A Life Less Broken (11 page)

When we get
to her house, she continues to hold my hand as we walk up the path to her front
door.

She opens
the doors and turns the alarm off as we step inside.

But for the
first time since I’ve known her, Allyn does something that positively stuns me.

She locks
the screen door, but leaves the heavy wooden door open and walks away.

She
opened the fucking door…and this time she left it open.

“Will you
stay with me tonight?” I ask Dominic as we eat dinner.

“If that’s
what you want, then of course I’ll stay.” He takes a bite of the pizza he
ordered for us.

“Today was such
a challenge for me. I didn’t know how I was going to react when I got to the
pond, and then there’s you,” I say shyly, not really wanting to let this
subject go but not knowing how to approach it, either.

“What about
me?” Dominic puts his pizza down and takes a drink of his soda.

“You like me
the way I am, even though there are so many things wrong with me. I’m not
beautiful; my body is marked and ruined. I’d never be able to give you children
if you wanted any, and I don’t even know how long it will take before you and I
can try to be together…that way.”

He sits up
straight and takes a deep breath. Maybe I’ve spoken too soon.

“Allyn, I
need to tell you about Chelsea. She’s my soon-to-be ex-wife,” Dominic says as
he sits back in his chair. “She deceived me. Things weren’t good between us,
and she knew how much I wanted a child. So she pretended to be pregnant. She
even bought a fake belly, which is ridiculous. She wouldn’t let me go to the
first ultrasound appointment with her. I found out later she lied to me.”

I gasp
completely horrified that someone could do something so cruel. If she didn’t
want a child she should’ve told him. But I can’t really judge her; I only know
what Dominic’s telling me.

“Why would
she do that?” I ask him.

“Because I
have money and she wanted it, so she pretended.”

“How exactly
did she plan on carrying on with a fake pregnancy for nine months? There would have
come a time when she would have to go into labor and deliver a baby.”

“I never
asked her, and I don’t want to know. To me, a person that’s capable of such blatant
manipulation of their spouse is likely adept at other dishonest acts too. So I
don’t want to know how or why she thought she could pull that off. I feel like
a fool for believing her and being misled.”

“You had no
reason to doubt her, did you?” I stand from the table and take my plate to the
sink.

“Looking
back at it now, I can’t tell exactly how much of our relationship was true.  I just
don’t know,” he says as he stands, closes the pizza box lid, and brings his
plate to the sink too.

“I can’t lie
to you, Dominic. And more importantly, I
won’t
lie to you.”

“I know.” He
stands next to me and I can’t help but marvel at how his wide his shoulders are,
at his taut, strong chest that I always find myself drawn to. His long-fingered
hands reach out, carefully drawing me in for a protective embrace.

His breathing
grows more rapid as his sturdy hands grasp my hips.

Dominic’s
eyes darken and he steps in, his hand brushing across my lower back.

“You’re the
most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on, both inside and out,” he says
softly as he leans down and kisses my right cheek. His lips stay connected to my
inflamed skin and I lean into his touch.

“Dominic,
would you please kiss me?”

“Yes,
Allyn,” Dominic’s voice is strained, hoarse, yet strangely sensual.

Moving my
arms up around his neck, I gently pull him down to meet my lips.

“I haven’t
done this in a long time,” I whisper timidly when he’s close.

The edges of
Dominic’s mouth lift as the small smile that graces his lips is reflected in
his eyes.

“We’ll take
it slow. There’s no rush. Just move away if you want to stop.”

Right now, I
just want to feel him. Feel his perfect, fevered lips on mine, feel myself give
him control while I’m in his arms, and feel how very right this moment is.

With one
hand around my lower back, he carefully runs his fingertips down my jaw,
coaxing me to relax and just enjoy it. His lips expertly trail down my neck,
and I move my head to the side, elongating my neck to give him more skin to
touch.

“You’re
lovely,” he mumbles as he worships my throat. With his palm slowly moving across
my neck he smoothly pushes my hair away to fall down my back.

Slowly
Dominic moves his head and presses a kiss to the hollow of my throat.

