A French Affair (52 page)

‘I won't deny we were attracted to one another . . .'

‘Of course you were. Look at the pair of you. People don't come much more attractive.' As her face started
to crumple, Jessica said, ‘Lily, I'm sorry. I'd give anything to spare you this pain . . .'

‘But it's no more than I deserve,' Lilian mumbled. ‘It was always going to happen, one way or another.'

Jessica blinked. ‘What are you talking about? None of this is your fault.'

‘Not this, no, but things have a way of working themselves out.'

Jessica was still confused. ‘Lily . . .'

‘It doesn't matter,' Lilian cut in. ‘Nothing does any more.' Then her eyes came anxiously to Jessica's. ‘Have you told him about the baby? When he came here last night, did you tell him?'

‘He didn't come here last night.'

Lilian's eyes stared into hers. ‘I wish I could believe you,' she said. ‘I want to, but I . . .' As the impact of it all hit her again, she covered her face with her hands.

‘He didn't come,' Jessica repeated. ‘And no, I haven't told him about the baby. It's your place to do that. He's your husband . . .'

‘Did you think about him being my husband when you took your clothes off for him?'

Jessica said, barely audibly, ‘I tried not to.'

Lilian's voice sounded ragged and weak as she said, ‘You made love with him that day, didn't you? Tell the truth, Jessica . . .'

‘No! I swear on the children's lives. He drew me that way because I asked him to, for my book. I wanted to know how it felt to be an artist's model.' In spite of it being partly true, the excuse sounded so feeble that she felt embarrassed even saying it.

Lilian was shaking her head. ‘The night I came back . . . You were making dinner for him.'

Though Jessica didn't answer, her eyes showed the truth.

‘The flowers, the candles . . . And you're asking me to believe you've never made love . . .'

‘We haven't.'

‘. . . that you weren't intending to that night? It explains why you were both so shocked to see me, why you were shaking and Luc couldn't seem to focus . . . In my naivety I thought you'd be pleased to see me . . .' As her voice faltered, she let her head fall forward. ‘God, what a fool. What a sad, pathetic fool, but it serves me right.'

‘Lily . . .'

‘He won't want this baby now . . .'

‘Don't say that,' Jessica cried. ‘Of course he'll want it . . .'

‘. . . it'll be my punishment.'

Jessica frowned. ‘What do you mean? Punishment for what?'

‘The second baby,' Lilian whispered, her eyes gazing at nothing. ‘I couldn't go through with it. I just . . .'

Jessica was staring at her in bewilderment. ‘Are you saying you terminated it?' she said.

‘I had to. The timing . . . It was all wrong . . . There was so much . . .'

‘Oh my God, Lily, you let work push you into a decision like that? Does Luc know?'

‘Of course not. I couldn't tell him.' Her eyes went beseechingly to Jessica's. ‘Please don't tell him either. It's in the past, I have to try to forget about it, but I'll never forgive myself, and now this . . .'

Still stunned by the idea of Lilian taking such a step, Jessica struggled for something to say, but all she could manage was, ‘It's not my place to tell him anything.'

After a while, seeming not to know what else to do, Lilian walked to the door and stared out towards the horizon. ‘I feel as though I should tell you to leave,' she said hoarsely, ‘but I can't.'

Jessica watched her, her heart so weighted with love and guilt she no longer knew what to say.

‘I should hate you,' Lilian stated tonelessly, ‘but I can't do that either. You mean so much to me. I don't want to lose you, even now.'

‘I don't want to lose you either,' Jessica said, going to put her arms around her. ‘And it's not going to happen. We've always been there for one another, and we always will be, even through this.'

As Lilian held her too, she said, ‘I wish it could work out that way, but if you and Luc . . . If you want to be together . . .'

‘He wants to be with you. He loves you. We both do, which is why nothing happened between us.'

Lilian put her head back as she inhaled. ‘Even if I believed you . . .' Her eyes closed as more pain washed over her.

‘Lily, you have to.'

Lilian was shaking her head, and as she turned away she said, almost dully, ‘I've destroyed the drawing, and the sculpture, just like I destroyed my baby.'

