A Complicated Love (Complicated Love #1) (6 page)

One month later

My life is depressing at the moment. My job is going okay… well sort of. Joshua makes me so angry most of the time. He’s blowing hot and cold with me, and I’m not sure where I stand. Tammy is constantly at the office sauntering around, thinking she owns the place. Bitch! I hate seeing the PDA sessions, and there’s certainly a lot of them. Most are of Tammy kissing his cheek or groping him mainly. Joshua doesn’t seem too into it though. I think Tammy is doing it in front of me on purpose, because I’ve spotted her numerous times smirking at me when Joshua isn’t looking.

It sucks!

I’m camped out on the sofa, buried under a pile of covers, watching rubbish television. Tracy is due back today from her business trip and I’ve missed her a lot. I hear the door open and in she walks.

“Hey babe… I’m back!” She plops down in the armchair.

“I can see that. How was the trip?” I look over and she’s literally about to burst with excitement.

“It was
amazing
! Some of the designs I saw were fabulous. I want to be just as good as the guys over there. They
loved
my designs for the collection, but they did say I have to perfect them a little more.” She sits there pouting. “So, what’s been happening with you?”

I start playing with my fingers. “Um… it’s all good. The job’s good, and it’s great I’m now earning my own money. I’ve been really tired lately with all the work I’ve been doing though.” Tracy jumps up and walks toward the kitchen.

“That’s great. I need something to eat, I’m starving.” I join her in the kitchen while she makes a sausage and bacon sandwich. “I have to tell you something important later, but when I do you have to promise not to… ” I don’t hear the rest of what Tracy’s saying as I’m suddenly feeling dizzy. I put my palm on the kitchen counter to steady myself. I feel really sick and the smell of bacon is really getting to me. I rush to my bathroom, lift the toilet seat and empty the contents of my stomach. I retch and retch until there’s nothing left in my stomach.

“Wow Annabelle… you don’t look so good.” Tracy is leaning against the doorframe with concern written all over her face.

“Maybe I’m coming down with something. I’ve been feeling tired and down, the last few weeks.” I wash my hands in the sink. Tracy laughs as she walks to the living room.

“I hope it’s nothing too serious… anyone would think you were pregnant!” I hear her still laughing, then she shouts, “But you have to have sex for that to happen!”

I look in the mirror. My skin is so pale and I have big black bags under my eyes. I’m still feeling queasy, so I put the toilet lid down and sit on it.

Pregnant? I can’t be… can I?

I’m on the pill, so there’s no way I could be pregnant. He didn’t use anything… he didn’t. Oh my God, he didn’t use a condom. I cover my face with my hands. The pill isn’t one hundred percent effective… pregnant? I have to find out for sure. I can’t be! I hurry out of the bathroom, grab my bag and purse and head for the door.

“I’m off out, see you later.” Before Tracy can reply, I hurry out and head to the nearest pharmacy.

I’m sitting in my bathroom, holding in my hand a thin flat stick which minutes ago I was peeing on. I went all out and bought a digital test. I can’t deal with the stress of trying to determine what one line or two lines mean, so I opted for one that spells it out for you.

Pregnant or Not Pregnant… as simple as that.

I have to wait three minutes for the results and I’ve waited two already.

My nerves are cut to shreds and I’m finding it hard to breath. I keep repeating in my head,
breathe in… breathe out
, over and over again.

The next minute is the most important minute of my life.

I could be pregnant.

A baby.

An actual baby.

Mine and Joshua’s baby. Oh God, Joshua. What would I tell him? Would he want to be involved? All these thoughts are running through my head.

Three minutes are up. I slowly turn the stick over with trembling hands and look at the result.

I’m pregnant!

I never thought my life would go quite like this.
What do I do?
I found out a few days ago and I haven’t told anyone yet. Tonight I’m going to tell Tracy because I need someone to talk to. I’m making myself a cup of tea when Tracy comes dancing into the kitchen. She has a massive smile on her face.

