Authors: Kirsty-Anne Still
TYLER
watched Austin sleeping.
His eyes traced her struggling breathing, her bandaged arm and he knew that
what had happened was far worse than he could have ever imagined it could be.
He knew that under her gown she had even more burns and he knew the pain she
was in must be something unimaginable. Not just physically, but everything she
had taken in over the past couple of weeks must have caused her more pain than
anything else.
She had survived so much since she left and had survived even more since
coming home. He was to blame for it, Jane was to blame, and Natasha was too.
Hell the entire town turned their back on her just for choosing hearsay over
hearing her innocence. Now his gut feeling was telling him, begging him to
believe that Natasha had lied. The disappointing fact was that he couldn’t find
an ounce of belief to offer Natasha.
If Tyler had ever sinned, it was back when he was nineteen and thought
that he needed to be a hot headed youngster who showed he was all about
enthusiasm for the job and wouldn’t let a potential family life interrupt that.
Except, as a result, he had lost the one thing he was proud to say he
had at home. He had neglected Austin and because Natasha’s father worked at the
police department, Natasha was always around whenever he was. He had helped
make Austin feel like the loneliest person in the world, so much so, when she
lost his baby she felt like all she could do was run rather than burden him
with the hardest news ever.
Regardless of his heart, he couldn’t repeat the past, but he could learn
from it. He was actually praying it was all a big lie and the worst part was
that he didn’t know how he would react when faced with Natasha. Right now, he
was turning into a hyper cell of emotion and he knew a trigger would cause him
to explode.
He watched Austin for a moment as she began to wake up and he stepped in
but froze as her eyes opened weakly to look up at him. He didn’t know what to
do. Did he smile? Did he sit and take her hand? Did he keep the distance? Tyler
knew one thing: he hated that he didn’t know what to do where Austin was
concerned anymore.
Blinking to clear her vision, Austin looked more intently at Tyler and
felt her heart skip a beat as she worried about why he was here. The last thing
she wanted right at that moment was to fight; she knew she had no strength to
cope with it at that moment. Some of his last words were wrapped up in
convicting her and she was now panicked that this would be it. He would arrest
her for a crime she hadn’t committed.
She couldn’t believe he would do that and so she swallowed hard, pulling
the mask from her
face
before speaking, “Why are you
here?” The words pulled harshly at her dry, sore throat, but they pulled more
at her heart strings, strumming them with a death chord, readying her for the
truths.
Tyler knew he had to make this personal; he knew he had to do what he
wanted and sit on the bed with her. He had to be close to her at that moment
but finding words was the difficult part so he spoke what he knew was true, “I
just needed to see you, Sunny.”
“But why?” she asked him back incredulously. “You told me you wanted me
to leave, that I was nothing but problems for you. So why would you
need
to
see
me? Especially after you said you hated me.” She ended feeling
quite proud that she hadn’t given in and cried. It didn’t mean the tears
weren’t burning away behind her eyes, but they hadn’t shown up at these first
words.
“I don’t hate you, Aus. I never could. I’m a liar for even thinking
those words,” Tyler admitted to Austin and he could see the anguish growing in
her eyes. “Christ, I never wanted you to end up in the hospital after our
fight.”
“I’m not your problem anymore remember?” Austin countered for a moment.
Her forehead furrowed as she tried her hardest to stop the tears that were
finally burning in the forefront of her eyes. “I haven’t been your problem for
a long time, Tyler.”
“You’ve always been my problem,” Tyler stated firmly and looked at her
in the eyes. “Every day since you left you were on my mind – when would you
come back? What were you doing? Were you happy?” he let his thoughts flow, “Now
you’re always there. Knowing that I could round a corner and you could be
there, I could see you when I drive home, and we were building a house
together.”
“Tyler, you don’t have to be here,” Austin defied him gently in
disbelief. He might be breaking down, but she wasn’t able to support herself so
how did she become the rock for Tyler to lean on?
“I will do anything that you want, Austin, but I can’t just leave you be
anymore,” Tyler admitted and felt weak as he finally confessed to the one
person what he had wanted her to know. “It’s always been you that makes or
breaks me, and if I lose you now, I’ll break forever. Believe me,
Austin,
I will do anything to prove that.”
“All I want is for you to realize that I didn’t do a thing to Natasha,”
Austin admitted to Tyler and looked at him, her breathing catching a little.
“If you want me around, you need to ask yourself one thing. What is it that you
take me for? I am not that type of person, Tyler. I never was, I only ran away,
I didn’t change.”
“I know,” Tyler said as he shook his head in shame and he felt the tears
begin to build. “I know you, I know I do, and I know you haven’t changed one
bit. You’re still my Austin. I got caught up in the things Natasha was telling
me and I guess I did hold a grudge when I thought I didn’t.” Tyler tried to
calm himself with a deep breath and looked up at her. “I need you to know
something though, Aus.”
