Authors: Christin Lovell
“At least you’re a cute, blubbering mess,” he chuckled lightly, kissing my forehead.
“I doubt that, but thanks.” The tears receded again, giving me time to recuperate before the next bout.
My tummy growled right as the baby kicked me again.
“Why don’t we get you something to eat?” Drexel pulled back to ga
u
ge my reaction to his suggestion.
“What do you want, babe?” Kellan asked, skimming his hand along my upper arm.
“I don’t mind going to grab something for you, if you want,” Kalel offered. I studied him. There was something in the depths of his eyes that told me he needed a reprieve.
“Um, maybe a burger with blood sauce instead of ketchup…” I puckered my lips, trying to push through my mental fog to determine what sounded best. “And fries.”
“I’ll go get it. Do you want it from any place in particular?” Kalel asked, giving me an amused grin.
“No,
but
thanks. Just make sure it’s good.”
He laughed. “Considering I’ve never eaten a burger, let’s hope my instincts steer me in the right direction.”
“I trust you.”
He walked through the condo towards the door. I popped up, wanting to add to the list. I flew to him. “And a milkshake, please?” I smiled up at him.
“What flavor?”
“Vanilla.” My stomach rumbled at the visualization
in my mind
alone.
“You got it, sweetie. Call me if you think of anything else.”
“Thanks.”
He
took off,
leaving me staring at the door. I took a deep breath before I turned to face the condo again. Kellan and Drexel were waiting, as if they knew I’d get emotional all over again as I caught sight of the vases, the sand, the flowers and the candles. Just at the thought, emotion wracked my body as it had the first time I came into my home since his death. Kellan caught me as I collapsed, the
new bout of tears drowning me.
Chapter 31
My Dear Leka,
Saying good-bye to you is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. You’re the best part of my life; I gave you the best part of me. You touched me in a way no one else
ever
has; you shattered my defenses and made me take a hard look at myself and my life. I can never thank you enough for that. You’re the reason I’m the man I’ve become and the man I will die as today.
I feel like I should say more, yet words escape me. I can only keep thinking of how much I love you. It doesn’t matter that I was never able to consummate our love; it only matters that I felt you
r
soul
on a
deep
er level
. You’re embedded in me; you gave me new life, Leka. And I know you’ll continue to breathe new life into others as well.
I’m so proud of you for the strong woman, the amazing vampeen you are. You take a stand when others won’t. You’re fighting to create the change you want to see, and not a day goes by that I’m not in awe of that; not a day goes by that I’m not in awe of you.
I’m a part of that change, Leka. I’m proof of the changes you’ve made, and my death will hopefully signify the changes yet to come. Don’t drown yourself in sorrow, my love. Raise yourself up in hope. You still have fight in you. Together, you and Kellan can do this. I have faith in you. I’m staking my life on you and him.
You have more than me to live for. You’re carrying the greatest blessing
:
life itself. Take care of yourself
;
and take
care of your precious baby boy
; and take
care of Kellan. Treasure the ones you love, Leka, for I’ve always treasured you
and
your love.
Today,
tomorrow and always
, I love you, Leka
. Regardless of where I am, you will always be a part of me.
Good-bye.
Kai
My tears stained the worn paper. I’d handled it so much in the course of an hour that it appeared
much
older. The same hollowness consumed me each time I read it; the same hollowness haunt
ing
me now.
Going into battle, you think you’re prepared for the worst, yet it’s never truly defined. I knew I loved Kai, but I adamantly knew I loved Kellan more. I can’t help but wonder if this was merely a glimpse at the worst life could do; the ugliness of my enemies. It’s no longer just my heart at risk; it’s my baby’s heart, it’s my baby’s life. I lost my father and
my
mother in the past year; I never want my child to feel lost like I was at times. Parents are pivotal people in your life. They’re the essence of your
being;
you’re the blending of their souls swaddled. To lose them, to lose any part of them, is to lose a part of yourself you never knew you needed.
I was bleary eyed.