“Listen, you know I said the other day I had something important to tell you?” I slowly nod my head as I sip my cup of tea.

“Well… I’ve just been offered a job at the design company I went to for that fashion show. I’m moving to Los Angeles permanently,” she squeals. She’s jumping up and down on the balls of her feet. She looks so happy right now.

How can I tell her I’m pregnant?

I plaster on a smile and give her a hug.

“I’m so proud of you.” She glances up at me and notices my tearful eyes.

“Don’t worry, Annabelle, I can keep paying my half of the rent until you can find a roommate if you like? I don’t want to leave you in the lurch.” I swallow the rest of my tea and rinse my mug out. “You’re not mad are you?”

I take a deep breath before turning around. “I’m not mad at you, Tracy. I’m so proud of you, and I know you will do really well.” I twitch my lips and make my way to my bedroom. Tracy pops her head out of the kitchen.

“I’m not leaving for another few months, so you’re stuck with me until then.”

I quietly shut my door and go to the bathroom. I strip out of my clothes and climb into the shower. The steamy, hot water feels beautiful on my skin and I don’t want to get out. I think about what I’m going to say to Joshua.

How do I tell him that I’m pregnant with his baby?

I get out of the shower, dry my body, put on my nightie and climb into my nice comfy bed. I’m trying to be happy for Tracy, but a part of me is feeling abandoned. I’m scared of being alone and of bringing this baby up alone. I can’t stop the sob that escapes me as I quietly cry myself to sleep.

There’s seems to be so much filing that needs doing today. It’s a fairly easy day as there are no meetings or appointments. I sit and type up some documents while sipping on a glass of water. It’s the only thing I can keep down at the moment. I’ve been to the toilet about five times today, being sick. I think Joshua is getting curious as to what’s going on with me. Tammy hasn’t been by all day, thank God! I really can’t deal with her at all today. The intercom buzzes.

“Miss Connor, can I see you in my office, please?” Before I can reply, he’s hung up. I walk to his office and knock on the door.

His husky voice calls through the door, “Come in.”

I turn the doorknob and walk into Joshua’s office. He’s sitting at his desk, writing.

“Please Miss Connor, take a seat.”

I walk over and sit down in the chair, facing him. He looks a bit uneasy and I’m getting really nervous.

He knows.

I know he knows.

I bite my bottom lip and shift nervously in my seat.

“I’ve noticed that you have been quite sick today. Are you coming down with something?” I shake my head slowly and he looks really uncomfortable.

“Is there a reason why you're sick?”

I nod my head while still chewing on my lip. He gets up and starts pacing backward and forward.

“Is this anything to do with me and you, and that night?” I slowly nod my head again.

He knows… he knows.

I hold my breath while I wait for his reaction. He fists his hair and starts shaking his head.

I hear him muttering, “She can’t be… she can’t.” He stops pacing and looks me straight in the eye.

“Are you pregnant?” I see the pain in his eyes.

“Yes,” I whisper. His intense gaze is fixed on me. We both don’t move and it’s silent for a while. I don’t want to say anything because I know he’s trying to get his head around it.

Out of the blue, he shouts, “How could you let this happen?”

I reel back in shock. His eyes are like fire and his breathing has gotten harsh. I can’t let him get away with this, so I stand with my fists clenched.

“Excuse me? My fault? How is this my fault? If I remember correctly, there was two of us there. How dare you! I know it’s a shock and it is for me too, but blaming me is not the answer!”

He takes a step toward me. His jaw is twitching as he just stares at me.

“Look, I’m having this baby, and if you don’t want to be involved then that’s fine. I’m not looking for anything from you. I
will
be fine on my own.” I turn on my heel and walk toward the door.

“Annabelle?” I stop dead. I’m shocked he’s called me by my name. I stand facing the door as I’m too scared to look at him. “This is all a lot to take in… just give me time, please?”

I nod my head and return to my office.