A Changed Life (19 page)

Startling me with the accusatory attitude in his voice. “Hey babe, what are you doing here?” I peeked up to see Simon standing over me, and not a happy boyfriend. “Was that Seth McCarter I saw you talking to?”

With already a pounding headache, I didn’t want to fight with Simon. I had the perfect opportunity to explain all to Simon, but deciding against it, I remained quiet, and once again lied to Simon. I felt sick to my stomach, this is not who I was, but yet when I went to speak, the lie easily rolled off my tongue. I believed I was doing the right thing.

“Yes, it was Seth. After my errands, I stopped by to get a juice, and he stopped by to say hi.” Simon seemed to relax with the answer I had given him.

“Sorry baby, I didn’t mean to question you. Seeing you with him surprised me, since I didn’t think you knew him that well.”

“I actually don’t Simon. Today was my first time seeing him since July.”

“Enough about him, now that I have you here, let me give you a proper hello.” Simon slid into next to me and pulled me to his chest. Crashing his lips down on mine, as if he was hungry for me. I was beginning to feel a bit embarrassed by his display of affection, but he didn’t care who was watching. Pulling me out of the booth, and right into his muscled chest. “Come on, baby, let's go. I have my bike outside. We can take a ride and hit the beach.”

“I have my car here, let me bring it home, and then we can go.”

Running his fingers through his hair, Simon looked frustrated. “Nicolette, we’ve already lost half the day. We can leave the car here, and get it later. I want to spend some time with you. We can grab some food and bring it back to my cabana. I have the key, and we can be alone.”

I hated to see what I was doing to Simon. I felt my fear strangling me. I wanted so much to tell him the truth, but again I was afraid and only wanted to protect him.

I remained firm and stood my ground. “Can I follow you to the beach?” I asked him. Watching the muscles tighten in his jaw, he said yes, but clearly showing me he wasn’t happy.

The Paulson’s cabana was beautifully decorated, and private enough for us to have some time together. Simon plugged in his I pod, and asked me to dance with him. I was blushing, and he loved when I did that. Simon held me in his arms, and our bodies swayed back and forth while he whispered in my ear and ran soft kisses down my neck.

He felt incredible next to me, why couldn’t I trust him enough to talk to him about Michael? I was afraid on how he would react. Knowing his history with Michael was holding me back.

“You are so quiet, baby. What’s going through that pretty little head right now?”

“I’m just happy Simon, I love dancing with you. You always make me feel special and wanted.”

“Nicolette, you are special to me, I can’t even begin to show how much I love, and want you.” Still holding me in his arms, I knew what Simon had meant, he didn’t need to say the words to me. I already knew he wanted to make love to me, and be my first.

Our bodies swayed back and forth to the soulful sounds of Norah Jones. Simon, softly kissing and leaving love bites along my neck. Closing my eyes, I was lost in him. Savoring every feeling, every stroke of his tongue on my hot skin. In one swift move, Simon lifted me into his arms and carried me over to the couch. My heart began to accelerate while my mind raced with what Simon was going to do next. “Open your eyes baby. Nicolette, do you trust me?”

Of course I do
. Slowly letting out my breath, I looked up at Simon.

“Yes.”

Without another word spoken, Simon began to unbutton my blouse and run his hands over my lacy bra. “So beautiful” he said as he kissed my covered breasts. Pulling me up, he slid my blouse off and unclasped my bra, tossing them both to the floor. My upper body was completely exposed to him, as his eyes perused over my naked chest. “You are so beautiful Nicolette. We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for. I just want to see and touch what’s mine.
Oh my…touch away
. I reached for Simon and pulled him down onto my body. Kissing and teasing his mouth with my tongue, while feeling his hard length rub against me. Pools of wetness soaked my panties, my body answering for me. Simon sat up on his knees, pulling his shirt off, exposing his muscled tanned skin. I wanted to touch and kiss every inch of him, especially his sculpted V muscle. I reached for his waist and he playfully grabbed my hands.

“No baby. Tonight is for you, let me love you.” Lying back down onto the couch, I lifted my pelvis for Simon to easily slide down my shorts and panties. Parting my knees with his strong deft hands, I lay open for him to explore my body. “Keep your eyes open for me, Nicolette. I want you to watch as I make you come.
Holy shit! This is it
.

I was squirming with the anticipation. I completely trusted Simon with my body. If anything I was too excited. I have been fantasizing about this moment for a while now.

“Lie still, baby.” Dropping his head down between my legs he penetrated my folds with his tongue. Next he slid one finger in as my body came undone. I gripped the sides of Simon’s head pushing him further into me as a blinding sensation pulsed through me. I could hold on no more, and with one last flick of his tongue, I exploded screaming his name from the most intense and exhilarating feeling I have ever experienced.

Simon held me close to his body, placing his forehead onto mine. Never taking his eyes off of me, he was smiling. You could see his happiness all over his beautiful face.

“Thank you, baby, for sharing your body and letting me do that with you. I love how you respond to me. You can’t even imagine how much it meant for me to do that with you. I love you so much, baby, I thank God every day for bringing you to me.”

Simon had me wrapped around his body like a vine. Holding me in his arms, we were simply loving each other. Simon had kept his shorts on never pressuring me to go further. I could feel his erection while his body was pressed into mine. Without a doubt in my mind, I wanted to make love to him, and for Simon to be my first and only. Simon had drifted into sleep while I lay awake in his arms. This was where I belonged, with Simon.

He has shown me how much he loves and wants me every day since the day we decided to be together. Tears were beginning to stream down my cheeks, as pangs of guilt over keeping secrets raked through my conscience. Very carefully, I tried to move out from under Simon’s heavy arms, but his eyes blinked opened. Seeing the tears in my eyes, he looked panicked.

