Nothing.
He had failed in every part of his life, and the pain in his chest was so profound he had trouble breathing.
His father had won the battle.
Devlin would leave the world as he had entered it, alone and unwanted. He closed his eyes and saw immediately the picture of Fanny before him. He had wanted so much to do the right thing, and all he had ended up with was making everyone miserable.
He was worthless.
He felt Rake’s probing eyes and kept his head turned away so his friend wouldn’t see the grief that welled up inside him.
He knew what he had to do, and the only regret he had was that he wouldn’t be able to tell Fanny how much he loved her once more before he died.
Chapter 33
Fanny let her partner lead her across the dance floor, but her heart wasn’t in it.
Something was wrong; she could feel it in every cell of her body. As she looked around, everything seemed just as it should, but subconsciously she knew something awful was about to happen.
She scanned the crowd, as her partner twirled her in the soft waltz, and had no trouble finding her husband standing in the far corner, surrounded by women flirting outrageously with him. He looked dark and brooding, and even from this distance, she felt her heart skip a beat, and she knew she hadn’t a chance when it came to feeling indifferent toward him.
Rake had looked a little worried earlier when she got him alone after he and Devlin had arrived at the grand ball, but he had told her not to worry, as he had everything under control.
Graywood stood at the other end of the ballroom, and he too was surrounded by unmarried women of all ages. He too looked jaded, and his chin had the same deep blue color as his evening jacket.
Something was wrong, and she knew she had only one way of finding out what. When the dance was over, she excused herself from her partner and left him standing alone on the dance floor with his mouth open. She hurried over to her parents and, telling her mother quietly she had a bit of a headache, asked if it would be all right if she went home ahead of them.
Her mother immediately wanted to go with her, but Fanny knew how much she loved these balls and quickly made sure Caroline stayed put.
Instead she asked Penelope to go with her.
Penelope, who had been, in effect, dragged to the assembly, agreed thankfully, and in a minute the two were on their way. Fanny sat considering her silent friend, who stared through the dark window without noticing the carriage was heading the wrong direction.
Penelope had had to suffer through a great shock when they arrived at the ball earlier and found both her father and sister were attending the ball, and she had requested to be taken home immediately. But the Darlings had insisted she stay for a short while, as they knew they might never be able to convince her to go out with them again if they let her escape immediately.
Charmaine had, to Fanny’s surprise, given her a letter for her sister, and now she took it out from her reticule and handed it over to her friend. Penelope looked at it like it was a poisonous snake before she finally took it and ripped it open. Fanny waited until Penelope had read it all, then broke the silence.
“What did it say?”
Penelope bent her head, a tear falling onto the paper in her hands. “She misses me.”
“How nice.”
Penelope nodded, folded the letter neatly, and put it in her pocket. “She says mother is sick, but father won’t let her meet me.”
“Oh, Penelope,” Fanny said compassionately, and one small sob became a torrent of tears from Penelope.
She fell into her friend’s arms, crying her heart out. Her mother’s illness had finally broken the barrier, and even though it was an awful situation for Penelope, she still needed to get her grief into the open and not keep it closed inside her heart as she had until now.
The raw sobs shook Penelope’s petite body, and Fanny soothingly stroked and patted her back until her friend only hiccupped slightly. When Penelope finally managed to compose herself enough to sit up, Fanny gave her a warm hug and was rewarded with a shaky smile.
Her friend would come through this, maybe not immediately, but somewhere in the future.
“Feeling better?” she asked, and Penelope nodded.
“It’s just that it hurts so much,” she whispered. “I never knew how much I cared for them until I lost them. And now Mother is sick, and there is nothing I can do about it.”
“We’ll find a way,” Fanny said resolutely.
“We will?” Penelope smiled. “Well, I know you are resourceful enough to make it happen.”
Fanny laughed at her friend’s teary-eyed banter. “I cannot deny the truth,” she replied with a dainty shrug, and the two friends smiled at each other, feeling the warmth of their love drying up the last tears.