“What’s that?” Austin asked Tyler as she felt herself faltering under this
truthful situation.
“I love you, Austin. I never stopped. I simply took you for granted and
I never should have. I always thought you would be there because we were just
that
unbreakable, and I broke us and then allowed Natasha to break us entirely. Since
you’ve been back, all I have felt is
me
. I have never felt more like me
than I do when you’re here with me. I have my best friend back, my soul mate. I
have my safe haven back. I ran into that house last night because I never
wanted to lose you again. I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want to wake up
tomorrow and realize that I’ve lost you all over again. I don’t want to go
through life knowing that I lost the most important thing that helps make me,
me. I can’t do that, Austin. Not anymore. I lost you once, I won’t lose you
again.”
And as the tense band around the truth ruptured, Austin felt the
heaviest of Tyler’s plea. The plight of which exceeded Austin’s current
mentality and she found herself cave to it all. She couldn’t rationalize his
words as they sat so wrapped up in his hate from just before the fire. Her mind
was screaming at her, begging her to understand him, but her heart was beating
forcefully, feeing like it was cracking each of her ribs as it sat begging her
not to break it again. This was Austin’s catch 22.
“Can you just leave?” Austin’s breathing got tight for a moment and she
slid up the bed to try and ease it some. She didn’t want to take his word as
truths. She didn’t want her heart to break again because the first time was
enough; the bitter attacks since being back were just the icing on top. She
wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be dealing with this right now. “Please.
It’s best you just went, Tyler.”
“Do you want me to get someone?” Tyler said as he stood up, he watched
her worrying, and he stepped back as she didn’t answer him. He knew he
shouldn’t have laid his heart on the line until she was stronger, until she was
ready, but he had to have his say and he had scared her off entirely now.
“Tom,” Tyler called out the door and got Austin’s brother. “I didn’t do
anything, we were just talking and she got worked up all of a sudden.”
“
It’s
fine, I’ll calm her. I’ll speak to you
later, Tyler,” Tom said and went over to Austin as she broke down fully.
“Everything’s going to be okay, Aussie. You’ll see.” He began to soothe her as
her heart monitor showed her distress and he allowed his medical training to
control him right now. He needed to get lost in the familiarity when the
situation was far from familiar. Seeing his sister in this state and in a
hospital bed wasn’t something he wanted to ever experience.
Tyler watched the love of his life break completely as her brother
gently and consciously wrapped his arms around her and consoled her. He hated that
he had no right to be her comforter, to be the one that got to soothe her, he
hated to be the guy on the outside right now.
He knew it wasn’t going to be a simple apology that sorted this out, and
he knew they wouldn’t just fall into one another’s arms. He had so much to
prove and so much of a mess to clean up.
Starting with
Natasha.
He wanted the whole truth and he wasn’t going to leave until he
got it. When he left the hospital, he wasn’t going back until he had truths. He
didn’t care how much they would hurt him either because he needed them.
Six years was enough, he wanted his life back on track for good.
WHEN
Tom left, Austin let
her heavy gaze move towards the corridor where she knew everyone was seated.
She wondered if Tyler was still out there or if he had left and given up
instantly. She wondered if the house was actually standing anymore. She
wondered if Natasha was enjoying this as much as she thought she might. She
wondered if life would ever be normal again.
A voice caught her short of her thoughts, and she set her attention to
her father as his heated tone rang out and caught everyone’s attention. It was
barely mid morning and so far she had her mother, her ex-fiancé, her brother,
and now her father standing in wait outside her room. She continued to watch
and all she could see was her father standing out there, his arms swinging
around reminiscent of a great ape, his tone heavy with anger and his posture
was tense. She hated it all.
She closed her eyes as she tried to cast away the thoughts that this was
her fault that he was here and like this. She hated feeling like she had
brought her father home and him lashing out. She knew if she tried hard enough
everything would be okay again. The guilt on her wouldn’t last. After all,
being in a fire wasn’t her fault and so ending up like this –
weak, drugged
and admittedly in excruciating pain
– was not her fault. For that she was
thankful her father was finally here.
Opening her eyes again, she lay there listening, only now seeing her
brothers and sisters and all she could do was wait for catastrophe to ignite.
“She’s in the burns unit and no
one thought to tell me that on the phone?” he asked in
a
frenzy
as he looked from each of them and then turned towards Tyler who
now stepped into view of Austin’s door. “What’s your side of the story in
this?”
“Nic, he saved her,” Jane stepped
in defensively as she stood up. “Tyler ran in with Tom and Dean and pulled her
out of that house. He’s here to help support her, he is here for Austin.” She
looked at Tyler suddenly, “Or so I hope.”
