
“What’s wrong?” Kellan was in front of me in an instant.
I smiled wide, fresh tears flowing
yet again
. An emotional giggle escaped me. “Nothing. He’s just moving.”
I grabbed Kellan’s hand and placed it over my stomach where I’d felt the flutter of our baby boy. Kellan’s eyes lit up in amazement as the little one kicked his legs near my belly button. As if my insides were rumbling, an incredible butterfly with strength in its moves fluttered about, delivering jagged touches to my womb. My heart swelled a
s
the baby tumbled inside my belly; he danced about as if he was happy, as if he knew that both of his parents were there
,
and would always be there
,
to love him
…
thanks to Kai.
Keeping one hand on my stomach, Kellan used his other to wipe away the tears. He kissed my lips. His tenderness
touched
my soul; causing a new
pulse
of emotion to tighten
in
my chest.
“I love you, Lexi.” His voice was a whisper over my lips.
I
became lost in
his emerald eyes; the realization that I’d almost lost him today hit me like a ton of bricks. I choked back my serum
and
labored through my breathing
,
as
the
tears
continued to
stream
down
, replacing
the ones he’d just wiped away. “I love you
,
too.” A whimper escaped me. “Oh God, Kellan. He’s gone and you’re here.”
Kellan yanked me into him; I clung onto him as if my life depended on it. I felt Kalel move in behind me. He rubbed circles on my back. I heaved, feeling like a sensitive wreck; a useless, harrowed victim rather than a woman whose soul mate had just been spared. I hadn’t realized until now just how much Kai meant to me. Life wasn’t going to be the same without him; tomorrow wasn’t going to be the same without him
– it would never be the same without him
.
I slid from the comfort
both men were offering
. I laid the bear back in the crib where Kai had left it and moved to the wall adjacent to the crib. I
stared in awe
at the window. Beautiful green curtains hung
down each
side, framing the window. A low, white bookcase was stationed in front of it. Several children
’
s books sat on a few shelves along with a few toys. A dark wood and tan microfiber, gliding rocker with an ottoman was beside it; a yellow pillow with green palm trees and turtles added a pop of color to the nursery
.
I
rested a
palm
on
my belly, already envisioning late night feedings and then rocking the baby back to sleep in the chair.
Turning to the right
,
I gazed at the wall with the door on the right side of it. A tall, dark wood, five-drawer dresser was on the left. A silver lamp with a blue, green, yellow and white striped shade was set
on top of
the dresser. Beside the lamp was another vase with sand. Unlike the others though, this one had different types of shells on the surface of the sand.
Beside the dresser was a changing table stocked with diapers, wipes and other baby essentials. My heart skipped a beat at the TV mounted to the wall
;
just as Kai’s
did
in his bedroom, it played a live feed of the sunset in Hawaii over the beach. The ocean’s waves crashing against the shore
created
a soft lullaby
throughout
the room. He’d
thought of everything
and
even
had small plush crabs and turtles secured to white ribbon and hanging along the bottom of the television so when the baby was lying there, he would have something to focus on.
Feeling my emotions flaring up again, I turned away. I sighed as I looked at the wall to the left of the crib, the white closet door standing out against the blue. The baby’s swing, the swing Kai had helped me pick out the day I told him
the news
, was angled diagonally in front of the wall, facing towards the TV. On the wall behind it, scripted in crisp white letters was, ‘
Rock-a-bye my sweet baby.
’
I looked at Kalel and Kellan, both watching me apprehensively. I smiled, even as my eyes watered again. “He thought of everything.” I bit my lip to hold the tears
back.
I swallowed hard. “He’s given our baby everything.”
Kalel pursed his lips, a sadness in his eyes. “You brought out the best in him, Leka. This room is proof of that.” He averted his eyes,
looking
around the room. I knew he was thinking about him.
Kellan clapped Kalel’s shoulder, standing silently beside him. I could tell he didn’t know quite what to say. I saw the emotions glazing his eyes as he studied me. He
flashed
me a
meek
smile.
Why did this moment have to be so bittersweet?
Drexel approached the door. “Are you okay, sweetie?” His hands were
crammed
in his pockets as he watched me closely from
where he stood.
Not trusting my voice, I nodded my head ‘yes.’
His gaze took in the room before coming back to me. “He did a great job; this is the room he left you
, with
a piece of himself in
every corner
.”
“Yeah,” I choked. “He did.” I tried to smile
, but ending up huffing.
“Why can’t I stop crying? Ugh!”
I felt Drexel
envelope
me. “You’re pregnant
,
and you’ve just lost someone you loved. It’s to be expected.”
“I feel like a blubbering mess.”