Authors: Jan Warburton
‘
In my opinion, he is a most unlikable young man, with a most unpleasant manner. He should show you far more respect. Let me see if I can think of some way of dealing with him.' Luigi was obviously extremely concerned for me. 'Try to carry on as normal for now,
cara
. I will give it some serious thought.'
I couldn't honestly imagine how he would be able to help, since he had very little to do with my business now. Being the astute businessman he was, perhaps he would come up with something.
Meanwhile, to add to my worries, the beauty care range, after only two months on sale was proving to be a disastrous flop. Therefore, after consulting with my accountant, it was finally decided to cut our losses and discontinue it. A struggling failure could do us more harm than good in the discerning public's eye. I'd never ever been entirely sure about it anyway, despite Lynda and Luigi's enthusiasm. With the perfume it had been relatively easy to make a memorable impact but beauty products were so different, because there were already so many other prestigious names out there doing a fine job.
Silk Wrappings
perfume still continued to rival all other fragrances and was a constant best seller. By now it was available throughout Britain, Europe and the Far East in quality outlets. My Ready-to-Wear collections too, but in Britain these were in only a handful of carefully selected fashion shops in the main cities.
Throughout the collection shows, I bravely coped with Daniel's difficult temperament because, of course, in the end - just as I'd suspected - it was a huge success. It was clearly a great relief to Daniel too, being the first collection in his career with which he'd been so personally involved.
To my amazement his obnoxious manner began to relax a bit, and slowly the atmosphere between us eased. Perhaps it was worth putting up with his moody ways after all, I decided, particularly since he was declared by everyone in the trade to be an enormous asset to me.
Naturally, it mortified me to acknowledge this, but I had to for the sake of my business. My health was still not one hundred percent and I needed him right now. I was determined to be more tolerant with him and not allow him to get to me quite so much. After all, the collection had been one of our best ever and it was all due to him.
My new resolution helped and things gradually improved between us. Kate and the other models got along well with him in any case, which in turn made me think that I had perhaps been too touchy all along.
Following my op, I'd been warned that my hormone levels could be affected for a while. Maybe this had made me overly sensitive and had clouded my opinion of him? If I were to be totally honest with myself though, I was quite jealous of his talent. This was wrong of me. He was entitled to success as much as anyone. I would be much wiser to capitalise on the fact that I had nurtured him along and given him his big chance. Instead of resenting him, I should accept that he could do me and the business a lot of good.
One afternoon after the shows, he came into my office. Plonking himself down in the chair facing me, he stretched out his gangly legs.
'Doing anything tonight, Annabel?' he said, flicking a lank, blond lock of hair from his pallid forehead. He sniffed a lot, in such the way that it constantly drove me mad. He seemed to always have a slight cold and really was most unhealthy looking.
I looked into his watery grey eyes. 'Well no… not really. Why?'
This was more or less true. Luigi was in Rome but I had, all the same, intended to go home to have an early night. The past busy few days had left me shattered.
'I was wondering, that's all, if you'd like to come along with the models to a bit of a party tonight at my flat?' He gave another sniff, and coughed.
My initial instinct was to decline. Then I thought I really should make more effort to get along with him. In any case, if the models were going as well it might turn out to be fun. Life had become so serious for me of late. I must lighten up more. Married to an older man had perhaps affected my sobriety a bit and was making me behave older than my years.
Anyway, with Luigi away, why not? I hadn't socialised much at all since my illness and return from Italy. It would do me good to let my hair down with people my own age for once.
I smiled across at him. 'OK. Thanks, Daniel, I'd like that.'
Apart from Daniel, who took three models with him in his little black Fiat, the rest of us piled into a taxi and headed for Hammersmith where he shared a flat with friends.
The party was significant for predominantly one thing; everyone got smashed out of their minds. I knew it was slowly becoming the norm to do drugs at parties and over the past year or two, when Luigi was absent; I'd attended a few myself where they were obviously in use. They had, I suspected, even been used at one or two of my own affairs. Mostly everyone smoked cannabis, which I'd always felt was pretty harmless.
I'd tried it myself a couple of times and quite enjoyed the relaxed, pleasurable sensation it brought me. On this occasion though, a number of them, including Daniel, were snorting cocaine. Kate, I knew, was already addicted to little pills she always called 'Bluies', to perk her up before a fashion shoot or a show. Also, like most of the models, she smoked heavily and would have the occasional joint if she were depressed. On this occasion she seemed unsure what to do; because of my presence I think.
She looked tentatively my way; several lines of coke lay in front of her on the coffee table.
Raising my eyebrows, I shrugged. If she wanted to indulge, it was up to her.
'Come on, Kate, you too. Annabel, do try it, you won't ever know how great it is 'til you do,' said Daniel holding out straws to each of us. He looked at me, eyes staring, pupils dilated.
So this was the reason for his bizarre mood fluctuations! Why hadn't I twigged before that he was an addict? After all, it was becoming a well-known fact that many people involved in the business were into drugs in a big way. It explained his arrogant attitude, full of confident bullshit, wanting to conquer the world, and me. Of course it was all drug induced; his sullen withdrawn moods were obviously when he needed a fix.
I shook my head at Daniel and then looked at Kate who took a straw, glancing briefly at me again for approval. She didn't move immediately forward though, as I expected her to do. Studying them round the coffee table, I made a rash decision; stupidly based on thinking that maybe I should at least
try
it, if only to appear more hip and become more accepted amongst those I worked alongside.
Who knows? It might even help my creativity. After all it hadn't spoiled Daniel's. What the hell! It was worth a try, just the once.