“I am,” Tyler replied nervously yet his determination remained steady
and sincere.
Tyler had never felt scared of Nicolas Pearson, not once, but right now
he felt the superiority of the man as he stood over him. Tyler might well be
the chief of the police department, but he didn’t have half the character that
either Nicolas or his own father possessed.
“You need to calm down,” Jane told Nicolas and looked in at her daughter
and saw her still awake and watching. She might have been calmed down by her
brother, but that wasn’t to say she wouldn’t be easily stressed again. “She
doesn’t need to see you like this. She needs her father right now.”
“That coming from you is classic, Jane,” Nicolas hit back. After all, he
was appalled at the type of mother she had been lately and now she was here,
spouting off about what Austin needed most.
Jane granted that comment and didn’t react. She knew she deserved the
backlash of the past few weeks of neglect she had thrust Austin’s way. “I think
it is best that you read what we all have,” Jane mentioned solemnly and turned
to Tom who was the sole treasurer of the one thing that allowed them to
understand the past a lot more. She could apologize and explain until the end
of the world, but she knew the quickest way to path the way for an apology was
to just give her husband the absolute truth on that piece of paper. Austin’s
words would start to heal everyone. It was still Austin’s truths after all. The
one’s she had silenced herself from ever telling a soul. Everyone needed to
know what happened in the past to work on a future together.
Relenting quickly, Nicolas took the piece of paper without causing a
fuss and began to read.
Austin lay watching her father begin to lose his temper and she knew he
hadn’t been given the entire truth until just then. It was as she watched him
be handed a folded piece of paper she felt her heart drop though. She could
make a fight out of this, or she could just let this run its course. She could
stop him from reading and hide or she could just give in. Gulping, she decided
it was time that, above any of her other family members, her father deserved to
know what had forced her out. That way she could get over the past and finally
bury what she had told Tom she had already buried.
As her father let the letter drop and headed to the door, she realized
this was what liberation must feel like. Just him knowing, reaction unknown,
made her feel like the world suddenly released its perch on her shoulders. However,
if this ended badly she would get everyone to stop worrying about her; she was
capable of doing this alone. She didn’t want them here because of pity, she
wanted them here for her, and she was scared she would never get the latter.
So instead of listening to her own reasoning and letting them in, she
immediately pushed her father away the moment she had an opportunity. “Dad,”
she started slowly and raspy as he came to stand at the end of her bed. “You
should go home and get some sleep. You’ve come home from work early, you must
be tired. I’m really not worth the worry.” She began to drive the wedge between
them, but saw him smile warmly at her. Her voice might be getting lost from
her, but she was willing to go through this alone if need be. “Everyone might
as well go too.”
“Will you quit trying to do everything alone?” he said as he finally
moved towards her. “You need to understand that we’re all here for you now,
Aussie.”
That broke
her own
resolve.
“Old habits die hard,” she told him and pushed herself up a little using
her good arm only to result in wincing and realizing she had no strength to do
both moving and coping with the pain. When her gaze lifted she caught her
father watching her with great concern. “It could have been a lot worse.”
“This to me is bad enough,” Nicolas said not wanting to think the
unthinkable. He had no idea how bad this was and he didn’t want to, but he knew
he needed to. He would rather be his daughter’s hero than delve for details
right now.
“I’ll survive,” Austin told him, her tone full of sadness. “I always
do,” she whispered as she thought of everything that had happened over the
years, and all she could acknowledge was that she lived through them all,
whatever happened and whatever scares she got as a result. She was pregnant,
she survived. She lost that baby, she survived. She spent six years barely
living, but she had survived. She came back to a whole different world and she
was surviving now. She was caught in a house fire that should probably have
killed her, but she survived.
All Austin ever did was
survive
.
Nicolas looked at his daughter and loathed the sadness that now captured
her wholly, “I need to talk to you and I thought we best do it with just us two.”
He told her as he stepped closer to her and came to sit with her.
“What about?”
Austin asked him plainly. She studied her father’s expression for a
second as he looked more disappointed in himself than anything else.
“Aus, I would never have done that to you. I would never have shunned
you for being pregnant before you and Tyler got married.” Nicolas replied
feeling like the most heartless man alive. “I would have been pissed, but I
wouldn’t have cared. I would have looked after my little girl and then whatever
grandchild she graced me with.”
Austin looked at her dad – a man that was always her voice of reason in
any chaos – and she knew she was truly loved by him. He was the best father she
could have been given and she was more than a little appreciative that she had
him here with her once more.
“I would have never let you suffer like that. I know that I said that,
but if it actually happened I wouldn’t have cared if you were happy,” he told
her sincerely and he watched her look down.
“Aus?”
