Authors: Johanna Lindsey
S
heena fell back on her pillow, grateful for the downy softness cushioning her aching head. Lydia had just left. Sheena was grateful for her thoughtfulness and for the food. It was comforting to know there was a kind soul there, someone who cared. But Sheena wished Lydia hadn’t come, for, unwittingly, the older woman had added to Sheena’s fears.
She was much too perceptive. The whole time she chatted about mundane things, putting Sheena at ease, she had been studying her intently. Then, all at once, she had said bluntly, “You’ve the hair and eyes of a Fergusson! I knew there was something familiar about you, but it only just came to me. That hair, so darkly red, ’tis the same color as Niall Fergusson’s hair was.” Sheena had been too stunned to speak, and the woman had rambled on. “I’ve never seen another family with such hair. Are you a Fergusson?”
“I…I’ve said who I am.”
“Och, so you have.” Lydia had sighed. “Dinna mind me, hinny. ’Tis only I’ve seen the way our Jamie looks at you. He has a feeling for you, and no mistake. Only…it has long been a wish of mine that he marry a Fergusson lass to put an end once and for all to our horrible feud. So here I am, trying to make a Fergusson out of
you
. But I know in my heart he would never marry just to please me. ’Tis just as well you’re no’ a Fergusson. Then again, if you were, you wouldna admit it, would you?”
Lydia had left then, quietly closing the door without waiting for an answer. She had apparently guessed the truth. What if she told Jamie? Lydia had not seen a Fergusson for forty-seven years, yet she had seen the resemblance Sheena bore to her grandfather. Jamie had seen her father recently, and her brother, as well. He had not noticed the resemblance, but would he if Lydia pointed it out to him? Of course he would!
Sheena thrashed around on the bed, her headache getting steadily worse. What was she going to do? If James MacKinnion found out who she was, he would kill her. His desiring her would make no difference then. She should have let him take her to Aberdeen. But her fears there were doubled—being ravished by him on the way, and then being killed when he met her aunt and learned who she was.
The fears invaded her sleep when sleep finally came. Her dream was the nightmare she lived while
awake. She was riding through the streets of Aberdeen, sitting atop a powerful horse. James MacKinnion was behind her, his arms locked around her so she would not fall, and binding her so she could not escape, either. Then there was the nunnery, and Aunt Erminia standing in front of it, waving excitedly, happy to see Sheena safe. Aunt Erminia was unaware of the danger, and there was no way Sheena could warn her. Then the horse stopped, but Sheena was not allowed to dismount. Those strong arms still held her, getting tighter, cutting off her breathing so she couldn’t speak. He asked the question she knew would come, whether her aunt was Erminia MacEwen. Sheena screamed to prevent him hearing the answer, but he heard it anyway and she was thrown to the ground. She looked up and saw her enemy, sword in hand, a look of terrible rage on his face. She screamed again as the sword was raised, screaming again and again, waiting for it to descend and cut her to pieces. But instead a hand covered her mouth to silence her, and then the sword and enemy were gone. Someone had saved her and was comforting her, whispering soothing words, letting go of her mouth as she began to cry with relief, holding her close to dispel her fear.
She realized she was no longer dreaming. She was in the tower room, dark because the candle had burned out. The comforting arms were real. A man was sitting on her bed, holding her close against his bare chest, a wide muscular chest. The arms were terribly strong.
“Colen?”
“What frightened you so, lass?”
His voice was muffled in her hair, but she sensed real caring and said, tears in her voice, “I dreamed your brother was going to kill me.”
Did she imagine the tensing of his muscles? She shouldn’t have spoken. The poor lad, how was he to deal with her revulsion for his brother? He was loyal to the older man. And she couldn’t explain.
“I’m sorry, Colen,” she offered. “I know you dinna ken why I fear him so.”
“Explain it then.” The voice was low and still muffled.
“I canna make it plain,” she said.
“But he’s never hurt you,” said the voice.
“No, not so far.”