Taking a straw, I knelt down with Kate in front of the lines of coke to join them…
The experience was mind blowing; producing the most amazing sensations of well-being and mental exhilaration. I felt deliriously happy and capable of doing anything and coping with anyone... even Daniel. Much of the evening was a blur, of course, but it was an exquisitely enjoyable blur. Music, I could vaguely recall, sounded like none I'd ever heard before; surreal almost. Experiencing it was the most unworldly sensation I'd ever known.
*
After that night, Daniel and I had fewer problems working together; seeming at last to be on similar thought patterns. Certainly I understood his moods more now. Whilst I didn't habitually use coke, I would just occasionally indulge when I felt particularly stressed out. Daniel invariably had some in his back pocket and knew when to offer it to me. Nothing had worked as well for me before, or has done since.
My most sensational design work took place during this period. My imagination and colour perception became more acute and, without question, it was my most visionary and creative time.
Confident again and seemingly in control of my destiny, I completed my preliminary sketches and fabric choices for the next ‘After Six’ collection in record time.
I was surprised at what I could accomplish but thankfully strong willed enough not to be tempted to use the stuff regularly. Witnessing Daniel on one of his off days made me painfully aware of the down side of drug addiction and of total dependency. By now he was so hooked on the stuff that he could barely function at all unless he'd had a fix. Thank God I still had the sense and willpower not to allow that to happen to me.
Around this time I discovered that Kate and one or two of the other models were also showing signs of becoming hooked. I was pretty sure Oliver had no idea about Kate's habit though.
However, on one occasion when they came to dinner and while she was out of the room, he quietly expressed his concern about her health. Her recent moodiness and excessive loss of weight was worrying him sick. I had rarely heard him speak so vehemently about her before.
'Damn, bloody modelling! Her obsession for staying so slim is stupid to the point of lunacy.' His eyes flashed angrily. 'You see, she's eaten a perfectly good meal here tonight. That pasta dish was fantastic by the way, Annabel. The thing is, I know she’ll be obsessed that she'll put on pounds because of it. I keep telling her, she
needs
to gain a bit. She won't listen to me! I think her deafness has got worse too and she talks of strange noises in her head.'
I agreed that she was looking pretty emaciated lately and I’d suspected that, apart from doing drugs, she had a serious eating problem. I tried to commiserate with him.
'I'll talk to her, Oliver, for what good it'll do, and maybe I can persuade her to get some help,' I was watching the door for Kate returning from the bathroom, where I suspected she’d been throwing up or sniffing coke, or maybe both.
'What sort of help do you suggest?'
'Well, there are clinics for helping people with eating disorders. That's probably all that's wrong with her. I'll see if she'll consider having a spell in one. Don't tell her you've talked to me though...' I whispered, as Kate returned.
Oliver was clearly desperately worried about her but if he'd any suspicion of her using drugs too I felt sure he would have mentioned it. Of course Luigi would have been horrified if he knew I'd also dabbled. By this point I'd resolved to leave it well alone. No way would I become addicted. I had to stay in control.
In the end, I had a serious chat with Kate and managed to persuade her to visit a clinic I'd heard about in Holland. It was also a health farm and I went along too, for the diet and beauty treatment. I reasoned that, if she was away from her usual environment, it might work better. All Oliver and Luigi knew was that we were simply going away for a spell, to pamper ourselves.
I had a blissfully relaxing few days enjoying all the treatments available, while Kate, under the guidance of Doctor von Drinkel, an expert in eating disorders, was encouraged to eat more sensibly. He used a type of hypnotherapy and I was hoping that his methods would also help her kick the drug habit. However, I wasn't exactly sure just how much he actually knew about her dependency.
It turned out however that she hadn't been exactly truthful with the doctor.
'Doesn't he know you ‘do’ cocaine?' I asked, one day in the sauna, after suspecting her of still using the stuff.
'Oh, we discussed it briefly,' she hedged. 'But he's more concerned about my weight than anything else.'
'Fine, but your coke habit is also very serious Kate. I'll bet you barely mentioned it - if you did at all?'
'Well, I told him I'd tried it, but I've come clean about taking 'Bluies' and he's persuaded me to knock those off. Christ, Annabel, how the hell do you think I've been able to get through these past few days here without using the odd bit? Anyhow, I'm not dependant on it, I can handle it,' she retorted, tossing back her beautiful, dark head.
In defiant mood still, she gathered her towel about her thin frame and lay back on the sauna bench, eyes closed, shutting me out in a way only she could. Despair welled up inside me.
'Kate, you're impossible!' I groaned. I secured my own towel firmly round my bosom and let myself out of the cabin. Her obstinacy exasperated me. I knew it was hopeless; that I was not going to persuade her to lay off the stuff. She'd had this golden opportunity to do something about it and had wasted it. My own mind however was resolute; I would certainly never use coke myself ever again.
During this period away, we did get down to some girlie talk, one evening in her room, during which she was, surprisingly, very honest with me. What she told me was quite a revelation.
To begin with it seemed she had had quite an unhappy and unstable upbringing, with a mother who drank heavily and a stepfather, who from the age of about ten had sexually abused her. Frank, as she told me he was called, had been the father of a child she'd had aborted when she was only fifteen. I was horrified.
'I think I really loved him too,' she remarked wistfully, puffing on her cigarette. Smoking was forbidden in our bedrooms but this didn't worry Kate. She just sat by the open window fanning the smoke out every now and again.
'What happened when he found out that you were pregnant?'
As I spoke she’d got up to wave her hands about again near the window and hadn't heard me, so I asked again when she turned round. Oliver was right; her deafness had become worse. This time she reacted.