“What else did Tom and mom tell you?” Austin asked, she had seen her
brother talking to her dad and he had literally looked like he was pouring his
heart out across the hospital floors. She had only heard part of her father’s
words, but none of her brother’s.
“That looking back you think it’s a good thing you lost the baby,”
Nicolas admitted painfully to his daughter.
“Isn’t it?” she asked him, her entire voice void of emotions.
“I think it would have made Tyler realize what the hell he was doing
wrong with his life,” Nicolas replied determinedly, “He needed a kick to wake
him up and it’s taken six long years, but I think he finally has it.
“What do I do about Tyler?” she asked him as she began to tire again,
“He told me he loved me still and that he’s lost without me, but he told me he
hated me yesterday,” she sucked in a breath and looked at her father intently.
“Tom told me I’m lost without him too. I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“You trust you heart, Princess,” Nicolas soothed her immediately with
the simplest of explanations possible.
“Dad...” Austin began to doubt that it was ever going to be this simple
when the road to this place was so treacherous.
“The best help I can give now is to tell you to give Tyler the benefit
of the doubt and see how he surprises you. If he is serious about this then he
will make it right between you. He will do anything to prove that you leaving
really hit his heart hard. I know him; he’ll do whatever it takes.”
“But I don’t want to just let him back in,” Austin told her father and
sniffed. “I did that once already and look where it’s got me.
Scarred for life.”
“You won’t be scarred,” Nicolas surmised and he saw his daughter’s
doubt. He knew minor burns alone scarred, but he couldn’t let her sink easily
just yet into thinking about scars and disfigurement. “You need to have some
optimism, Aus.”
“It’s hard to be optimistic,” Austin admitted dejectedly. “No one’s ever
going to want me like this now. Who’s going to want the scarred girl?”
“I know one person who will want you whatever,” Nicolas told his
daughter and smiled. “Just trust it, Austin and everything will happen how it’s
meant to.”
A knock disrupted the
father-daughter moment and Nicolas looked up with a smile as a nurse stood in
the doorway expectantly. “Sorry, we have to clean Austin’s wounds,” the nurse
said as she came into the room. “I’ve just got to grab some more bandages and
then I’ll have to ask you to leave I’m afraid.”
Immediately Austin took her
father’s hand and he looked at her, “Will you stay with me?” she asked timidly
and she felt scared all of a sudden. She didn’t want to deal with this alone
and she wanted to rely on her father for strength seeing as he was embracing
her with so much of it. “I’m scared.”
“I’ll stick around as long as you need me to stay for,” Nicolas vowed to
her gave her a loving smile. “Just don’t push anyone out. I know it’s been
difficult and right now shutting down is the best option, but you need to
accepted
the fact that we are here now and we aren’t going
anywhere.”
Austin finally realized she felt liberated by the truth coming out. She
felt like a ten ton weight had been lifted from her chest just by admitting
defeat and asking her father to be her pillar of support.
Nicolas waited for the nurse to come back in before he told her he wasn’t
leaving. He could see she wasn’t impressed, but he issued the one thing that he
knew would work. “My daughter needs someone in here with her.”
The nurse smiled, it obviously went against her practice as a nurse, but
she wasn’t one to upset patients, “Okay, that’s fine.” She spoke politely and
then prepared Austin to get a change of bandages. “This is going to be sore,
Austin, but we need to continually clean the burns to keep away infections and
make sure there’s no rejection to any of the skin grafts carried out already.”
Austin nodded and just closed her eyes as she felt the bandage loosen
around her burnt arm and then she felt the immediate pull of the gauze as it
was pulled away entirely from her damaged skin. Feeling the nurse tend to the
wounds she felt tears prick as the pain magnified for a moment.
Nicolas, having looked from his daughter to the burns inflicted,
squeezed her hand and leaned in, “You’re doing
good
,
Austin.” He heard her whimper a little, “Just
look
at
me, Sweetheart. You know I’m not leaving you so look at me for a moment.”
Watching, Nicolas saw all the pain she had been trying to hold back now sat
pronouncedly in her gaze as she willed her eyes to remain open. He knew the
tears were necessary for her as a release, but it didn’t mean he had to like
them.
He smiled at her, and with his other hand gently moved her hair from her
face. “Remember when you were little and you fell from the tree house?” he
asked her and she nodded, “And you broke your arm?” he continued to ask her and
she nodded again, “You made no fuss at the hospital. You were so brave there.
Do you remember why?”
“Because otherwise Dean would never have let me live it down for being
such a baby,” Austin replied in a pained whisper.
Smiling at her, Nicolas nodded, “Think what he would say right now.” He
watched Austin huff a little laugh, “That’s what I like to see.” He mentioned
as he saw her lips smile a little. “You just need to give in a little more.”