Kellan took the letter out of my shaking hands and set it on the coffee table. He sat down beside me on the sofa and gathered me into his arms as he’d done every time I broke down. It’d been three days since Kai’s death, yet the pain was still fresh. Every time I thought of him, it was like another knife was plunged into my chest.
***
Kellan
“Take that to the room. I’ve got her,” Drexel said, jutting his chin towards the master bedroom.
I swallowed hard. It had been pure agony watching Lexi suffer. She was a corpse of the fiery woman I loved. I didn’t realize how deep her love for Kai ran until he ceased to exist, until he took such a big part of her with him. She ate sparingly, spending most of her time crying and listening to that same damn song.
I was shocked when I found her baking at two in the morning the other day. Tears were streaming down her face, silen
t
sobs wracking her chest. I found it ironic that she was creating desserts that made vamps smile while she crumbled in despair. She refused to allow her business to suffer, she said.
I studied her profile. She sat
,
dejected
,
in my lap. Despite her sadness, she never looked more beautiful. Her messy hair was enchanting; her disheveled
and stained clothing
were endearing, much like the woman herself.
Her bottom lip quivered and her chin bounced up and down,
as a new wave of hurt swept her away.
“Why?” she cried, her frail body
trembling.
“Why, God, why? Why him? Why
…”
Sobs stopped her from being able to form the words she wanted to scream from the rooftops; the single question she’d painstakingly considered over and over
during
the last few days:
Why?
I rubbed her belly and kissed her head, my other arm draped around her shoulders. The baby’s heartbeat sped up a few beats every time Lexi cried; he sensed her anguish. I only hoped her grief didn’t harm him somehow, not that she would knowingly let that happen.
Drexel shooed me away. I stood and he slid into my seat behind me, immediately pulling Lexi into his chest. I watched them for a few moments feeling utterly and completely helpless. I hated this feeling. I hated not having the ability to make her smile; I hated not being able to lift her spirits. Mel called me nearly every hour; Gabi called every other. Kalel had stopped by several times along with others. I could tell she was trying to snap out of it, but then she would see something, hear something, think of something and the sorrow would drown her
all over
again.
I sighed, picking up the envelope off the coffee table and heading for the master bedroom. I gazed down at my name scribbled in Kai’s writing. I owed the vamp a lot.
I took a deep breath before
tearing
open the envelope along the flap. I took out the single sheet of paper
and
stared at it for a long minute before I open
ing
it.
Kellan,
We haven’t always seen eye to eye, but we can both agree that we love her. She’s the reason I’m doing this. I would do anything to make her happy, and to keep her happy. Seeing her son without his father would bring tears, not a smile, to her beautiful face.
Make it worth it. Love her well. Love her the way I always wished I could.
Don’t allow my death to be in vain.
Good luck, my friend.
Kai
My chest tightened; my body stiffened as the significance of his sacrifice hit me. Tears stung my eyes as I thought of my baby boy without a father; as I thought of Lexi as a single mother. That’s not the future I wanted for them. That’s not the future they’ll have.
***
Gabi
I stood
up
, unable to remain still. It was so hard to be here in the lake house without him. A shiver ran down my spine. He was gone. He’s really gone.
How could he sacrifice himself like that? How could he selflessly give himself away? That was not the man I knew, the vamp I first loved. She really had changed him. Loving Lexi was what changed Kai, not me, not Kalel; no one but her.
I loved him enough not to be selfish
and
hate her for it. I wished I could have had that influence on his life,
on
his actions.
I closed my eyes, digging deep for the first time in ages. I allowed all of my suppressed memories to surface.
“Hello, pretty lady.” His tone was charming, catching me off guard. No man took the time to charm me. I was a royal obligation; nothing more.
Not hearing a polite
constraint
in his voice, my body warmed. I heard the hitch in my breath as I gazed up at him. The sun radiated over his half-naked body. He was a golden god with long
,
dark brown hair spilling over his shoulders. No hair cluttered the view of his caramel hue, of his beautifully sculpted body of muscle; it was the same rich caramel that dripped from his voice and sparkled in his eyes.
“Hi,” I breathlessly replied, gaping up at him
,
like a fool I was sure.