He took her head between his hands, his face so close she could feel his breath. “He would never harm
you
, Sheena,” he said huskily. “How can I make you see that?”
Before she could answer, Colen was kissing her. She was more than surprised, not only by the first touch of a man’s lips, but by the tenderness of it. Colen was usually so rough. This was a gentle brush of lips, soft, warm. The tingling of his fingers on the back of her neck spread down her back. She had to forcefully remind herself that this was Colen, a mere lad.
She tried halfheartedly to move away, struggling when she couldn’t put any real distance between herself and him. He laughed deeply, and somehow
she knew it wasn’t Colen. There was too much strength, too much authority in the man.
“G…go away,” she stammered, horrified to find herself in Jamie’s arms.
Jamie kept his face close to hers. “Have I hurt you?” he demanded, though not roughly. “Have I?”
“Nay.”
“Was the kiss so terrible?”
He didn’t let her answer. His mouth closed over hers again, but this kiss was different—gentle, yet so overpowering she thought she might faint.
When the kiss ended, Sheena was filled with an awed feeling, a feeling of wonder. She was so relaxed, so at ease. It was several moments before clear thought returned. She tensed, then, and fear ruled again.
Jamie was joyful. Sheena had responded. She had been soft and pliant in his arms, letting him hope she was not as repulsed by him as she had been.
“You yielded to me, Sheena,” Jamie said gruffly. “You liked my kissing. So dinna push me away and deny it.”
“Let me go.”
Jamie sighed, released her, and stood up. “There. You see how agreeable I am?”
Sheena sensed the anger underlying his words and knew the cause. If she showed her fear, she would increase his anger.
“Will you leave now?” she asked meekly.
“You dinna like my company?”
Sheena sighed. How like a man to turn stubborn when angry!
“I’m sorry I’ve upset you, Sir Jamie, but I didna ask you to kiss me.”
“But you didna mind it, either. You may wish otherwise, but you liked it, and for a moment you were mine. If ’twas only your passion I wanted, I could have taken it. I think you know that.”
Sheena trembled. Was it true?
“What prevented you?” she dared to ask him.
“I’m wanting more from you than just a quick tumble.”
Sheena gasped at the crude remark. “You’ll no’ be getting even that!”
Jamie laughed, delighted. She had set aside fear long enough to let her temper loose.
“I’ll no’ be your mistress!” she snapped, furious at his laughter.
“Nor will I ask you to be.”
Sheena frowned. “I dinna ken. You say you want me, then you deny it. Are you amusing yourself at my expense, James MacKinnion?”
“Never, lass,” he breathed softly. “I’m wanting you badly and willing for you to know it. I’ve never given a lass such an advantage ’afore.”
“If you think I’m grateful, you’re mistaken.”
“It doesna please you that I am taken with you?”
Sheena was becoming most exasperated. “You’ve a high opinion of yourself, Sir Jamie! ’Tis understandable enough, you being laird of such a fine castle and no doubt sought after by many. You’re a
fine-looking man, too; I’ll say that plainly. But I’m no’ flattered to receive your attentions.”
“You’ll tell me why you dislike me so.”
His tone was harsh. How, then, could she tell him she knew him to be cruel, vengeful, and murderous? She had to keep in mind that Lydia knew too much.
“I just want to be left alone,” Sheena said softly, skirting the issue altogether. “Have I no’ the right to refuse you? I did your brother.”
“Aye, you have the right. But you’ve yet to hear what it is you’re refusing.”
“I dinna care.”
“’Tis cruel you are, lass, no’ to even give me a chance. I wouldna have thought that of you.”
Sheena flinched. It was true. Being hard was wrong, and it was not the way to handle James MacKinnion, especially when he couldn’t know her real motive.
“I’m sorry, Sir Jamie. You’re right. The least I can do is listen to you.”
“By the saints, but you try a man sorely!” Jamie exploded.
“What did I say—?”
“Never patronize me, Sheena MacEwen. I’ll bear your fear, your anger, and your loathing, but I’ll no’ be played for a fool!”