Jessica's head started to spin, until realising that the destruction of Luc's work was hardly of consequence in the face of everything else, she said, ‘You were hurting and afraid, that's why you did it. And you've been given another chance. You're pregnant again, so it's important that you forgive yourself and make a good life for this one.'

Lilian nodded, but she looked so dejected, so defeated that Jessica wasn't even sure she was thinking
about the baby any more. ‘I didn't mean any of this to happen,' she said, huskily, ‘but I should have known it would.'

‘Why? What do you mean?'

Lilian only looked at her, then away again. ‘Does Charlie know about Luc?' she asked.

Jessica frowned in confusion. ‘Of course not,' she answered.

‘Are you going to tell him?'

‘There's nothing to tell.'

Lilian's smile was sad as she looked at her. ‘We both know there is,' she said softly. ‘So the question now is, do I try to keep my marriage together for the sake of the baby, or do I let him go to you?'

‘Lily, you're talking nonsense. I love Charlie . . .'

‘Of course, but not in the way you used to.'

Jessica started to protest, but the way Lilian was shaking her head stopped her.

‘Maybe you haven't faced up to it yet,' Lilian said, ‘but I can read you too well.'

Determined to prove her wrong, Jessica said, ‘It's true things haven't been easy since we lost Natalie, but we'll get through it. That's what happens in marriages, you get through the bad times. You and Luc will too.'

Tears began to roll down Lilian'scheeks. ‘I love you so much,' she whispered brokenly. ‘You're the family I never had.'

‘I still am,' Jessica insisted, also in tears. ‘The children and Charlie think of you that way too.'

Lilian's eyes closed, then seeming to have no more to say she turned away and walked out onto the patio. ‘Thank you for not telling Luc about the baby,' she said, staring absently ahead. Then without looking
back she continued out to the lane and on up through the vineyard towards the house.

Luc was standing in the pergola waiting when Lilian returned to the
manoir
. The moment she saw him she knew from his expression that he'd discovered what she'd done in the studio, and since there was no way of avoiding it, she tried to summon what resources she had left to face him.

‘I know how angry you must be,' she said, struggling to hold back more tears. ‘It's too late to say I wish I hadn't done it . . .'

‘It doesn't matter,' he told her.

‘I'm sorry . . .'

‘I'm the one who should be saying that. I never wanted to hurt you . . .'

His eyes were so full of compassion, so dark with feeling, that it seemed to tear her heart in two. ‘Oh Luc . . .'

‘Ssh,' he said, drawing her into his arms as she started to break down. ‘It's going to be all right.'

After a while she lifted her head to look up at him. ‘I spoke to Jessica. She says nothing happened. You never made love.'

‘We didn't.'

She continued to search his eyes. ‘But you wanted to?'

The strain showed in his face as he gazed down at her.

‘Are you in love with her?' she asked, her voice breaking with her heart.

He took a breath, then pulling her back into his arms, he said, ‘I love you. That's all that matters.'

Realising he was unable to deny it, her eyes closed in
pain and horror. She couldn't let him go, she just couldn't, so the only course open to her now was to tell him about the baby and then pray with all her heart that Charlie, even against the odds, managed to prevent the secret she shared with him and Veronica from ever coming out, because if it did it really would be the end for them all.

CHARLIE WAS AT
the wheel of his Jaguar, heading out of the airport. Having already called Jessica to confirm Harry was on his way, he was now ready to ring Maurice, who'd left a typically formal message earlier confirming their four o'clock appointment for tomorrow.

‘I've been trying to contact you all weekend,' Charlie told him, when Maurice answered at his number in Kent.

‘I'm afraid we haven't been here,' Maurice informed him unnecessarily. ‘Are you wanting to change our arrangement?'

‘I was trying to make it sooner,' Charlie replied, ‘but I can't now. The thing is, I need to speak to Veronica. Is she with you?'

‘Not at the moment, but I'm bringing her home in the morning. If she's not too tired you can probably speak to her a little later in the day.'

Charlie frowned at the beat of unease in his heart. ‘Home from where?' he asked cautiously.