Then he smiled and warmth singed
its way
down to my toes. I
never
realized the sun couldn’t heat me as well as a man
could
.
He
took
my hand in his, dwarfing me
with
his size. He lifted the back of my hand to his full lips, pressing them gently against my skin.
Electricity shot through me, awakening every sleeping part of me, every nerve, every pore
,
as desire pooled low in my stomach. Never had anyone affected me this way. Never had a man wiggled past my defenses so swiftly and easily.
“Care to go for a walk with me, pretty lady?” He still held my hand securely in his. His eyes were dancing with delight as they raked over me.
I stumbled up, still
staring up
at him. I couldn’t believe such a man would want me over
anyone he could have.
He chose me, over
my self-absorbe
d
sister, Veronica, with her gorgeous olive skin and bright blue eyes. Her breasts defied gravity, even without her corset.
He chose me over
Vianca, my mother’s thin, yet voluptuous maid that had the lips of a seductress and the feistiness of a bull. She pampered my mother in a lounger afar.
He chose me over
Audrey, our French maid who defied us all with her blonde hair, green
-
eyed beauty. She was incessantly fanning my sister, who grumbled about the heat and the lack of appropriate housing.
How could he choose me over
all of
them? Perhaps they didn’t all have wealth or knowledge, but they had what attracted a man on the surface.
Choosing to embrace the moment rather than destroy it with vulgar meandering, I took a step closer to him. He laced his finger
s
through mine, dropping our joined hands
to rest
between us.
“
Voy a dar un paseo, Madre
,” I mindlessly called over my shoulder.
“What is a stunning woman like yourself doing here?”
The waves crashed against the beach behind us as he guided me f
arther
down the coast. The sun shone brightly in the sky, illuminating nature’s beauty all around us.
I glanced down at my ensemble. I’d wanted to shed several more layers,
to
be closer to the sun the way this golden god was, but Mother wouldn’t allow it. Rather, I was in a thin dress that puffed up and around my arms and shoulders. My skirt fell in layers down to my ankles. I was forced to hold up the offending
garb
with my other hand as he walked with me along the sand. My only ounce of freedom in my attire was my bare feet, burying into the sand with every step.
I
looked up at him and smiled.
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
He met my gaze, accepting the challenge silently. “Try me, my dear.”
“My father challenged our ship’s captain across the Atlantic, steering us southwest rather than northwest. We crossed through a narrow canal in the center of a city before reaching another expanse of ocean. Our map did not extend this far, so we were lost.
“Rather than turn around, my father, ever the pigheaded and stubborn King that he is, said we would reach land eventually; that Christopher Columbus had assured us the world was round. Sixty
-
two days after we left my country’s harbor, we arrived here.
“My father determined it was inhabitable, despite your rather savage looking residents, and thus
,
we docked,” I explained. Why was I rambling? He wouldn’t care about my father’s narrow-mindedness.
“I must thank your father.” He feasted upon me with his eyes.
I found I couldn’t stand still beneath his scrutiny. I averted my gaze and traveled on.
“I must correct one item that you mentioned,” he stated, tugging gently on my hand to stop me.
I swallowed hard, turning to face him.
He met my gaze. “We are not a savage kind. We are survivors. We live off the island
;
surviv
ing
off all the island has to offer
,
including the fair lady in my arms.” His eyes twinkled with mischief.
He lowered his head beside my ear, his breath tickling my skin.
My heart leapt about in my chest, punching my lungs and making it impossible to breathe. For once, my barriers came tumbling down, every last one of them. I didn’t care who saw us.
“Do you think me savage, pretty lady?” He kissed the pulse point in my neck, sending tingles of
delightful
awareness through
out
my virginal body. He pulled away with a knowing smile on his face.
How had he done it? How had he stolen my voice? This was not me. I was Gabriella, future queen of the Spaniards. I did not fumble or bumble around the opposite sex. I was a strong, confident woman with ambitions that surpassed most of my male subjects.
Kai spent every day with me over the next few weeks, as my father composed a trade agreement with the locals. He fed me endless amounts of the food his people survived off of, further plumping my already robust figure. He made me laugh; he made me smile. He made me a different woman; he taught me how to let go and enjoy life. He taught me that obligation didn’t mean monotony.