Sheena’s eyes gleamed. “There’s just no pleasing you, is there?”
“A little honesty would be appreciated.”
She gasped. “I
was
honest, and for that you called me cruel!”
“So I did—and so you were.” And then, to Sheena’s amazement, he chuckled. “I like your spunk, lass. Never be afraid to show it with me.”
“Och, you’re impossible!”
“No more than you are, m’dear,” he replied lightly, and Sheena grinned. How easy it would be to like him if he were not a MacKinnion
—The
MacKinnion.
“I do believe I’ve weathered the storm,” she remarked impishly.
“Do you now?” Jamie said, delighted by her change of mood. “And was it such a bad storm?”
“Nay. I suppose not.”
“I hope you’ll be remembering that in future.”
“Maybe I will.”
Jamie laughed heartily. “You’re a rare one, lass. ’Tis no wonder I’m thinking of handfasting myself to you.”
Sheena was not prepared. “Handfasting? You jest!”
“Nay, I’m willing to commit myself, and I want the same of you.”
This was much too serious. “You honor me, Sir Jamie, but I must refuse,” she replied uneasily, her voice as soft as she could make it.
“I’ll no’ accept that.”
“You must,” she said firmly. “I’ll no handfast with you or any man. I dinna hold with that loose commitment.”
“And I’ll no’ marry a woman I’ve no’ tried!” he retorted just as firmly.
“’Tis glad I am to hear it, for I’m no’ wanting to marry you anyway,” she said hotly. Didn’t he think highly of himself!
Jamie was silent, fighting to overcome rage. He swallowed hard and managed a level tone.
“You’ll give me the courtesy of thinking on my offer?”
“Very well.”
Expecting another harsh dismissal, Jamie was overjoyed. It was a little thing he’d won, but it was enough for the time being.
“I misjudged you, lass. You can be reasonable after all.” Sheena said nothing to that, and Jamie grinned. “I’ll be leaving you now, but I’m thinking I’ll have one more kiss ’afore I go.”
His mouth silenced whatever protest she might have made. The first tender kisses hadn’t prepared her for this. Jamie released his passion for a brief moment, and Sheena was incredulous at her unresisting compliance. She should have been pushing at him, anything but what she was doing. She was captive of a will stronger than her own.
He left the bed and went to the door. “You’ll be thinking over what has been said and done, lass. And there’ll be no more hiding in this tower. I want to see you in the hall tomorrow. And, henceforth, have pleasant dreams.”
Then he was gone, and the door closed. Silence prevailed. Pleasant dreams henceforth? She was living the nightmare she had had—and had told him about! Or perhaps she was still dreaming. There was
something not quite real about what had transpired in the dark. Better to believe she had never awakened, that James MacKinnion had not come into her room and said and done so much. Much better to have only dreamed it all. Much better.
T
he pounding on the door woke Sheena abruptly, getting louder and louder before she could reach it and throw it open. She was furious to be awakened in such a rude manner. Seeing Colen standing there grinning as if he hadn’t made enough noise to wake the dead only made her angrier.
“Must you make such a racket?” she snapped.
“Must you take so long to answer?”
“I was sleeping!”
“Och, ’tis late for that,” he replied.
“I dinna care what time it is,” Sheena retorted. “I’ll be going back to bed now.”
“Nay, lass.” Colen shook his head, still wearing that infuriating grin. “You’ve been ordered to appear below, and so you shall.”
Sheena had been in the process of yawning, but that stopped her. “Ordered? Who dares order me?
Him?
”
Colen chuckled. Her indignant expression was just what he’d expected.
“He says he warned you last night no’ to be hiding up here any longer.”
“But I…I had hoped…” She swung around. What a fool she was to think wishing something away would make it go. “What else did he tell you about last night?” She turned back, facing him squarely.
“More than he cared to admit.”
“Then you know he asked me to handfast?”
“Aye.”