Sitting up and reaching for me to lay back down with him. “What’s wrong baby? He asked as he wrapped his arms around me. I didn’t speak, I just silently cried. “Are you regretting what we did? I could feel Simon’s muscles tense up around me. I shook my head no.

“Then what’s wrong baby? Why the tears? I don’t ever want to pressure you into doing anything you’re not ready for. I thought we could try this first, and then move onto the next step.” Getting up off the couch, with his back to me, Simon paced in front of the fireplace. “God! I must sound like a dick? This is not coming out right. I’m sorry Nicolette.”

Wiping my tears away, I join him by the fireplace and reach for his hands. “Simon, you didn’t do anything wrong. I loved what you did to me, very much I might add.”

Pulling me into his chest. “Oh thank god, you had me worried Nicolette when you started to cry. Holding me in his arms, if I were to look up at him now, I was sure to lose it. I placed a kiss on his naked chest and turned away from him. I quickly gathered my clothes off the floor. Simon was at my side in a second. I must have been confusing him with my actions.

“Talk to me Nicolette, why are you getting dressed? I can feel something is wrong. If you’re not mad then you need to talk to me, and tell me what’s bothering you. I’m not going to let you just pull away from me. Turning me around, he cupped my face and kissed me. “Please baby, what’s wrong?”

“I have my reasons Simon, and I don’t want to hurt you with them.” Simon sighs.

“Nicolette, the only way you can hurt me is by leaving me. Whatever it is that’s bothering you, just tell me and trust me to listen.” With strength and courage, I put my faith into Simon’s heartfelt words as he patiently waited for me to open up to him.

“Michael.”

With just the mention of his name, Simon gives me an incredulous look, as if I just punched him in the stomach. I wasn’t sure what was going through Simon’s mind, but he ran his fingers through his hair, a clear sign he was frustrated.

“Simon, there are some things you don’t know, and if you give me the chance to explain, I will tell you everything.”

“Nicolette, there shouldn’t be anything you have to tell me about Michael, because you gave me your word that you wouldn’t speak or see him ever again.”

“Simon, please let me explain.”

“Nicolette, have you seen him or not?” Simon demanded.

“It’s complicated.”

“No, it’s a straightforward yes or no answer. What is it Nicolette?” Not waiting for me to answer his question, Simon turned away from me and gripped the mantle of the fireplace. His actions were showing me how much I have hurt him. This was the last thing I wanted to do. I was trying to prevent this very act from happening. Hanging his head down and still gripping the corners of the mantel.

“You lied to me, Nicolette, why? Have you been seeing Michael this whole time? Behind my back? I bet Michael loves this. God! I feel so betrayed.”

No!
This is the last thing I want Simon to think.

“Simon, you’re wrong. I am asking you to please calm down and listen to me. I know you must be confused, but if you would just hear me out like you promised you would, you’ll understand. I haven’t betrayed you, and I would never cheat on you. How can you even think that? I haven’t been seeing Michael or talking with him.
Michael
sought me out…
again
! Somehow he’s been getting notes to me, packages. He’s everywhere I am. The night of my birthday party, he was there having dinner with friends, or so he claims. He cornered me when I was alone. I told him he was out of his mind if he actually believed that I would leave you for him. Over and over again, I told him how much I love you, and would never be his”

“Then why keep this from me? Your birthday was weeks ago, why couldn’t you have told me then? This is why I’m hurt, Nicolette. You know how I feel about Michael, and you didn’t come to and tell me that he was coming around you again. Nicolette, I warned you to tell me right away if he ever bothered you, especially when I wasn’t with you. You kept this from me, and I don’t understand why.”

Pleading with Simon to make him understand. “I couldn’t tell you Simon. I was so confused, and I didn’t want to cause you or my parents any stress. I never wanted to cause you any pain, and I thought if I just ignored him, he would eventually give up and leave me alone.”

“Has he Nicolette? The Michael I know is relentless and will not stop until he gets what he wants.”

“Simon, he can try and try, but it doesn’t mean he gets to have me. I’m yours Simon, I love you.” Simon still wasn’t looking at me. I tried to wrap my arms around his waist, but he jerked back away from my touch. I felt like my heart was going to shatter at any moment.

I tried to calm myself, but my tears kept falling
. How could this be happening, after all we have shared?

“I can’t go through this again; I won’t have another Jennifer in my life!”

“What?”

“I can’t believe you just said that.”

“Well I said it, and it’s totally true. You are behaving exactly how he wants you to.” Raising his voice, “I trusted you, Nicolette. I fucking trusted you to be honest with me. I can’t believe this is happening to me again.”

He’s not the only one that can scream and curse. Grabbing him by the shoulders, forcing him to look at me. “Simon, I trusted you too. You promised you would listen and be there for me. Is this how it’s going to be with us? I tell you something that you don’t want to hear, and you go off on me? I never asked for this, and I sure as hell didn’t want attention from Michael. I just didn’t know what to do. That is the truth Simon, I was trying to work this out on my own without anyone getting hurt.”

“How’s that working out for you?” Simon sarcastically asks me. So hurt by his coldness, I shove at his chest with my two hands, he barely budges, but it felt good to react. Now my tears have ceased, and I’m angry at Simon for turning this around on me. I gather my things and begin to walk to the door, waiting for Simon to stop me, but he remains where he is standing. I give him one last chance to talk to me, but he is brooding. With my hand on the door knob I say to him.

“Simon, after everything we shared, for you to treat me this way is so unfair. You said I could trust you and you would listen to me, but instead you compared me to someone that hurt you deeply. I’m not Jennifer, and to bring her up is just cruel.”

I pause for a second and waited. With tears again falling down my cheeks, I whisper, “Goodbye, Simon.”