Alas, I was merely a toy to him. Whilst I was a toy, he was my life. It didn’t take long for him to own my heart, only to
end up
shatter
ing
it.
In this moment,
I realized that I loved him the way he loved her. I would have done anything for him. I rejected tradition to be with him. I accepted a commoner, a vampire, over the royalty I was promised to.
I gave up everything for him, the way he gave up everything for her.
“Damn you, Kai.” The harsh curse fell from my lips as several tears slipped down my face.
Jack entered the room from the kitchen, his eyes full of sorrow. It was a pitiful glance; it was a
distressed
pull, like somehow he knew what I was suffering.
I swiped at my cheeks, giving him a
s much of a smile as I was able.
“Oh, my love. You do not have to hide from me.” In a flash, he was beside me, tugging me into his arms.
“I loved him.” I cried openly.
He slid a finger beneath my chin, lifting my face towards him. His dark eyes shone with compassion. “You know he loved you in his own way. Perhaps not the way you wanted, but he cared.”
“I know.” I nodded. “And I hate him for never telling me,” I bit out, trying to choke back a sob.
My chest
felt tight,
making it hard to breathe as emotions swarmed within me. This was not the future we had envisioned. Kai, Kalel and I used to joke that we’d live to see the Earth explode. But now, I stood here a partially broken woman because my business partner, my ex-fiancé and one of my best friends was gone. My world was turned upside down. I couldn’t help but feel slightly lost.
As much as I loved Rafi, it was nothing compared to Kai.
“Ah, but your love for him is nothing compared to your love for me,
Mon Cherie
.” Jack feathered kisses across my cheeks.
I cut my eyes at him, sobering a bit. “How do you know?”
“Because you’re still standing. I have seen the torture my death would cause you. It rivals the pain Lexi is experiencing; it
even
rivals her rage.”
Lexi. Damn. She fought her love for Kai so much, and I knew
,
to an extent it was because of me. My assurance had never really
settled with
her. She knew my feelings for Kai had lingered.
I recalled her cry in the field. The sheer emotion of it split
ting
me in two; it shook the entire world with its harrowing pain.
No. I loved Kai, but not like Lexi. Her heart was larger than mine. Her heart had the capacity to love two men passionately
, at the same time
. Mine never did. Perhaps that’s why Rafi didn’t receive the recognition he needed from me after his death. Perhaps that was why I was still standing. I was mourning the loss of Kai, my best friend, not Kai, my lover.
I gazed up at Jack
, his
coffee
-
colored eyes
searching
mine. I cupped his cheeks, reveling in the color of my skin next to his. Like vanilla next to chocolate in the ice cream container, there was a deep contrast, but there was something rich and right about the flavors being married.
I brushed my lips against his. My body immediately responded to his sensual touch. It was similar to the way Kai awakened me every morning, yet there was more substance to my relationship with Jack. He wasn’t Kai. His feelings for me didn’t sit on the surface. He opened his mind to me and allowed me to experience the depth of his love, a love that reached our souls and
intertwined
them every chance he could.
Kai, my lover, was long gone. Kai, my friend, was recently departed. Rafi, my lover and friend, was appreciated, but never loved the way he ought to have been. Jack though, he defied them all. He called to me in a way no one else did. He was right. Should he die, my world would cease to turn. Air would escape me and never return. I would be the broken hearted clump that Lexi
had become.
Poor Lexi. Her heart was too broken. She was so focused on the half of her heart that was missing that she wasn’t seeing th
e
half of it that was still in tact; she ignored the fact that she still had Kellan, the way I had Jack.
Jack slid his fingers into my loose hair, deepening our connection, intensifying our kiss. He never ceased to open my eyes, carry
ing
me to new heights
.
The same way that he touched me physically, he
managed to
touch me spiritually, a far
less accessible side
of me
.
I was lucky to still have him. I lost some a part of me
with
Kai’s death, but I didn’t lose everything the way I would have
if it
had been Jack.