Sheena frowned at his expression. “And what do you find so amusing about it, I’d like to be knowing?”
“You’ll tell him nay. He’s expecting an answer today and is waiting for it now. An impatient man, my brother. He canna stand waiting for anything, especially something he is no’ certain of getting.”
“But today?” she gasped. “He said I could think on it.” She began to pace the room. “And what will he do when I refuse him, Colen? What do you think?”
“He’ll no’ give up any more than I did. You’re the first he’s asked to handfast, so you see he’s quite serious about you, Sheena.”
“But I would never handfast. ’Tis a man’s convenience, and one I dinna believe in.”
“Yet, ’tis considered honorable, especially in the Highlands,” Colen pointed out.
“Maybe, but how often does it really lead to mar
riage? You have a man and woman handfasting for an agreed-upon time, and in all respects they are wed. Yet when that time is over, the man can reject the woman publicly, and they go their separate ways.”
“The woman has that privilege, too.”
“True, but the man is no’ changed by it, or thought the worst of for having failed. But the woman is no longer a maiden and is known to have failed, no matter the reason. You think another man considering her will no’ think long and hard about that?”
Colen shrugged. “I’ve never thought of it that way. But handfasting is a tradition older than both of us, and I’ll no be arguing over it now. I’m no’ the one asking you to handfast. I dinna need time to see if we can be happy together—I know we can. ’Tis Jamie you’ll have to be telling all this to, for after the tragedy of his first marriage, he’s sworn never to marry again unless he’s tried his bride-to-be.”
“This is all beside the point, Colen. I’ll no’ be handfasting
or
wedding your brother. Now I’ve asked you what he’ll do when I tell him so, and you say he’ll no’ give up. What does that mean, Colen?”
“I dinna know what he’ll do, Sheena, truly,” Colen replied gently. “I suppose he’ll ask you again and again until you say yes. But Jamie’s never met with anything like this ’afore and how he’ll handle it is uncertain.” He brightened. “Then again, you can solve everything by telling him you’ll wed me. He’ll leave you alone then.”
Sheena plopped down on the bed, angered by his suggestion, however lightly given. “You do think all this is amusing, this fix
you’ve
put me in! Aye, ’tis your fault I’m here. ’Twould serve you right if I did marry your brother!”
“If that is what you want—”
“What I want! Sweet Mary!” She shot off the bed, raging. “You know what I want! Take me away from here. You can—he’ll let you. Take me away ’afore he kills me!”
“Dinna talk like that!” Colen shouted back. How could she say anything so shocking about his brother?
Sheena glared at him, her blue eyes sparkling with jewel-like radiance. “Do this, dinna do that—’tis all I’ve heard since I’ve been here! No’ even my father ordered me about like this. If you were not so much like my brother, I’d be hating you like I do Sir Jamie!”
“You’ve a brother?”
She clamped her mouth shut and walked past him through the door. Colen caught up with her on the stairs, but she wouldn’t stop.
“Sheena!”
The stairs leading to the second floor were circular and narrow. Sheena wouldn’t look at him, but concentrated on her footing instead.
“Leave me be, Colen. The great laird is waiting.”
“
Have
you a brother?”
“Aye, a brother, a father, sisters, cousins! I told you I’ve family, but would you believe me?”
She stalked down the second floor passage to the stairs that led to the hall. Colen was right beside her, growing just as angry as she was.
“We’ve been over this ’afore, Sheena!”
“Aye, but we never reached truth,” she stormed. “You are selfish, Colen, selfish and stubborn. If you had any feeling for me at all, you’d see I hate it here and take me back to where you found me!”
“To what good?”
Sheena was so enraged that she shrieked, “For my good!”
She had just about reached the open archway into the hall. A man stood there, a handsome man of lean build. Whether he had been about to leave the hall or enter it, Sheena couldn’t tell. He was looking up, drawn by her voice. What had been an expression of open curiosity turned to awe when Sheena took the last few steps and stood before him. She was a vision of dark-red-haired fury.