‘The same clinic I moved her to the last time she was unwell.'

Remembering the slurred voice, and collapse in Bond Street, Charlie said, ‘Has she started drinking again? I know she used to, but that was a long time . . .'

‘It's not alcohol-related,' Maurice assured him. ‘It'll be for her to tell you any more than that.'

More alarmed than ever, Charlie said, ‘She's Jessica's mother. If she's ill, we have a right to know.'

‘And Veronica has the right to choose who she tells. But please don't worry, it's not as serious as it could be, or they wouldn't allow her to come home.'

‘So what do I tell Jessica?' The words were out almost before he considered them, and as a terrible silence followed, he turned cold to his very core.

In the end Maurice said, ‘You have the letter, Charlie, it's all there. Don't you think it's time now to let Jessica see it?'

‘No,' Charlie said, almost without thinking.

‘Then tell her in your own words.'

Charlie swerved to avoid the central reservation, then realising how dangerous it was for him to keep driving, he pulled over to the hard shoulder. ‘You understand what it could mean if I tell her?' he said.

Maurice's voice was still unnervingly calm as he said, ‘Yes, I think so, and if you ask me it's a pity no-one told her at the time. The consequences might not have been half as bad as anyone feared. Whereas, leaving it this long . . . Well, what's done is done. We have to face the future now, and while it's my job to take care of Veronica, it's yours, Charlie . . . Well, I guess it's yours to start facing up to the truth.'

Jessica was waiting with Antoine as Harry came bouncing into the arrivals hall with all the exuberance that was so typical of him. The instant he spotted her
he abandoned his escort and dashed straight over, leaping into such a bruising hug that he started to gasp for air.

Laughing, Jessica put him down again, and wondered how she could have stood to be without him for so long. ‘So how was the flight?' she asked, tilting his adorable face up to hers.

‘It was really cool,' he told her chirpily. ‘You look tanned, Mum. Everyone talked to me. Dad said I wasn't to talk to anyone, but that's just rude . . . Hey! Antoine!' and Jessica was abruptly forgotten as he high-fived Antoine, then grappled with the dog who'd insisted on coming along too. ‘
Où est Elodie?
' he wanted to know, breaking straight into French.

‘
À la maison. Elle aide Maman à préparer ton lit. Tu vas rester avec nous, n'est pas, Jessica
?'

Harry's eyes rounded with excitement as he looked at Jessica. ‘We're going to be staying at the château?' he cried. ‘Awesome. And will Rousseau be there too?'

‘Yes, he live with us now,' Antoine told him, making a good attempt at English. ‘Tonton Luc say he is him, but really he is us. Jessica, can we take Harry to the water park?'

‘Of course,' she replied, starting to usher them towards the exit, ‘not right away, though. Maman's waiting for us at home now, and later I think Papa is taking us all somewhere for a special treat.'

‘Where?' both boys cried at once.

‘It's a surprise,' she laughed, and finally getting them all outside, and into the car, she began the forty-minute drive back to the château.

Since there hadn't been much time to explain things to Daniella before coming to the airport, she still wasn't entirely sure whether both she and Harry were
expected to be staying there, but she'd decided during the drive here that she needed to remain at the cottage for now. It wasn't exactly what she wanted, but she was afraid if she moved over to the château that it might end up hurting Lilian even more to think that Luc's family was befriending her and perhaps taking sides, even though there were none to be taken. Besides, she didn't want to start involving Claude and Daniella in a way she felt sure they wouldn't like, and booking into a hotel wasn't an option either, because Charlie would certainly want to know why.

‘Mum?' Harry said, leaving Antoine to get to grips with some new gadget he'd brought with him.

‘Yes?' she replied, glancing at him in the rear-view mirror as he rested his elbows on the seatbacks to get close, and wishing she could kiss his puzzled little face.

‘You know the cottage,' he began pensively. ‘Well, am I going to be staying there at all?'

‘You can stay tonight, if you like,' she answered. ‘In fact, I wish you would, because I've really missed you, and you know Antoine and Elodie would be welcome to come too. And Rousseau.'