“Mmm.” A raw
sound of pleasure escapes me.

Dominic’s
tongue moves to caress the sensitive spot just below my ear.

“Oh God,” I
whisper, wanting more of this.

His hand
tangles into my hair. “You have the most tantalizing lips, and I can’t wait to
taste them. But this succulent skin on your neck is too mouth-watering to
neglect,” he murmurs in my ear.

I’m caught
up in delicious, foreign sensations. Feelings I never thought would happen to
me again.

Every nerve
ending in my body is on fire, and a shivering thrill flutters deep inside my belly.
Bliss blankets me as my heart pounds, thudding inside my chest.

Dominic nuzzles
my earlobe, his tongue licking and swirling.

“Just beautiful,”
he rumbles hungrily.

Dominic lays
small, gentle kisses from my ear down my jaw, just barely touching the skin, teasing,
making me want more.

I run my
hands through his thick, dark hair and guide his mouth where I want it.

On mine.

His lips
close over mine.

He hovers
for a few seconds, as if silently asking me for permission, making sure that
I’m completely ready for his affection.

“Yes,” I
moan, staring deep into his molten eyes.

“Are you
sure?” he asks, holding back his own need.

“Yes. Show
me.”

And his
mouth seals over mine.

He’s gentle
yet demanding, showing me the way through our first kiss. He eagerly sucks my
bottom lip into his mouth and carefully nibbles it between his teeth, applying only
the smallest amount of pressure.

He laps at my
lips with his supple tongue and delicately probes my mouth. I open up, silently
asking him to lead the way. He massages my tongue with his own, then traces my
lips with the tip.

“Mmm.” I
ache for more contact, to have him closer to me.

Our kiss
turns more crazed as he pulls me closer to him. His arousal is obvious to me,
and I’m becoming eager for more.

“Allyn,” he groans
as the fire between us intensifies.

His hands
move down to my bottom. He grabs the cheeks in his hands and pulls me hard
against him.

Instinctively,
I jump up and wrap my legs around him as he moves me back to sit on the kitchen
counter.

Our kiss is
more powerful now, not as slow.

It’s getting
out of control, too fast, and I’m not ready for that.

“Stop,” I
say breathlessly, pulling away from his lips.

Dominic
drops his hands from my thighs and takes a step back, still breathing hard.

“I’m so
sorry. I didn’t mean for it to get out of hand. I’m so, so sorry. Please
forgive me.” He moves away from me and runs his hands through his hair then rubs
them over his face. His desire is obvious. “I’m such an idiot,” he curses
himself as he slaps the back of the chair.

“Hey, don’t
say that. I wanted it to happen, but we got carried away. It was just too fast
for me.”
Have I ruined things?

“It’s not
your fault, I should’ve stopped it.” Dominic comes to stand in front of me and
leans his forehead against mine, taking my hands in his.

“Did I kiss
alright?” I ask nervously.

“That was
the best first kiss I’ve ever had. You’re alluring and my body is still
vibrating at the thought that I just kissed you,” he states so confidently.
“But, more important, how do you feel?”

How the hell
do I answer that?

The only way
I can.

With total
transparent truth.

“It was so
incredible that I wanted more. You were taking me to a place I didn’t think I would
ever reach again. I felt so secure with you and I’d like to do that again, if
it’s okay with you?”

Dominic
throws his head back and laughs, a full belly laugh. “It’s not only okay, I’m
looking forward to it.” He leans down and kisses my lips but doesn’t deepen it.

“I’m going
to get ready for bed. I’m mentally and physically exhausted,” I tell Dominic as
he helps me hop down from the counter. “I’ll just lock up first.”

I do my
usual rounds downstairs, check all the windows and doors and make sure the
alarm is on. Then I go upstairs, take a quick shower and get changed in my
pajamas.

When I get
out of the shower, I can hear Dominic in the guest bathroom having a shower,
too.

Falling into
bed, I do my best to stay awake but find that exhaustion overtakes me rapidly.