Sheena was struck with acute embarrassment, knowing this man had heard her tirade. Oh, the arrogance of the laird who had given the order to drag her down there! What sport for these Highlanders to see their laird abuse a Lowlander! She must never give him an excuse to berate her in public.
Colen was right behind Sheena, but the man didn’t see him. He was blocking their way into the hall, and although Sheena was too flustered to point that out, Colen was not.
“Your pardon. Black Gawain.” He spoke curtly.
Black Gawain’s surprise gave way to a winsome
smile. “Och, Colen, where are your manners? I’ve no’ met this lovely lass—”
“Nor need you!” Colen snapped.
“Have a heart, lad.”
“Nay, you have a care,” Colen returned, unrelenting. “She’s spoken for.”
“Is she now? By you then?”
“The lad is mistaken.” Sheena took matters into her own hands. “And I am Sheena, late of Aberdeen, sir.”
“And desirous to return there?”
She blushed. “You heard that?”
“I assure you ’twas no’ intentional.”
Colen was bristling over Sheena’s behavior and Black Gawain’s obvious interest in her. What chance did he have when older, more experienced men offered suit? He did not consider Jamie a threat, not really, not the way Sheena felt about him. But Black Gawain was an unexpected challenge.
“You’ve detained us long enough, Black Gawain,” Colen said coldly. “My brother awaits us.”
“Och, well, I’ve business with Sir Jamie myself,” Gawain said agreeably.
“Naught that canna wait, I trust?”
“’Tis sorry I am to be disappointing you, lad, seeing as you’re eager to be rid of me. No’ that I blame you, mind you.” Gawain grinned, his eyes caressing Sheena admiringly. “But the girnal’s in need of repair because of the heavy rains we’ve been having. I’ll be talking to Sir Jamie now, and so you’ll allow me, lass….”
He offered his arm, and Sheena took it, remarkably at ease with this man and surprised by the fact. Darkly handsome he was, and gallant—for a Highlander. Is that what makes him likable? she asked herself. She had been too much in the company of the rough, overbearing MacKinnion brothers, that was it. Black Gawain had manners, courtly behavior she would take for granted at home but had been missing at Castle Kinnion.
Sheena managed to appear calm as they approached the laird’s table. She was even able to meet those hazel eyes, cloudy green just then, and inscrutable. James MacKinnion was keeping his feelings tightly hidden, as was she.
Jamie rose, marveling anew at her beauty, her flawless skin, those bright, clear blue eyes, the masses of hair floating down the gentle curve of her back.
Quite formally, Jamie took Sheena’s hand. He had given this much thought. “I had begun to think our guest wouldna join us. You’re no’ ill, I trust?”
Sheena’s gaze fell from his. “Just weary. I didna sleep very well.”
“We have that in common, then,” Jamie murmured softly with unmistakable meaning. He pulled her closer, offering her the chair next to his, forcing her to sit.
Sheena was flustered by the blatant reminder of Jamie’s desire. Black Gawain was standing back a little way, also confused by the remark. Sheena wished she could explain to Black Gawain, or
protest. He could make an ally. But was he not Jamie’s man? Would he even speak to her again, now that Jamie had made his interest in her clear?
Just as Colen stepped forward to take the chair to Sheena’s left, Black Gawain moved smoothly in front of him and took that position. Colen was angry enough to challenge his cousin, and would have if Jamie had not given him a sharp look of disapproval. With heightened color, Colen turned away and left the hall. Jamie turned that dark look on Black Gawain.
“What brings you here, cousin?”
“Do I need a reason to come to this hall?” Gawain grinned.
“You provoked my brother.”
“Did I? Well, young Colen has a thing or two to be learning about the ways of fighting for a fair lass.”
“And you’ll be teaching him?”
Sheena squirmed, her nerves jumping. The underlying anger was growing. They were talking over her, as though she weren’t there, yet the fight was because of her. Her hand was still being held by the man she feared. His fingers were surprisingly warm, strong.