I love you, Kai. I’m angry that you left the way you did, unannounced, but grateful that you experienced love the way everyone ought to before they pass. You learned what it was like to be loved and, finally, to love.
Chapter 3
2
Kalel
I mashed my lips together as I looked around Kai’s condo. It had an ultra-modern design with a light, airy feel. Paintings of our home island hung on the walls; the depicted mountains and shorelines were the only color in the otherwise neutral pallet. Oversized pieces of coral stood tall in shiny white vases rising up from the floor. Shells from the shores of our Hawaiian home sat sparingly atop the sleek surfaces.
Every piece in his home had meaning. He treasured our heritage. Though he lived most of his days thousands of miles away, he kept it close. I knew if I turned on the TV, it would give me a live feed of the Hawaiian shores.
I collapsed on the white leather sofa. I closed my eyes, holding back the tears that threatened. How could he leave me like this? Why didn’t he tell me about his plans? Why did he have to be so single
-
minded, so dedicated to her?
Francesca sat in my lap. She swept a soft hand across my forehead and down my face. She’d been so worried about me. Strain still showed in her features. Her eyes were
vast fields
of despair. She didn’t know my brother well, but she suffered the loss through me, with me.
“Eat, please.” The plea in her voice, heavy with her Russian accent, was almost enough to break me.
I gazed into her green eyes, lost in the darkness that was stealing their brilliance.
Abruptly, I looked away. “I’m not hungry.”
“Kalel.” Her voice was strong, demanding my attention as she
t
ouched
my face. A fire burned in her eyes, the smoke disappearing into their depths. “Do not make me lose you too. Your brother would not want you to stop living.”
How could I live with this black hole in my chest? How could I carry on as if he never existed? I couldn’t. He was embedded in me. I was still waiting to argue with his reckless abandon. I was still waiting for him to fall through the door, having done something that I didn’t agree with. I didn’t realize how much my life revolved around him. I never realized how much our lives were
enmeshed.
He was my brother, my business partner, my best friend. He was everything
to me
.
Francesca filled the void in many ways, but she would never be Kai. I was facing each new day because of her, because of her insistent strength, but I wasn’t living. I merely existed.
Kai stole the last of my humanity, the last of my drive with his death. How could he be so selfish?
Damn it!
Even as I thought it, I knew that wasn’t the truth. He’d done a selfless thing. He’d given up his life for one of my close friends, Kellan. Kellan wasn’t perfect, but he’d impressed me. He had so much potential yet to be uncovered. I just wished my brother didn’t have to sacrifice himself for that to be realized.
Francesca kissed my forehead. “He sacrificed much, Kalel. I do not believe he did it to spite anyone. Rather, he acted with his heart. You must be proud that he acted with his heart for once.”
I was, but it wasn’t enough. That didn’t comfort the piercing pain inside me.
“You must look at his death with pride, not sorrow. He learned the lesson of this lifetime: that love is worth more than life. You cannot be angry with him for that. You cannot
skľúčený okolo
forever. He would rile you for such weakness, and my Kalel is strong. You are much stronger than this.”
My heart fluttered, my soul lifting at her words. She was right.
She usually was.
In this moment, she was more than my soul mate; she was
my savior. Had I not had her love, I didn’t know where I would be. I would have sunk into a dark abyss, allowing all we worked to create to die with him.
“Come, my love. We will eat and drink in your brother’s honor. We will celebrate his sacrifice rather than mourn his death.” She gazed at me with hope in her eyes. The inflection of her voice told me she was hoping that I would concede.
I couldn’t let her down. My wounds were soul deep. There would be no letting go of him at any time. There would be no getting over his choice. But I could pretend for her; I could try for her. For Francesca…and
for
Leka.
I could never reveal the depths of my pain. I could never unleash my anger on them for his action. I would have to bury it all with him, deep down inside. I couldn’t allow them to suffer anymore than they already were.
No, I would face tomorrow without him because I had to, because as a warrior, we never stopped fighting because another soldier fell. Rather, we pressed onwards, fighting harder in their honor.
We
championed together to avenge their death, to praise their sacrifice, to make it worth the suffering, worth the pain to all who knew them.