I feel a dip
in the bed and Dominic’s strong arms pull me closer to his solid, warm body now
with a beautiful, clean cedar aroma. I feel him nestle snugly into my body and
I inhale deeply.

As I drowse,
I think I can hear the man holding me with his firm touch humming.

“You have
every part of me, Allyn.” He kisses the top of my head.

Maybe I
dream those words.

Or maybe they
were spoken.

Either way,
tonight I’ll have the best night sleep I’ve had in three years.

All
because I opened the fucking door
.

Not once did
I wake up through the night. Not once did I wonder whose strong arms were holding
me. Not once did I worry.

Dominic
stayed glued to me the entire night. I may not have woken, but I could feel the
heat emanating from him as I lay securely in his arms.

From time to
time I felt a small brush of damp lips from a carefully placed kiss to my cheek
or the back of neck, just where the hair line meets the skin.

My eyelids
flutter open as the warm rays of the sun touches my face.

I wiggle
back a little and mold myself to the body of the perfect man softly snoring
behind me. The moment my body becomes flush with his, he tightens his grip
around my waist and splays his hand across my belly.

“Good
morning, sweetheart,” he murmurs in my ear. The warmth of his breath hits my
already sensitive skin and it sends a welcome shiver down my back.

“Morning,” I
reply as I close my eyes and enjoy Dominic’s all-encompassing presence.

“I love
waking up with you in my arms. I could easily get used to this, Allyn.” He
presses a small kiss to my neck. “Mmm, so very easily.” He moves the strap of my
pajama top to the side and kisses my shoulder with gentle lips.

“I think I’d
like that too.” I tilt my head to the side and move my arm back to rest on his
hip. Dominic is obviously aroused; I can feel his erection pressing into me. He
doesn’t move his hips or thrust into me to tell me he wants me, but I can feel
his desire.

And soon I
hope I’ll be able to give him what he needs, find the loving part of me that
they abused and destroyed and reclaim it.

But for now,
I trust that Dominic won’t push me into anything I’m not ready for.

His hand
moves to the top of my thigh and he slowly runs it from my hip to my knee.

A small
groan rumbles through his chest as he kisses down my back with the softest of
touches.

The sound of
that groan rips through me and I find myself becoming more aroused with every sound
that resonates from deep within him.

Suddenly, what
they
did to me intrudes so forcefully into my mind that anything I was feeling
is instantly drowned in a bucket of ice-cold water.

“No more,” I
say to Dominic.

He removes
his hands and moves back so his body isn’t touching mine at all. “Are you
alright, Allyn?”

I shake my
head and curl further into myself.

“Please,
don’t do that, sweetheart. Talk to me; tell me what happened. Did I push you
too far?” he asks as he lays one hand on my arm.

“No it
wasn’t you, Dominic. It was memories of
them
. I’m just not ready for us
to take that next step.” How stupid am I? The most perfect man in the world lays
his soul at my feet and I can’t reciprocate in the way he deserves.

“It’s fine. I’m
in no hurry; I’m not going anywhere.” He presses another kiss to my cheek and
flings the blanket and sheet back as he rises and strolls out of my bedroom.

“I’m making
coffee,” he says as he’s halfway down the stairs. That’s my cue. I know he
can’t operate my machine, so he’s going to make tea instead.

I smile at
his subtle hint and get out of bed and go down to the kitchen.

“I’ve been
thinking about something, Allyn,” Dominic hugs me from behind as I turn the
machine on and wait for it to reach temperature.

“And what’s
that?”

“I’d like us
to go buy you a mirror.”

I stiffen in
his arms. Once I can actually see myself, I’ll be even more ashamed than I am
just looking down at my revolting body.

“Why?” I ask,
trying to sound like it’s not bothering me as much as it actually is.

“It’s one
more step toward your recovery. How about after breakfast we remove that sheet
you have covering your TV? And I mean remove it permanently?” He burrows into
me and kisses my cheek. “We’ll start with that.”

“Um, I think
I can do that.” I concentrate on making our coffees and try not to let the fear
of seeing my reflection in the TV screen overtake me.