“What is this about, Jamie?” Gawain sighed. “The lad says she’s spoken for, but she says nay.”
“So she does.” Jamie’s tone softened. “But I’ll thank you to withhold your interest until she says nay to me, as she has to my brother.”
“I’ll say—”
Sheena was cut short by a warning pressure from Jamie’s fingers. She wasn’t fool enough to test the man just then. If he wanted to hear her answer when they were alone, so be it.
“You’ll say what, lass?” Black Gawain prompted. But when she shook her head, he didn’t press it. “No’ made up your mind, eh?” He leaned back reflectively. “Well, well, so that’s the way of it. I must say, I never thought to see you and Colen fancying the same woman, Jamie.”
“It has been known to happen in many families,” Jamie replied, his casual tone a little forced.
“So it has,” Gawain agreed. “And what of Jessie Martin? I thought—”
“’Tis over,” Jamie said curtly.
“Is it now? But does she know that?”
“You ask too many questions, Gawain. This is none of your concern.”
Gawain smiled. At that moment Jessie came hurrying over, looking provocative in a blue silk gown. She gave Jamie a bright smile. He swore silently. He hadn’t had time to speak to her, and now Sheena was there. Sweet Mary!
“Dinna leave, Sheena.” Jamie squeezed her hand before letting it go. “I want to talk to you when I’m through.”
She looked at him beseechingly. She understood who this woman was, and what she was to Jamie.
“I know what you’re about to do, Sir Jamie, and I’m asking you no’ to do it on my account. You’ll regret it.”
He smiled at her gently before he left the table to intercept Jessie, steering her to the hearth. Sheena sighed. This mistress of Jamie’s was a strikingly beautiful woman. She did not deserve to be treated so callously. Sheena’s guilt grew when voices were raised.
“You canna mean it, Jamie. ’Tis too soon!”
“Lower your voice, Jessie.”
“Nay! I’ll no’ go!”
“You will!”
“Och, God,” Sheena gasped, covering her face with her hands. “How can he be so cruel?”
“Dinna waste your sympathy on a slut, lass,” Black Gawain said.
“I would have expected more charity from you, sir,” she said stiffly.
“Och, now, dinna look at me that way. Jessie Martin is a calculating, deceiving woman. She’s only getting what she deserves.”
“What do you mean?”
“Our Jamie wanted naught to do with her,” Gawain explained. “He knew her game and what she was after. Anyone who knows Jessie does. But she was out to have him, and there’s only so much enticing a man can withstand.”
“I’d prefer no’ to be hearing of this.”
“I only thought you’d be wanting to know, since you’ll be taking Jessie’s place.”
Sheena’s eyes flared. “He’s no’ asked me to be his mistress,” she said indignantly.
Gawain looked suitably shocked. “Forgive me,
lass. I was only assuming…I mean, Jamie’s sworn never to marry without trying his bride first.”
“So I’ve heard,” Sheena retorted.
“He’s asked you to handfast then?” At her reluctant nod, Gawain chuckled. “Well, well, I never thought to see it. He’s no’ handfasted ’afore, you see. He’s never found a lass he’d be willing to commit himself to.”
“I dinna see handfasting as a commitment,” she said sharply. “’Tis only free license for an immoral love. I dinna believe in—”
She was cut short as a hand dug into her hair, yanking so viciously that her chair toppled over and she found herself on the floor.
She couldn’t move. The wind had been knocked out of her. She could see the face of her attacker above her, a face contorted wildly by rage, an ugly visage replacing the beauty she had seen earlier in Jessie Martin. A hand with its bent fingers and long nails was coming at Sheena’s face, yet she couldn’t seem to move, to cry out. She could only stare at those clawlike fingers, mesmerized as they got closer and closer….
The hand was gone. Jessie stumbled backward, yanked away by Jamie.
“Enough!” Jamie roared. “Or I’ll lay you out as I’m tempted to do!”
“I dinna care!” Jessie cried. “You turn me out for this
tart
your brother brought home. Why?”