The carriage stopped, and when the door was opened by the driver, the two ladies climbed out. Penelope looked up at the imposing house before them and stopped dead. “This is not home,” she said slowly.
“No.”
“This is Charlton House.”
“Yes.”
“What are we doing here?”
“We are going for a little visit.”
“At Charlton House?” Penelope questioned her friend, as if she thought Fanny had completely lost her mind.
Fanny didn’t answer but gave her friend a smile meant to soothe her worries and took Penelope’s arm. They climbed the stairs up to the front door, where two watchmen looked down on them.
“Would you please tell His Royal Highness that the Duchess of Hereford is here, with a friend, to see him?”
One of the watchmen opened the door and talked quietly with someone inside, closed it again, and faced them. “One minute,” he said gravely, before he looked over their heads, ignoring them very effectively.
They had to wait for ten minutes before the door opened again. A butler ushered the two ladies inside and showed them into a small parlor, where they sat to wait for the Prince Regent.
“Do you really think he will come?” Penelope whispered.
“Of course he will,” Fanny said with assurance.
“How can you be sure of it?”
“Have you forgotten he is my godfather?” Fanny asked, smiling, just as the door opened and Prinny walked into the room.
“Fanny, my darling,” he greeted, obviously happy to see her.
“Uncle Gorgeous,” Fanny squealed, and leaped into his open arms. They hugged closely for a long time before he held her away from himself and looked at her with loving eyes.
“You look good, my love,” he said.
“I am good.”
“Are you sure?” he asked sincerely, and she nodded.
“Yes I am, because I know this will all end well when the stubborn goat finally gives in and comes back to me, to let me love him for the rest of his life.”
Prinny smiled at her youthful cheerfulness, and gave her a peck on her forehead. “Oh, I’m so happy to see you, and I’m so sorry I missed your wedding, but I had to go to Germany, as I had promised my wife this a long time ago, and her family aren’t as forgiving as you are.”
He looked at Penelope, who stood behind Fanny unaware she looked rather stupid with her mouth hanging open.
“And you must be the de Vere girl Fanny always talks about. The best friend ever.”
Penelope closed her mouth and nodded before she remembered her manners and gave him a deep curtsy. He accepted courteously. Then he rang the bell, told the butler to get them a tray with tea and cakes, and ushered the two ladies to comfortable seats.
“So why do you grant me the pleasure of your company at one o’clock in the middle of the bloody night?”
“I want to know what they are up to.”
Prinny looked confused at first, before comprehension dawned, and his guilt-stricken face told her she had made the right decision coming here.
“Fanny, I can’t tell you.”
“Yes, you can. It’s my husband we are talking about.”
“But they are my friends, and I promised Rake…”
“I don’t care,” she interrupted. “You promised me first, when you accepted becoming my godfather.”
Prinny gave her a dark look. “This is blackmail.”
“I know.”
Prinny sighed, and she knew she’d won, as she had known she would from the beginning. Her dear godfather had never been able to tell her no. She felt a little ashamed for using him like this, but Devlin was too important to her.
“You must love him.”
“I do.”
“And he loves you, you know.”
“Yes, I know.”
“Poor man, he’s suffering a lot about Graywood and you.”
“I know.”
“You are an evil woman.”
Fanny just smiled wickedly, and Prinny couldn’t help but grin back.
“Well, well.” He sighed. “I guess I’ll have to tell you the truth.”
“Yes, you must.”
He stood up and walked over to the bay window, clasping his hands behind his back.
Penelope turned to Fanny with her eyes as big as plates; this was all a bit much for a depressed young lady to take in, although she didn’t look much depressed at the moment.
Just as Prinny turned, apparently having decided what to say, the door opened and the butler entered with a large tray filled with tea and cakes. He placed it on the table next to the sofa before silently leaving the room, and the door closed tightly behind him.