“I’m so very
proud of you,” he whispers and presses another kiss to my cheek. “I’m thinking
of toast, or possibly toast if you’re feeling adventurous, or toast for
breakfast. What would you like?” He releases me and leans up against the
counter beside me, our hips touching. A cheeky smile brightens his face.

“Hmmm, let
me see.” I tap my finger to my lips and scrunch my eyebrows together pretending
that it’s a difficult decision. “I think I’ll take option A please. I’ll lock
in toast.”

Dominic’s playful
smile grows even bigger as he sets about making our breakfast.

We stand in
front of the TV and I look at the red fabric that covers it, concealing my
disgusting scars from my vision.

“Are you
ready?” Dominic asks as he weaves our fingers together.

I shake my
head. I need a few more minutes.

I stare at
the veil and I try to will myself into taking the material away.

“I’d like to
get a full length mirror for your bedroom, Allyn.”

What did he
say?

“Huh?” I
turn to him in question.

“A mirror. I’d
like a full length one for your bedroom. Maybe we can try to find a beautiful
old antique at a flea market, or maybe we could have one made specifically for
your room. A lovely thick oak frame possibly.”

I turn back
to the cloth hiding my reflection.

I take a
step closer to it.

“Or would
you prefer a metal frame? I don’t much like metal myself. It’s too modern for
me. I’d much rather have one with a wooden frame. But it’s going in your room, so
I think you should choose.”

I know what
he’s doing.  He’s trying to distract me, to make it easier for me to do this. I
fist the edges of the sheet tightly in my hands.

“Or possibly
you’d like a mirror without a frame. I could put it directly on your wall,
maybe beside the window looking out at the huge tree. You know, I saw a blue
jay come and sit on that sill and look inside your room.”

The blue jay
opens his wings and carelessly flies through the air without a worry in the
world. He doesn’t look at his body and think how revolting and disgusting he
is. He just soars.

Through the elements,
through high winds, through rain, hail, or shine, the blue jay glides with such
grace.

I yank the
cloth off the TV and ball it in my hands. I turn to Dominic, whose smiling eyes
are filled with warmth and pride, and I hand him the material. “Could you throw
that into the trash, please? I don’t need it anymore.” And I turn back to face the
reflective black surface.

I take a
step back and look at the outline of my face.

My vision is
blurred, partially because of the damage to my left eye and partially because
the screen is a dark black, making it hard to see a perfect representation of
myself.

“With
pleasure,” Dominic says with clear satisfaction as he takes the offensive cloth
to the trashcan in the kitchen.

I stare at
myself.

Reaching up
I touch my face and I can see the woman in the TV screen doing the same thing.

My left eye
is droopier than I remember, and my skin is incredibly pasty, so white it
almost casts a glow. I remember looking at myself before I was taken, and
thinking that I looked pretty. But now, even in the black, I can’t see anything
that even remotely resembles beauty.

“You’re
beastly,” I murmur to myself as I run my fingers over my lips. “So gruesome.” I
touch my left eyelid.

“You’re the
most incredible woman I’ve ever met.” I turn to see Dominic leaning against the
wall with his arms crossed in front of his chest and his legs crossed at the
ankle.

“You’re
blind,” I spit back.

“My eyes are
wide open and I see beauty that goes far beyond your appearance.” He moves off
the wall and slowly walks over to the sofa to sit.

I swing back
to look at myself again but decide that I don’t want to keep looking at the
broken woman I see. She makes me too sad.

“Tomorrow,
we’re going to buy a mirror, and tomorrow night I’m taking you out to that
Italian restaurant I was telling you about.”

I sit beside
Dominic and he wraps his arm around my shoulders. I lean against his strong,
masculine frame craving his warmth.

My mind
drifts to the blue jay and his unwavering strength as he travels the world.

Predators
chase him, but he remains free from harm as he continues to ascend.

If the blue
jay can do it, then I can certainly try.

“I’d like an
oblong mirror with a solid wooden edge that stands on a frame. Can we have an
early dinner, though, because the next day I’d like to go visit my parents and
my purple room.”

It’s time I try
to live my life in color.