Prinny squealed with delight and clapped his hands together as he seated himself on the sofa. Fanny served him and Penelope a cup of tea each before she sat in an armchair with one of her own. She kicked off her shoes and curled her legs and aching feet up in the chair beneath her, and Prinny couldn’t help but grin at her; she looked too much like an innocent little girl, not a duchess married to one of England’s most powerful nobles.
“So?” Fanny probed, and Prinny sighed.
“Can’t I at least finish my lovely cup of tea?”
“No.”
Another sigh. “Well, well.”
“What happened tonight? Rake told me you invited my husband and Graywood here to get Devlin to take a stand and question the situation and stop ignoring it with his head deep in the sand. Graywood, who is the dearest friend a woman ever could have, has done a great job helping me create the scandal, although Devlin has been rather slow with his actions.”
“He certainly has,” Penelope agreed. “One would think he would have gotten rather upset by now, not just grinding his teeth to dust and keeping silent.”
“He’ll soon be out of teeth to grind.” Fanny giggled.
Prinny shook his head with a superior, manly grin, and offered them more of the delicious cakes before he helped himself to another large one.
“So my question still remains: what happened earlier tonight?”
“Devlin finally snapped.”
“Yes!” Fanny jumped up and shouted, and the other two laughed at her obvious delight.
“Please settle down, my dear, before the watchmen come barging in here to save me.”
Fanny blushed prettily and sat down again as requested. “I was simply declaring my satisfaction with the situation.”
“Indeed, and most clearly, too. I don’t think anyone in this room misunderstood your feelings regarding your husband having a breakdown.”
“Putting it like that, it sounds like I’m a terrible person.” Fanny laughed.
“Immphheed,” Prinny answered, his mouth full of cake.
“Devlin snapped, you say?” Fanny probed to get her godfather to continue his story.
“Ah, yes,” Prinny said, trying to remember what had been said and done. “He got very angry and hit Graywood on the chin, and just when we thought we had him under control he hit him in the stomach. Poor Graywood, he was quite taken, even though he assured us he didn’t mind, because a little pain was nothing if you two would live the rest of your life in heavenly bliss.”
“Poor Graywood,” Fanny said, feeling guilty even though he had been more than keen on acting the bad part.
“And as we agreed upon, I declared a duel to be the only way out.”
“So?”
“Devlin accepted.”
Penelope gasped with horror and Fanny became pale in an instant. “He did what?”
“He accepted the duel, and we will all meet in Green Park at dawn to watch them execute it.”
“Oh, my goodness!” Fanny sat dumbfounded.
Their plan had been to get Devlin to snap and go after Graywood, so they would finally be able to get through to him, to be able to tell him what they thought about him putting himself on the outside of the happiness window looking in. As he and Graywood were good friends, they had been so sure he would refuse and realize how stupidly he was behaving. And he would come for her, and she would tell him the truth, how he was and always would be the only man for her.
She didn’t mind the
ton
continuing their gossip about her supposed affair with Graywood, as long as Devlin knew there was no truth in the rumors.
“But tell him he is stupid, and how this was all a prank to get to him.”
“Doesn’t work, I’m afraid. Rake says he has closed himself completely, like a clam, and won’t open up. We can’t get through to him.”
“Oh, my goodness,” Fanny repeated, and clutched her hands in a grip that made her knuckles go white.
Penelope put her hand on her friend’s and gave her a sympathetic smile.
But Fanny was devastated.
She had been so sure she would finally have an end to this stupidity of Devlin’s, but instead it seemed she had only made things worse.
Devlin would never behave like this if he didn’t think he had no choice. He was a good, good man, and what scared her most was that the fool probably was thinking of getting himself killed. She had no other explanation to his extremely ridiculous behavior.
“We have to stop them,” she whispered. “Before someone gets hurt.”
“We will.”
She looked at Prinny with surprise, as he did sound a little smug. “How?” she asked.
“We are not going to put bullets in the guns, only gunpowder, and so maybe Devlin finally will understand how dumb the idea of killing his friend is.”